Hi! Sorry I haven't updated much. I have been in a funk, and I don't know why. I need an antidepressant so I can get on with my life.
Gomenasi: I'm sorry.
This is awkward.
I knew I shouldn't have come, but I did anyways. I should have stayed home, and tucked my siblings in. I shouldn't have put my hair up like this. It's uncomfortable. I shouldn't have worn perfume. It's making my eyes water. I shouldn't have let the girls put lipstick on me. Now I can barely eat or drink. This whole night has been one big mistake from the start, and I should have stayed home. But I didn't, did I? Oh no, I had to come. And now I'm paying for it.
When Ryou announced he was throwing a party, the girls wouldn't hear of me not coming. They found a babysitter for my siblings, and they even chipped in and bought me this spaghetti strap corn-yellow dress and gold shoes with small heels. I shouldn't have let them. Gomenasi for making me waste your money.
But the fact the girls always overlooked, the painful fact, was this: I had no one to bring. Which is okay, I guess. All Zakuro is doing is sending longing looks in Keiichiro's direction. Lettuce has politely declined all invitations to dance, and is staring at the moon wishing the one she loves was here. Ichigo is eyeing the couples longingly, and heaven knows where Minto is.
I wish you were here.
I shouldn't have come. I knew you wouldn't be here. and even if you had, you wouldn't dance with me. I know you.
Lettuce is whispering something to the moon. in my seat by the balcony, I can hear her faintly. No one has asked me to dance, and no one will.
Gomenasi for showing up.
I have barely touched my punch, and I haven't eaten anything but a small cracker, all though it all looks so good. But I don't want to smudge my lipstick. I won't know how to fix it if I do.This seat by the balcony is drafty, but I don't dare move. I don't want them to ask me to dance out of pity. The only one I want to dance with is you. Because you should only dance with the one you like, and I like you. as more than a friend.
But you wouldn't even let us be friends. I don't blame you. You have your future, and I have mine. although staring out into a sea of silk and taffeta, my future looks dull. I wouldn't think so if you were here. I would be having fun, like all the other couples.
Couples. Gomenasi for pretending that we were together.
Do you hate me? Would you have shown up if I asked you? I know you wouldn't. You wouldn't come to the dance with me for a million dollars, dear. Even if I can't talk to you, or be with you, in my mind you are 'Dear.' Because I love you, and wish you were near. Even if we weren't together, it would be enough just to see you looking at me.
I wish you were here.
Gomenasi for wishing.
I don't see Ichigo anymore, or Zakuro. Lettuce has gone silent, and Mint is still missing. I'm alone again. Missing you. Because I am always sad when you remind me we cannot be. But that's okay, if you are happy.
Gomenasi for needing reminding.
The music changes, and everyone switches partners, save a few devoted couples. Gazing into each other's eyes, seeing no one else. Could that be us? In another life, was that us? If so, I want to relive that. I want to go back, and feel your hand in mine. I want to dance gracefully across the dancefloor. I want to see only you.
Gomenasi for wanting.
Gomenasi.