Sitting by the window, watching the world pass by. Lettuce dropping things, Ichigo trying not to cry at all the couples, and you, my dear, absently handing Pudding a cookie. I bet I know who you're thinking about.
Her.
Rei, your old girlfriend. Never giving a thought this way, to my direction. I wish you would. But you are always loyal to Rei, who turned away and left you to cook for the masses of people while daydreaming about her. I wouldn't do that. Us wolves are loyal. Loyal forever to those we love. And in the silence of my mind, I admit it. I love you.
The simplest words; the hardest thing to accept. I love someone who will never love me. Just thinking of it keeps me up all night, tossing and turning and wondering where I went wrong. When did I go from calm and peaceful to obsessed with someone who doesn't give me the time of day, for pete's sake! I used to be above all this pain. I used to look down at the lovesick people, staring at each other like they couldn't see anyone else. Now I am one of them. This thought does not reassure me.
Well, I wish I was one of them. But you head back to the kitchen, while pudding delivers a chocolate chip cookie with a smile. One has to wonder why she is so cheerful about serving random people who won't even remember us in a day or two. She doesn't see it that way, though, and no use ruining her fun.
One of us should be happy.
Sipping my tea, watching the outside world. Walking by, never stopping, never hesitating to continue on through another tiresome day towards more ineluctable headaches. I need a different outlook on life. More like yours, my love. Happier. More cheerful. More willing to smile. and not for the camera.
I hate her.
No, not Rei. Someone else. The only person here. staring at me, face impassive. I feel like throwing something at her; breaking her pouty lips in pieces. shattering her like shards of a chimera anima. Her eyes just stare at me, daring me to do it. She knows I can't. I set the glass cup of tea down.
It's me. The girl I see is my reflection in the glass window. But I hate her, because she's fallen in love and is going to get her heart broken. I hate her because she's always so cold. I hate her because she never speaks. I hate her, but there is nothing I can do.
Another day, another grievance. Always, right, Darling? Of course, you enjoy your work. I hate being stuck around a bunch of thoughtless happy people, who have what I don't. That's right; There's something I don't have.
Love. And love is happiness.
well, at least now I have an excuse for being so sad. So when people ask me why I can't just be happy, I can tell them, "I love someone who barely notices me." I'm sure they don't understand. They don't know what it's like. To love someone, and never feel the love returned. In the silence of my mind, I cry. outwardly I whisper to the window,
"I love you."