Disclaimer: I do not own DanMachi or any of Omori's original characters, nor do I make any profit off of my writing.
Three days. Three days was her absolute limit for watching somebody make a complete and utter ass of themselves before it stopped being frustrating and became infuriating.
Lenoa scowled as she marched across the store and slammed her palm down on the table beside her 'student.'
"You wanted a spell. Here's a spell."
Removing her arm from atop the paper, she allowed her idiot of an apprentice to read it to himself once before continuing on.
"I suggest you get right to work; this one is very time-sensitive. If it's not done soon, it could be disastrous."
She wasn't lying, per se, but she wasn't necessarily telling the truth. It could be disastrous. That much was true. There just had to be a completely unrelated disaster occurring at the same time, like Babel collapsing or the Black Dragon deciding to get off its lazy ass and do something. So, yes, it could be disastrous.
But more importantly, Anya was sad and she wouldn't stand for it.
So, with her piece said, Lenoa spun on her heel and tromped her way back to her counter. She had a whopping zero customers to attend to, after all. She was a very busy woman.
"Uhm.. say.. mistress?"
The older woman sighed. There it is. She knew it was coming, but it didn't make it any less annoying.
"What do you want?"
"What is 'child of yeast?'"
"What do you think?"
Bell frowned at the elder witch from his seat. She'd seemed.. angrier lately. Why could that be?
.. was it her time of the month?
"I'm not sure. I thought you might know, 'cause you wrote the recipe and all."
".. "
".. "
".. "
".. it's bread, brat."
The white-haired witch's apprentice made an 'o' with his lips and nodded. He supposed that made sense.
.. kinda.
Not really, but whatever!
It made enough sense for him!
Now.. what's next on the list?
Body of Pheasant. Aged. Sliced.
Interesting.
He was pretty sure a pheasant was a bird, some kind of land fowl. He wasn't exactly sure where he was going to find one of those, perhaps he could try switching it with a turkey? Would that cause any issues? He could find a turkey, certainly.
Hnn.
Body of Turkey. Aged. Sliced.
That sounded oddly domestic, didn't it?
So..
.. he needs bread and sliced turkey.
Alright. He can do that. Definitely beats out the typical ingredients. Believe it or not, but even as a devout lover of all things demonic and arcane he still wasn't all that fond of handling random animal eyes and testicles. Weird, right? Who would've thought?
Oh yeah, he was excited about this ritual.
"Master, why am I here?"
Bell couldn't help but frown as Anya complained. She'd seemed different lately, less happy. He didn't like it, but he couldn't figure out the reason why. Was it something he did? Gods, he couldn't even remember the last time she'd asked him something to sate her never-ending curiosity. Why had she stopped? Had he taught her everything she wanted to know? He hoped not. He liked showing her new things.
She was also back to calling him master, which..
.. which he didn't quite like.
As jarring as it was, having her call him husband (even if he was pretty sure she didn't understand the implications) had been nice. He'd even take 'Bell' over 'Master.' They were friends, weren't they?
He turned to look over her shoulders at where the familiar was lagging a few paces behind. There was a pout on her lips and her arms were crossed in front of her chest.
"Because I'm performing a new ritual and I needed your help."
"So.. I'm here as your familiar, nothing else?"
Huh?
What does that mean?
Bell opted to ask a completely different, and off-topic, question.
"You're not saying 'nyaa' anymore."
Okay. So, it wasn't a question, but his point still stands! Why wasn't she making her little meows anymore? They were cute!
"Nyaa—"
Well, that's just about as unenthusiastic as it gets.
"—am I only needed as a familiar?"
"No?"
Seriously. What kind of question was that?
Behind him, Anya arched a brow silently, a deadpanned 'no?' echoing after him. "Then why am I here?"
"Well, okay, technically the ritual does require a familiar, but you're here because I want you to be here! You're my friend!"
"You're.. friend."
"Of course!"
Silence followed after that as they continued walking. Anya wasn't exactly sure where Bell was leading her or what kind of ritual he was planning to complete, but she did know she wasn't happy about being taken from her favorite activity these past few days.
Sulking.
She was a world-class sulker. The best of the best.
Nobody could beat her.
And she had so much to sulk about!
Like reason number one! Bell made fun of her!
That's..
.. that's it..
.. but that's all she needs anyways! It was a jerk move!
She didn't even have the energy to commit to a 'nyaa!' these days. It was so, so frustrating. She hated it. Nyaa-ing was one of her favorite things to do, you just couldn't beat an authentic and pleasurable mewl of content. It just wasn't possible.
And Bell stole that from her.
He prevented her from enjoying that simple thing, one of her basic familiar rights. It was her duty as a demon in the shape of a cat person to blend in with the rest of the world. To do that, she needed to act like a cat.
And that meant nyaa-ing.
And she couldn't.
All because Bell was a big, mean, stinking jerk.
"Hmph!"
Bell turned around and blinked at the girl who was now raising her head with closed eyes and facing away from him. He couldn't help but sweatdrop at the face she was making.
What happened now?
He hadn't even said anything!
"Uhm.. Anya?"
".. "
"Anya?"
".. "
A sigh.
"Is everything okay?"
Anya, taking a lesson from her master, did not answer the question and instead asked one of her own. "Are we there yet?"
Another sigh, this time much more sad and far more resigned, as he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, we're there."
Anya hummed in response, passing the now-still boy as he stood at the entrance of the park. He had a wicker basket cradled in his arms, a quilted blanket resting atop it. He watched as his familiar continued on, trudging up the hill with slumped shoulders. She walked as if an unseen weight bore down upon her, like the Sisyphus of legend, cursed to forever roll a boulder up a hill. He couldn't help but frown at the sight, his heart sinking lower in his chest as he watched on from the base of the knoll.
He didn't know what had upset her so much, but he was determined to fix it.
Anya had already settled down into a ball by the time he reached her side, curling up in the soft tresses of the park, warming herself beneath the setting sun.
Bell silently got to work setting up the ritual just as described on Lenoa's cheat sheet, starting with spreading the blanket out over the grass.
Step two. What was step two?
Bell plucked the paper up from the top of the basket, his eyes narrowing in thought as he scanned it once again.
"Hn."
Step one was definitely done. He'd spread and smoothened out the blanket. Step two was.. distribute ritual plates. Interesting. Normally, offerings were arranged in a circular manner, but this recipe only asks for two particular places to have them. Weird, but not impossible.
He arranged them as such.
First, was the bread. Sliced rye. (High-quality ingredients were a major factor in a spell's success, he wasn't going to run off and not get some fresh-baked delicacy. No, sir.)
Second, 'Naise of the Mayons' spread evenly across either surface. Easy enough. The Mayon people truly were weird if they came up with this weird solution. Bell didn't quite get it, but who was he to judge. A little bit of oil, a yolk of an egg, and a squeeze of lemon and he was good to go, all that was needed was to emulsify them.
Third, create layers of Aged Body of Pheasant and Cross-section of Love-apple. Again, fairly simple. It'd taken more than a minute to figure out that last one, but he'd done it. Side note, who decided to call tomatoes: 'love-apples,' like huh? What?
Bell tapped his chin as he returned to the spell.
Step four. Step four. Where are you?
Ah.
There it is.
'Add cheese.'
He could do that!
Now what? What's next?
More yeast babies and 'Naise of the Mayons' apparently.
Alright, step.. seven or something. He'd lost count.
Hm. Alright, he was supposed to top this offering with boar hind. Interesting. Also, he needed to distribute small portions of the 'Head of Cabbage.' Now, as it would turn out, a head of cabbage was just that. A head of cabbage. There was not (he repeats: not) a cabbage animal and/or monster out there in the world to behead. Believe him. He checked. It was honestly sad how long it took him to realize that. He was raised a farmer. It shouldn't have taken that long.
But it did.
Was he done yet?
No.
More bread. More Mayon's Naise. Tedious, but okay.
He did exactly as asked of him. He spread the Naise atop the final two slices of bread and placed them atop the rest of the offering, Naise side down. All there was left to do was cut them into quarters (triangle wise), distribute about ritual plates, and place on blanket.
Exhaling a deep breath, Bell did, and wow was it anticlimactic.
Nothing happened.
Why did nothing happen?
He checked the spell. Squinting, he peered over the texts over and over again, trying to see if he missed anything. He didn't.
He flipped the paper over.
There was a back.
Why was there a back?
Bell suppressed a groan as he started reading, immediately finding his shoulder slumping in relief as he realized there weren't any other required ingredients in the recipe, it was just the final steps. That was fine. He could do this.
Alright, step.. demons he doesn't know.. ninety or something: 'Both Witch and Familiar must sit across from one another, ritual plates situated between the two.'
Alright! Now he's cooking with Greek fire! He finally figured out why Lenoa had insisted Anya was crucial to this spell!
Not wanting to disturb the slumbering girl (and having already read ahead to make sure she didn't need to participate past being involved in the ritual circle), Bell quietly slinked over to her side and as-gently-as-witchly-possible slid his arms beneath her upper back and knees. He heaved upward only to collapse a moment later when Anya shifted her center of gravity away from him.
"What are you doing?"
"A- Anya!" He squeaked. "Fancy seeing you here?"
The familiar simply stared at her witch blankly.
"R- Right.. sorry.. I just—I was moving you to the blanket."
"What blanket?"
He pointed. She followed his finger.
"I thought you said we were doing a ritual?" Her voice was carefully flat as she spoke, her tail twisting through the air in agitation as she looked at his so-called 'ritual circle.'
A picnic.
It was a picnic.
"It is!"
"That's no ritual circle."
Seriously. She didn't even need to be a demon to see the overall harmlessness of the arrangement. What kind of ghastly and arcane apparition did Bell expect to divine from something like this? A full stomach? A hearty belch?
"But— "
Anya couldn't help but huff out a laugh as she shook her head and quickly hopped to her feet, surprising her master.
"Nyaa! Husband! If nyou wanted to have nya picnic for ny-our first date, nyou just needed to nyask! There was nyo reason for so myuch meowstery!"
Wow.
Bell blinked.
She was laying it on thick with the cat talk.
Also, what?
Picnic?
Huh?
Not a ritual circle?
What?
He was oh-so-very confused.
What was happening?
Whatever it was, her better figure it out quick because Anya was already grabbing him by the hand and dragging him toward the blanket.
She immediately ruined the ritual circle by moving the places of the plates, instead situating them side by side instead of across from one another.
That was fine.
This was fine.
"Time to meow down!"
He would like to rescind his previous statement that he missed the overzealous cat-speak. He missed the 'nyaas!' the meows were a bit much.
Without ceremony, Anya plopped down and immediately started digging in, not even caring that the sandwich (and he realized now that it was, in fact, a sandwich) didn't contain any fish. Her tail curled around her lap and her feline ears twitched pleasurably with each bite. If this was Bell's idea of an apology, she hoped he upset her more often. It was a darn good sandwich.
As soon as Bell fell into place beside her, she shuffled over into his side, her tail quickly shifting place from her lap to behind his back and into his, tugging him closer. Once his shoulder was within reach, her head quickly found rest atop it. Despite her best efforts to stop it, a purr escaped her throat.
Curs-ed cat body.
Still, the purr doesn't lie.
"Anya?"
She hummed through a mouthful of club sandwich, a muffled 'myeah?' escaping her lips alongside a few crumbs.
"I'm sorry."
"Hm? Mmph. Ghow do'you mhean? Mnyaa?"
He was just going to go ahead and assume she was asking what he was apologizing for. That seemed like the best course of action, rather than attempting to decipher.. whatever that was.
"I was.. cruel." He sighed. He'd figured out what had happened right around the same time he'd realized he'd set up a picnic. All in all, not a great turnaround time on the ol' thinking machine up top, but he'd take realizing now over never. "I laughed at you and that wasn't nice of me. I made you feel stupid for my own amusement. I am sorry." Again, he sighed, his head falling down so his cheek rested in the familiar's brown curls. "But.. mostly I'm sorry because you asked me to stop and I didn't. I didn't mean to upset you."
They each sat and silence for a moment or two following that, but it didn't last long.
"Oh meow! Husband is really good nyat apologiznying! Nyaa! A picnic and pretty words! Careful, Bell, nyou're going to myake a girl myelt!"
Bell sighed. He was just going to ignore the excessive meowing in her speech. It was called taking the high road. He was being nice. This was Anya's day, he wasn't going to ruin it at the end just by making some snide comment about the way she talks.
Even if..
.. even if it was a lot to handle at once.
The 'nyaas,' the 'nyaas' were perfect. The rest of it.. it was just far too.. too.. too meowerful.
He hates himself for it, but it wasn't like he could just not do it. He wasn't a heathen. He was a witch. A darn powerful one at that. Just look how well his—
Bell blinked down at the paper Lenoa had written up for him.
—look how well his 'forgiveness' ritual went.
Yeah. He probably should have figured that one out.
"We're going to need to stop by the chocolate shop on the way home."
"Whys'sat?"
"Because I want to do something nice for Lenoa."
That was good enough for her!
"M'kay.. later though.. "
Her eyes fluttered to a close as she snuggled deeper into Bell's side, soaking in both his warmth as well as the sun's.
To not take a cat nap when the conditions were so perfect for one would simply be a crime. It was offensive to cat people everywhere and Anya would not stand for it.
Yes. Catnaps were good.
".. g'night, husband."
"Sleep well.. "
A pause before he spoke again in a far quieter, far softer voice.
".. wife."
There was a new episode of SAO Abridged and how could I not follow in Princess Hime Kuroneko-desu-chan-sempai of the Nyan-Nyan Tribe's footsteps and show a little love to everybody's favorite cat girl.