Chapter 5: Good Or Bad?

"So, you told Emma that Carter is her father?"

"Yes, I thought it was right. I know I'm gonna regret" – I said with tears in my eyes.

"Oh Abby… why?"

"I don't know, I couldn't control myself. I…" – I took a deep breath – "I thought he would stay if he felt like we were a family"

"I'm pretty sure he did"

"I don't think so. Anyway, I have to drive Emma home. I'll be back tomorrow"

"Ok, see you then"

"Well, Emma…" – I said, picking her up – "Let's go home"

"Mommy… when is daddy coming back?"

"I…" – I took a deep breath before continuing – "I don't know, honey. I really don't know"

"But… he will, won't he?"

"I don't know"

I could feel the pain my daughter was feeling. And I couldn't do anything to stop it. I knew she wanted, she needed her dad. And I couldn't make sure to her that I would get back together with him.

"You're going, aren't you?"

He just shakes his head

"It's not Rio, but it's not here" – he said, between tears

"I asked you not to go. I'm afraid you never come back" – I pressed my head against his chest and hugged him

"I have to. I need to save those people. I want to"

"Well, I guess the opinion of a caring girlfriends doesn't matter" – I pulled away

"Abby… let's not make this harder"

"I'm not making this harder, you are! You prefer to save the world and take risks than staying safe with your girlfriend"

"You know, Luka's there too"

"He didn't listen to me. There's nothing I can do. And besides, he's not my boyfriend"

"I'm still going"

"Fine, do what you want!" – I turned to get in the ER, but I turned to face him again – "John, you know… I'm…" – I turned to get in the ER

"What?"

"Forget it"

"Tell me, what is it?" – he grabbed my arm, making me look at him

"Forget it"

"Fine! It's always like this. You never say a word to me. That's way everything is going so wrong"

"I know that you will stay if I say. It's something that will change our lives. But I want you to go. It's something stupid anyway"

"Well, I guess that's it. We're done. It's over"

"Right" – I looked to the floor

"Look, I'm sorry. I'll be back. Wait for me"

"You know, I can't wait too much. I'll miss you"

"I know, I'll miss you too"

"It's complicated, sweet. The things between your dad and me are complicated. I don't know if we're together or not"

"Well, you're wearing a ring"

"Yeah, but I don't know if this means something"

"Seems so. Why are you so disbelief?"

"Because… he's done that before. And he came back with another woman, pregnant. Your dad is instable emotionally. He always needs to be with someone"

Later…

"Abby, it's me, John. If you're home, pick up. Ok, listen. There'd been a change of plans. It'll take a while to come back. There's something I still need to solve. I don't like talking to answering machines, so if you're home, please pick up"

"John… hey" – I ran to answer the phone.

"Hey, I thought you're working"

"No, what's wrong? What you need to solve?"

"Things with Kem"

"I thought you already did"

"Yeah… no"

"So, when will you come back?" – I asked, disappointed – "You know, Emma's asking for you"

"Really? Why?"

"No reason. She just liked you" – I lied.

"Well, I guess in 5 days"

"5 days!"

"I'm sorry"

"You know, I can't wait anymore. I can't go on lying to myself. I waited for you when you went to Africa. And you came back with a pregnant woman. I won't let this happen again. I won't!"

"Abby, listen to me…"

"I think I made things very clear, Carter. I don't wanna press you. You are free to decide what is the best for you. If she is the best, you should stay with her"

"I…"

"Do what you heart says. I'll accept your choice, good or bad. Goodbye"

After midnight, Abby woke up by hearing Emma crying

"What happened, sweetie? It's ok, mommy's here. You don't need to cry"

"I want daddy"

"Sweetheart, he's not here. I don't know if he wants a family. I don't know if he wants us as his family

"Can I sleep in your bed?"

"Yes, sure" – I picked her up and took her to my bedroom – "It's gonna be ok. Mommy won't leave you alone"

"I just want daddy to be here"

"You know, he can't. He's solving his own things. And please, don't talk about him anymore. It's hard enough for me to deal with this"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you"

"You didn't, honey" – I hugged her.

It hurt me to know that I had hurt my daughter. I felt like I was the most horrible person in the world that moment. I tried to sleep after she did, but I couldn't. And I cried again. Why, you must be asking me. Because he has a family he don't even know he has. But I don't wanna make him take a decision that might not make him happy. Then I decided to leave a message on his cell phone. I dialed the first numbers and hesitated in dialing the last ones. But I was certain of doing this, without caring with the consequences.

"Carter… hi, it's Abby. Listen, I just called to tell you that I'm not taking you back if you come back. I'm not a puppet that you control anytime you want. There's much more that haven't been revealed yet. That's it. Goodbye… forever"

Next morning…

"How are you dealing?"

"Pretty great. I left him a message, saying I won't take him back" – I said, disappointed.

"Oh Abby… you did the right thing"

"I hope so. You know, I'm done waiting for it to work"

"I understand. He always needs to be with somebody"

"And that's bad, Susan. He won't get anything acting like this, because I won't care anymore"

"Well, that shows how much you grew up in this time"

"Yeah, I guess. You know, I tried hard, really hard to get over him and seeing him with that pregnant woman was really difficult for me. But I finally went through. And I won't let myself go through it again. You know, my daughter already knows the truth. But he doesn't. And I won't be the one who's gonna tell him"

"You know, I'll be there for you, if you need…"

"Thanks"

"… And Luka still has a crush on you"

"What? Susan, I don't need that. I wouldn't go down so much and so low just to get back Carter. I'm not like this"

"No, I didn't say that. I just thought you could play a little with him. Because that's what he's doing with you"

"You think?"

"Believe me. He did the same with me. He wanted to make you jealous"

"Yeah, I remember that day as if it was yesterday" – a tear fell from my eyes – "If I knew that it'd end so soon, I'd do anything to it never ends"

"I thought fencing was a finesse sport"

"Ouch!"

"Don't be a baby"

"Crazy bastard. He was trying to kill me"

"It looked like it was mutual"

"Am I going to need stitches?"

Susan laughs

"No, you barely need a band-aid. I didn't know you had a temper" Carter stares over at Abby helping Luka

"I can ask Abby to come over and check you if you'd prefer"

Carter wasn't really listening to her

"What? That man is a menace holds his fingers about an inch apart That, and I could have lost my eye"

Susan leans over and kisses him

"What was that for?"

"Just checking"

"For what?"

"Second date rule"

"What?"

Carter shakes his head and turns his attention back to Abby, and Susan purses her lips, thinking

"Oh, yeah… That was a great day"

"Yeah, and also…"

"She's pretty great"

"Who?"

"Abby. I didn't really know her before, I didn't think I'd like her, but I do"

"You wanna get something to eat, I'm starving"

"You know, you really made a fool out of yourself today"

"What?"

"If you're worried about Abby living with Luka, don't be, I don't think anything's going on"

"How did I make a fool out of myself?"

"Well, you participated in a duel, for one thing!"

Carter nods

"Kiss me"

He looks at her, a little surprised

"Just, kiss me"

He does

"Was it there for you?"

"It was nice"

"It wasn't there for me either"

Carter nods and looks down

"Okay, go, before I change my mind!"

"You sure?"

"I regret it already. You know, that gold digger alarm should be clanging like a school bell"

"This isn't because Mark Greene just suddenly became available, is it?"

"You know when I said you were making a fool of yourself? Well you're doing it again"

There's a pause

"You should tell her"

" Who?"

Carter drops the act immediately and smiles

"Tell her what?"

"That you're desperately in love and you can't live a moment without her"

Carter gives her a big smile, laughs a little

"Really?"

"You're hopeless. You'll figure it out"

"Ok, stop. You're just going to make me sad" – And I cried.

"I'm sorry. I know how difficult it's being to you"

She hugged me

"But you know, you tried really hard to forget him. Don't let yourself fall in love with him again"

"I think I just did" – I washed away the tears in my face – "I need to go home. See you tomorrow"

"See ya. Call me if you need"

At night, it was almost 10:30 PM. Emma had just fallen sleep and I was on my bed when I heard knocks on the door and went to see who it was. I opened the door and saw John