3

Tainted Oasis for a Poisoned Person

Another, another, another. Satoko didn't slow down this time as she searched through fragment after fragment. If it got a little boring sometimes, if the sequence of events were being manipulated by another entity, if she wasn't even in Hinamizawa, the fact no sign of Rika had been found in what had to be thousands of fragments, though she hadn't been counting - none of that mattered. After all, as long as she kept at it, wasn't she guaranteed success eventually?

Walking into school with Satoshi, Satoko scanned the area. There were a fair number of students, so this had to be a world where the dam project had been stopped. Was Rika among them?

No. However, Maebara Keiichi was. Satoko raised an eyebrow. Worlds with both her brother and Keiichi were rare, though not nonexistent. In fact, despite the status of the dam project, Keiichi himself had become a rare sight. How many fragments had she searched since she'd last seen him? "Keiichi-san, good morning," Satoko greeted.

"Oh. Yeah." Keiichi stared into space, perhaps distracted by his thoughts.

"Don't you know how to properly greet someone?" Satoko criticized, sighing to herself.

"Huh? I said good morning, right?" Keiichi said, only a slight sense of annoyance adding to his overall disinterest.

"You didn't," Satoko informed. It was easy to guess from the boy's demeanor that the two of them weren't really good friends here. The club may or may not exist, and he may or may not have joined it. Well, at least he could be used to gain information. "So, have you seen Rika lately?"

"Who?" Keiichi asked.

"You know. My very best friend," Satoko said.

"I don't know everyone's names yet, you know that..." Keiichi muttered.

"Right," Satoko said. She hadn't gotten her hopes up anyway, though him not knowing anything didn't mean much. "So, Keiichi-san, can you tell me why you decided to move to Hinamizawa?" she asked.

"My parents decided, not me," Keiichi said. His expression lightened. "My dad said he saw a girl having fun or something. Made it seem like a place he'd like me to grow up, too. Was that you? Na, probably someone more ladylike."

If he thought he'd annoy her with the taunt, he was wrong. Satoko appreciated the nostalgia that came with the banter, even if she wasn't in the mood to continue it. "I see," she said before turning away. Sitting down next to Satoshi, she thought of the idea a little more, realizing the connection to her goals quickly.

Rika had been the one Keiichi's father had seen.

Satoko observed the room further, hoping to see her. She studied every single person there. Rika wasn't among them. After school, Satoko approached Chie. "Do you want me to take work to everyone who's absent?" she asked.

"Everyone's here today," Chie said, obviously confused.

"Of... Of course. I was just checking," Satoko said. She went and changed her shoes, then ran past Satoshi. "I have other priorities today, I'll see you at home," she said.

"Wait, Satoko!" Satoshi called.

But Satoko didn't wait, going right to the Furude Shrine. Knocking on the door, Rika's mother answered. "May I please see Rika?" Satoko asked.

As the woman's face changed to a perturbed expression, it was safe to assume that Rika wasn't there. Satoko didn't waste time, going to make an offering at the shrine. After all, just because Rika wasn't here, it didn't mean another Furude was also absent. "Furude Hanyuu!" Satoko shouted. "Show yourself!"

Satoko waited, but the apparent god didn't appear at all. "Where could you possibly be?" Satoko mused. "Where are you, Miss... Well, what did Rika call you? Useless god? An apt description. Come out, if you value your sanctity at all." Though perhaps it might upset Eua as well, if the other entity happened to still be observing at all, Satoko got to work at destroying what she could of the shrine before others came and stopped her.

Their anger or whatever other emotion didn't matter at all either. Satoko kept calling for Hanyuu, taunting the entity as much as possible. She became a heretic in this fragment, mocking and deriding their god as much as she could. After all, it seemed that 'Oyashiro-sama' had deserted her, be it in one form or another. Let the religious zealots come and kill her for her blasphemy.

Except they didn't, and Hanyuu didn't appear, so Satoko exited the stage by herself. "What a stupid god," she said to herself. Even holding such power, Hanyuu had given up on her goal of saving Rika. It had taken everyone else's efforts to do so. So, what ought Satoko to expect from such a pathetic entity? She could make it to the next fragment herself, with infinite time and energy to search.

"Satoko."

Satoko opened her eyes at the sound of the familiar voice. She'd figured she was in the next fragment, but instead found herself in the strange zone in-between fragments. Turning, she saw the presence of the one she'd been demanding. "Oh?" Satoko blinked, trying not to show too much interest. Though her appearance now was something different, Hanyuu had proven herself to be overall worthless. Even so, wasting the opportunity by ignoring her completely wasn't wise. "Furude Hanyuu-san. It's been quite a while. I'd just given up on you, seeing how you ignored me."

"I was there the whole time!" Hanyuu insisted, hints of tears in her eyes.

Hanyuu's crying really was cute, unlike Satoko's own bawling, which pissed off even herself when going through previous fragments. Even so, Satoko turned from the boo hoo-ing, unmoved. "Speak up next time," she said.

"I know you know why I couldn't. Rika was the first who was able to speak to me in many years. I was there, but no one at all could see me, hear me, except vaguely when suffering from Hinamizawa Syndrome. It was frustrating for me as well!"

"At least you know you were frustrating," Satoko said, turning back to Hanyuu. "Next time I want to see you, should I inject myself with as much H-173 as possible?"

"Don't! You absolutely shouldn't resort to that!" Hanyuu said.

"Don't worry," Satoko assured. "Just a joke, since I can't see a reason to see you again at all. Though I'll entertain you now. Go ahead and tell me why you acknowledged me."

Hanyuu nodded. "Satoko, please listen. I want you to find your peace. I know Rika would want the same as well, despite everything. It's okay to stop this... I couldn't see into your last situation completely, but I thought you might have found happiness there. Why did you leave? Please, just stop. For yourself, not anyone else. There's no need to have an endless grudge."

Satoko folded her arms, glaring forward at the one responsible for most of Hinamizawa's misfortunes. "You'd know a little something about keeping a grudge, wouldn't you? Isn't it your grudge what causes Hinamizawa Syndrome? It must only exist in fragments you are able to peak in on."

"That's correct," Hanyuu said. As Satoko raised an eyebrow, she continued. "That's how I know, better than anyone else, that this harms others - and yourself! Forgive Rika! Please, let her go! There's so many other, better paths to happiness."

"What would you know," Satoko said blankly.

"I know much about both you and Rika. Rika's a flawed human who won't be able to give you the complete happiness you seek. Only you can do that. You have that power, had it long before you ever had the powers of a looper."

"How kind you are, Hanyuu-san, offering me your very best platitude," Satoko said. "Too bad it's crap."

"Satoko-"

"Not all of us have people worshipping up as goddesses, falling in love with us even as we rise out of a swamp as a literal horned demon to kill them."

"That's not what happened!" Hanyuu protested.

"I've heard enough from you," Satoko shouted back. "For someone who should know so much, you really know nothing! If your grudge was worth however long you spent on it, mine is worth however long I want."

With that, Satoko went to the next fragment, hoping Hanyuu was fuming. The goddess hadn't been that bad when they'd interact on a human level, but if she wasn't going to help Satoko finally reach her goal, she could stay away. She might be an often present voyeur into their lives, especially Rika's, but that didn't mean she was perceptive enough to understand Satoko's situation at all.

Satoko was a no good child, after all. Her mother would have been much better off with only Satoshi, and her brother, though he cared for her, would have been much better off himself as an only child. She brought misfortune and suffering wherever she went. Her existence was a heavy burden to all. Except Rika, of course.

Satoko hadn't trusted the first fragment Rika had reached out her hand. She'd been taken away, left Hinamizawa rather than trust Rika's invitation to stay together at all. That would be how, outside Eua's influence, in a world without Rika, Satoko ended up at such a place. Rika's offer was the only thing preventing her from having a place to stay without another family's member's presence in Hinamizawa.

But Rika had made the offer. As a looper, even knowing how Satoko had previously refused, Rika made the offer again, her voice shaking, likely recalling how Satoko had harshly rebuffed her in the previous loop.

But that time had been different. "Oh my, you certainly seem lonely in that little place," Satoko had managed to say. "You really need the company, don't you?" Even though Satoko had basically insulted her, Rika's face had lit up in response. "Well, I don't mind joining you," Satoko had admitted. Rika honestly seemed ecstatic about Satoko accepting, and rushed to show every aspect of the small dwelling they'd share together.

Once they'd started living together, Satoko still hadn't trusted Rika was genuine, that the town's favorite wouldn't just get annoyed and abandon her one day. Satoko had taken it one day at a time then, building her own hidden shelter in the woods to be used as needed. But it hadn't ever had to be. Rika never showed one sign of wishing Satoko was gone. Eventually, though not all in the same fragment, Satoko had changed. She learned to trust that Rika would be there for her. That really had seemed to be the case. The time spent building her shelter became time spent playing games or designing traps. She didn't need to be preoccupied with too much else.

Eventually, Satoko would make it back to that blissful time, with the person she truly connected with. Rika would never give up on her, so Satoko wouldn't either, despite her recent sidetrack. How many more times it took didn't matter. How many more times would she have to die in order to find the beautiful, sweet Rika again? All of the pain, physical or otherwise, that was felt in the moment would be erased then. Rest wasn't needed right away, as it would be found eventually in the world she and Rika would finally end up together.

So it was time to keep going. This time, there was no need to pause and complain or get discouraged. Rika wasn't there? No need to cry or even interact with anyone else. It was just another failure world. She could just reset an endless amount of times before reaching success.

"Wake up," a harsh voice hissed.

As Satoko opened her eyes, she felt disoriented a moment before recognizing the outline of the quaint dwelling from the moonlight that peeked inside. Though that was a relief, the presence of the voice kept her on alert too much to consider things further. "Who's there?" Satoko asked.

"One of the cruelest people you know."

Satoko turned her head around trying to see if this was who she suspected, or likely hoped for. As she moved, she realized her hands were tied behind her. "Rika?"

"Oh? So you recognized me just from that description." Rika stood above her, dressed in her pajamas, frowning as she looked down.

"We're finally home..." Satoko realized in relief. Rika was acting weird, but how could that be bothersome when the desired person was right here? "Thank goodness."

"Thank goodness?" Rika repeated. "I have you at my mercy. Perhaps I'll spill your guts out now, just for fun. Is that your thing?"

Satoko smirked. "So you've figured me out?" she asked.

"It took a while, but I eventually did," Rika said.

"You must be angry then. Kill me if you must, but at least I know now that it's possible to see you again," Satoko said.

"The contrived way we were able to meet again could indeed happen a second time, though the possibility is insanely low," Rika informed.

"See? I'll find you," Satoko promised.

"Why?!" Rika demanded loudly, kicking Satoko in the stomach.

After getting her breath back, Satoko spoke. "Why? You have the nerve to ask me that?" Satoko glared up hatefully. "You abandoned me in that hell hole to go and play friendly with your more refined friends. Why did you drag me to your school where you'd pretend to be someone else and I'd just be overlooked and overworked? You left me alone! You took for granted what Hinamizawa gave you! What I gave you!"

"Right. You're completely correct. So why are you still searching for me even now?!" Rika demanded.

Satoko forced herself up, glaring at her friend, or as much as she could see in the limited light. What kind of answer Rika wanted, she wasn't sure. "Why do you think?"

"You prefer girls?" Rika said. "There's plenty better than me. You had one already, didn't you?"

"I prefer Rika!" Satoko shouted, pulling at her bonds. "I want to be with you, no matter what that means."

Rika leaned down, shaking Satoko by the shoulders. "Why are you expending so much effort on a rotten person like me?" the formerly long-lost miko demanded. "I'm everything you say! A terrible person that would abandon you to go and pretend she belongs at some elegant boarding school. Let go of ever getting anything decent out of me."

"I don't care," Satoko said as she stood up. "I was angry, I'm still angry even, but that isn't enough to get me to give up the person I love. It's the same for you, isn't it?"

Rika shook her head, pushing Satoko, who fell back again on the futon. "This isn't the strong Satoko I know."

"Excuse me, but I've never been strong at all," Satoko said, looking to the side.

Rika sat down next to her, touching her shoulder more gently this time. "Satoko, you're one of the strongest people I've known. Even this ridiculous situation proves that." Rika sighed, moving her hand away as she stared at their floor. "I'm the weak one of us. You've seen so yourself, haven't you? I've given up over and over again, then let any little thing discourage me. I relied on Hanyuu and others to propel me. But even when you were broken and alone, you kept looking for a way forward. I couldn't have done that. Even with all the years you've been searching for me, many more years than a human should live, you never gave up." Rika pounded the floor. "I don't want to see Satoko in that kind of hell for me! Just give me up, already!"

How much did Rika know? It seemed like a lot, maybe everything. Well, the voyeur Hanyuu had mentioned being around, and could easily see what Satoko had been up to, then relay that. The specifics didn't matter to Satoko, just that Rika still loved her, and it was mutual, of course. However, Rika's mindset, though not completely treacherous, was warped, forgetting something very important. "Why don't you do the same?" Satoko asked. Rika looked up, her eyes reflecting the moonlight, the shocked expression clear. "I mean, why didn't you give me up?"

"I couldn't-" Rika began, almost choking on her obvious hypocrisy. "When I woke up in a world without Satoko, it was my worst nightmare. I wanted to know what happened."

"You're off track. I'm talking about long before," Satoko said. "Well, perhaps you don't remember that fragment. All I asked was for you to choose. The school or me. If you wanted the school so much, you should have just chosen that. Then I could have been free. And if you wanted me, you should have stopped wanting to go to that school instantly. And now you lecture me about giving you up!" Satoko clenched her jaw.

"Right. I wasn't willing to," Rika admitted.

"Did you see me as your prize for all of what you went through? What about my feelings?" Satoko continued, unfazed by the admission.

"Right. I saw you as part of the happiness I deserved," Rika again admitted guilt. "I wanted Satoko by my side forever."

"So why didn't you fight for me at St. Lucia? Why did you just let us grow apart?" Satoko asked. She struggled to get free, again finding her bonds too tight.

"Because I'm not willing to try and force anything," Rika said. "Should I have made your grades my business because I wanted to? I just thought, if Satoko is pushing me out of her life, so be it."

"Oh? So now you're trying to turn me into the hypocrite?" Satoko griped. She pulled again at her wrists, instead just hurting herself. "If you... If you..." Satoko began, realizing she was starting to cry in the unsightly way she always did. She forced herself to continue speaking through gasps. "If you really didn't value me, you should have been the one to-" Satoko stopped, now crying in an embarrassing fashion though she tried to stop herself. Eventually, she realized that Rika had embraced her, then untied her hands at the same time. Satoko wiped her eyes before hugging Rika back. Though anger still remained, it was good to see Furude Rika again.

As their hug broke, they sat quietly. Rika eventually stood, turning on a light before sitting down again with Satoko. "What would you want from me, Satoko? If you could have anything?"

The thought, though ever present in her mind, seemed like a far off idea at the moment. However, Satoko was able to answer. "Nothing special," she said. "Just an everyday life... Finding what makes it exciting, together."

"That's the kind of life I wanted too," Rika said. "It seems we really break it all apart for each other, doesn't it?" She stood up, opening the drawer to the kitchen. "You really would be better off without me, Satoko. This time, try your best and find happiness without me, will you?" There was a sound of metal against metal as Rika took out the knife.

Satoko ran as quickly as possible, pushing the object away before tightly grabbing hold of Rika's wrist. "There's no way I'd be better off without you," she insisted. "Don't you dare run off now after all I've been through to find you!" They stared in each other's eyes defiantly. "If you're better off without me," Satoko began. "Tell me now. I'll leave you alone. But no more lies, no more running away!"

Rika touched Satoko's arm with her free hand. "You say don't lie," she said. "Well, it's not possible for me to say I don't want you in my life. I wanted to move on to something new with you. Why don't you be the one to choose? You can take responsibility just as well as me. Do you prefer me or Hinamizawa?"

Satoko loosened her grip on Rika's arm. "Rika," she began. "Even if it's just for now, can I choose you? I need some time."

Rika nodded. They got into their futons next to each other. Satoko kept staring at the girl next to her. Having to become familiar again with something that was already familiar was so odd. Was Rika really next to her? Thinking about it, Satoko even dozed off. She woke herself up soon enough, turning over to see if the long sought person was still there. She was. Satoko crawled over to her, leaning down.

"Oh?" Rika sat up, grabbing Satoko's arm. They wrestled before Satoko let Rika pin her down.

"You were awake?" Satoko asked.

"Should I let my guard down around my favorite murderer?" Rika asked playfully.

"Yeah," Satoko spat out. Rika released her, standing up and stretching. Satoko tensed up. Was she about to leave?

Rika just went and got her school uniform. "We might as well go," she said. "Before someone comes looking for us, I mean."

That seemed sensible enough. Satoko got on the uniform and left, walking to school side-by-side with Rika for the first time in many years. She marveled at the reality. Rika was right there, and looking so normal. How could she trust it and believe what she'd wanted had really returned to her? Satoko again fought back tears. At school, after being scolded for being late, Satoko had to fight her jumpiness, her urge to grab at Rika's sleeve the moment she stood up to use the bathroom. When Rika was gone, she felt terrible. Satoko noticed the same pattern as the week went on. Even her other friends noticed and teased her for her reactions.

Had she really become this person again? The kind that clung and cried for others to save her? Was she going to cry to Rika upon feeling rejected and abandoned again? The idea wasn't appealing. Was that why she'd been resetting things so many times, just to have someone else to lean on until they broke? She considered it before in her frustration, but did it really fit to have Rika be as broken as her?

As they left the school one day, going down the path to a more secluded area, Satoko turned to Rika. "I've thought about it," she said.

"What exactly?" Rika asked, turning her head.

"My choice," Satoko said. Rika stopped walking, staring back at Satoko blankly. Feeling put on the spot, she couldn't say anything for a moment before she finally forced herself. "What if I want both as well?" she asked.

"Oh?" Rika smirked. "You were just criticizing me for that wishy-washiness."

"Well, I mean, you could go to the school... Or somewhere else. But that doesn't mean we'd have to be apart forever," Satoko said, looking away. "You wouldn't forget me either, would you?"

"How could I?" Rika asked.

"Yeah... So I could live with it. I'd find another way to get you back. I'd endure, until we met again."

Satoko looked back as she felt Rika's hands grabbing her own. "Don't just endure," Rika said seriously. "Live - Find new friends, hobbies, maybe even a new girlfriend. Anything that's satisfying for you. Take as much happiness as you can. I know you can find a kind of life you can enjoy!"

"Right," Satoko said, her voice cracking. She forced herself to speak again, injecting as much energy as she could into her voice. "I'll be able to find something appealing." Rika nodded as they continued on their way.

Satoko could accept Rika's sentiments, but didn't believe what she said. How much happiness was out there? What they'd found together was one of the rarest things in the world. Even so, maybe it was worth a try. Time to roll the dice in this lonely world, for Rika, and also herself.