Chapter 2: Hidden Feelings

"So, I think we never had the chance to talk about what happened in Africa. How did you meet Kem?"

"Well, I… she caught my attention since the first time I saw her. We had so much fun. But I think that I never loved her. That's why I'm back. I realized that, in my whole life, I only loved one woman"

I knew he was talking about me. I didn't wanna accept, but it was too painful for me to see him leaving to Africa.

"You know, getting over you was the hardest thing I ever did"

Sometimes I still think I love him, but I won't let myself go through this again.

"It was for me too. But we can start over" – he said, grabbing my hand.

He was leaning over to kiss me and, for a moment, I was moving towards him. But, suddenly, I pulled back.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this. I promised never to go through this again. It's good this way"

"I understand"

Something was unfinished between us. Something that, now I was sure, he felt. I never forgot him, but I didn't want to show weakness and pain. That's for disestablished people. I'm not one of them, although I seem to sometimes.

Should I let this happen?

"Look, I'm really sorry. I should have stayed with you when gamma died, instead going before my brother. I screwed up. You were always there for me and I wasn't. I guess I never got the chance to make it up. I wanted you to know that it wasn't easy for me either. It was hard to see you leave and know that it was my fault. I went to the airport the second time you came. When I saw her, my heart broke. I didn't want to accept that you were in love with somebody else"

"Abby… I… didn't know"

I fought against my tears. I couldn't show that I still had feelings for him.

"Carter… I… I don't know"

"I love you Abby. I always had" – he took my hands.

"Then why you left?"

"I don't know. I mean, you already said. I was hurt that you preferred to be with brother instead of me"

"You knew he was the only constant thing in my life. The only thing I could ever count on. I thought I could save him. And I still regret for making the wrong decision. I knew how much gamma was important to you"

"You did what you thought right"

"I got confused when you said you weren't going to be waiting in the sidelines to Luka and me break up. When I finally did, I saw you kissing Susan. That hurt me. Then I promised myself never cede, but when we were isolated, I couldn't pull back. I stood still, waiting for you to kiss me, just like now"

He leans over and kisses me.

"I knew you'd be jealous"

"But you have to say that something else happened with Susan"

"I thought so. But, with you I knew true love. I was an inconstant person, I fell in love with everybody. Forgive me"

"You're forgiven" – I answered.

We were getting closer e ended up kissing. In two years, I felt love again.