Disclaimer: I don't own anything 'cept the shet and the stuff the police can't identify. Everything else was either drug induced madness or brilliance on the part of the writers and creators of PotC or some other well thought of thingy.

Warning: Extreme stupidity ahead. Ye Be Warned.

The Author SPEAKS: I would also like to say to that all grammatical-ish-est mistakes may be attributed to this story not making sense which can be attributed to the author wanting the story to not want to have to want to make sense. MWHAHAHAHA! Weeee! Woooot!

Angst Ridden Plot Bunnies

By Cocoasunshine45

"Hey! Get down from there!" Captain Jack Sparrow shouted up at a currently mad Will Turner. Will Turner was on top of the shet-er-jet. Jack sighed explosively at his bad luck.

Apparently while Jack's well toned back was turned Mr. Turner had made a very...messy hole in the ceiling. Bugs and discarded power tools were now everywhere. Jack wondered why he'd not heard the insane laughter and buzz of power tools before Will thought he was monkey and climbed onto the top of the shet.

A happy yell ripped Jack out his salad dressing induced musings. "Cracker Jack! There you are. I thought you'd hopped away like the bunny!" Jack shook his head and turned back to the task at hand. Which was eluding him at this time.

Oh, yes, now he remembered: a crew was needed! Will wasn't functioning currently and he needed a functioning crew in order to...do piratey things.

Germananny seemed to have all his needs. (I changed Germany to Germananny to not get sued by Germans who don't like me for some very unknown reason I'm not allowed to discuss).

"Eeeeek! Cracker Jack, I see a pickle!" Jack turned away from the globe in surprise to see that Will was right. A giant pickle was heading their way.

Jack: Really.

Will: I can't keep doing this if you're just going to spring this stuff on us. I mean, flying pickles? Llamas? What's next, some guy in tights coming and doing the hokey-pokey?

C.S.: Uh...do you have a problem with guys in tights doing the hokey-pokey?

Jack: Not really.

Will: Well I bloody do! I refuse to work this way!

C.S.: What about the contract?

Jack: She's right, mate. We have to be her story slaves until we die in an unexpected and rather humorous fashion.

Will:...I, uh ...Sorry...?

C.S.: Accepted but now you have to be attacked by flying demon popcorn. Savvy?

Will:...Do I get to...fight anytime soon?

C.S.: No. Act crazy and be attacked by randomness.

"Is that...demonic flying popcorn?" Jack asked looking at the sky in horror. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Will lowering himself in through the hole in the roof. Will looked delighted.

Jack was not amused.

The author smiled evilly. Jack was sort of amused. Will frowned.

"Pickles, demonic flying popcorn, and the shet to Germananny. It's got potential."

"Cracker Jack? Sweetie pie?" Jack looked at him in thoughtful horror.

"Yes...spawn of Bootstrap?" Jack said slowly. Will did the macarena. Jack died of fright. Will brought Jack back and pointed him toward the window. Jack promptly died again because Will touching him was just wrong.

Jack awoke to Will being attacked by demonic flying popcorn and a...giant...pickle...? Yes, Jack thought, that is in fact a giant pickle. The pickle grabbed a power tool and began smacking Will on the head. Jack did a double take. Jack then hopped to his feet and started beating Will on the head with a power tool as well.

After brutally killing Will for the seventeenth time, the giant pickle and Jack realized they'd forgotten about the flying demonic popcorn. Searching far and, um, farther, Jack and the giant pickle (that Will had named Josie) found they couldn't find the flying demonic popcorn. Eyes (and seeds) finally fell on the floor where Will was lying and eating a curiously struggling bucket of popcorn.

"Oh."Jack said.

"..." Josie didn't say anything 'cuz she's a giant pickle. The message wasn't clear.

"Shoes that taste like demonic flying popcorn are yummy," said Will licking his fingers.

"Nothing like Will eating demonic flying popcorn to make you realize that being not sane does not have many perks." Jack said happy that he was not not sane

"...,...,...?" Josie asked, miming a pyramid made of picture frames and toothpaste. Jack nodded uncertainly and plotted their course to Germananny.

Will snapped out of his demonic flying popcorn induced faze in order to act very indecently. This meant coming onto Josie the giant pickle.

"Do you believe in love at first sighting me and hitting me on the head with a power tool or do you have to hit me on the head with a power tool again?"

"...!" Josie yelled silently and hit Will on the head with a power tool. Will slunk away to watch Jack beat the controls with a wrench and then when nothing happened, a hammer.

Upon arriving to Germananny, Jack and Will were amazed at how many people there were. And by how many funny hats there were. Lots. A whole lot of funny hats.

Jack and Will were in heaven. Josie was mistaken for a hat and got carried off on someone's head. Jack watched in fascination as a nubile minx walked by wearing a hideous purple hat in the shape of hair. After a few seconds of barely veiled staring he realized it was her actual hair and the weird hats were actually really big, colorful, hair. It was frightening.

Jack decided rum was needed if he was going to stay in this place for more than an hour.

Will decided that he really wanted some chocolate that tasted that cheese. As none existed Will clamped his teeth on someone's chocolate cheese colored hair.

"Hey! Get off my hair you freak!" Will, surprised, spit out the hair only to meet a pair of familiar eyes.

"Dad?" Will said softly.

"NO! Don't you know the face of your own fiancé?" Will blinked.

"I'm Elizabeth." Elizabeth said slowly. Will nodded uncertainly. "'kay."

Jack had seen the whole interaction and swooped in to save Elizabeth from the fate of banging Will on the head like everyone else seemed to be doing lately.

"Lizzie, darling!" Elizabeth stumbled back in surprise and died necessarily on a misplaced shoe. (Mwhahahahaha NOONE CAN HAVE JACK, NOONE!) Then she came back because Jack just didn't seem as hot when he was sad.

"Chris is back in black!" Will shouted happily. Jack and Elizabeth nodded uncertainly like Will had done earlier only without the stupidity.

"Jack, what are you doing here?" Elizabeth looked at Jack searchingly which involved a lot of touching and Jack playing with a rock for some odd reason. Will looked on unhappily.

"My rock," he said and grabbed the rock that Jack was holding. Jack cleared his throat nervously instead.

"Locating a crew that you will no doubt want to join," said Jack and grinned persuasively.

Elizabeth smiled dazzlingly and slapped Jack across the face (A/N: Skank).

"I don't know if I deserved that..." Jack said slowly.

"Cracker Jack's a whistle."

"Jack...you don't know why I ran away, do you?" Elizabeth's voice was so small and vulnerable both Jack and Will had to lean in closer to hear.

"But why don't you tell us, love." Jack said, voice like coarse velvet.

"Elizabeth..."Will murmured. Jack and Elizabeth looked at Will in surprise.

"What? Do I have tepees on my face again?" Will patted his bottom frantically.

"Uh...you were saying?"

"I ran away because I couldn't bear it any longer!" Jack stumbled back in surprise and landed on a soft cushion.

"Bear? WHERE!" Will ran away...backwards. Jack and Elizabeth cringed when he walked into a pole and landed sideways on a pile of really sharp glass. Then they stopped caring about Will and his stupidity and focused on important stuff.

"Couldn't bear what, darling?" Jack asked as Will stumbled into a hardware store and ran out, people beating him over the head with wrenches, screw drivers, hammers, and pink ducks.

"My life. I was trapped, Jack, and I couldn't get out," she looked away in despair. "My father, society, the dichotomy of good and evil, and even my dresses were all trapping me! Sealing me in the proverbial gilded cage, locking me up and throwing away the proverbial key, and keeping me locked up behind the proverbial bars."

Jack nodded in semi-understanding and grasped her hands.

"Course they were. You seek freedom and all they gave you was a leash. Why don't you join me and your dear William and we can brake free of society's rules!"

Will, floating unconscious in the water gave a little spurt of agreement. Elizabeth looked torn.

"Can I trust you?" Elizabeth asked tentatively.

Jack's eyes widened and Will choked a little in shock. Could she trust two men who'd vied for her attention, stole things, killed people, and...liked to do it? No, but it wasn't like she could trust anyone else.

"No, but it's not like you can trust anyone else. You can become part of me crew or you can stay here, wondering if you could have had something greater." Jack wasn't one for making ultimatums but in this case, it was worth it.

"Y-yes, you're right. I'll do it."

"Good. Get rid of the hair and we have an accord."

Elizabeth tore off her hair, revealing two marmosets and a fat man named Hic. Then they were off to find a crew. And Elizabeth knew just the place.

oOOoOoOoooOoOoOOo

A/N

I must say that I was not prepared for people to actually like this story. At all.

Tank u berry mooch for being so nice. I reward my followers very handsomely...MWAHAHA. Uh...never mind. This is fun writing and I don't even know how to spell philanthropist. Oh. I do. Well. That's good.