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Chapter Twenty-four
Four Past Midnight
Dinner at Camp Glingal had already come and gone by the time Oromë, Araglas, and Kisha entered the dining room with sandwiches and pop. The three sat down and started eating.
"We never speak of this to anyone," Kisha warned.
Oromë and Araglas nodded between bites of sandwich.
"Most definitely."
The dining room door opened and Gilrean, Eärendil, Elendil, Aragorn, Arathorn II, Nimrodel and Melian entered.
"Good evening," Kisha said politely.
"Allo, did you have a fun walk in the woods?" Gilrean asked.
The three nodded.
"We could hear your shouts of 'help' you know," Elendil stated.
The three shrunk and blushed.
"Did anyone else hear it?" Kisha asked.
Aragorn nodded.
"The whole camp did."
"Bloody hell."
"You're not going to live that down," Eärendil said.
"It wasn't out fault, Kisha got us lost," Araglas said.
"Oh jee, thanks Araglas," Kisha said rolling her eyes.
--
Gwen quickly drove out of the city of Walisack and went south to the city of Connemara. It had been decided that since it was already six at night they wouldn't get back to camp until past midnight and so they unanimously agreed to spend the night in a hotel. Gwen then said that they would not stay in Walisack but instead go to Connemara which was an hour south of Walisack. Thuringwethil has asked her why and Gwen replied that Walisack made her nervous. Morgoth then pointed out the fact that the only thing she would have to be nervous of was himself or Sauron killing somebody. Gwen then nodded and said that's exactly why she was nervous.
Gwen called ahead to make a hotel reservation at the Hilton. They told her she was lucky she even got a room because at the moment there was a knitting convention taking place in Connemara. There was only one room left and Gwen took it.
They arrived at the hotel at around seven-fifteen. Gwen promised Sauron, who had been whining about food for the past hour, that there would be a restaurant at the hotel. Gwen parked the car and the group got out with their bags.
"Are you sure there's going to be food?" Sauron asked.
Gwen sighed.
"Yes, for the fiftieth time there will be food!"
They entered the hotel and the desk clerk handed Gwen the hotel key card. They took the elevator to the third floor and Gwen found their room. She unlocked the door and when Sauron looked inside he saw that there were only two beds.
"Wait a second, there's four of us. Where are the other two beds?"
Gwen set her bag on one of the beds.
"Well I couldn't get two rooms due to the knitting convention so it looks like we'll have to share."
"You've got to be kidding me."
Morgoth caught sight of a chair next to a tiny table.
"I call the chair," he exclaimed putting his bag on it.
"I call one of the beds then!" Thuringwethil said.
"I call the other bed!" Gwen said pointing to the bed her bag was on.
Sauron rolled his eyes.
"Fine, I'll sleep in the bathroom."
An idea then hit Gwen. Back when Sauron was in the car with her on the way to the Stop N' Go he told her that Morgoth liked her. Now was the time to find out.
"No Sauron, you can share the bed with me if you want," Gwen offered innocently.
For a split second Sauron's eyes glanced over at Morgoth who appeared a little flustered. Sauron then realised what Gwen was doing and he smiled.
"Why thank you Gwen. That's very sweet of you," he replied.
Morgoth then mumbled something incoherent that sounded like 'I'm going for a walk' and then left the hotel room. Gwen gave a devilish smile once he had gone.
"I knew it," she said.
Sauron shrugged.
"Yeah, because I told you," he replied.
"Yes but I didn't believe you."
After a moment of silence Gwen checked her watch.
"Come on, let's go to the pool!" she exclaimed.
"The what?" Thuringwethil asked.
Gwen dug through her bag for the extra pair of shorts and tank top she brought in case something like this decided to happen.
"The pool, I heard this hotel has one."
"Oh, you mean like the beach?" Thuringwethil asked.
Gwen nodded.
Sauron then froze and took a step back.
"Yeah, you do that."
"Come on Sauron! It'll be fun!"
"Yeah right."
"Did you bring an extra pair of shorts?" Gwen asked.
Sauron nodded.
"Yes, why?"
"Put them on! We're going to go swimming!"
"But I don't like water!" Sauron protested.
Thuringwethil pulled out an extra pair of shorts and a tank top.
"It'll be fun," she said.
"If you don't go swimming then I'll lay a big wet kiss on you in front of Morgoth," Gwen threatened.
Sauron's eyes went wide with fright.
"You wouldn't dare! He'd kill me!"
Gwen smiled and nodded.
"Now, put the shorts on we're going swimming!"
He gave a sigh.
"Oh alright," he replied digging out his shorts.
"I can't believe I'm taking orders from a female…" he muttered after he found his shorts.
"What was that?" Gwen asked before she entered the bathroom.
"Nothing."
"That's what I thought."
--
Ten minutes later the three of them were in the pool. Technically speaking though, Gwen and Thuringwethil were in the pool and Sauron stood pacing back and forth.
"Come on Sauron!" Thuringwethil pleaded.
"I am not going in that!"
Gwen splashed the water around.
"It's nice and warm!" she said.
"The last time I was around water I drowned. I'm not having that happen again," he said.
"Yes but you still have your fair form, for some odd reason," Gwen declared.
Sauron pondered this for a moment. He had not thought about the fact that when the weird lights appeared in the sky he was in eyeball form yet now he had his very fair form before the sinking of Numenor.
"Yes I guess I do. Didn't really think about it actually," Sauron replied.
"So are you coming in or what?" Thuringwethil exclaimed.
Sauron looked down at the water.
"No."
Gwen shook her head and went to the ladder and pulled herself out.
"I didn't want to have to do this but…" she trailed off as she approached Sauron. He backed away from her.
"What are you doing? I swear if it's what I think it is then you'll be sorry," he warned.
Gwen flashed an evil smile. She strolled right up to him and put her hand on his back and then pushed. Sauron gave an un-Dark Lord like squeal as he fell in. When he surfaced he glared evilly at Gwen.
"Oh you're so dead," he threatened.
She put her hands on her hips.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, if we were in Middle-earth I'd lock you in Barad-Dur for an eternity and not even Ilúvatar himself would be able to rescue you."
Gwen laughed.
"What about Morgoth? Would he be able to rescue me?" Gwen asked naively.
Sauron shook his head.
"Especially Morgoth," he replied wryly.
Sauron then felt very warm and a shadow crossed over him.
"Is that a fact?" a deep booming voice asked.
Sauron froze and Gwen smiled from ear to ear.
"He's behind me right?"
Gwen nodded.
While Sauron had been threatening Gwen, Morgoth had walked by the pool area and heard his threats. He silently pulled off his boots and shirt and walked slowly into the water. Gwen had seen him and he knew she was going to say something but he put his finger to his mouth in an attempt to silence her. It worked and she played along.
Sauron had now slowly turned around and saw Morgoth towering above him.
"Listen it was a joke, really," Sauron pleaded.
Morgoth raised an eyebrow.
"I'm sure it was."
Morgoth lifted his hand and pushed Sauron under water. Gwen laughed and then jumped in. When Sauron surfaced the three attacked him with water.
"Stop! Come on! I demand it!"
Morgoth smirked.
"Sauron, you can't demand anything," he said before pushing him back under water.
Sauron gargled out incoherent phrases below the water.
--
Two hours later the pool closed and the four went back to the room. Sauron grumbled all the way to the room and Morgoth smacked him in the back of the head.
"Knock it off, you deserved it," he said sardonically.
Gwen unlocked the door and the four entered. Gwen called the bathroom first and slipped in with her change of clothes. Thuringwethil changed in the closet and Sauron and Morgoth changed in the hotel room. Gwen heard the hotel room door open and close so she thought that Sauron and Morgoth had probably went to get food. Earlier Gwen showed them how to use the vending machine and gave each one ten dollars in ones. Gwen left the bathroom and saw Morgoth putting on underwear. She gasped and quickly ran back into the bathroom. She did not see anything, it had been too quick and instantaneous for that but she still reacted as if she did. Morgoth hurriedly put on his shorts and t-shirt and then knocked on the bathroom door.
"You alright in there Gwen?" he asked.
"Do you have clothes on?" she replied.
"Yes. Sorry about that I didn't think you'd be that quick in the bathroom."
Gwen exited the bathroom.
"Where'd Sauron go?" Gwen asked looking around, trying to forget about seeing Morgoth putting on underwear.
Who would have thought a Dark Lord would look so hot. She thought.
"I think he said he wanted to get something to eat. Maybe we should find him," Morgoth suggested.
Gwen put her wet clothes over the chair.
"Yes, I think that would be a good idea," she said heading to the door. Thuringwethil, who had just left the closet, and Morgoth followed her down the hotel hallway and found Sauron standing in front of the vending machine. He looked very frustrated.
"Work damn you!" he screamed. A mother and her four year old child quickly walked by but not before the lady gave Sauron a very nasty look.
"What are you looking at lady? If you want to get my dollar back then you do it!"
The lady ignored Sauron and quickly walked past Gwen, Morgoth, and Thuringwethil.
"What's wrong Sauron? Having problems with the vending machine?" Gwen smirked.
He glared at her.
"Yes I am, I put my dollar in and it won't give me any food," Sauron complained.
"What one do you want?" Gwen asked.
Sauron pointed to a bag of hot fries.
"I want that," he said.
Gwen punched in the code- G9- and the hot fries fell down and Gwen pulled the bag from the machine. She also took Sauron's change and handed the hot fries and money to him.
"Sauron, you have to type in the code," Gwen said.
He tore open the bag of hot fries.
"Oh shut up," he said between bites.
Gwen rolled her eyes.
"Come on, we're going out into the city," Gwen stated.
"Why?" Thuringwethil asked.
"I want to go to a book store. I'm giving each of you a fifty dollar limit. You can each pick out one or two books for the car ride back, but only on the condition that I don't hear 'are we there yet?' fifty million times per mile, deal?"
The three nodded and she smiled.
"Good, now let's go. You all got shoes on right?" she said as she looked down at their feet. When she saw that everyone was wearing shoes they walked out of the hotel and went down the street. Gwen had always liked Connemara. Every time she had an excuse to go, she would go. The place reminded her of an old English country village but with a very out of place mall. The people in Connemara, population two thousand and nineteen, were always friendly and never failed to help anyone who happened to be in the city. Connemara was the complete contrast to Walisack in every way.
Gwen led the group to the mall. It wasn't anything special, just a place for the teenagers to hang out. But Gwen loved it. She walked down to Borders.
"Okay we're going in here. Be nice to the people and no swearing," Gwen warned.
Sauron rolled his eyes.
"Yes ma'am."
Gwen grabbed him by the collar.
"Don't start with me alright?"
She looked him deep in the eyes and he could tell she was serious. He nodded and she let go of his shirt.
"Now this place closes around ten so we have forty-five minutes," Gwen said as she entered the building. She watched Morgoth head in one direction, Sauron another, and Thuringwethil in a separate direction. Gwen quickly went to the fantasy section and looked for J.R.R. Tolkien. Just as she suspected, The Lord of the Rings was not there but The Lady of the Necklace sat gleaming on the shelf. She picked up the trilogy, which consisted of The Fellowship of the Necklace, The Three Towers, and The Return of the Queen. Sitting next to the trilogy was a story called The Dwarf and Gwen thought it was the comparable of The Hobbit. She then found a book which she recognised as The Silmarillion but with an entirely different name that she could not even pronounce. Next to that was the complete history of Middle-earth series and she pulled all the books in the series off the shelf. She checked the shelf one last time and made sure she was not missing anything and then went to the video selections. She found The Lady of the Necklace series on DVD and she noted that it still had the same actors and was still directed by Peter Jackson. After that she found a cart and put everything in it. It was getting pretty hard to hold all the books and DVD's.
Pushing the cart through the store she found Sauron engulfed in a book on proper forging techniques, Morgoth looking at a murder mystery thriller and Thuringwethil had a book about vampires. They put the books in the cart. Sauron looked in and saw all the books and DVD's.
"I should have known this is why you wanted to come here," he said picking up The Fellowship of the Necklace and turning it over in his hands.
"What's that?" Morgoth asked.
"Since we're here nobody is completing the journey in Middle-earth and so there are different characters taking our place," Sauron replied.
"Yeah, Sauron's been replaced by a female," Gwen said with a smile.
Sauron glared at her and put the book back into the cart.
"Shut up."
"Make me."
"I thought you said you didn't want trouble?" Thuringwethil asked.
Gwen nodded.
"I don't. Now come on let's go pay for everything and head back to the hotel. I want to leave tomorrow around eightish so everyone's going to bed when we get back."
Sauron wined.
"But I'm not tired!"
"Stop acting like a five year old for bloody sake!"
Morgoth laughed.
"Is he always like this?" Gwen asked as they headed to the check out line.
Morgoth nodded and sighed.
"Yes I'm afraid so, he's always acted like an idiot."
Sauron began to protest.
"I do not! It's the area! It's getting to me!"
They reached the counter and Gwen put the items on the counter.
"Sauron, just grow up okay?" Gwen demanded.
Sauron crossed his arms and pouted.
"I hate you all," he said.
--
The staff gathered in the main living room of Gondolin (formerly Lammoth but with the sudden quiet a change in name was needed, for the time being at least) to hear what Fëanor and his sons had to say about the prank. After Kisha quieted everyone down, Fëanor stood up and pulled out a piece of paper.
"Okay now my sons and I thought long and hard about what to do and we came up with this list. Here are the options: we can put cellophane in front of Angband and over the beds of Sauron and Morgoth. We can superglue their dressers shut and glue the pillows to the beds and when they go in to sleep at night we will glue their heads to the pillows. We can coat the entire room with baby powder. We can put chilli oil or garlic oil in the shampoo or toothpaste. We can take a handful of alarm clocks and hide them around the room and make them go off every half hour until six in the morning. We can do the powdered milk thing again. At night we can put honey on them and pour birdseed on top and open the windows. We can dye their hair blue, when they grow hair back that is. At night we can take the mattresses and float them out in the middle of the water. That's pretty much all we got at the moment," Fëanor explained.
They thought about it for a moment and Kisha nodded and smiled.
"All of that we can do. We'll set up the glue, cellophane, baby powder, honey and all of that stuff tomorrow before they get back. That will be funny to see them stuck to the mattresses covered in milk and honey and birdseed."
"Yes this could work but when are they coming back?" Aragorn asked.
Kisha shrugged.
"I'm pretty sure Gwen rented a hotel room for the night. They probably drove her insane to the point of complete insanity. I'll call her tomorrow morning and see where they are," Kisha replied.
"Well why don't we set everything up tonight?" Robin Gamgee asked.
Kisha shook her head.
"No, the glue will harden before they get back if we do it tonight. It will be easier if we do everything tomorrow," Kisha replied.
"Oh."
Kisha yawned and checked the clock. It was nineteen minutes till midnight. She stood up and stretched.
"Well I'm off to bed. See you all in the morning," she said.
"Goodnight Kish," a few of the staff members echoed at different times.
After Kisha left the other staff members deemed it was bed time and so they staggered off towards their rooms. For the first night at Camp Glingal everything was silent.
--
The sounds of swords clashing filled Gwen's ears as the Last Alliance moved closer to Amon Amarth. The rank smell of death filled the air and Gwen heard Elendil and Gil-Galad shouting encouragements to the troops. At her side fought Morgoth and Thuringwethil and though she knew it made no sense it seemed as if everything was right. The elves and men who had allied themselves seemed as if they took no heed to the female human, female vampire, and the first Dark Lord. They watched as Sauron emerged from Barad-Dur and killed Gil-Galad and Elendil. The fight continued without any give on either side. At the climax of the battle Gwen saw that she had a direct shot at Sauron with her bow. She strung it and fired, hitting him in the shoulder. Sauron turned on her and he knew she had been spotted. He drew his mace and advanced at her. A large battle followed and Gwen felt a sharp pain in her chest. She fell to the ground and watched as Morgoth and Thuringwethil ran at Sauron and fought him with all their might. Sauron killed Thuringwethil and then cut off Morgoth's head. Gwen screamed and Sauron went back to her. He kicked her in the chest and smiled evilly down at her.
"Move over Gwen! You're hogging the bed!" he screamed.
She looked up at him confused.
"What?" she managed to spit out.
"I said move over you're hogging the bed!"
Gwen shot up out of bed and felt a sharp pain in her chest. She looked over at Sauron who was also wide awake and looking perturbed. She smacked him across the head.
"You kept hogging the bed!" he exclaimed.
"Yeah well you kicked me in the chest!"
Morgoth rolled over in the chair and landed on the ground with a thud.
"I'm up! I'm up! Don't send me to the void!" he yelled as he stood up.
"AHHH! It's crashing down on me!" shrieked Thuringwethil as she shot out of bed.
Gwen fell back on the bed and laughed even though her chest hurt like hell. Sauron pulled the covers off him and stood up.
"That was the worst night of sleep ever," Sauron said.
Morgoth nodded.
"Yes it was."
Gwen pulled herself out of bed and checked her watch. It was seven in the morning.
"What did you dream of last night Thuringwethil?" Gwen asked.
She shrugged.
"I don't know. All I remember is something falling on me," she replied.
"Yeah we know. We heard you," Gwen said.
Thuringwethil blushed.
"Opps…"
Gwen shook her head.
"It's alright; Morgoth said 'don't send me in the void!'"
"I did not," Morgoth protested.
"Did too," Sauron replied.
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
Gwen rolled her eyes.
"Shut up!" she bellowed.
Morgoth crossed his hands in front of his chest and Sauron stuck his tongue out at Morgoth.
"Alright get dressed we're leaving for home," Gwen said pulling out jeans and a t-shirt from her bag.
"Aw, but we're having so much fun," Sauron protested.
Gwen glared at him.
"If you call constant bickering fun then yes we're having a grand old time!" she screamed.
The three looked at Gwen curiously.
"Are you okay?" Thuringwethil asked.
"No! I'm not okay! Now get your stuff and let's go. It's seven in the morning and I want to be home before I lose my sanity! Now let's go!" she ordered.
Gwen turned towards the door and picked up her wet clothes and shoved them in the bag. Sauron leaned over to Morgoth and whispered in his ear.
"Actually I think she's already lost her sanity," he whispered.
Morgoth nodded.
"I heard that! Now if you don't move within the next thirty seconds then there's going to be a third Dark Lord and being a female I won't mess up like you two did!"