Disclaimer: I disclaim everything. I don't own Barney, Harry Potter, McDonald's, or the POTC cast.

Note: This is for your reference just in case you're having trouble with or would really just like to look at the characters of this story. I may be updating the list if any new characters come tumbling in.

Cast of Nonsensical Characters:

Capt. J. Sparrow: Captain of the pirate hunting shet. Jack was kidnaped and made to battle evil and stuff by a guy with a rather -ahem- large forehead. Jack instead decides to use the jet (shet) to his own ends and goes off to find a pirate crew so that he can raid, pillage, and plunder his splendid black guts out. Having procured a crew in Germananny what will be in store for our persuasive and inebriated captain next?

Elizabeth Swann: Elizabeth has been beaten, stolen from, made to trip and fall on sharp objects, and has just joined up Captain Jack Sparrow. All this in order to escape from her caged existence and aid her temporarily insane sweetheart.

Will Turner: Will has gone temporarily insane and isn't in right now. Please leave a message and he'll call you back as soon as he's able to pick up the phone without sticking it in his a- BEEP -

Fangirl #1: A crazed Jack Sparrow/Johnny Depp fan who will stop at nothing to get all the Johnny Depp/ Jack Sparrow merchandise she can fit in her room.

Fangirl #2: Fangirl #1's accomplice. Together they kidnap Jack Sparrow and make him sit in a squelchy armchair. They have yet to learn his new whereabouts.

The Man: A strange man that showed up with a jet when Jack was escaping from the two crazed fangirls. He has a large forehead and an even larger appetite for something that Jack doesn't really know (but he hopes is not his perfectly sculpted body).

Jack's fairly jolly crew:

Beckett: A flashy guy who has a pink afro, funky disco clothing, a fetish for toy trains, and likes to sing opera.

Edward Elric: A rather small member of Captain Sparrow's crew. He has a bad temper and even looks sexy without Jack's hat. He really likes Jack's hat.

Goldie: A lesbian member of Jack's crew who has a short temper but is very keen on gold and anything with gravy. That includes gold with gravy on it.

Cremella: Yet another lesbian in Jack's crew of rebellious misfits. She is quick to anger and also likes to steal miniature figurines of dogs.

Jane: Jane's full name is Glucosencoffsleiderhosen the 3rd. Though he looks Hispanic, his past remains shrouded in mystery and a fair amount of weirdness. He is very skinny with beady brown eyes and a bald head.

Ben: One of Jane's friends. He seems to be the spokesperson for both Hector and Jane.

Hector: Hector is attractive, strong, likes to strike poses...and is utterly useless. Hector is mute and partially def in his left ear.

Lorenzo: Lorenzo is a gay mastermind who also goes by Sweet. He has his own agenda but seems content to flirt with Jack...for the mean time.

Mr. Normal: He's normal (and quite boring in Jack's inebriated opinion). End.

Characters That Appear but Probably Won't Show Up Again

Philamina: A somewhat crazy woman whom Jack left a llama. She really likes to slap things.

Crazy Guy With No Hands: He's a crazy guy with no hands that put a giant hole in the bottom of Jack's ship. There was peanut butter involved.

Josie: A giant mute pickle. Will tried unsuccessfully to woo her. Apparently she was mistaken for headgear and now resides on someone's head.

Harry Potter: Boy wizard with an enormous head. Either his huge head or Ronald McDonald made him fall off the roof of a Mickey D's. Mysteriously no trace of him has been found. Many happy customers say that Harry Potter's bigheaded spirit haunts the famed fast-food establishment. Others say that his body was used to make the new lowfat burger.

Barney: A purple dinosaur capable of human speech. Jack Sparrow fears him greatly and runs from him in the beginning of the story.

I crave reviews. And Harry Potter brain burgers.

But I like reviews better.