The legend of Zelda:
The Big Fat Git
Link was running…running across the fields of doom…and then…
A musical sound.
"Oh shit man…me mobiles gone off!!" Yelled Link, making all the zombies climb back into their graves, moaning and saying:
"We'll never get this done…"
"Oh for Christ's sake Link man!"
"Ok, Ok I'll do it in a minute…Hi Mum…I'm good, you?...That's good to hear…ok mum….gotta go…see ya!"
And with that, Link disappeared into the distance.
The very next day Link came into a small town called Sheffield. It was making iron there…or was it steel…oh, I cant remember. But yes, it was called Sheffield. So he went to the shop and bought a couple of Coo Coo nuts, which are things that you can lob at people. He then went to the villagers, to ask them about any recent legends. He came across one in particular, which was a story about the BFG…Big Fat Git.
"Hmmmm…sounds very interesting…where can I find this…Beast of this kind?" Link asked politely.
The bloke who answered was REAL goofy, like he had been sucking his thumb when he was little.
"Well, he should be found in the Wheetabix Mountains…but he could be found in the Coco pop bowl." He explained.
"Well…O.K. I'll go have a look." And off he set…
Link climbed the Wheetabix mountains, hoping to find a BFG anywhere…looking under any rock he could find…peering in any cave he could find…until he sat down. He looked about, couldn't see anything, but then…
A tiny man walked up to him. He was about 2 feet tall…very short. He had a long red nose, a green mouth, purple eyes, and a long beard.
"I say young chap" He said to Link "Jolly good weather today, say what?!"
"Ummm…yes…indeed." Replied Link uncertainly. "Actually, I'm looking for a BFG. Have you seen one?" Link asked.
"Just found one old chap!" Replied the man jollily. Link was confuzlled. How could this little man be a BFG? He wondered until the man, as if reading his mind, answered.
"No! Behind you old chap!"
"Who are u calling old you fogie!"
Behind Link was a huge old git. He was hidden by the rocks and was sleeping. But then Link noticed that he had an earpiece listening to their conversation.
"Alright 'ya Big Fat Git. Come out, I can see your earpiece." Link shouted.
"Aww WTF!!!" Yelled the BFG.
"Such language is not tolerated in children's books. You should be ashamed of yourself." Scolded Link.
"Yes Mummy…"…………………