A fun thing i whipped up during a braincramp while writing an essay on the similarities between Perseus and Little Red Rideing Hood. Please don't take this too seriously.
Disclaimer: What part of FANfiction is there not to get?
A MAJOR NOTE: This doesn't take place in the storyline, but let's pretend it's sixth year if Harry Potter had a normal life/education
Collin Creevey jumped back as the gargoyle that Harry said led to Professor Dumbledore's office leapt back, opening the moving staircase. Once he reached the office door proper, he knocked gently, almost too soft to be heard. However, he was granted an "Enter" from the other side of the door, so he opened it carefully, sneaking in.
"Ah, young Mr. Creevey," Dumbledore said from behind his desk, suspiciously positioned to fall directly in the way of a lazy June sunbeam, "please, sit down." Collin gulped and perched on the edge of an overstuffed armchair.
"Now, what is it you wanted to see me for?" he asked, creating a steeple with his finger.
"I came to propose a school calendar," Collin said, stuttering ever so slightly, "you know, as sort of a Christmas present to the families from the school."
"Ah yes, a school calendar, rather popular in muggle schools, aren't they?" Dumbledore said,
"Yeah, that's where I got the idea." Collin admitted, "I already have the pictures and the consent forms from the students in them; and the dates, I have those for each month too." He said, rummaging in his school bag and coming out with a clear plastic folder filled with pictures and papers, "All I need is you permission for use of the school and some way to make the calendars and mail them out. There should be a muggle version of the photos, for, you know, muggle-born families."
"No no Mr. Creevey," Dumbledore said a strange twinkle in his eye as he flipped through the photographs, "You've done enough work, I'll take care of getting these out by Christmas."
December 25th saw a flock of owls scattering out of the Owlery at Hogwarts just after a crate from Firebird Printing was delivered. Each of these owls carried one copy of the first (and possibly only) Hogwarts Calendar to each and every family with a child enrolled in the magical school. A few also went out to old staff members or notable alumnae.
The picture for January was one of a snowfield, pitted by the snowball war between two sides that was anything but friendly. To the left, protected by the castle, Slytherins crouched behind a thick snow wall amassing their ammunition. Their opponents, Gryffindors of course, were huddled behind thinner but more numerous protective walls, each with a snowball or two in hand. To the wizarding homes, the Gryffindors closest to the Slytherins were panting, occasionally one would dash up to a closer palisade. The Slytherins themselves could be seen packing rocks into their snowballs.
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February was, of course, Valentine themed. It was of a third year Hufflepuff boy presenting a girl of the same age and house a heart shaped box of chocolate tied with a bright red bow. The boy (Kevin Whitby) had blond, spiked hair and was thoroughly embarrassed to be openly displaying his affection for the pretty, yet slightly mousy girl with green streaks in her hair (an Eleanor Branstone). Shyly, she would reach out and take the box in both hands before leaning up (as Whitby was a few inches taller) and planting a bashful kiss on his cheek, causing him to blush until his light smattering of freckles vanished before the picture started over. Humorously, beside the small text containing their names, it said that they were now 'a happy, "steady" couple'. Needless to say, Mr. Branstone (who was a tad possessive of his youngest daughter) invited another guest to share Boxing Day dinner, much to poor Kevin's carnage.
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March was a rather depressing one, although hauntingly beautiful. A gorgeous blonde was wearing a thin strapped forget-me-not blue dress under open, too big robes that fell off one shoulder stood under a sky blue umbrella on the lawn. Her misty eyes were half closed and looking directly at the camera whereas her body was at a three quarters profile and several necklaces of fat wooden and deformed glass beads made her look almost like a mysterious gypsy. Her hair floated lightly in a breeze and the rain slightly obscured her figure, adding to her ghostly glow. When they saw this photo, girls were jealous and boys slightly lustful, however, both were shocked and disbelieving when they read the caption and found out this angel was in fact, Miss Luna Lovegood.
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April was a rather odd one, although most of the Weasleys (excluding the Missus) got a good kick out of it. Taken in Hogsmead, outside Zonko's Joke Shop, the four principal characters were Fred and George Weasley, Lee Jordan, and Filch. The three pranksters had their backs to the store wall, Fred (or George) in the middle giving a large, fake smile and a bit of a wave while the other hand was clutching a bag barely seen behind his back. The other twin was standing a little too close to his brother, his own bag peeking out behind his robe, the jokester's hat clearly visible from the camera angle. Filch gave them a sour look, eyes narrowed in suspicion as he walked towards the camera, Mrs. Norris on his heels giving them a look and a hiss too. Lee took the time to pop out from behind the twins and spit a wad of what looked like wet paper at Filch out of a straw, which hit, causing the now enraged caretaker to turn back where the three had repositioned their bag and were trying to look innocent while not laughing hysterically.
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May was a good month for the Longbottoms. It featured Neville in Greenhouse Four, a riot of colour for spring. He had had the sleeves of his robes rolled up and was carrying a potted plant with flowers the size of his head towards the camera. Suddenly, he stopped by a bloated green plant, its green leaves oddly pod shaped. Taking out his wand, he pointed it at the plant and said some choice words, resulting in a shower of red sparks, the plant shuddered, but nothing happened. Frowning, Neville reached into the pocket of his robe and pulled out his dragon hide gloves. Pulling them on much like a surgeon, Neville got into a fighting stance and jumped at the plant, grabbing the point of the pod and digging his fingers in. The plant shook, trying to free itself from his grip, but in vain as Longbottom pried open the pod, which, after it had been opened a few inches, sprang open and became a vibrant pink flower whose edges were yellow. More importantly, a Ravenclaw sixth year fell out of the flower, covered in an equally vibrant green slime with the consistency of molasses. Neville chuckled good naturedly at her and she cracked a smile as he helped her scrape off the slime.
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June was one that Madam Pince probably disapproved on, but couldn't disagree with. A pretty straight-haired seventh year Ravenclaw girl was seated on a chair, a thick book on Potions sitting on her lap. In front of her were a gaggle of desperate fifth years, and nervous first years from all houses (though Hufflepuff firsties made up the majority). They were all probably studying for their exams or O.W.L's. The Ravenclaw was actively tutoring the first years in Potions, and answering question posed by the fifth years on occasion. Overall, it gave you an odd warm, fuzzy feeling inside.
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July was one that was ripped out by many a young witch in every grade and house if their mothers didn't stake claim to them first. It was of the lake during a particularly hot day, as the two subjects (Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy) were dressed in bathing suits. An upset, and slightly wet Malfoy was on the banks of the lake, in a form fitting black suit, baring his fine Quidditch physique, which was a nice sight even if he wasn't quite facing the camera, he had a black snake tattoo that twirled around his bicep and curled up at his shoulder which was currently hissing at Potter, who had obviously just splashed the blond sunbather. Potter himself was standing shin deep in the lake. He was a little thinner than the Malfoy heir (but by no means less fine shirtless), and chose a pair of bright red swimming trucks. A pair of goggles dangled around his neck (as a side note, Witch Weekly had sold like hotcakes once they found out he had repaired his eyesight and had received many letters demanding more Potter) and he was laughing at his steaming rival, who had huffed and turned his back to Potter, which gave the viewer a rather nice view of his very wet front.
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August was a tad muted, probably because you can't exactly find some school event happening during the summer. But it was a rather popular one with younger sisters as it featured a unicorn family in the Forbidden Forest. There was a tall bearded stallion, glancing towards Hagrid's pumpkin patch, the edge of which was visible in the picture, probably looking out for Fang. The mother was nuzzling her golden foal who kept on playfully butting her head. Suddenly, all three looked towards the camera and bolted, probably scared by the click of the film rolling.
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September was probably the most obviously staged, but that didn't stop people laughing at it. It was a second year Gryffindor (Dennis Creevey, oddly enough) opening his Hogwarts letter, the envelope of which he discarded as he opened the letter, he then widened eyed as the letter then continued to fall open and as kept getting longer, and longer, and longer until finally it hit the floor and started curling. By the time it finished, poor Dennis was bugged eyed and gaping. Those students who where present for Gilderoy Lockhart's stint as Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher chuckled a little darkly, remembering their shock at the sheer number of books they were suppose to by for that spineless, brainless git.
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October featured an interesting portrait of the Hogwarts ghosts. The Grey Lady, holding a fat, transparent volume in her lap sat in a straight backed chair with a little knowing smile on her face. The Fat Friar is laughing behind of the Grey Lady, holding his rotund stomach. The Bloody Baron stood to the right of the Friar, his right hand on the back of the Lady's chair and a slight downturn pull to his mouth. Nearly Headless Nick is on the other side of the Friar, a toothy smile on his face and a hand on his sword. Professor Binns is sitting in a chair to the left of the Grey Lady, looking slightly bewildered and unsure of why he's there. Moaning Myrtle is sitting on the floor in front of them, leaning on an arm with her legs curled back to the Professor's feet. Then, out of nowhere, Peeves swoops into the photo, dumping a bucket of water on the ghosts. Nick gets most of it and stands there dripping for a second before willing the water to fall through him before shacking a fist at Peeves, the Friar reacting in a similar fashion but without the fist shaking. Binns jumps and blinks for a second, looking around for the naughty student, the Grey Lady shrieks, shielding her head with her book. Myrtle can be seen crying on the floor and the Baron is yelling at Peeves, who just taps his belled toes and swoops out of the picture again.
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November was of a Quidditch scene, skillfully shot. A Slytherin vs. Gryffindor game, it was of the Seekers caught in a dive for the Snitch. Both boys were stretching for the ball, dangerously close, there was barely a breath between them as the background blurred from sky blue to the yellow of the Hufflepuff stands until Malfoy reached that extra millimeter and snatch the walnut sized sphere out of the air before they were forced the pull up out of the dive. Narcissa took that month to place the otherwise gaudy calendar in a rather suspiciously conspicuous place where guest were partial to notice it when they came in. The rest of the school (particularly those in Gryffindor and excluding those in Slytherin) didn't change the calendar that month for some reason.
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December was a rather interesting one. Featuring the Great Hall with only the one table normally set out for Christmas, there were no students in the photo. The twelve Christmas trees, fat and cozy in the front and tall and majestic in the back, they surround the feast laid out for the staff. Dumbledore, seated in a slightly throne like chair at the head of the table, was chatting to an exaggerating Professor Sybil while Snape and McGonagall were arguing over something while he sipped from a large goblet filled with something bubbly and she ate tiny pieces of turkey piled high in cranberry sauce. Madame Pince and Filch were talking with sour looks on their face, probably about the Weasley twins, their favourite topic. Sprout and Pomfrey were chatting animatedly about something, Pomfrey with a slightly worried look and Sprout comforting her. All in all, it was a lovely picture of warmth and cheer. If you looked at it look enough, you could see the sky darken outside and the enchanted ceiling send down a gentle falling of snow that vanished two feet from the table.
That January, Collin Creevey got two hundred points for no particular reason, and a request for another twelve photographs.