Chapter 20: A Week Away

Suppression was the best bet, she decided. Anything further than acquaintanceship was out of the question, and not just for him – she'd firmly decided that in the mountain. No matter how kind his eyes looked, or how fluid of a dancer he was—it just wasn't plausible. Teasing with the idea would just lead to heartbreak for both of them. Then again, he was a Scout, and Scouts lived a notoriously short time. But she wouldn't risk hurting him or anybody more than needed. He didn't seem like the kind to go out for fun, so there wasn't a point even starting.

How often did Scouts actually end up in the countryside, anyway? It'd be easy to go on with life not thinking about the possibilities. Once the whole business about how a titan ended up in Wall Rose quieted down, the Scouts would go back to their work outside the walls, and she'd go back to being a faithful farmhand and doting daughter, content to live out life in the middle of nowhere. This was home, after all. She didn't want to leave. With all his escapades, anyway, the captain likely met dozens of eligible ladies with just as much of a head on their shoulders, and twice as pretty. So there wasn't anything to talk about.

Jamie didn't think so.

"We talked to thirty-four people altogether, and I tried to keep track of all of their names, plus Commander Erwin told me who was affiliated with who after we talked to them, but not before, so I wouldn't talk to them differently. It was a different routine every time, so that it seems genuine when they all talked with one another. I picked out a few stories from a few years ago when we had a lot of bad crops, but they didn't really ask when the story took place. But they looked so upset when I talked about it. The commander said I'd make a pretty good actor if I couldn't use ODM gear."

He'd crawled home at three in the morning, still getting up at four-thirty to feed the animals and finish morning chores.

"Did you know that ODM stands for omni-directional mobility? It sounds a lot cooler like that. The whole point of it is to get around titans, but it'd be super cool if we put it in as a transportation system, too. Like, we've got gas for years and years and years. If we could get everybody some ODM gear, then people could get around like it was nobody's business. We could even plant trees along all the major roads and give the horses a rest, you know? Captain Hange thinks that everybody should be trained in the military, like, even if you don't want to go into it, so that when things like Wall Maria happen, they're not so helpless, you know?"

His parents were thrilled.

"Captain Hange filled me in on some of her research. Did you know that there was a scout who recorded their life, up till their death? Her name was Ilse Langnar, and she was a scout of the second brigade. Apparently, she lost her horse after leaving the wall, but she wasn't eaten right away. She made it to a small forest, and even though her gas was out, she still had a notebook and pencil. She wrote everything that happened, including hearing a titan talk. It was a six-meter class, an abnormal because it looked weird, probably. And it said that she was a subject of Ymir, that she was Lady Ymir, and was well met, whatever that means. Captain Hange and Captain Levi found her things a year later." Jamie leaned over as a quick tear spilled out of her eye. "Yeah, sorry. I saw you and the captain dancing. But can you imagine if we were able to communicate with the titans? Like, peace isn't possible, by any means. They've murdered way too many people. But it'd be nice to know why they want to eat us, especially since they don't need to."

Weeks crawled by, and his remembrances got more frequent.

"Usually, you have to train for three years before you're considered a soldier. But, just like they lowered the joining age, you can get into a regiment and lead a squad within a year. They're that low on staff, especially in the Scouts. Not that it's a surprise; everybody knows about the fatality rate. But there's never been a better time to get into the military, you know? It takes a long time to get used to ODM gear, apparently, and people planning on going into the Garrison don't bother much with it. Only people who want to be a Scout or go into the MPs really care about grappling. Takes people a while to multitask, though. Captain Hange said Captain Levi aced it right away, even fooling the people running exercises. Not to mention he slaughtered a titan on his first mission. That's wild."

He's submitted an application and received his first training date: only two weeks away.

"Commander Erwin said they have specially trained horses in their stables. Even though usual horses don't run from titans, some of the abnormals are really fast, so the horses need to have the best speed. Like, Dia was running really fast because she knew you were stressed out, but these horses obey at the drop of a hat and come back with a whistle. That way, you can jump off to kill a titan and be ready to ride within a few seconds. It's a lot to take care of, but a Scout could take anybody in a fight. They're all incredible soldiers, just by riding horses, using ODM gear, and taking down titans with every mission. It's a lot of stress. And it'll be a lot of training.

They had dinner with Mr. Solway and other friends every night now. Schoolmates painted a banner for his departure day.

"But it's good we have Commander Erwin. He thinks about everything, and Captain Hange says he makes these incredibly elaborate plans that work out almost always. He thinks about every variable, every second. It's crazy that he's dealing with these two new abnormal titans now, but I'm not worried. He's definitely got something in mind for when we fight them again, but not everybody needs to know. Everybody has to trust everybody in the Scouts, which is what makes them so special."

Finally, Hajule threw her hands in the air. "Don't you have chores to do? With your father?"

"No, he said I should help you inside just a few minutes ago." He kicked his legs under the table, ankles knocking on the chair. "Before he was commander, Erwin never lost soldiers in his squad. He's practically infamous for coming up with crazy schemes. I wonder if he's looking to train a protégé."

"Perhaps he'd like an obedient student," his mother said in a particular tone. "You and your father need to clean up the loft. Edie's not the one who stashes her week-long rodent pets, and you won't leave it to her to clean up."

"Alright." He jumped up, quite determined, and ran out the back door.

Hajule strode to the exit and watched him for as long as he stayed in sight; her hands busied drying a pot by memory. "That commander…people say he's got an uncertain air about him, that people can't tell what he's thinking, but you can't deny how much he cares for his soldiers. Even though there's little chance of Jamie's survival, he's…he's got a better chance, is all I'll say."

"It seems like only yesterday he was so determined to be a scout." Edie swept the living room, moving further from the dining table to the door. "But ages since I arrived."

"He always mentioned being a scout, but you gave him some kind of courage, like he needed to prove himself."

"I think just hope. We talked a lot about helping other people those first few months." Edie circled her pile like a hawk. "He's more set on making a difference than being a soldier; it's just that he sees military as the best route to his goals."

"Maybe. And the best to his sister's, too."

"Hmm?"

Hajule didn't hide her grins. "That man who danced with you at the ball was quite handsome, not to mention he'd made a point to be in your presence before."

"You can stop now. He already asked, and I turned him down."

"Oh, but you don't see things from my view." She counted five potatoes and began peeling; the rinds dropped into a woven basket, safe for compost. "Don't misunderstand me, that captain looks awfully unapproachable at first glance, and if he hadn't come with the commander those months ago, I would've held that opinion of him. But you should've seen all that crumble away. He was practically glowing while you two danced."

"The captain doesn't glow."

"Not to the untrained eye, but his countenance was different." Hajule hummed for a moment, brushing some of the skin's dust into a pile. "With those kind of men, who are so naturally sullen, you've got to pay special attention. Not to mention that he asked you to dance the Autumn Waltz."

"The what?"

"The Autumn Waltz. I thought Larmie taught you."

"No, Jamie showed me a few afternoons before."

"Of course he did." Hajule tsk'd. "Well, it's a very intimate dance. Each partner trusts the other to hold them up. I taught Jamie before his first school dance, although he never did put those skills to use. It's a very special occasion, your first Autumn Dance. You truly learn a lot about a person, and even if you part ways shortly after, there's always that strange connection, that unspoken promise."

"Did you dance it first with Larmie?"

Hajule nodded. "It's a bit of a tradition. I always thought that Jamie would come home, tell us he'd asked some pretty girl to dance it with him, that he'd bring her home, we'd have a family dinner, and…well, you know."

"He's still got time."

"Yes, I suppose. I suppose."

Edie went back to sweeping, finishing the first half of the room. It was something so mundane, yet a brutal battle to keep the dust on one side of the room. Piles of dirt were fiercer than any soldier. When she looked up again, Hajule had stopped her work, with one hand pressed on her stomach, and the other clamped over her mouth. "Hey. Come here." She crossed the room and into the kitchen, wrapping her arms around the older woman. "It's alright."

"We could never see him again," she rasped. "He doesn't even know what this does to us, to the family."

"No." Edie stroked her hair, her head barely reaching the mother's shoulder. "But he knows you're strong."

Hajule sucked in air for a moment, then wailed softly, for a long while. "He's all we've got," she managed to say. "He's too young."

"I'm sorry."

They sunk to the floor and stayed there for a while. Hajule had done her best, Edie knew. At least Jamie wasn't around for it, not that he'd reconsider. But guilt turned one's eye and clouded judgment more than simple sorrow. Dinner would be a little later tonight, and probably several nights since.

"I'm sorry," Hajule managed. "I'm trying not to think about it. I know you're not—well, I oughtn't make you uncomfortable just so I feel better."

"Don't worry about me." She smiled cheerily. "I can take some teasing."

Soft hoofbeats interrupted their moment, rapid and coming from the main road. "That must be Mr. Solway coming for dinner," Hajule said, rising. She brushed away her cheeks and flung some water on her face. "Would you mind finishing the meal?"

"Of course."

But Edie had only started peeling the potatoes when Hajule returned, color returned to her cheeks and a brightness in her eyes. The chef stood, wiping her hands on her apron. "He'd better not help them with the loft. As good as Mr. Solway is, he doesn't want to be scrubbing rabbit waste before dinner."

"No, no, it's not Mr. Solway. It's the captain."

Edie's breath caught in her throat.

Hajule cleared hers. "Captain Levi. And he wants to speak with you."