"Just run into my arms like you did that night," Jason demanded, his voice rising as he began to loose his patience. The memory of that night flashed through his mind in vivid detail, the feelings and smells overwhelming him. Sam just stared at him, confused and possibly a little frightened by his outburst. The last remnant of his control shattered. His voice rose and his movements were jerky in desperation. "Just run to me!"

Sam moved on impulse, running into his waiting arms. He lifted her off the ground, holding her in a crushing embrace. She buried her face in his neck as tears pricked her eyes. His breathing was labored as he tightened his grip on her small body. The white dress she wore rode high on her thighs as he squeezed his eyes shut. It was much like that hideous night that wouldn't let him breathe. He waited for her to go limp, for her grip on his neck to loosen. He waited for the warm blood to ooze out of her body and into his hand, slipping through his fingers to stain him forever. He lowered her slowly, expecting her head to fall back listlessly. She kept a hold on his neck as her feet touched to terrace floor. Her eyes, wide and alert, met his before he was forced to look away. He kept his hand on her lower back, directly over the bullet scar. "This is where you got shot, in your lower back. It went through your abdomen. If I had been holding you three inches lower the bullet would've hit you here,"

He raised his hand to between her shoulder blades. He felt the tears burn his eyes as she heaved in a painful breath and diverted her own gaze. He kept his head turned and his eyes focused off to the side. "And it would've severed your spine, and gone through your heart. You would've died in my arms that night,"

"Do you really understand?" Jason pulled her closer for a second before releasing her, his eyes finally meeting hers. She shook her head, realization dawning on her. He sucked in a breath that his lungs almost refused to take. His chest had tightened to an unbearable degree. "I'm sorry, I can't let that happen. If I continue to love you, it could. And I can't. I can't love you anymore,"

"No," Sam sobbed, reaching out to grab him. He pulled away, burying his face in his hands and exhaling painfully loud. Her heart shattered as tears streamed down her face.

------

Jason awoke, gasping for breath and with beads of sweat dripping down his face and back. His long, calloused fingers dug into the back of the brown leather couch as he fought off the memory. His desperate break from Sam had resulted in a long battle with Carly and Elizabeth moving in. He hadn't thought past keeping Sam safe. He didn't care about his own breaking heart and had refused to allow himself to think of Sam's. Elizabeth had shown up, much like Carly had many years ago, soaked from the rain with a baby to care for. Albeit, Carly had been pregnant with AJ's son and scared to death. Elizabeth had been hurt and angry with nowhere to go. So Jason had provided her with a place to live and Cameron with a stable environment. The thought of Sam moving on with anyone, let alone Lucky Spencer, had never crossed his mind. Hadn't she warned him that she would fall in love, that it would destroy him inside? He had refused to believe it. He had, selfishly, expected her to wait for him forever. It wasn't fair and it would have probably killed her to do so, but it was what had kept him sane. He wanted Sam safe and he wanted her to still love him. He had handled his decision and he hadn't fallen for anyone else.

Was it so far beyond rational thought for her to do the same? He should've admitted to her that Alexis had cornered him into breaking up with her. He should've let her move in the night he took her from Kelly's. He should've kicked Carly out and begged Sam to stay that day in his hospital room. He should've kept her in his arms that night on the terrace. He should've done a lot of things that he hadn't. He had lost Sam because of all of his wasted opportunities and now she was having Lucky's baby. The thought tore at his insides, bringing a fresh wave of nausea with it. The eerie quiet of the penthouse killed him, even with Elizabeth and Cam there. The place was immaculate, not like when Sam had lived there and had left her things scattered about. There was no lingering scent of roses or the traces of laughter in the air. There was only idle conversation, complete with forced smiles, and the smell of heartache in the empty expanse of space. Elizabeth kept a room down the hall, Sam's original room, while Cameron slept in what had been Michael's nursery before it was Lila or Hope's. He could deal with sharing the penthouse, but he would die before he shared his bed with anyone but Sam. All the memories of their time together, the ones he usually locked away in the dark, forgotten corner of his mind, emerged with a furious vengeance. They lurked around, taunting him endlessly, every day of his life, but he had always managed to keep them under control.

They hit him hard, much like they had when he had gotten his memory back after Robin's draining drug treatment. The memory pushed to the front of the line, playing through his mind's eye like a movie with no stop or pause button. The internal volume was turned up full blast with no hope of lowering it, making everything else around him fade away. His arms still felt the weight of her as if she were there with him in the moment. She had spent months scared for him, for what they had shared. She had never given up, even when he had tried to leave town. She had let him go, selflessly sacrificing her sanity and heart in his best interest. Sam had always put him, their love, first before anything else. She had refused to let him do anything but follow her lead, and he had been happy to do so. Her smile had made it all worth it, leading him through all the devastating times in his life that had threatened to break him. He had been so lucky and so blind. He had taken for granted to one thing that he had truly needed, maybe even more than he needed to breathe. The air around him thickened at the thought, his lungs refusing to take in the oxygen his body desperately craved. She had coped with the dangers of his lifestyle so many times before the shooting. She had even gone as far as barging in on a meeting with the five families with a gun in hand. She had been attacked, and badly beaten, by a rival family as a message to him and Sonny. He could vividly remember the dark bruises that had stained her porcelain skin, the tears that had streaked her delicate cheeks even as she had tried to hide them. She was stronger than he had ever given her credit for.

He had chosen his lifestyle many years before when Sonny had offered him the job and she had chosen it the day she had fallen in love with him. She had known the risks, as had he, but she had stayed regardless. He knew that she had never blamed him for her being shot, even if he had ripped himself apart from the inside out. She had put her own wants and needs aside to comfort him, to assuage his guilt over the shooting. But he had pushed her away, torn her to shreds, and fed her to the wolves. Alexis, the dutiful mother who openly treated her daughter like trash and had spent years knifing Sam in the back, and Ric, the psychotic bastard that had locked a pregnant Carly in a panic room with the plan to steal her unborn son and the jealous brother that had pushed Sonny into a massive breakdown like no other before it. They had spent months, even years, cursing Alexis and Ric's existence for everything they had done to them. It had all started before Sam had even come to town when Alexis had strived to push Carly to the side and keep Sonny to herself. It happened again when Ric came to town and began his reign of terror.

The climatic downfall was that devastating night in the tiny hospital chapel when Alexis had verbally, if not physically, attacked Sam for the stem cells, badgering her into a painful miscarriage. Everyone, from the doctors to Sonny himself, had sworn that there was a medical reason for Lila's death. But Jason and Sam had known, had felt it, that it was Alexis' fault. Sam had just left a doctor's appointment, excited for the upcoming birth of their beloved daughter. Everything had been fine and then Alexis had stolen a few minutes alone with Sam, upsetting her until her daughter was dead and Sam barely had an ounce of life left inside of her. A few short days after that unforgettably dreadful night Alexis had pushed Sam into hysteria over the stem cells that Sonny had signed away to Kristina. Sam had wandered up onto the roof in the midst of a full-blown blizzard to escape the pain Alexis had caused. And the icing on the cake of it all was that Alexis and her homicidal husband had shown up at the baby's memorial. A few short months later they had accused Sam of kidnapping Kristina, Michael and Morgan, even though she was struggling with the grief of losing Lila and Hope. Sam beat the charges, helped him find Michael when everyone else was dead, was kidnapped and forced to marry another man in the place of a spoiled princess, and then faced with his heartbreaking memory loss.

A virus, created by monsters pretending to be actual human beings, nearly killed her and took her only true family because Alexis refused to pass on the antidote. Robin, a woman with an unusually weaken immune system, had refused to take the medicine so that others could live. Alexis had taken it, knowing that Sam only had her brother and Jason in her life. And then they found out that Alexis was Sam's biological mother. That was the beginning of the end. He had pushed Sam into finding her mother, knowing that she was happier not knowing. Ignorance could be bliss. That's what she had told him on many occasions regarding the subject, and quite a few others now that he thought about it. She hadn't wanted to form an everlasting bond with Alexis. She had wanted to return to the only true place that she felt safe. She had wanted to bury herself in his arms and never move again. But he had tossed her to the side. He had done exactly what she had accused him of doing. He had thrown her away like trash, confirmed everything she had feared about herself.

The though ripped away that the shreds of his soul, killing him at a devastatingly slow pace. Carly had been right. He cursed himself, yet again, for not going to Sam that night when Carly had begged him to. He'd gotten into his car, driven to the Lake house, parked in the driveway, and prayed to God for an answer. After a good hour or two he had turned around and gone home. That's when Elizabeth had shown up, soaking wet and looking for some sort of salvation. Grateful for the distraction, he had offered everything that he had left inside. It wasn't much, but it was enough to sustain them both. Sam had shown up, prepared to offer him the last chance he was dying for, to find him cradling Cameron on the couch with Liz. He had watched her smile fade, the light in her eyes dim, and had stumbled over the words to explain. Six months later, without a word from her or anyone else, he found her at his door. And she was pregnant with Lucky's baby. He could tell that she was happy, glowing for the first time that he'd seen since the shooting. He didn't know the details of her relationship with Lucky, wasn't sure he wanted to, or how they ended up expecting a baby. He observed her comings and goings. He even sent a guard or two to tail her around town. She was living next door to one of the biggest targets on the East coast and he refused to let anything happen to her.

He knew, and didn't give a damn, that both her and Lucky would be furious if they found out that he'd set up a ghost team of guards to follow and protect her. But he would handle their anger, maybe even take it as a chance to release his frustrations if they ever found out and confronted him. Sonny and Carly had cared enough to give them the other penthouse and to keep their secret. Sam had been either angry enough or scared enough to hide away from him for six long months. He knew that he should follow Carly's advice and walk away. But he couldn't. It was that thought that drove him to his feet and across the hall, his fist poised to knock. He stumbled backwards, crashing into Max, when the door flew open and he found himself staring into her tear-filled, mocha eyes.