I am determined
The chance overhearing of a private conversation alters Darcy's perspective on one particular young woman during the Meryton assembly. This, in turn, leads Darcy to form his own determination
"You have no respect for my nerves!" Mama screeched, right on schedule. The frazzled woman, receiving no response from her husband, turned her baleful eye on little Lizzy, "LIZZY, you should have finished stitching that counterpane YESTERDAY! How do you expect to catch yourself a husband when you can't even handle such a simple accomplishment?! Why can't you be more like my beautiful Jane? So beautiful! So accomplished! SHE'LL nab an Earl, a Duke, maybe even a prince… but you…"
"That is enough, dear," Papa pronounced, irritably closing his book. "My little clever little Lizzy can accomplish anything in life that she wishes. And her highest accomplishment will NOT be catching a rich man."
"Oh husband, how you vex me!" Mama flounced toward the stairs, "When you are dead and I and my girls are cast out into the hedgerows, we will see then! Your cousin will toss us out and dance on our graves for sure and certain, no matter how clever Lizzy is!" With that declaration Mama stomped up the stairs, shouting , "Hill! Hill!"
Papa rolled his eyes, stood from his chair in the common room, and strode purposefully to his library. The younger girls played on obliviously, but seven year-old Lizzy and her nine year-old sister Jane smiled sadly at each other. Despite the fact that the two girls were divided in the affection of their parents, Jane and Elizabeth were the closest of sisters and the closest of friends. Jane was all that was lovely, inside and out, while Lizzy was loyal, devoted, funny and exceedingly clever. They protected each other, supported each other, and consoled each other in the storm of their parents' relationship.
"Don't take her words to heart, Lizzy," Jane said softly. "When the time comes, I'm sure that you'll find a good husband.
"Oh," Lizzy shrugged dismissively, then straightened her posture as she remembered that shrugging was considered un-ladylike, "I'm not worried about that. I doubt that I'll ever marry. Who would want to from what we've seen?"
Jane thought about that for a long moment before replying, "Not all marriages are like our Mama and Papa. Think about Lord and Lady Baverstock over at Netherfield Park. Susan complains that they're embarrassingly romantic, even after twelve years of marriage. And Uncle and Aunt Gardiner…
Both girls sighed. Handsome Uncle Gardiner had married three years before. During one of Mama's "spells" the two oldest Bennet girls had spent nearly four months in London under the couple's care. It had turned out to be one of the happiest times they had ever had. Not only were the Gardiners deeply in love, but they shared their tender care with their two eldest nieces. Both girls loved their new aunt dearly.
"I suppose you are right," Lizzy conceded, and then proceeded in a manner far beyond her years, "but that is also my point. I am convinced that I shall marry for only the very deepest of loves… and therefore I shall remain an old maid, live with you, and teach your children to stitch counterpanes very poorly indeed." She jutted her chin into the air with mock severity until both girls dissolved into giggles.
From the stairwell above they heard their mother shrieking loudly about her nerves.
-oOoOOoOo-
It began as a perfect, sunny day, a rarity in Hertfordshire this time of the year. Elizabeth had taken an even longer walk than usual this morning. Having heard that Mrs. Hart was still abed after a difficult delivery, Lizzy had determined to carry a gift basket to the family. Mrs. Hart had once been Miss Jamison, the daughter of one of Longbourn's most long-standing tenant families. Miss Jamison, though five years older, had always been exceedingly kind to Lizzy whenever Lizzy had accompanied her father on his monthly visits.
This visit had been difficult, but enjoyable. Mr. Hart was seven years senior to his wife, but he obviously loved her and his children deeply. His concern was evident, but Lizzy's visit had coincided with that of Mr. Jones, the apothecary who also served as the local doctor. He had assured all concerned that Mrs. Hart was well on the road to recovery. Lizzy had lingered longer than planned, helping to set the house in order and organize the children for chores before departing. Now the sky that had been so blue and cloudless looked gray and threatening.
Elizabeth grimaced, then smiled sardonically. Oh well. Like almost everything else in her world, she looked upon the threatening sky with a wry sense of humor. I should have guessed that the weather wouldn't hold. Visions of the disapproving looks of the maids and the mournful denouncements of Mama chased her down the path as she increased her pace on the long walk home.
She heard the carriage approaching, grimaced, but hurried off to the side of the road to allow the conveyance to pass. As she stood there, six inches deep in mud, she caught a glimpse of a very handsome man staring listlessly out of the carriage window.
Just that glimpse gave her the impetus to hurry home and endure her mother's cutting remarks. After all, one did not see a man like that every day of the week.
-oOoOOoOo-
Fitzwilliam Darcy ground his teeth silently while maintaining his usual stony mask of indifference. What he wanted to do was remove his cravat and use the garment to still the incessant, flirtatious chatter of one Miss Bingley. Better yet, he wished that he had ignored his weather sense this morning and ridden his horse instead of riding in Bingley's carriage. He glared over at his friend, hoping that that the man would take his sister in hand, but in vain. Bingley had long ago perfected the art of ignoring the senseless prattling of his sister.
Outside the sprinkling rain became a sudden downpour. Riding Apollo still might have been the better choice, he thought wryly. Instead he contented himself with following Bingley's example and tuning out the man's sister to the best of his ability. For the moment he allowed his mind to drift as he allowed his mind to fret over his little sister, Georgiana, and all that had happened in the last year. Is she all right? Was it a good idea leaving her alone with her new companion? She wasn't truly alone. She was currently ensconced with the Earl and Lady Matlock, though that couple could often be as much a trial as a help.
For example, the reason that he was now on this rough road, riding in a friend's carriage and watching this featureless landscape. The Matlocks had decided that it was high time that Darcy got married and began producing heirs. To that end they had put the word out among a few gossipy associates that the elusive Mr. Darcy was finally seeking a bride. Very quickly London had become a dangerous place for one Fitzwilliam Darcy.
Last night at a house party had been the perfect example of his danger. One particularly aggressive Mama had taken it into her head to force the issue. Therefore she had dressed her daughter in suggestive nightwear and all but dragged the young lady down the darkened corridors to the room where Darcy was supposed to be laying his head. Luckily, earlier in the day a repairman had come to fix a leaking window, so the hostess had relocated Darcy.
What nobody had known was that the carpenter, who was fond of his drink, had ended his day by extracting his flask, drinking himself into a stupor, and taking over the guest bed. The scheming mama yelled, "compromise!" and threw open the bedroom door to discover her young, struggling, screaming daughter trying to extricate herself from the drunken embraces of the fifty year old carpenter had been entertaining to many… but not to Fitzwilliam Darcy. Had circumstances been slightly different, he would have been caught in the parson's noose this very day.
So then, although Darcy had originally declined Bingley's invitation, he now found himself riding far away from London and scheming Mamas. Of course Miss Bingley would be playing hostess at the home where he would be staying, so had he truly escaped or just exposed himself to a greater trial?
Will I ever find someone I would wish to spend my life with?
As he stared out the window, he caught the fleeting glimpse of a rather pretty young woman standing in the rain and mud. Then they turned a bend and the image was gone.
-oOoOOoOo-
As if the carriage ride to Netherfield Park was not enough, Bingley revealed that he had already committed the entire party to attend the local assembly! Would this day never end?!
Unable to get out of attending, Darcy resolved to stay in the shadows as much as possible and avoid spreading his sour mood. That was how he found himself standing in a dark corner beside a large urn when two ladies, one in her late twenties and rather plain, the other younger and quite pretty, sequestered themselves behind the stairs leading up to the musician's loft and only seven feet from his position.
When Darcy realized that they intended to have a private talk, he resolved to leave him position. But then he saw Caroline Bingley wandering past, clearly searching for him. Instead of leaving, he pressed himself further back into the shadows... which was how he overheard their conversation.
"But Charlotte, I don't believe that you are really in earnest! Assuredly, if two people are meant to be together, than there should be some innate sense of it in both of them. I despise all of the arts and allurements that our sex use to gain the attention of men. Attraction should proceed naturally so that, by the time that the man is ready to propose, both are so assured of the rightness of the match that there can be no doubt."
Charlotte shook her head sadly, "It all sounds right and proper, dear Lizzy, but I'm afraid that your ideal is far from reality for most of us. I believe it is best to know as little as possible about the man you will marry. His faults and foibles will come out in time, just as your will. But by being committed already it becomes easier to overlook those faults."
Elizabeth met Charlotte's eyes, "Charlotte, a marriage where two people are unequally matched is the worst sort of disaster, both for the couple and for their children. You only have to look at my own home for the proof. A marriage should be between equals. I want to work side by side with my husband. I want to respect him for his honesty, intellect, and goodness and I expect the same regard from him. I want to adore him and I want to always see his adoration for me… I would dearly love to see him rolling on the floor with our children as my uncle does with his children... and as my own father never did. He must be kind and yet unafraid to be stern when the need arises, to guide rather than dominate me and my children. Both of us must always put the good of each other and our family foremost. I want love, Charlotte, not security, wealth, or position.
"No, Charlotte. I am determined that only the deepest love will induce me to matrimony…" She nodded her head as if to punctuate her point and then her serious face broke into a mischievous grin, "And therefore I shall live to become an old maid, play aunt to both Jane's and your children, and teach them to play pianoforte and embroider very ill indeed."
Darcy, standing in the shadows of the stairwell, watched those beautiful, laughing eyes and felt hope for the first time in years.
-oOoOOoOo-
It was some time later, after the two friends had returned to the fold, that Darcy surrendered his shadow in favor of locating himself near the young woman named "Lizzy" by her friend. He was trying to decide if "Lizzy" might stand for "Elizabeth" or "Lizette" or perhaps "Eloise" when his friend Charles Bingley made his way over to him.
"Darcy, I must have you dance. I hate to see you standing about in such a stupid manner."
Whatever Bingley expected, it was not the response he received, "You are absolutely correct, Bingley. So will you please introduce me to that beautiful young lady right there?"
Elizabeth had been aware of the stone-faced Mr. Darcy all night. Wherever he was, he drew the eye. And when he was nowhere to be seen, her rebellious eyes would not stop looking for him. She had been very intimately aware of his presence near her seat for the past ten minutes. So she was already slightly flushed when she heard the man's surprising words. Who can he mean? Jane is on the other side of the room, so who... And then he was standing in front of her, his eyes searching hers in a most disconcerting manner.
"Miss Elizabeth, may I introduce my good friend Mr. Darcy? Darcy, this is Miss Elizabeth Bennet, sister to the young woman I was just dancing with."
Elizabeth stood quickly to return the tall man's bow with a curtsey. It took her half a minute to find her voice when he asked her to dance. All of the opinions she had been forming about the man throughout the evening were thrown away when he smiled at her and looked at her with those sky-blue eyes.
-oOoOOoOo-
Despite all that people like Caroline Bingley, George Wickham, William Collins, and Lady Catherine de Bourgh could do, Elizabeth Bennet married Fitzwilliam Darcy five days before Christmas. They lingered at Netherfield Park until the holiday was over and then departed north to Pemberley.
Five years later Elizabeth watched in fond contentment as her usually dignified husband moved about their drawing room on his hands and knees, playing horsey for their two eldest children. Their third was snoozing in Elizabeth's lap, sucking her thumb in peaceful slumber.
It was only months after their marriage that Darcy admitted to overhearing her conversation with Charlotte that night at the assembly, "It gave me reason to hope, as I dared not do before, that I had finally found a woman who shared my ideal of a loving marriage and a happy home. From there all that was left was for me to work up the courage to ask you to dance."
"My brave Mr. Darcy. I have difficulty imagining you being afraid of anything," Elizabeth teased affectionately.
"I was not afraid Madame," Darcy answered in a haughty manner. Then he grinned, "I was terrified. Having finally found the woman I wanted, I had to make certain that I was the man you would choose. I am gratified that you accepted me, despite my multitudinous flaws. I am determined that I shall never cease working to be the man who deserves you."
Elizabeth made a reciprocal determination that same day that she would do the same to deserve her Mr. Darcy. And since both of them were people of upstanding character and honor, they never ceased working toward that ideal.
AN: There! I pulled this out of my archives and updated it. Since my last story, "Message in the Dress," did not sit well with everyone, I thought to throw in a digestif to settle the stomach and cleanse the palete.