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Notes:
If you've read the latest chapter to LM AU - Side Stories, this will be familiar. I tried to make it part of that chapter but it just didn't all fit right. It started as a one shot anyway, so I tweaked it a little and this is the result.
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Ben's kitchen
Bellwood, CA
October, 2000
2:06 PM
"Thanks for that ridiculously complicated explanation, nerd queen." Ben said, lacing as much sarcasm as he could into his voice to go with the glare in his eyes. "I've never heard such a useless description of the metric system! Especially since all I asked was how many ounces are in a stick of butter!"
He turned back to the kitchen countertop and the cookie recipe he was working on. "I'm not dumb, you know…" he grumbled.
"Of course you're not." Gwen answered in a soothing tone as she got up from the kitchen bar stool and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him from the back with her chin on his shoulder. "You're a doofus, is all."
"The doofus making the cookies you insisted we had to decorate."
"Uh huh. My Doofus! For which I am eternally grateful!" Gwen cooed before leaving a lingering kiss on his cheek. "And it'll be fun decorating them! They'll be perfect for the party! You'll see!"
"Yeah right!" he said with his own pleased tone. "But you're still doing the cleanup."
She smacked his shoulder lightly and sat back down at the bar. "Brat!" she said as she went back to painting the haunted house sugar cookie in gray, purple and orange icing.
Ben focused on the new batch of dough again. He knew he wasn't stupid - he learned that from her the first time she helped him with his math homework. He could see the moment she forced him to recognize it as if it were yesterday - that was a shock to him, to be sure, but it was the start of everything in his life changing. Even more so than when the Omnitrix latched on to his arm a few months before that.
It was the third time in eight minutes she tried explaining how algebra worked, and he still couldn't get how a letter worked in a math problem. He knew how to do basic arithmetic - addition and subtraction and multiplication and division were simple, even long division once he got the hang of it. Fractions had initially been tough, but got easier after his Dad showed him how to work with them for recipes. But this pre-algebra number-letter-jibber-jabber wasn't any of that!
She was pointing out a sample problem in the open book between them, forcing him to sit next to her close enough that he could feel the heat on his thigh that was radiating off hers, even through both their pants. Her explanation was mostly lost from that gross distraction alone - they'd sat close together in the Rustbucket's dining booth so many times he'd lost count, but that was because Grandpa took up the entire opposite seat, and the creepy "food" - literally, it wasn't unusual for whatever it was to be moving - he put on the table was more gross than being that close to a girl. Especially his annoying, geeky girl cousin. Now he didn't have that excuse, and his confusion over the weird math only got worse because of his even more weird, messed up reaction to sitting next to her. On one hand, almost touching her leg with his was beyond foul; on the other, the little bit of heat he felt was so much better than the chill in the fall air. If he leaned over just a bit he'd probably feel more warmth from her side…
He bit down on his tongue poking out the corner of his mouth to keep that thought from going anywhere but away! What the hell made him think that! Talk about distracting!
Gwen focused on his text book with a weary look and sat back and sighed in exasperation, just like his teachers did. And he went from confused to lost it like that!
That was IT! That was as much as he was going to take! He'd sat there and concentrated and really tried to get what she was saying. To be as smart as a few of his teachers said he could be, when they weren't boring him to tears with lectures. Even when she started off the study time by telling him he was, even if that was through a sarcastic grin.
But he knew that sound and that look! He got it from all his teachers when they gave up on him! And they all eventually did! Now she was doing it, too! His own cousin, the one person who almost convinced him that she really cared if he learned this crap. What a moron he was, believing her!
"SCREW THIS!" Ben yelled, angry almost beyond words. At himself for being an idiot, at school for rubbing his face in it. At Gwen, for the betrayal. He started to push himself off the ground, wincing because he forgot about his bruised arm. "I get enough of this at school! We're done, dweeb! You don't have to pretend to help me any more! I'll take whatever grade I get, and everyone will know again how stupid I am!"
Before he could storm off, though, she grabbed his uninjured arm and pulled him back. "Ben, wait! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… I know you can do this! I'm just… mad that I can't explain it properly. Don't give up because I'm bad at this!"
"You're bad?!" he said in surprise.
"I'm the one who doesn't get it. I'm too dumb, I can't…" Ben said in a dejected tone as slumped back to the ground, staring at his sneakers.
"NO YOU AREN'T!" Gwen yelled. Ben jerked his head up at her outburst and stared at her in shock. "You are not dumb, or stupid, or anything like that! Don't let anyone make you believe that!" She glared with a fierce expression on her face, but this time it wasn't pointed at him. The look broke and became sad and sorrowful before she also stared at the rocky dirt between them.
"If I were half as smart as I brag about I'd know how to explain it without making you think that." she said after taking a deep breath. "It's not your fault that I can't."
Ben could only gape at her as she sat in front of him, miserable at her inability to be a better teacher. She'd been lording her straight As and honor roll over him for years; seeing her blaming herself like this for not being able to help him was something he hardly ever dreamed of. And, surprisingly, the reality didn't make him feel good like he imagined it would in his daydreams.
She suddenly looked him in the eye after staring at the ground between them and muttered "What if..." She urgently drew a circle in the dirt and put 7 pebbles from a nearby flower bed in it. Then she took a piece of paper and wrote an 'x' on it and put it in the circle.
"Let's try this." she started. "Close your eyes."
"What? Why? What does this have to do with algebra?!"
"Ugh! Come on, work with me, knucklehead! Just close your eyes until I say." Ben closed his eyes, grumbling under his breath.
"There." She said after the paper rustled, then "OK, open up."
He looked at her warily, wondering what she was getting at.
"There are fifteen stones in the circle. How many do you see?" Gwen said, looking him in the eyes.
He looked at the ground, then looked back at her. "Uh, seven, duh."
"Seven, right. So how many are hidden under the paper?" He stared back - why was she talking about what he couldn't see? Gwen's lips flattened into a straight line as she rolled her eyes up, then looked back at the circle. "Fine."
She started taking out the stones one by one, counting backwards from fifteen with each one. "14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8. That's what would be underneath the paper, right? 8 stones?"
"Um, yeah?" Pretty obvious, unless she was pranking him somehow...
"Don't doubt yourself - look!"
He picked up the paper with irritation and stared at the eight pebbles that were uncovered, then stared at her.
"That's it!?"
"Uh huh! Here's what we did - we started with the pebbles you saw" she wrote down a 7, "and I told you there were a total of 15". She wrote an equal sign and 15. "And the x is for the number of stones under the paper. So the equation looks like this '7 + x = 15'. But we didn't know - don't roll your eyes at me, you doofus, just follow what I'm saying! - we didn't know how many stones were hidden by the paper." pointing to the visible stones and the paper marked x as she spoke. "Then we subtracted seven, like this 'x = 15 - 7'. Then we solved the subtraction 15-7=8, and that's the answer" Gwen wrote out each step on the paper as she was talking, finishing with "so x = 8'"
"You're serious?!"
"Ye-ess. … Close your eyes again." He heard the paper rustle again and the sound of pebbles clicking together before he looked. "All right, now you try this one" and she wrote down 'x + 12 = 22' and watched as Ben wrote out the steps leading to the answer.
"Soo, x equals 10". He stated slowly and looked up at her, to see her beaming and nodding her head as she took the paper away, uncovering ten rocks. Her expression, more than knowing he did the math right, made him smile back.
"You got it! Congratulations, you're doing algebra! You just need a more hands on way of looking at it. ... Told ya you weren't stupid!" There was something different in her voice when she said that. He'd never heard that mixture of smugness and pride before, but it was way better than the way she normally talked to him.
She was proud! Of him! He never imagined this would happen. And he never imagined it would feel so much better than when he managed to set her off.
Ben smiled at the memory as he measured out the ingredients for a doubled batch and dumped them in a mixing bowl, then sighed softly. Quite a change from then to now. He learned something far more important than algebra that day - she believed in him, and wouldn't give up on him, no matter how bull headed he acted.
He learned something else that he never would have dreamed of, too.
He liked the feeling that went with that knowledge. A lot.
It didn't go away or fade over time, either. Even though that day was two years ago, she still believed in him; if anything, that had only gotten stronger. She wouldn't let him give up on himself, and the warm feeling he got from her kept getting better.
It didn't matter how big or small his doubts were, either - his Dweeb was there for the little, nagging stuff as much as she was for his soul-crushing panic attacks and nightmares. The ones that lingered from the beginning of their first summer, to his muffled late night phone call just last week after he woke up in a cold sweat. They both counted on each other to help deal with the big stuff - Gwen had her own demons that he'd do anything to make go away, even if all he did was wrap her in a silent hug when he saw her get that sad look and avoided looking at him. It didn't seem like it should be enough to help her, but it did. The relief he felt when she ended up melting in his arms and whispering that she was OK while finally looking into his eyes told him whatever he did worked. Why it worked didn't matter; if it made her smile again, that was enough for him to know.
But sometimes the little things meant just as much. Like the study time they finished before they started on the Halloween cookies…
Ben stared in frustration at the solution to the math problem he just did for the third time. And kept getting an answer he didn't understand, even though he knew he did it right.
He thought so, anyway. Why did he keep getting a result that made no sense?!
"Stupid homework! Stupid Mr Rodriguez and his stupid algebra! Why the hell isn't this working!" he muttered, leaning against the seat with his head back and eyes closed, hands clenched into fists on the desk.
Gwen looked up from the book she was reading and sat up from her place on his bed. "What's the problem, o clueless one?" she teased, her lips turning up into a grin.
He opened his eyes and glared at her. "The problem is, the answer I keep getting for this one doesn't make any sense! I've done the formula three times and it keeps coming up wrong!"
She took her notebook off her raised knees, set it down next to the history book she was taking notes about and got up to stand behind him. "Show me."
"Here!" He gestured at the pages with his answers. "This just isn't working!" he yelled, jabbing a finger at the part of the answer with a square root symbol over a negative four. "What am I doing wrong?!"
Gwen studied the paper for fifteen seconds before declaring "Nothing. You've got it right so far. You just need to finish it."
"Really?" he said sarcastically. "Then what am I supposed to do with this?!" stabbing at the offending term again. "You can't take a square root of a negative number!"
"Oh, yeah, that. … The square root of negative 4 is 2i."
"What?! Where did you get that from?! You can't do that!"
"Sure you can. It's a complex number. Like this…" She reached both arms around him to grab the pencil off the desk and started writing on a blank sheet of paper. A shudder went down his back as she pressed forward and he felt her chest firmly against his shoulders. Of course she didn't notice it, nerding out in her tutor mode; he had to really work at staying focused on what she was saying and not on what he was feeling. Not that he'd complain about either.
"Break up the square root term so you're multiplying the square root of four with the square root of minus one, like this. ... Square root of four is two…" she wrote as she was talking, putting a plain 2 underneath the 4 "… and the square root of -1 is defined to be i" writing the letter beside the 2. "That's an imaginary number." She put the pencil down and looked back at him.
Ben spluttered in spite of his distraction. "That's… There's no such… You just made that shit up! If you don't want to help just say so! … This is an extra credit problem, I just won't turn it in."
"I did not! That's a real thing!" she yelled back. "Well, not real, but a thing, anyway." she mumbled, then said louder "Where's your book?"
"The textbook? Why would I need that?! I took good notes!" He twisted his head up to look at her.
Gwen rolled her eyes. "There's a reason the class includes the textbook, dummy! Where is it?"
He muttered a few choice words he knew he'd still get in trouble for using if his parents heard them as he fished the Algebra I book out of his backpack, opening it to the section on quadratic equations. She leaned down against his shoulders again and flipped a few pages before pointing out a section titled 'Imaginary Numbers' with the square root of -1 = i and an explanation.
"See? It's right there! You did the solution right. Sometimes the term under the square root is a negative number. That happens." she explained in a calm voice. Then her lips curled into a trademark smirk. "It helps to read the book, bird brain! Especially for extra credit problems. Your teacher didn't cover this during class, did he?"
Ben stared at the section, gobsmacked. No, that prick Rodriguez definitely didn't talk about imaginary things during class. Except to sneer at whatever appeared in Ben's daydreams when he got busted cat napping. There really was such a thing as an imaginary number after all, and it solved his problem, just like the brainiac said. He had been sure she was making fun of him, but she was right.
Of course she was! The Dweeb always was. Especially when it came to his math, since she'd already aced it the year before. He groaned as he bent forward, banging his forehead against the desk and then stayed that way, waiting for the blowback.
"Well? … Nothing to say?"
He raised his open right hand in surrender and spoke into the dinged up top, hoping it would muffle his reply. "All right, all right. I shouldn't have doubted you." he said in a miserable way, his face down position hiding the grin spreading across his lips. His hand fell with a thud. "You're right."
"Darn right I am!"
She didn't even try to hide her triumphant smirk, he just knew it. He could almost feel it burning into the back of his head. His penance didn't last long, though, as the next thing he did feel was two warm hands massage his shoulders a few times before rubbing up and down his back and sending another shudder through his spine.
"Don't feel bad, Doofus. It's not the first time I've been right, and it won't be the last!"
Her hands stopped moving just above the waistband of his jeans and lingered for a delicious moment before her fingers turned into spears digging into his sides, making him jerk up and grab her hands.
"Hey!"
"That's for doubting me!" she giggled, pressing her palms against his waist again. "What made you do this problem anyway, if it's not required? It's not like you to do extra work." She smirked at him before she looked over his shoulder again at the rest of his worksheet. "Especially since you got the regular homework right." The pride he heard in her voice made that look and all his work worth it. Even her unfair sneak attack.
Ben ducked his head. "Well, I figured I should get used to doing extra credit so I can get a good teacher recommendation for Arcadia, so I at least stand a chance of getting in. And if I do, I'll need all the help I can get to keep up."
"I've told you, you can get in on your own, Doofus! Still, good call on getting a teacher recommendation - I'm impressed that you noticed that in the application!" Gwen murmured as she rested her chin on his shoulder and wrapped their arms around his chest.
Her recognition of his effort and improvement with his grades made him believe he really couldget into that fancy-ass high school she was going to. And keep up with her, academically; he had to, he wouldn't do anything that could hold her back or hurt her.
Even if his parents were still skeptical about the idea. Since he took it on himself - well, she did help - to find the date for the entrance exam and do the practice test, they agreed to at least let him take the test and see how he did. They were still waiting for the results, but he was going to get a recommendation form done next week, and Mr Rodriguez seemed like the best choice. He had the most improvement in math, and his teacher had been less of a pain in the butt after he got his grade up to a B+. Encouraging, even. And if his coach talked to his counterpart at Arcadia, maybe there'd be a place for him on the soccer team if nothing else.
Then there was the cost. The school wasn't cheap, he knew that was a part of why his parents were hesitant about it. Not the main one, but the one they could talk about without getting all awkward about it.
If only their parents would see how good they were together. How much better he was because of her. The thought resulted in a soft sigh.
Not that any of that mattered. Not as long as she was proud of him and kept making him want to be the hero she said he was. Even if he didn't get to go to the same school as her, he knew his Dweeb would have his back.
"Doofus?"
He looked up from the candle cookie he just finished decorating, a bright yellow flame surrounding a red core, to see a slightly concerned look in her beautiful green eyes.
"You OK? You spaced out on me there for a second…"
Those beautiful emerald eyes that sucked him in and always sent a shiver down his back. He gave her a soft smile.
"Yeah. I'm good. … Just thinking about how I did on the Arcadia test, I guess."
The concern in her eyes changed to that twinkle she got when she felt particularly proud of him, and the warm smile that went with it spread over her face. God, he loved seeing that! And getting the tight feeling in his chest and the lump in his throat because of it. He could do anything when she smiled at him like that!
"Don't worry about that, Ben. I know you'll be accepted!"
He looked down at the table as he put the cookie on a wire rack in front of them, and didn't see her moving closer to him. He did see when her hand took his, and then felt her lips pressing into his for a delicious kiss that he wished could last longer. When she pulled back she had that smile waiting for him.
"Everything will work out, Doofus. You just have to believe!"
Like she did.
He gave her his best smile back. "Yeah." It wasn't enough, she deserved more than what he could give right now. Ben bit down on his cheek to keep from blurting out the words he wanted to say to her. Somehow his kitchen just didn't seem like the right place for that, and he had to get it right.
If his smile could say even half of what he saw in hers, it would do for now.
"Yeah. I do."
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NOTES:
Songs for this story:
When It's Love, Van Halen
Love Walks In, Van Halen
Why Can't This Be Love, Van Halen
When I See You Smile, Bad English
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