Missing
Part IV
by
Chibijem
Disclaimer: See Part I
A/N: Be forewarned: this part is longer than previous ones and is dark in nature. Angst ahead. Otherwise I hope you enjoy it. And a huge "thank you" goes out to my Imoto-san for giving me ideas to think over, for reading my rough drafts and for introducing me to this fabulous anime series. You are truly the best!
Saya looked up from rinsing vegetables in the kitchen sink as Hagi stepped inside, arms laden with firewood. The house they were staying in, which was outside a small village, had fireplaces in each of the bedrooms and the common rooms downstairs. "Need some help?" She asked drying her hands.
"Iie. More vegetables from the villagers?" Hagi asked setting the wood in the basket near the fireplace.
Saya gave a small laugh. "Hai. Seems you've made quite an impression on the ladies in town." She teased.
Hagi looked over his shoulder as he was arranging the logs for a fire. "I have done nothing to encourage them."
"You didn't have to. Their children have taken a liking to you; that was enough." Saya replied as she began dinner preparations.
"Hmmm..."Was all that came from the stoic Chevalier.
Saya smiled at him as he made his way back outside for more wood. Ever since they had arrived in the valley six weeks ago, the towns people had taken them under their collective wing; Saya wondered if it had something to do with Hagi's contact as well as the children. A couple of weeks after they had come, they had ventured out to the local markets and while Hagi waited for her to finish shopping for some personal items, he had begun to play his cello; the children had all settled near him to watch and listen. Their mothers had been grateful for the diversion and ever since had been bringing food stuffs and other household things. One of which Hagi was wearing: a nice gray colored sweater. Saya noticed he had been changing his attire to fit the seasons and thought he looked very handsome in everything. She was enjoying the time they were spending together and wished it could always be this way. She wished for it but knew the impossibility of her desire; there were still matters to be dealt with. She thought of Riku and tears welled up in her eyes.
Hagi came in with another arm load of wood and saw the tears trailing down her face; she's thinking of Riku, he thought, carrying the firewood up the stairs. He knew it was normal for the tears to come but was grateful happy memories were beginning to take away her sadness.
After helping with the dinner dishes, Hagi lit the fire in the parlor and set up the chessboard. He picked up his book and waited for Saya.
"I will beat you one of these days." Saya told him settling into the soft armchair across from him.
"Someday." Hagi told her, motioning to the board for her to make the first move.
Saya stuck her tongue out at him and moved a pawn. Hagi's lips curved up in a tiny smile.
XXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXX
A few mornings later found the two of them in the town, Hagi had received word his contact had information for him. They had, of course, stopped so Hagi could play for the children and were now making their way to the meeting.
"Hagi?" Saya reached out and took his elbow. When he turned his slate blue eyes to meet her own brown ones, "I'll meet you in front of the church in an hour. Will that give you enough time?"
"Hai...Is there...?" He began to ask, a bit bewildered.
"Nothing's wrong. I just want to do a bit of shopping while we're here." She answered, pulling her bag up on her shoulder.
"An hour then." Hagi replied. "Be careful," he added, watching her walk away from him. He gave her a little smile as she turned and waved at him. He turned and starting walking; he was touched by Saya's thoughtfulness in giving him time alone to meet his contact. They had a trust between them no one could understand.
Just short of an hour later, Hagi looked up from the newspaper he was reading to see Saya coming down the narrow street, arms heavy with bags and parcels. He sighed with a slight smile and laying down a few Euros for his tea, went to meet her. "Did you get everything you wanted?" He asked taking most of the load from her.
Saya laughed and looked up at him. "Hai, I think so." She walked beside him as they made their way out of town, returning several greetings on their way. "Everyone is so kind here," she mused as she pulled out a bag of grapes and reached up to pop a couple in Hagi's mouth. "Is it because of your contact?"
"I do not believe so." He replied after swallowing the tiny fruits.
"Oh, there's a gift for you in one of the boxes. An elderly lady told me you should wear it so you don't get cold while playing your music for the children; she knitted it for you. 'It's getting colder every day,' she said to me." She told him teasingly, laughing when Hagi raised an elegant eyebrow.
After arriving home and putting away the day's shopping, Hagi asked Saya to walk with him to the river. She knew this was serious and had something to do with his meeting. As Hagi spread the quilt on the grass, she studied the trees with the vibrant colors of their autumn leaves. After settling next to him, she waited for him to speak and when he didn't, she laid a hand on his arm. "Just tell me."
He turned his head, "What I have to say will burden you further. I...I..." He couldn't finish and turned his eyes back to the flowing river.
Saya moved to kneel before him and took his face into her small but strong hands. "You've always told me the truth, always been there for me. This is no different."
Hagi closed his eyes and savored her touch, organizing his thoughts. "I received information about Kai, David and Joel," he whispered; opening his eyes and seeing Saya's fill with anticipation. He reached up and took one of her hands in his own, wanting to give her an anchor for the coming news. "They are staying on a farm outside London with one of David's acquaintances."
"And Kai? He's alright, isn't he?"
"Hai, he seems to be well; he is training himself. He and Lewis have been patrolling London and the surrounding vicinity." He answered, knowing the smile on Saya's face would vanish as soon as he finished telling her the rest. "Saya."
"It's not all good news," she said, her voice taking on a tinge of fear.
Hagi tightened his hold on her hand and shook his head. "David is suffering from severe depression and is drinking heavily and Joel...Joel is confined to a wheelchair." He let her pull away from his touch and watched as she curled her hands in her lap and dropped her head. "Saya." His soft voice filled with concern.
"My fault. It was all my fault." Was the tear filled reply.
"Iie, never your fault." He retorted, moving to take her hands in his again. "Please do not blame yourself. The fault lies with Diva and her chevaliers."
Saya shook her head, tears falling on their clasped hands, "If only I had been stronger."
"Saya." Hagi's voice a soft rebuke.
"It was me they were after, always me." Anger coloring her words. "And because of me, everyone around me gets hurt or killed." She abruptly stood and walked to the river bank, looking up to the sky tinged red with the setting sun. "First sensei, then Otosan, Liza, Riku...How many more have to die for me! Tell me! And you; you were hurt terribly by the Schif on our way to the Zoo. How much more can you take!" She screamed.
Hagi got to his feet and came to stand behind her; he wrapping her in his arms and pulling her close. "They protected you; even Riku. He was protecting you also. Their deaths were not in vain; you are still alive." He said against her ear. "As for me, I heal. I will always be by your side, Saya. Always." He pulled her tighter.
She lay her head against his shoulder, "I don't want anyone else dying for me. I will become stronger; there will be no need for more sacrifices on my behalf." She turned her head to press her lips to his ear. "Not even yours." She whispered.
He could feel her strength drain away and lowered them to the ground, she sitting on his lap. "Saya..." He began, laying his head along hers.
"Help me Hagi." She looked up at his attractive, angular face. "I want to train tomorrow and no more holding back. I know you have."
He met her eyes and sighed, "If that is your wish."
XXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXX
The next morning, before the sun had risen, Hagi was making final preparations for breakfast when he heard Saya coming down the stairs. When she passed the kitchen without stopping, Hagi reached for her arm. "Saya, you need to eat. You have had nothing since lunch yesterday." When he saw the argument brewing in her eyes, he merely pulled her to the table and forced her to sit. "Please." The fear he had of her going back to not eating receded as she took a pastry while he poured her tea.
It was late afternoon and they had been training most of the day; Hagi, as promised, was not holding back. Saya in turn had begun to pick up strategy and was starting to anticipate his moves. "Saya we should stop; the sun is going down and you need to rest and eat." Hagi told her from across the yard; they were both breathing heavily as they rested their hands on their knees, both of them bent at the waist.
"I need to keep going." Came the breathy, yet firm reply.
Hagi was getting concerned, "You will not learn everything nor get stronger overnight." He said calmly as he made his way over to her. When he was close, he was startled when Saya attacked. "Saya!" He brought up his dagger to counter the move. "We can continue in the morning." He told her, holding her off.
"I said I need to keep going!" She yelled at him, shifting to try another move.
Hagi seeing her eyes had turned red, knew his ability to reason with her was limited when she was this agitated. He moved into a defensive stance and blocked another blow. "Saya, onegai." This thrust and parry continued for several minutes until Hagi finally was able to grab both Saya's arms to restrain her; his eyes sad to see her in such a state and he blamed himself for it coming to this. I should not have let her hide away last night, he thought. She had begged off both dinner and their nightly chess game to take refuge in her room. He loosened his hold as she sagged and was taken by surprise when he was pushed to the ground and Saya's mouth was at his neck, teeth scraping his skin. He gasped when she punctured his skin and he could feel her lapping and sucking his blood. After a few minutes, his head started to spin and he began to push her away, "Saya," he started, knowing she was taking more than she needed and he could afford. He tightened his grasp on the back of her shirt, trying to anchor himself. "Sa...ya." He whispered as he fell into the beckoning blackness.
Finally hearing her name being called, Saya lifted her head, her self control rapidly returning. Her eyes returned to their normal brown when she saw Hagi laying beneath her, the side of his neck covered in blood, his eyes closed. "Hagi!" She sat up quickly and put her hand to his face. She shook him and then again when she received no response. "Hagi, onegai." She begged, pulling at his sweatshirt. "Wake up, you need to open your eyes." She lay her head on his chest where she heard his heartbeat, her hot tears wetting the fabric. It was several agonizing minutes before she felt him move. She quickly sat back up and brushed his hair from his face. "Hagi?"
"Mmmmm...hai?" His voice softer than normal, evidence of his weakened condition. He opened his eyes and saw concern in her every movement. He started to sit up and thought better of it when his head began to feel like it was hovering above his body.
"Hagi!" Saya's called out in fear as he lay back down in the grass.
He carefully raised a hand and cupped her cheek, "Heki. I just need a minute." He replied.
Saya sat next to him, holding his hand and stroking his brow. The sun had set and it was getting dark when she helped him to his feet, wrapping an arm around his slim waist. He in turn, placed an arm around her shoulders. She rested him against a tree as she collected their weapons and cast off jackets. It was a slow trek to the house and when they entered the kitchen, Hagi gratefully sank into a chair as Saya lit the logs in the fireplace. She knelt in front of her Chevalier and placed her hands on his knees. "Gomen ne, Hagi." Her whispered apology full of tears.
He lifted his head and stared down at the top of hers, "Iie. Like before: I do not need your apology." He laid a hand on her soft hair. "I should apologize to you. I should not have let the news fester within you last night; I should have stayed with you, not let you hide." He finished with a tired sigh.
"Hagi." She lay her head on his knee, tears falling on the fabric of his soft pants.
After a few minutes, Hagi had enough strength to make it upstairs with Saya's help. As he settled onto his bed, Saya went into the adjoining bath and came back with a basin filled with steaming water and several towels. She dampened one and pulling the neck of his top away, laid it against the bite wound.
He moved his head to one side to give her better access to the wound and studied her as she moved to his fireplace to light the logs. He knew she was hurting on many levels including hurting him when she lost control. "I'll be fine, Saya." He told her softly when she came back to him.
Her eyes darted up to his, "I...I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you and...now I have." She moved away to rinse out the towel and watched as the water took on a red tinge. Hagi's blood. His blood...I hurt him. What does that make me? Saya thought. She turned back to him and saw he had removed his shirt. "Would you like me to rub you down? You'll feel better."
Hagi smiled gently in consent. He had known her most of his long life and had never felt any embarrassment over his own body. When Saya started with his neck he raised his head to give her better access, still studying her from beneath his eyelashes. He could see she was uncertain but also saw her determination to take care of him. When she finished, she handed him a clean shirt and told him to rest while she cleaned herself off.
"Iie, I should make us something to eat. You need to eat, Saya." He argued. He tried standing and swayed before sitting hastily back down on the bed.
"Hagi!" She moved quickly back to him and taking his head in her hands looked into his eyes. She began to wonder when he had last fed on blood. She knew he needed blood as well as she, but didn't seem to need or want it as often. "You need to feed don't you?"
He closed his eyes and giving in to the faintness he felt, laid his head on her shoulder. "I will be fine. Please do not worry yourself so."
"I did this, didn't I? When I...attacked you." She barely got out the question.
"NO!" He lifted his head and pulled back. "No," he repeated softly. "No, you did not do this to me. I have neglected feeding because there has been no apparent need for me to do so. It is my fault." He finished staring intently into her eyes.
"What do you need me to do?" She asked, eyes begging.
"I just need to rest."
"Hagi."
"There is nothing to be done tonight. Neither of us are in any shape to go venturing to town." He began, turning so he could lay down. Saya moved more pillows behind him. "In the morning, I will contact Philippe, he will know what to do."
"Can you wait that long?" She asked as she pulled a blanket over him and sat.
"Hai, I have gone without for much longer."
Saya turned her head to stare out the window at the now dark night. "I wish there was more I could do..." She got up and started pacing the room. "You always watch over me and what can I do when you need taking care of? Nothing!" She murmured to herself. "I'm useless." She said coming to a stop in the middle of the room.
Hagi, rose slowly and approached her; he did not like where her thoughts were taking her. He felt her muscles tense as he wrapped his arms around her. "Never say that. I never want to hear those words from you again." The timber in his voice both angry and concerned. "How many times have you saved me, Saya? Whether from battle or loneliness, you have always been there for me, saving me." He let her turn in his arms and felt her own enfold him.
Although he didn't need sleep, Hagi felt weak enough that he slipped into a light, healing doze as the moonlight cascaded through his window. It was past midnight when he woke from his slumber to find Saya curled next to him on the bed, her hand covering his heart. He covered her hand with his own and closed his eyes.
XXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXX
It was late morning when there was a knock on the door. Saya scurried out of the kitchen to answer and found herself staring at an elderly man. "Philippe?" She asked tentatively.
"Oui, mademoiselle." He replied with a smile, taking off his hat.
Saya ushered him in and he followed her through the kitchen to the back yard. Hagi was sitting in a chair, covered in a light throw, the elderly lady's gift wrapped around his neck, enjoying the crisp autumn air. "Merci for coming all this way." She apologized. "I didn't want to leave him." She knelt next to Hagi and laid a hand on his knee, "Philippe's here." She said and watched as slate blue eyes opened.
Hagi laid a hand on her shoulder and got to his feet and greeted the elderly man. "Merci, Philippe. I wanted to come but she was not having it." he explained.
"Non, she was right, my friend." He sat at the kitchen table and smiled in thanks when Saya put tea and a tray of pastries in front of him. "You are looking the worse for wear."
Hagi sat and sipped at the tea Saya had been pressing on him since last night. "My fault, I let it go too long."
Philippe pushed the case he had brought across the table. "You should feel better afterwards."
They spent the better part of an hour conversing and as Philippe made his way out, he told them they may be having more visitors later. When they questioned him he explained word had gotten around that Hagi was not feeling well. "They think you have come down with a very bad cold." He began. "I would never reveal your secret. The children are very concerned and are pleading for rights to visit you." He laughed, "I imagine their mothers will be bringing liter after liter of soup with them." His laughter followed him as he started down the path back to town.
Saya started giggling the second she saw Hagi roll his eyes. "I have done nothing to merit their conduct nor attention." He grumbled, slowly following Saya back to the kitchen.
"You were yourself and the children are fond of you--that was enough." Saya said sitting down with her tea.
"Hmmmm." He reached over and fingered the case; he looked up and met Saya's eyes. "It is good to hear you laugh even if it is at my expense." His comment almost with a whine.
Saya smiled again, I love when he opens up like this. This time together has been wonderful, she thought. "I think you deserve every bit of their attention." Then she turned serious, "You should feed." She inclined her head at the case Philippe had brought. She watched as Hagi let out a sigh, nodded and headed up the stairs with it. "Let me know if you need anything." She called out.
Hagi was sitting at the table watching Saya clean the kitchen and put away the leftover food. As Philippe had told them, several children and their mothers had indeed visited bringing soup and other nourishing food with them. The children took turns keeping Hagi company in the back yard while Saya and their mothers looked on. Hagi, feeling stronger, even played his cello a bit before everyone left. "It was nice of them to visit, not to mention all the food." Saya said following Hagi into the parlor; she stoked the fire and covered him with a light coverlet before sitting at the chess board. "Are you up for a game?" She asked, still concerned.
"Hai," he replied, motioning for her to make the first move. "I feel much better. Please do not worry." He moved a pawn and sat back.
"I will if I want." She told him, moving another pawn. "It's all I can do." Her voice soft.
Hagi pondered a move, "You take very good care of me." He countered her move with another. "Arigato." He captured her hand when she went to pick up a chess piece. "Arigato." He repeated, looking deep into her eyes.
There was little conversation during their match. It was while Hagi was setting up the board again when Saya asked a question he was little prepared for, "Did you ever think about having children of your own while Joel was alive and we were at the Zoo?"
Hagi sat back and stared into the fire; it was only a few minutes before he answered. "On occasion." When she stared at him in astonishment, he went on. "Back then, most would have had a few by the time they were 20. I think it natural that I thought of having my own, even if I wasn't ready for them or the responsibility."
"You were born responsible." Saya teased him, loving the slight smile that ran across his features. She turned serious. "Hagi? Do you know why you were brought to the Zoo? I mean the real reason."
Hagi turned his attention from the fire and met her eyes, saw the trepidation there. "I did not at first, I was too young." He began and saw the question in her eyes. "It was the summer before the fire and I was waylaid by one of the kitchen maids."
"Waylaid?"
"I was late for our outing that afternoon. You remember the day when I sent a note sending my apologies?"
She nodded, "I thought it odd, you normally would have come in person, no matter the reason."
Hagi closed his eyes and nodded, "The maid pulled me into Amshel's study and started to touch me. I pushed her away but she was very...determined; I...I finally managed to stop her and Amshel was suddenly there. I had not realized he had been watching from behind a panel. He told her she had done well and sent her off." Hagi opened tortured eyes to watch the flames lick at the logs.
"He was testing you." Both a question and answer.
"Hai, to make sure I would respond to stimulation, to a woman." Was the barely heard, sad reply.
Saya moved from her chair to kneel before him, "I didn't know, Hagi." When he looked at her, the shame in his eyes broke her heart. "Joel told me you were to be my companion, a friend. He never said anything about you becoming..." She trailed off.
"I know. Your heart has no deceit, it never has." Hagi laid his hand on hers, resting on his thigh.
"I only found out the real reason when I visited Joel on the ship. He told me." She rose on her knees, "You should not feel ashamed. I'm the one who should."
"Iie, neither one of us have any shame, Saya. It all lies on Amshel; we were pawns in his game."
Several hours later, Hagi stood before the window watching the heavy rain fall. A perfect accompaniment to our mood, he thought. He took his cello out of it's case and sat. He played a somber tune and started another when he felt Saya's presence. He continued even when he felt her arms come around his shoulders from behind, "Gomen ne, Hagi. For everything," she whispered. When the last notes of the piece filled the room, he leaned his head back to rest against hers, cheek to cheek.
XXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXX
During the next several weeks, Hagi and Saya grew ever closer. They talked more about the past, Hagi convincing her there was no blame on her part. Training recommenced; they continued to go into the village, Hagi visiting with the children and playing his cello for everyone. After one trip, on the way home, Saya had told him of the festival to be held and that they were expected to attend. And that Hagi was expected to play his cello for all. He stood next to her now, in the kitchen, peeling apples for the numerous dishes they were taking.
"Have you heard anything more about the others?" She asked, rolling pastry dough out.
"Iie, maybe when we see Philippe at the festival." He took another apple and started peeling.
While they were engaged in their nightly chess match, Hagi noticed Saya shivering and rose to add another log to the fire. She smiled in thanks and snuggled into her shawl. "In another week it will be December." She mused.
"Hai." He agreed. He didn't want to take her away from the friends she had made here but he knew the longer they stayed, the more danger they were in. Not to mention the possible harm they could bring down on the village by remaining. He didn't know how to broach the subject of moving on when he heard her call his name. "Gomen ne," he smiled at her tenderly.
"There's something on your mind."
After several moments, "We should move soon." He spoke firmly.
Saya's eyes widened but then acceptance came into their depths, "I know. I had hoped for a little more time." Her voice quiet.
"I will miss them too." Hagi confessed. "Especially the children."
"I know you will."
"I shall ask Philippe tomorrow." He said, studying her saddened face. "I am sorry, Saya." She raised tear filled eyes to meet his gaze; seeing this, he moved to her chair, picked her up and sat down in her place with her in his lap. They sat before the fire, mourning their upcoming loss together.
End Part IV