Chapter 4: In Pain Again
Next day…
"Hey, I thought you'd drop Emma at my house"
"Oh well… the date didn't go the way I wanted"
"I'm sorry. But who was the lucky guy?"
"…"
"Oh no! Carter again?" – she screamed
"Not out loud!"
"Did you… you know?"
"Almost, but no"
"Does he know he's Emma's father? Are you guys together?"
"No and no. He was in doubt, then I told him to go back to Africa"
Susan just hugged me, and I cried again.
"I'm sorry about this"
"I know"
"I just wanted that he had stayed in Africa and went away from my life for good"
"…"
"I mean. I'm not a toy. He can't play with my feelings and make my life a mess every time he decides to show up"
"I understand"
"I need to get back to work" – I said, washing my tears away
And I'm going to talk to Carter"Carter, I finally found you"
"What's wrong?"
"We need to talk"
"About?"
"…"
"Oh… ok"
"So, you think you can show up in her life saying you love her and then pull back?"
"Susan… I…"
"Carter, you don't know how hard it was for her to get over you"
"I know"
"So, why you kissed her? And why you said you could start over? Did you know she could fall in love with you again?"
"Susan, look, I'm giving Kem another chance"
"You what?"
"Yeah, she called. We're trying to work things out. I'm going back to Africa"
"Oh… I didn't see that coming. I'm happy for you, Carter, but…" – Susan put her hand on Carter's shoulder – "…She's falling in love with you, Carter. And you know you can't leave before solving the things with her"
"I can't"
"There's much more than you see"
"What?"
"You'll figure it out later. Just talk to her, right?"
"Right" – he answered, heading to the doctors lounge – "Now what? What should I do?"
"You tell me"
"Oh… I… I didn't know you're here"
"Yeah, I was just thinking a bit" – I said, washing my tears away – "Now I need to go back"
Suddenly he held my arm.
"I think we need to talk"
"Fine. Go ahead" – I said, sitting
"Look, I'm going back to Africa"
"Oh… good for you"
"Kem and I are going to try again"
"I'm glad for you" – I said, disappointed
"Really?"
"No!" – I yelled – "I was hoping you had a crush on me again. But you didn't. I didn't get how could you want to stay with me and then pull back"
I couldn't fight against my tears, so I just let them fall
"My life isn't a place where you can show up and make it a mess anytime you want, Carter"
"I'm sorry. I need to think about things and rearrange them. But one thing is certain. I love you. I just need to know that it's for real"
"Then don't go" – I said, resting my head in his chest – "Stay here with me"
"I can't" – he said, pushing me against his body and hugging me – "At least not now. I'll talk to Kem and I'll be back soon. I promise"
And he kissed me. I felt like he loved me that moment
"I love you"
"I love you too"
"Here, keep this" – he put a ring on my finger – "This is not a proposal, it's just for you to remember that I'll be back. It belonged to Gamma and you can throw it away if I won't come"
"So, we're together?"
"Yeah, I think we are"
"For real?"
"Yeah" – he smiled and hugged me
Then he looked deeply in my eyes and got his face closer to mine until he touched his lips on mine, shyly. We pulled back and I kept my eyes closed, waiting for him to kiss me again. I opened my eyes to see why he wasn't kissing me and I saw his back facing me.
"What happened?"
"Nothing, I…"
"Why did you stop kissing me?"
"…"
"Oh… right. Well, let me know when you're ready"
I was leaving the lounge, but he grabbed my arm and put my body against his in an embrace.
"I'm ready"
And he kissed me passionately. We were walking till I fell on the bed with him over me. He started to take off my gown and we stopped kissing to he takes my t-shirt off and we went back kissing. Then I started to unbutton his shirt, still kissing, and opened his pant zipper. He kissed my neck and went down to my chest. I sighed and he smiled. When things were getting there, Susan walked in the room.
"Oh my… I'm so sorry"
He gets away from me so I can get up. We started to collect our clothes, both ashamed.
"Now what? We can't pass by the reception this way and Weaver is coming"
"Fast, close the blinds and lock the door" – he said, getting dressing quickly
"So, are you really going?"
"Where?"
"You know, Congo"
"Yeah. I don't know"
"Please don't go. For me"
"I'll think about it"
"Is my hair messy?"
"Yeah, let me fix it"
He approached me and I quickly kissed him. He smiled to me
"I'll go first. I need to find Susan before she tells Weaver. Promise me you won't leave without talking to me"
"Ok"
"Susan, we need to talk"
"About?"
"What you saw in the lounge"
"You and Carter having sex?"
"Yes. Promise me you won't tell anybody"
"Abby, I…"
"Susan…"
"I mean, I'm happy for you guys, but I can't hide something like this"
"Please. For me" – I begged her.
"Ok, fine. But don't do that again"
"Thank you"
And then I started looking for him and I found him ready to leave.
"Hey, are you going?"
"No, I was waiting for you, as you asked"
"Oh… Thanks, I guess"
"So, want some coffee?"
"Yeah, I'm on my break now"
We went out and headed to Doc Magoo's.
"So, how long are you gonna stay in Congo?"
"Two or three days. I don't wanna stay much. You know, because of you and because of the memories I tried to forget"
"I'll miss you"
"Me too. But I promise I'll be back soon"
"You wanna go home to… you know?"
"What?"
"I mean, we started two times, but we didn't finish neither of them"
"Yeah, sure. It's gonna be my goodbye party" – he said, kissing me.
"Susan, can you take care of Emma? I have something do to" – I said, looking at him.
"Yeah, no problem" – she answered, understanding and smiling
"Thank you"
"Anytime"
6 hours later, my shift ended
"So, ready to go?"
"Actually, I still have 1 hour and a half. I'll drop at your house by 10, ok?"
"Yeah, sure"
"You scored" – Susan joked – "Have you thought about what I said?"
"Yes"
"So, are you going to try again? You're coming back to her?"
"Yeah. I love her more than anything"
"Great. I'm so happy for you guys!"
"Thanks"
"And what will you say to Kem?"
"That I can't give her another chance. I belong here. Next to Abby. Taking care of patients. In Chicago"
"Oh Carter… you finally realized! We missed you so bad in these years that went by. County isn't the same without you"
"I know"
"Here, call Kem and tell her you're not going to Africa"
"What?"
"Just do that. For Abby"
"…"
"Carter! I knew you hadn't decided yet. Well, you must make a decision now. Before it's too late and she changes her mind about giving you another chance"
"Susan, I'm not going to do this"
"You have to"
"No!"
"You're gonna hurt Abby if you don't"
"I don't have time for that"
"Right. Always the time excuse. Can't you think something better?"
"What do you want me to say? That I'm back with Abby and that we are over?"
"Yes"
"We just lost a son! I can't just come and say we're over"
"I see. But are you gonna keeping giving fake hopes to Abby like this?"
"I'm not giving fake hopes to Abby! But I also can't dump Kem"
"Great! Do what you want. Keep playing with Abby's feelings like she was a toy! Enter and leave from her life like you were the owner. You have no idea how hard it was for her to get over you!"
"I'm not discussing this with you"
"You don't need to. Everybody knows that you pull back when something bad happens. That's way you pulled back when Abby went after Eric, instead of being with you"
"But she was the one who asked the key back when I came from Africa"
"Of course! You went even she asking you to stay!"
"You know what? I'm not supposed to discuss this with you. But if she had agreed to marry me, things would be different"
"You didn't even proposed right!"
"Oh, c'mon!"
"Don't blame her if your relationship had gone wrong!"
"I'm not blaming her! But I can't blame myself. I'm leaving"
"Carter! Come back!"
Men!Susan walks past Luka and bumps him
"Be careful!"
"Sorry"
"What's the rush for?" – Abby asked.
"No reason. I was talking to Carter"
"And?"
"He really went. I'm sorry. But I think you can catch him if you hurry"
"I can't. I'm working"
"Oh my… Don't I have to convince you too?"
"No, I can't go. He decided that and won't be me who's changing"
"Abby, stop being so spoil! Grab Emma and go to the airport"
"Pick Emma?"
"Sure. If you say to him she's his daughter. I'm pretty sure he stays"
"No! I won't use my daughter as a reason to he stay"
"You know he might never come back"
I looked Susan in shock and then to what he had put on my finger.
"You're right. I can't let him go!"
And then I ran to my house to pick Emma and we headed to the airport.
I hope we arrive on time"John…" – I said, running with Emma towards him
He was already leaving, but he could hear me. He turned back and saw us. He came towards us and hugged me. I'm sure he felt like we were a family that moment. He pulled away, smiles and leaves.
"Goodbye daddy" – Emma said with tears in her eyes.