Title: 逃げる手 - The Hand That Bleeds
Rating: T
Summary: "I don't want to be a Hero. I want to be a Healer. My Quirk is made for healing, like my mom's, not fighting so I train to fight like a Hero to be a Healer. I want to help others to the best of my abilities." Hisoka Matsushita, raised by her mother and who never knew her father, never could quite understand where the path she would eventually take would lead her to.
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Disclaimer: I do not own Boku no Hero Academia. Boku no Hero Academia is written and illustrated by Kōhei Horikoshi-sensei. No profit was made in the writing of this fanfic.
Beta: Ana-DaughterofHades
Now To Answer Some Reviews:
GreyWolfe- Happy New Year's to you as well... almost a month later... Lol. Hisoka will have her ups and downs just like anyone else, just some worse than others... Tsuyu and she will make it through though. ^^ I hope... Thank you for the review. I hope you like the chapter.
Chapter 57
To Loss and Longing
Location: Small Conference Room, U.A. High School, Northern Musutafu, South of Tokyo, Honshu, Japan
Date of Report: October 8, 20XX
Class/Department: Hero Course, Class 1-A
Student Name: Hisoka Matsushita
Date of Birth: November 19th, 19XX
Chronological Age: 15 Years Old
Aizawa: Hello, Matsushita.
Matsushita: [nods] Sensei.
Initial Impressions: 'Matsushita looks more tired than usual.'
Aizawa: How are you?
Matsushita: [sighs] Tired.
Aizawa: Are you not getting enough rest?
Matsushita: I get plenty of rest.
Side Note: 'Lying. More nightmares? It was noted before. How often does she have them? Her grades have not slipped nor have her test scores, not like they had earlier in the year for a time. Has Nighteye's death affected her more than previously thought?'
Aizawa: Is there something wrong then?
Matsushita: [sighs] No.
Aizawa: [raises an eyebrow]
Matsushita: ...
Side Note: 'Does she simply not want to talk? I've noticed that she's been in a non-talkative mood lately.'
Aizawa: Hmmm... Tell me how your internship has been.
Matsushita: It's been... eventful... I've been learning a lot of things and I've got to experience... things I didn't expect. Don't get me wrong, I really do like interning under Recovery Girl and I have learned new things from her and...
Aizawa: And?
Matsushita: [glances away] I... don't want to sound ungrateful because I am. I really, really am grateful for Recovery Girl doing this for me. She took time out of her busy schedule to teach me and I'm excited to work in the infirmary. It reminds me of when I was younger and helped out my mother around the clinic. It makes me happy and I get to help others. It's fun to chat with Recovery Girl about things that I really don't get to do with others... but...
Aizawa: [makes a gesture to continue explaining]
Matsushita: I'm not sure, to be honest... I feel like after what's happened that...
Aizawa: ...it isn't for you?
Matsushita: Yes... No... Maybe... I don't know...
Aizawa: Do you want to do something else then?
Matsushita: I do.
Aizawa: What do you want to do?
Matsushita: I still want to help others. To heal them but I want to do more... Sensei...
Side Note: 'A look in her eyes says there is something more. A challenge?'
Aizawa: Well, there are many different jobs that can help others, from being a caretaker to being a doctor. Your Healing Quirk would be suitable for many different things. It would be valued by others with how uncommon healing Quirks can be.
Matsushita: [frowns] What do you think I should do then?
Aizawa: Take a look at your strengths. While you may have a Healing Quirk, you are at a disadvantage with those whose Quirks give them an advantage in battle, such as Bakugo's or Todoroki's Quirks. They have power Quirks that can easily take down weak Villains.
Matsushita: Yeah...
Aizawa: You, however, have your medical knowledge and your combat experience. I've seen your spars with your classmates. You know how to fight. You know how to use your medical knowledge to your advantage that no Quirk can give you. You've mentioned how your mother taught you, and now you've gained more knowledge from your internship under Recovery Girl.
Matsushita: Mother was the one who taught me how to fight, to defend and heal. I also learned a lot from Recovery Girl like codes or procedures that I think mother would never have thought to teach me. There's still a lot I want to know...
Aizawa: It's healthy to learn, to gain more, but also try looking at what you are lacking as well. Your weaknesses. See what you can improve on or new skills that can give you an edge over those with power Quirks. Try combining things or seeing how you can use what you already have into something new, such as when you thought of your new weapon.
Matsushita: So, basically combine what I have, like my medical knowledge with my fighting?
Aizawa: You can do that.
Matsushita: Soooo... Like a combat medic or a first emergency response Hero?
Aizawa: [nods] One action or thought can take you on a different path than you originally thought. There are many that you can take. There's a lot of opportunities that can pass you by if you don't pay attention so take every opportunity into consideration.
Matsushita: I see...
Side Note: 'Matsushita's agility and flexibility are her strongest suits. Taking advantage of that, introducing her to Parkour might be a good idea. Some of the other students might benefit from that as well.'
Aizawa: I take it you've got an idea now?
Matsushita: [nods] Maybe... I need to think it over more. [glances around] Hey, Aizawa-sensei...
Side Note: 'Matsushita is nervous... hesitant... Why so sudden?'
Aizawa: Hmmm?
Matsushita: Do you think... that I can go see my mother?
Side Note: 'Ahhh... She seems to think I'll say no immediately... Why?'
Aizawa: I don't see why not.
Matsushita: Really? [perks up]
Aizawa: I'll see what I can do. You'll have your answer by Friday, okay?
Matsushita: [smiles] Thank you, Aizawa-sensei!
End Notes: 'She's improved since the beginning of the year and she has the potential to be great. From what I've noticed...her Quirk seems to do more than heal another's wounds. It's subtle but it can restore another's energy, her own included. I think it may be evolving, no matter how slow it seems to be. There have been documented cases where Quirks grow stronger under extreme pressure or even in life-or-death situations. I can't help but be worried.'
Location: Common Room, First Floor of Heights Alliance, South Side of U.A. High School Campus, Northern Musutafu, South of Tokyo, Honshu, Japan
Date: October 8, 20XX
Hisoka let out a yawn, covering it with one hand as her other grabbed the handle to 1-A's dorm building's large door and pushed it open. Once inside the warm and cozy common room and out of the cold, the wind blowing on her backside as she closed the door, brown eyes glanced around. Inside, gathered around on the couches that surrounded the large wood rectangular coffee table were Ashido-san, Kaminari-san, Jiro-san, and Kirishima-san. They were laughing at the cards in their hands as a small black box and two decks, one white and one black, sat on the coffee table.
She glanced to the left and absently wondered why Mineta-san was crying in the corner for a second before she looked back at the small group, the only people in the common room currently, having fun. Hisoka wondered what they were playing...
"Hisoka-chan!" Kaminari-san was the first to spot her and perked up, once desperate yellow eyes lighting up at the sight of her. "Welcome back!" The others looked up, giving out welcomes and hellos once they saw her.
Ashido-san grinned, turning around in order to sit up on her knees as she placed her hands on the back of the couch she shared with Jiro-san. "Hey! Hey! Hisoka-chan! Hey!" She was bouncing like a puppy.
Jiro-san rolled her eyes fondly at the hyperactive girl. "Where've you been?"
Hisoka raised an eyebrow as she walked over to her. "Aizawa-sensei wanted to talk with me."
"Again?" Kirishima-san frowned as he sat down his card. "Did something happen? Are you okay?"
"Nothing happened," she explained. "I'm fine. Aizawa-sensei just needed to talk and go over a few things with me."
"What do you mean 'again'?" Kaminari-san gave them a confused look.
"Aizawa-sensei talks to her like every Sunday, man," Kirishima-san responded to his couch mate. "Dude, haven't you ever paid attention? It's been happening for a few weeks now!"
Kaminari-san shrugged. "Huh... Never noticed."
Ashido-san pulled on her arm, grabbing her hand with both of her own, placing it on top of her fluffy pink hair and patting Hisoka's hand on it as Jiro-san gave a stern look to the yellow-haired boy before she asked, "Besides that! You wanna play with us?"
Hisoka gave in and began to pet Ashido-san's head, making her grin with triumph. "What are you playing?" Brown eyes looked over the cards again. They had wording and fill-in-the-blank sentences/phrases.
"Cards Against Humanity."
She raised an eyebrow, her hand falling back to her side. "What's Cards Against Humanity?"
"You don't know what Cards Against Humanity is?!" Ashido-san and Kaminari-san gasped at each other dramatically. Ashido-san grabbed Hisoka's hand again and tugged her forward gently until the other part of her body hit the back of the couch the two girls shared. "You've got to play with us then!"
"Yeah!" Kirishima-san exclaimed; Kaminari-san agreed with him. "It's a really fun party game."
"We can always use more people to continue beating Kaminari, Hisoka," Jiro-san said thoughtfully, amusement dancing in her eyes.
"Hey!" Kaminari-san pouted.
Hisoka usually went off by herself to her room after her... sessions to unwind. It was easiest without going off on whoever was unlucky enough to be nearby. They always left her tense and she felt like someone was going to get her. She really didn't know why. The... sessions... were supposed to be 'helping' her go over whatever was wrong with her.
She honestly felt that there wasn't anything majorly wrong with her personally. Maybe... She could learn to better temper her anger at times though. (Fantasy was always better than reality as they always said.) Maybe Hisoka should take up meditation. She always heard that it helped clear the mind and helped with things like attention, impulse control, and self-awareness.
Yeah, she could do that.
Hisoka could also hang out more often with her classmates. She had been keeping to herself a lot lately and it has been a bit lonesome. She glanced back at her four waiting classmates before nodding. She could play for a while. "Sure, but how do you play?" Ashido-san pulled her to sit beside her, grinning excitedly and exclaimed how excited she was.
Jiro-san ended up explaining how the game worked. "It's basically where people complete fill-in-the-blank statements or answer strange questions using words or phrases." She held up a black card that said, 'Why am I so sticky?' in one hand and three white cards in the other. "As you see there's four of us, so three of us would choose one of the white cards from our hands. The fourth person, which is me this turn, reads them aloud after the cards are chosen and chooses which statement they felt fit best. The turn rotates every round."
"Okay..."
"So, with this card 'Why am I so sticky?', I can choose from these three - The Kool-Aid Man. Erectile dysfunction. Tentacle porn," she read out loud, glancing at the three white cards in her hand. Jiro abruptly stopped reading and put her hand to her mouth, choking on laughter. "The first one! That one wins!" Everyone watched with no surprise as Kaminari-san reached across the table and collected the black card. The white cards had gone into the growing pile inside the black box off to the side.
How fun.
"Since you joined, let's restart the game," Kirishima-san suggested. Everyone agreed.
Let the game begin!
Location: Funeral Hall, Yokohama City Kuboyama Funeral Home, Motokubocho, Nishi Ward, Yokohama, Kanagawa, South of Tokyo, Honshu, Japan
Date: October 10, 20XX
Hisoka glanced at the group of her fellow students, dressed in their uniforms, talking with the Heroes they had interned under. (It was decided that their Internship program was to be postponed for the time being... Was hers as well then? She really needed to talk to Recovery Girl. There really hadn't been time before). She stood a few ways away to give them some privacy. All Might was near Recovery Girl and Aizawa-sensei as some other Heroes, ones that likely had participated in the raid, were scattered in small groups all around outside.
It was an oddly sunny day for such a solemn affair.
She felt out of place there.
Standing somewhere in the middle of it all - she honestly didn't know how to feel right now - a small red flower was held gently in her hand. She had picked it up on the way there. It seemed fitting.
At least to her.
The Red Spider Lily. Flower of the heavens. Higanbana.
It was supposedly a guide, said in old Buddhist writings, to help the dead through samsara, the cycle of rebirth.
No one had said anything; they had all said their goodbyes. Hisoka simply stood there, watching them all. They all said their piece, some long, some silent, some short, or just simply laid a flower down. Hisoka had yet to do that. She felt out of place here...
Blood dripping down and down and down...
Let it sing to you and pull you deep...
What was she to say?
What was she to do?
In the end, nothing. She was simply there feeling nothing. (What was she to feel? Her mind was numb from the beginning when she offered to come. Why had she come?)
What was she to say to the man she was unable to save?
The one who said it was going to be okay...
The one who likely could have helped far more than...
Her...
Brown eyes looked around. No one seemed to notice her, just a spectator within the abyss of many, and she glanced down at the flower in her hand. Twirling it slowly back and forth in between her thumb and pointer finger.
The flower that liked to grow in hell.
It seemed almost fitting in a way for her to have this. After all that had happened... All that was to come in the future...
She was likely to rot in hell for eternity in the end.
The Red offered no relief.
Hisoka wanted to offer a guide for the man - the one who spoke so confidently on his deathbed, who had stopped her, who said it was going to be...
Just a small token for an easier ride through his journey.
So, she slipped away the flower held in front of her until she came upon the empty funeral hall. The silence dwelled as she entered, the doors closed slowly and gently behind her after a nudge with her foot. (She never saw the pair of black eyes follow her every footstep, silently, and stood inches from the closed door behind her.) The hall was set up in an elegant but simple way. Lilies and chrysanthemums in yellow and white were stacked up high as they surrounded the picture of Sir Nighteye. She stepped forward, slowly like a criminal walking to their judgment day, and stood in front of the picture.
He wasn't smiling, he wasn't serious, he wasn't laughing - he was simply there. He looked almost at peace.
She looked down at the flower again.
Loss...
Longing...
"I'm sorry..." she muttered. What else was there to say to be honest?
There was a lot she was sorry for - motherfamilybloodRedbrokensaddnessguiltStainwantlongingdreamsRedthevergrowinglist - and there were just as many things she wasn't sorry for.
Hisoka really did wonder if she had tried harder, would things have been better? Maybe if things had been different from the start then it wouldn't have had to turn out this way. Maybe if her mother was there or if she had been there from the beginning or if her Quirk had been stronger or maybe... There were a lot of ifs and maybes but that was what they were.
Things could have turned out different, but they were as they were.
Sir Nighteye had died and she had been unable to save him.
That was a fact.
A heavy fact...
Maybe if she had given it her all, to change places, then maybe he would have been alive. He was already a Pro Hero. Someone who had sidekicks and family and friends, people who cared about him. People who missed him. People who cried for him; People who wanted him back so, so much. He already had a life made for him... He had a future. He could see into it. She was only beginning her own...
So, what made the world any different if she was gone if he could live? Would anyone cry for her? Would they miss her?
Would they remember her?
"Would you be mad at me if you knew what I was thinking?" she asked the picture, strongly hoping that it would answer back. Maybe...
Fool.
She screamed.
No one heard her.
Just a fool.
"You don't know me. I only know of you through word of mouth. We never spoke to each other. Never laid eyes on each other. Not at all until you were on your deathbed and yet you told me that everything was going to be okay. How can you be so sure?"
Mirio-senpai and Midoriya-san had told her of his Quirk. Foresight. The ability to see into the future. The ability to accurately predict all of the target's future moves and actions.
All he needed was eye contact.
"Did you see something with me? Did you see something in my future?"
What she'd give to know what he saw...
Would she be with her mother? Would Fumi still be with her? Would she still be with Tsuyu...
Would it be Red?
"Mirio-senpai trusts your words. How can I?" How could it be all right? What was the future for her? "How am I able to know that everything is going to be all right when nothing is at all?"
How many times was she going to fail before getting things right?
"I know I can't save everyone. I'd be a fool to believe that was possible, but it simply isn't. This world would never allow that. But..."
But...
Do people change? Are they able to?
She let out a sigh, staring down at the flower still in her hand for what seemed like hours. "What will the future hold for me then if it ends up as you say it will be?"
Or do they just hide those unsightly parts behind those porcelain masks?
What would happen then?
She didn't know.
There was, however, one thing she knew.
The Red.
His deathbed.
"I guess I'll need to try then... To make sure that the future will be okay, I guess. I mean, if Mirio-senpai believes that everything will be okay then it won't hurt to believe it too," she said as she laid the flower delicately before the photo. "Goodbye, Sir Nighteye. I hope you are able to find peace wherever you end up." With that, Hisoka turned on the heels of her shoes and walked away.
Such a foolish thing to believe. Almost as much for not believing in it.
Hope, no matter how small, no matter how fragile, no matter how dark it was, was hard to kill.
But... who was the bigger fool in the end?
Author's Note: Why do I keep making things end like this? I honestly don't know why… Hisoka is so much more different then I thought she'd become. I honestly had never thought I'd make this story this dark… Well, no going back now. That sail has been shipped long ago!
I've also made a new OC named Aomi Hayashi. Go check him out on my DeviantArt. He seems pretty cool. He's got a really awesome Quirk too! Or at least I think so. Tell me what you think you of him and his Quirk. ^^
REVIEW! Pretty, please!