Disclaimer: Why don't I give you three shillings and we forget about me pirating POTC?

Warning: Don't read if you have a strong aversion to weirdness and/or goodie to shoes. Don't be hatin'.

Angst Soup In Germany

By: Cocoasamurai45

After the fangirls finished taking pictures and stripping Jack of his pride they sped away to Fart-Mart to go buy POTC collectibles and a really big tv to play their bootleg Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest DVD on.

Captain Jack Sparrow heaved a huge sigh and proceeded to try and undo his bindings. The beanbag chair beneath him squelched and made farting noises but he persisted.

And soon (because the author is a sucker for Johnny Depp and his hotness) he was free. Looking around he saw all manner of horrible devices. Posters, action figures, a Pirates of the Caribbean bed spread, and a humongous cardboard cutout of himself.

Never had he seen himself on so much merchandise. He grinned in spite of himself.

Crazed fangirls never ceased to amaze him...

"My Jack senses are TINGLING!" Fangirl#1 shouted to Fangirl#2. Fangirl#2 gasped and stumbled in shock.

"What could be wrong!" Fangirl#1 seemed to focus intently on a jar of pickled rabbit's toes for a moment before she answered. "He...wants to escape!"

They frowned in confusion. Why would such a hot guy try to escape from two perfectly crazed fangirls such as themselves?

While the crazed fangirls with puppets were frowning at a jar of pickled rabbit's toes Captain Jack was still looking around him in horror and mild amusement.

They even had Captain Jack Sparrow underwear. He'd have to buy a pair when he finished stealing their priceless antiques and rum. Jack liked rum.

Just as he stepped outside a huge jet landed. A man with a rather HUGE forehead stepped out and took in the sight before him.

"Mr. Anderson?" Jack frowned and set the bag of jewels, shoes, and rum down on the ground. "That depends, mate."

"I'm here for Mr. Anderson to give him this jet that goes back in time and gives him the ability to save the universe from evil forces. You him or not?"

As The Man spoke his forehead seemed to get larger and larger. Jack found himself stumbling away from it.

"F-forehead. Big forehead."

The Man frowned like everyone else seemed to be doing in this story and put a hand over his forehead so it wouldn't freak anyone out anymore.

Jack sighed in relief and started listening again. "As I was saying...I'm here for Mr. Anderson. I'm to give him this jet so he can save the world from dark forces like monsters, Darth Vader, me, and pirates."

"I'm him! I would love this- uh- what'd you call this thing?" The Man sighed. "It's a jet, Mr. Anderson."

"Well, I'll take it! You say it fights pirates, eh?" The Man nodded. "So where would I find these pirate guys then, so I can...kill 'em and save the world and all that?"

"Uh...just use the ADD. It stands for Active Detecting Database. Not Attention Deficit Disorder... probably. " The Man paused here for reasons unknown and took off his shades that noone had really noticed him wearing. After a dramatic silence he said, "I have to disappear now, but I'll be back later looking totally badass and acting evil."

Jack nodded uncertainly.

The Man raised a weirdly shaped eyebrow. "Goodbye...Captain Anderson."

SHAZAM!

Jack shrugged, picked up his bag of stolen items, and tottered toward the jet. It was sleek and looked like nothing Jack had ever seen. Being a pirate in the late 1700s didn't have many perks like having first aid kits or deodorant.

Trying to locate the door was proving quite difficult so Jack broke through the windshield with a hammer he'd found in his pants. Crazed fangirls had a problem with sticking things down his pants.

Jack sat down comfortably in a leather seat and tried to locate the steering wheel. Finding none he took out his hammer and began to whack things until something happened. And something did happen. Just not what he or anyone was expecting.

A trapdoor opened in the floor behind Jack. Startled, Jack almost fell out his seat. Righting himself and trying to calm his breathing he looked at the trapdoor. What a weird place this was. Full of holes in floors, men with large foreheads, and salad dressing.

Jack didn't waste time thinking of the risk as he jumped into the hole. It was really dark.

Jack pulled out his special night vision plunger to see where he was going. Holding it to his face he could see a figure in the far back of the room. It was wriggling and looked to be trying to butter some toast. Jack inched closer. It looked familiar...

"Will? That you, mate?" the figure's head snapped up in surprise. Huh, guess he was right.

Jack rushed to the figure and untied it because instead of buttering toast as Jack thought it had been doing it was actually trying to escape its bonds. The figure, once loose, reached to the right and turned on a light switch.

"Jack!" Will gasped and embraced Jack. Jack patted him on the back a little awkwardly.

"Always knew you fancied me. Sorry Turner, me sail don't blow that way." Will laughed and they broke apart.

"What are you doin' down here?" Jack asked after a short while. Will looked down at his feet as though ashamed. Jack frowned.

"I was...trying. It didn't work out but I thought...if I could just... THE BUNNY GOT AWAY!" Will sobbed pitifully into Jack's shoulder. Jack's eyes widened and he stepped back. And people thought that he was off his nut.

"What are you talkin' 'bout? Did your bonnie lass get away from you...again?" Will shook his head again still sobbing.

"No! The bunny!" Will made bunny ears with his fingers. Right...Well, the boy was bonkers. That had never hurt his friendships with anyone before. Jack knew lots of crazy people. Jack patted Will on the head and managed to get them both out of the hole.

"Will, I don't have the slightest notion of what you're talking about but I want you to join me crew! I'm going to use this here...uh...shet and raid, pillage...plunder- just like the old days!" Will stared at Jack.

"What about tacos?" Will demanded. Jack sighed. "We'll, um, get some of those too." Will looked satisfied as he sat back in his own leather seat. Jack didn't know what the heck tacos were but he was pretty sure they weren't where they were going.

Jack gave Will another odd look before bashing the controls yet again. This brought up the ADD. Apparently the ADD referred to a large globe.

Jack studied the globe as Will picked his nose and rubbed his mouth suspiciously. The little glittery lights seemed to indicate the places he needed to go. Jack decided to go to the place with the most glittery dots first. And that placed was called Germany.

"Must have soup there,"Will muttered from his place by the controls.

"So where is your bonnie lass these days, dear William?" Jack asked when he was once again at the controls. Will sighed and said, "She left. Said she didn't like me licking her feet." Jack chuckled.

"And I guess you what? Got caught doing something you shouldn't?" Will chewed a toenail pensively.

"No, that's not it. I was just eating some air one day and these guys in black came and called me an alien and tried to zap me. I ran to Fart-Mart and these crazed fangirls with owls kidnaped me. Then these guys came and said they were going to sell me on C-bay. And they sold me to this guy with a really big forehead. That's why I was down there trying to butter toast."

Jack just nodded and "mmm"ed.

They were certainly not in Kansas-er- the Caribbean anymore.

OoooOoOoOooOOooo

A/N

Thanks again for reading (if you did) I appreciate any reviews 'cuz they help me know I'm alive.

If you have suggestions for any future chapters such as new characters or situations that would be coolio with a side of mayo.