When Kageyama returned home, and walked inside the house was actually quiet for once, which was strange. For the past several months anytime his parents got home before he did he always walked in on them fighting, and they would stop when he first came in and continue when he got to his room like he couldn't still hear them.

The quiet was almost unnerving at this point, if he was being honest. He walked in and set his bag down, taking off his shoes. "Mama, papa?" Had they gone out?

But that was absurd, his mother especially never went out, and they wouldn't go without telling him.

Had they been kidnapped? Killed? Would he walk upstairs to find them lifeless?

Kageyama almost smacked himself. He shouldn't be thinking of the worst possibilities, he should just go looking for them. So Kageyama checked the kitchen and dining room before heading upstairs.

As he got closer he heard voices confirming that his worst fears were probably not true. "Mama?" Tobio pushed his parent's door open, uncaring about what his parents were speaking about.

As expected the conversation froze when he made an appearance, as it always did.

His mother turned to him first but they both paused completely for a moment before she said, "I'm sorry, I forgot to start dinner. I'll have that done soon, darling."

"Okay…" Kageyama said, making room for his mother to walk out the door and downstairs. When he turned back to look at his father, he was glaring at the spot where his mother had just been. "Are you okay?"

His father's eyes snapped to his and narrowed. "Fine. You should go get ready for dinner."

He couldn't place the mood his father seemed to be in, because it didn't seem to quite be angry, but he certainly wasn't happy either.

Kageyama didn't have much time to think about it because he went to the bathroom to shower and get dressed.

He knew his parents were probably still arguing about something, though he didn't really care what it was. If he really thought about it, he knew they'd had problems for a long time, probably his entire childhood. It made sense. They only married because of him and he supposed he should honestly be surprised that the fighting didn't start sooner.

Or maybe there'd always been fighting but it was only now that he was becoming aware of it. He always remembered his father yelling a lot, that was just how it had always been. But he didn't exactly remember fighting.

He didn't remember a lot of things from his childhood.

Kageyama showered and dressed before going downstairs for dinner. When he got there the table was completely silent, not that he'd expected much better. At this point, he was lucky if they made polite conversations. However, most of those descended into fighting at some point

So, the table was completely silent. No one even mentioned that he'd been home late from volleyball.

Sometimes all Kageyama wanted to do was get out, and then he remembered that doing that wouldn't really make things any better.

Kageyama liked his house, no matter how many spiders there were, and he liked his room and his things. He liked his mother's cooking, he liked his school and his friends. He liked all of it.

Sometimes all Kageyama wanted was to grow up.

Sometimes he wanted to stay young forever.

For the next couple weeks, not much changed.

His parents fought, louder and more frequently, usually about absolutely nothing, but Kageyama was getting used to it.

That's what he told himself anyway.

Truly, it still hurt, and the implications of it still scared him, but Kageyama just tried to shrug it off and focus on volleyball for the last few weeks of school. He might as well revel in the distraction while it lasted.

"Kunimi-kun, quit dragging your feet!" Kageyama snapped.

Kunimi rolled his eyes at Tobio's command and almost deliberately dragged his feet even more which made Kageyama scowl.

"I told you not drag your feet!"

Kunimi didn't give him an answer but it didn't matter because Kindaichi answered for him, "Lay off, he's trying his best. Since when did you give orders anyway?"

"It's not an order, it's… it's to help him improve!"

"Well you could put it a little nicer." Kindaichi glared.

Kageyama narrowed his eyes, "What's the use in that." He demanded.

"Maybe next time you could ask him if he could approach your set sooner or something, I don't know!"

"It had nothing to do with the timing of his approach, he was just slow! If he wants to win, he won't drag his feet, and he won't let his friends fight his battles for him."

Kindaichi took a step forward into Kageyama's personal bubble and glared down at him.

"I don't need to fight with children throwing a temper tantrum." Kunimi said, glaring.

"What did you say to me!"

"You heard me." Kunimi walked off and Kindaichi sent him one last glare before following.

Kageyama gritted his teeth and decided to ignore the festering fire that wanted to crawl it's way into his throat.

Practice continued normally, but Kageyama couldn't completely get rid of the feeling. He walked home that day feeling less accomplished and more exhausted than usual.

Things continued that way for several weeks, and Kageyama could just feel the growing annoyance amongst the team. He wanted to stop feeling the way he did, but all that did was make him more frustrated.

He didn't understand why they couldn't understand, if they could just go a little faster, jump a little higher. They could do it!

If Oikawa had been there, they'd already be doing that, and they'd be happy about it.

Now that it was Summer, Kageyama had more free time on his hands. Sometimes Iwaizumi even invited him somewhere. Sometimes Oikawa was there, and sometimes he wasn't. Kageyama never asked to hang out though, because he was honestly terrified of his offers being rejected, probably irrationally so, but it was hard to work up the courage regardless.

The feelings from volleyball lingered, but he still just tried to bury them as best as he could.

"So, Yamayama-kun, it's been a little while."

Kageyama didn't know why he was so happy when all the older boy had done was almost knock them both over in his attempt at greeting Tobio.

"Yeah, it has." Kageyama conceded shortly.

Hinata tilted his head and gave Tobio one of his signature bright smiles, "What are your plans for summer? Is your family going on a trip? Are you going to have a summer party? Do you plan to confess your feelings?"

"I know you only really care about the answer to your last question, and it's no."

"Why not though," Hinata pouted. "It's hard not to say anything to them!"

Kageyama raised an eyebrow at the implications, frowning, "What do you mean? You talk to them?"

"Oh right, I didn't tell you!" Hinata had the decency to look sheepish, "I got Oikawa-san's number at your birthday party! And I annoyed him into giving me Iwaizumi-san's too and we talk sometimes."

"I thought I told you to stop meddling in my business." Kageyama growled, feeling the beginnings of a headache start.

"I know that, we don't talk about you all the time."

"What else do you have to talk about?"

"I talk to Iwaizumi-san about volleyball a lot, and being an ace cus he was one at your old middle school, right? Anyway, we're both spikers so we talk a lot about that. When Oikawa-san and I talk it is usually about you though." Hinata looked a little ashamed again when he admitted that last part.

"What do you talk about?"

"Well… he doesn't have a lot of nice things to say about you, especially when it comes to volleyball."

"Yeah, I mean… I'm a genius, and Oikawa-san apparently doesn't like those." He just wished Oikawa hated something about him that he could change instead of something he had no control over. Something he would actually be proud of if not for Oikawa's disdain.

"People who don't like others because they're a natural at something are kind of petty. Personally I think you should find a team that would try to… yknow, help those talents grow."

"Is this your way of telling me I should go to Karasuno instead?"

"Maybe a little, but I'm also right!" Hinata cried.

"I thought you wanted me to go to Seijoh so we could be against each other?"

"Yeah, but I also want to play with you! And I want you to finally toss me some of your sets!"

Kageyama rolled his eyes, "You know I'm not gonna start you on that until you get better at receives."

"I know, but still." Hinata crossed his arms and sighed. "Anyway, are you feeling better now?"

Kageyama furrowed his eyebrows, "better about what?"

"The last time we hung out you were pretty frustrated."

"Oh… yeah, I'm fine now." Kageyama wasn't fine, but he didn't exactly want to tell Hinata what was going on because he was pretty sure the other boy would have no idea how to help anyway. His parents were together, he had a loving family, he couldn't really understand even if he tried.

"Okay," Hinata chirped, "so, ready to start playing volleyball? That's why we came here, after all."

"Yeah…"

Kageyama wasn't sure how much he wanted to play right now. He was still frustrated about a lot of things though, so maybe silently throwing the ball and smacking it would help alleviate some of those feelings.

"So, Yamayama-kun, do you plan on competing in the tournaments next year?"

"I don't want to talk anymore." Kageyama answered, tossing the ball up in the air and smacking it toward Hinata to be received.

"Oh, okay…"

They went through those motions a few times with Kageyama spiking and Hinata receiving before the shorter boy spoke again, "What's it like being on a real team? It must be nice to have people to rely on, right?"

Kageyama bit his tongue and kept his expression carefully blank, "Not really. I can't rely on them at all." He couldn't help the slight bitterness that crept into his tone even when he tried to shove it out.

"Why not?" Hinata asked, completely missing the ball and letting it roll away into the bushes.

"I don't want to talk about it." Kageyama grumped, stomping over to get the ball.

Hinata's eyebrows furrowed and he looked confused. "You can't just say something like that and then not tell me what you mean."

"They're slow, they don't get it, they don't look for openings like I do, and they have no motivation to get better and it makes me sick okay!"

Kageyama sighed, feeling more anger rise up in the back of his throat, but he refused to let that out. He'd already said too much, in his opinion.

"Well then maybe you should motivate them." Hinata chirped.

"I've tried, it doesn't work. They're just lazy."

"You shouldn't say that about your team."

Kageyama scoffed, the anger in his throat spilling onto his tongue and out his mouth, "Well what would you know of a team, you don't have one. You've never had one and with your receiving skills it's unlikely you'll ever have one!"

Hinata huffed out an annoyed breath and rolled his eyes, "Look, I know my receiving sucks, but there's more to me than that, which you would know if you took the time to set to me!"

"Why should I do that if you're trash at everything else!"

"I'm not trash at everything except spiking. I'm fast! I can hit any ball you set, got it!" Hinata shouted, "I don't care how fast or slow, I'd be there to hit it! Would you get it to me?"

That almost sounded like a challenge.

"Of course I would! I'm not the one who falls short between the two of us." Kageyama growled.

"Ha, funny." Hinata said dryly although Kageyama hadn't been trying to make a joke.

They fell silent for a few moments before Hinata continued, "So, wanna tell me why you're angry at me? And don't tell me you're tired again because I won't believe that."

"Why I'm mad?" The feeling in his gut roared to life again and he let out a humorless laugh. "I'm mad because your so damn annoying! You're always talking, you're bad at volleyball, and you're always in my business." Kageyama didn't mean that. Hinata wasn't those things. Hinata made him laugh, Hinata made awkward situations more awkward but somehow still made them work. Hinata filled his silences, Hinata was hard working and deserved to be on a team.

More than Kageyama did. Kageyama was just a genius, like everything about the sport had been handed to him on a silver platter. He had something not many had, and he was simply born with it. It wasn't fair to anyone else.

"Well sorry I talk too much, jackass," Hinata's raging voice rang through his thoughts. "I may be bad at volleyball but at least I'd be a good teammate, and I was only ever trying to help you because you're too much of a coward to do it yourself!"

All of that was true.

"Sorry social interaction doesn't come easy to all of us! And it's more complicated than telling them or not!" Was it?

"How so! How's it more complicated! You're always hiding stuff about yourself and your emotions and still expect me to understand!"

Kageyama, furious, and unable to stop talking, took several steps forward and grabbed Hinata's collar, screaming, "You wouldn't understand even if I told you!"

Hinata's glare pierced through him. He'd seen Hinata get annoyed and pouty, and even frustrated, but he'd never scowled like that at anyone, much less Kageyama.

"Well whatever it is, it's making you act like a total jerk." Hinata growled, shoving his hands off.

Kageyama didn't know if he wanted to scream or punch something, or both but Hinata's expression made him wearier.

"I remember when I first met you, and you were a really sweet person. Shy, and awkward too, but you were nice. And when we were together, it was like you were having fun for the first time in your entire life. I'm not sure what changed, but when we're together now it's like you're only half there! Like there's always something bothering you that I don't know about! And now you're treating me like crap for no reason! I may look tiny and weak but I'm not gonna stand here and let you bully me like this."

Kageyama almost laughed. "I've been bullied all my life!" but he had nothing else to say so he added, "Just leave me alone!"

"Just because you were bullied doesn't mean it's okay for you to be mean to other people! Now apologize to me right now or I don't think we can be friends right now." Hinata said, crossing his arms.

Kageyama gritted his teeth, feeling a bit of regret pool in his stomach. He wanted to apologize, it should be easy, since he didn't even really mean any of the things he'd said and he knew they were all wrong.

"Fine," Hinata growled after a few moments. "I've got better friends than you anyway." And the older boy turned and stalked off in the other direction.

Kageyama had to admit that hurt a little, but he didn't stop Hinata from walking off either.

He felt more anger bubbling inside him just underneath the surface, but considering what he'd just done he didn't even try to hide it. He just let it all out, slamming the volleyball around and kicking trees and dirt.

And when he stopped throwing a 'temper tantrum' as Kunimi would call it, he felt empty. He wanted to call Hinata and apologize, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that maybe this was for the best. Maybe this was just a sign that he and Hinata weren't meant to be friends.

But at the same time he still wanted to be friends. They hadn't had a lot of fun together lately, but Kageyama still enjoyed his company, still wanted to be around him.

But he was also embarrassed.

And he wanted cry more than scream now, because what he'd just done was completely pathetic. It was something his father would do, and Kageyama had spent his entire life just wanting to never be like that. But it was almost uncontrollable. At one moment he felt almost fine and the next words were spilling out of his mouth. All the words he normally would say, and then the anger would overflow and suddenly he couldn't stop saying things.

That didn't make it right, but it did make him feel horrible. Kageyama had always been in control with most things. He had his life under control, he had a routine, he was organized, even his sets were completely under his control.

Why couldn't he get his emotions under control then?

Why did he have to feel these things and let them out?

He just wished he could bury these things inside and never let them out, he just wanted to cry.

Kageyama didn't cry though, and tried to bury that emotion too on his walk home, volleyball in hand. He wondered whether Hinata felt sad too. Maybe, maybe not, he supposed it didn't matter.

They weren't really friends anymore.

And that was all Kageyama's fault. He had been so stupid.

Hinata had been right to call him a coward.

The reason he kept putting his confession off was mainly because he was scared. Scared he wasn't good enough, and scared that he was. Scared of what a relationship even meant, and scared they wouldn't want one with him.

And he now was scared Hinata hated him and would reject his apology and say everything hadn't even mattered when everything really did matter to him so much.

He was scared people wouldn't love him the way he loved them, scared they wouldn't want him for any number of reasons.

Kageyama knew that was stupid, that it was cowardly to rather not know then find out.

So he made a promise to himself that he would confess to Iwaizumi and Oikawa about the truth by the end of his third year. And once he got his emotions under control he would apologize to Hinata even if they couldn't ever be friends again.

Kageyama's phone was almost dead silent through most of the Summer, with only the occasional text from Iwaizumi or his mother.

It was his first Summer without Hinata in a long time.

And god it was lonely.

A/N Omg this chapter took for fucking ever. I had no idea what to do for this chapter (or i did, but also not really) anyway, maybe this was a little fast paced but I also really have nothing left to say at this moment in time so the next few chapters will probably just be fillers that I placed to move the timeline along. I'm hoping three fillers at the most, but it will likely only be two. In there we might have a little drama, but not much so next two chapters will be kinda boring but it will be worth it because then we get into some really... important things. Anyway, despite that I hope this chapter was still somewhat enjoyable! Thank you so much for reading, reviews appreciated as always!