Margaret sank wearily onto her bed, feeling the best she had in months. Hawkeye had gone way out of his way to make her feel special today. After they had gotten back from the picnic, he had taken her to the officer's club. She received a few small gifts and, much to her embarrassment, they sang Happy Birthday to her.
The only bad part of her day was Frank's constant pestering. He did not let up the entire evening. At first, he only whined and pleaded with her. However, when he saw she was not going to give in, his comments quickly turned to nasty cracks at her character and lifestyle. Towards the end of the evening, in a final state of wounded pride and furry, Frank had called her a slut and a whore before angrily stomping back to the swamp.
Margaret had sat in total silence, trying not to give in to the tears threatening to spill. Then Hawkeye asked to dance with her. Margaret sighed happily remembering that dance. She loved being that close to him.
Margaret frowned suddenly as she realized what she was doing. Margaret Houlihan you stop it this instant! She commanded herself. Captain Pierce was being friendly so he took you on a picnic for your birthday. That is all there was to it.
Margaret got off the cot and stripped off her clothing. She was just about to slip into her pajamas when there was an urgent knock on the door.
"Margaret, it's me, can I come in?" Margaret slipped her robe on instead and opened her door to let Pierce in.
"You still hate his guts don't you?"
Margaret stared at him blankly. "What are you talking about?"
"Frank," Hawkeye exclaimed, a devilish smile on his face.
Margaret smiled excitedly; she knew what it meant when Pierce smiled like that. "What do you have in mind?"
"Hawkeye, isn't this going a bit far?" Margaret asked, tugging on his sleeve. Hawkeye looked up from his "project" and smiled.
"Nobody calls my Major Baby a whore and gets away with it." Margaret blushed for a moment remembering Frank's painful statement. She looked up at Hawkeye and smiled.
"All right, let's do it."
Frank woke up the following morning feeling extremely hung over. His head felt like it was about to explode. He opened his yes and then blinked again. A few Korean women were standing below him, watching him curiously….wait a minute, below?
"Colonel Potter!" Frank screamed as he realized he was hanging from the flagpole. Frank looked down at his attire and turned bright red. He was dressed in Klinger's silky, bright red nightgown His fingernails were painted a matching red. A mirror was hanging around his neck, a note attached to the back. Frank grabbed at it, looked at his face, and screamed again. His face was almost white with caked on make-up. His eyes were lined with bright blue eye shadow, his lips coated in cherry red lipstick.
"Colonel Potter help me!" he screamed again. Radar and Klinger ran outside, and burst into laughter. Soon the entire camp was gathered underneath Frank, with the exception of Hawkeye, Margaret, and Colonel Potter.
Radar ran off to get Colonel Potter just as Hawkeye stepped out of the swamp and headed for Margaret's tent.
"Hey Hot Lips, it's time to review our masterpiece." He said, knocking lightly. Margaret stepped outside and accepted his arm as they headed towards the crowd.
"Aww Frank what a shame," Margaret called out to him. Frank's head jerked up at the sound of her voice.
"Margaret look at what these low-life's did to me!" he whined, hoping to gain her pity.
Colonel Potter joined the group, trying his hardest not to burst out laughing. "Pierce, you went too far this time. How are we supposed to let him down?"
Hawkeye put his hand on the Colonel's shoulder. "I would love to take credit for this marvelous make-up job, but I cannot."
Colonel Potter eyed him suspiciously. "Are you telling me you had no part in this?"
Hawkeye shrugged. "Well, I had to help a little; there was no way she could get him up there by herself."
Colonel Potter grinned. "You mean…" The co burst out laughing, much to Frank's despair.
"Margaret…" he began again.
"Read the note Frank." She ordered in amusement. Frank ripped the piece of paper off the back of the mirror.
Frank, I would love to help you out right now, but with my reputation as a slut and whore, I am trying to avoid the company of other men. Sincerely, Margaret. Oh, nice make-up by the way. I think I did an excellent job with the eye shadow. It really brings out the color of your eyes.
Frank looked down at Margaret in horror. Could she really have done this to him? Margaret walked over to the group of Korean women and motioned to the eldest woman, who appeared to be about 70 years of age.
"We auction you off for the day Frank." Margaret shouted, loud enough for the entire camp to hear. "This woman won you for eighteen cents." Frank's cries of protest were drowned out by the roaring laughter of the camp. Hawkeye walked towards Margaret and offered his arm and the two of them walked into the mess tent, supporting each other as they doubled over with laughter.
Colonel Potter made his way to the flagpole, tears of mirth streaming down his face. "Klinger, go get a ladder so we can cut this boy down. We need to give this woman her newest hired hand."
Normally Potter would not approve of such a ridiculous stunt, but he had been boiling mad at Burns last night, with the way he was treating Margaret. He was glad the Major had stuck up for herself.