-1Weapons Of Mass Affection
By STUPIDFIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
In the depths of the Lava Shelter, there were two robots carrying a corpse. One robot was bulky and red and was called E-123 Omega, while the other robot looked more like a black hedgehog who is named Shadow Android. The round body they were carrying was Dr. Ivo Robotnik, also known as Eggman. He built Shadow and Omega, however they turned against their master and in the end he paid the price. A few seconds later the robots tossed the body over the edge and into a pool of lava. Eggman was soon nothing more than burnt yolk.
Omega spoke in a monotone voice "Eggman eliminated and disposed of. Mission complete; we now have control of the Eggman Empire."
Shadow said nothing. He just stood still looking where the doctor's body was tossed.
The E-100 robot couldn't compute Shadow's reaction. "Are you okay?" Omega asked.
The android got out of his trance and looked at his partner. "Yeah" he replied, "I've been thinking…"
"Thinking what?" Omega asked unemotionally.
"Well, we've been through a lot. You know, me finding who I really was, you getting revenge on Eggman. But even though we finally got to the end, there seems there is something missing."
"Missing? Please expand on the subject."
"I don't think I actually wanted to look for my past. I think I wanted to find somebody to be with, and guessed if I found the secrets to my past I might find that special someone. But I never did, at least I don't think I did."
"Does not compute!"
"Well, whenever I'm with you, I feel closer to achieve my goal. And now that I've thought about it, I think the someone I was looking for is… well, you Omega."
"What are you implying, Shadow Android?"
"Omega… I love you!"
The large robot was stunned. Shadow loved it? It analyzed the definition of love. From its results love was the opposite of hate, hate which it had on Eggman for locking it in a secret location as security robot despite being made for heavy assault purposes. And as nothing more than a killing machine, E-123 Omega had no need for such things as love. But yet, when Shadow said he loved it, Omega started feeling something unusual in its system. It wondered what it was, then discovered the truth.
"Shadow" Omega said, "99 percent of my A.I. believes I love you too."
Shadow's eyes widened a bit, then he smiled to know he was loved back. He pondered if robots are suppose to love, especially ones made for destruction.
"Omega, we love each other" Shadow said "but how can we show it?"
The android asked a good question, and Omega computed for an answer. Love was to enjoy something very much. Humans would show love by having dates, and it seemed like a good idea.
E-123 said monotony "let's go on a date."
Shadow nodded in agreement. "Sounds great" said Shadow "what should we do?"
What to do? It analyzed on what to do on dates and the results weren't too great. Going to a fancy restaurant, watching movies, viewing the stars. All things didn't suit Omega's and Shadow's styles. But it wouldn't give up easily. Dates involved doing something both lovers would like, and the solution wasn't hard to find.
"Let's go kill random creatures and cause mayhem" Omega answered.
"Perfect!" Shadow shouted "and I know where to go to do that!"
-
A city that was once a lively metropolis was currently an apocalypse war zone. Guardian United of the Nation was fighting against the Black Arms, both using flesh and machine to rid of the other side. The two conflicting sides were unaware when Shadow rode in a jeep, with Omega on the passenger side.
"What's the point for Shadow drive vehicles even though he's faster than them?" a random G.U.N. soldier asked no one in particular. His bones broke into little fragments as the soldier got ran over by Shadow's car, now covered in fresh blood.
"That's why" Shadow answered as he and his passenger got out of the vehicle. The hedgehog android took the soldier's gun, then Omega ripped off the human's head for no apparent reason.
"Commencing operation: date" Omega said as it activated it's arm cannons.
The robots charged into the battlefield and unloaded ammo on humans and Black Arms. Blood in shades of red and green flew as bullet-torn corpses dropped with a sickening thud. Shadow soon ran out of ammo, so he tossed aside the gun and instead used a multi-kick combo on a human sergeant before turning on his hover shoes and torched the sergeant's face. The black hedgehog got on the back of a gold-plated Black Volt and flew overhead while using the Black Volt's homing worms down below.
Omega itself was having quite a party. It was fending off against a couple of G.U.N. mechs and Omega was rather superior and turned them into scrap. It became bored of using it's chain guns and decided to go melee. A rather charred stop sign was pulled out of the ground and was swung like an axe. A couple of Black Arm soldiers got caught in the swinging, and needless to say limbs were cut messily. A burly Black Oak creature became enraged and charged after the robot. Omega threw the stop sign like it was nothing, and the sign impaled the Black Oak right between the eyes.
A bullet bounced off E-123 and it turned to see a G.U.N. sniper up above. Omega was about to fire, but something blew up the platform the sniper was on and sent the human falling to his death. The robot once again turned and saw Shadow riding on a Black Volt. When a helicopter appeared the android jumped off his ride. The Black Volt was chopped up by the copter's blades and the copter itself was shot down by Omega and crashed through a building.
"I'm having fun" Shadow chuckled with a smirk on his face. "How about you?"
E-123 replied "entertainment levels 100 percent. Continue operation: date?"
Shadow Android nodded, and the two moved on downtown.
-
Elsewhere in the city, Sonic the Hedgehog and Black Doom were in a heavy battle. A while ago, Sonic and Tails came after finding out the leader of the Black Arms was in the city. They found him, however, Tails fell into a pit when chasing after Black Doom and Sonic plans to avenge his friend.
Sonic ran from spells cast by illusions of the leader of the Black Arms and spin dashed towards the real one, however Black Doom teleported just before the blue hedgehog could hit him. As they continued fighting, a slightly busted-up Doom's Eye floated to its master's side to show something. Black Doom noticed the visionary message Doom's Eye and was so stunned he forgot he was in battle and was knocked in the back of head by Sonic.
Sonic was confused by the alien's sudden change of focus. "Hey you creep! What are you looking at?"
A little pissed off, Black Doom turned around to look at the hedgehog and said telepathically "none of your concern. It appears a creation of mine is really an imposter and has now joined a third party."
"Creation? Third party?" Sonic asked "let me see!"
Forgetting the whole thing of fighting Black Doom, Sonic the hedgehog pushed the floating alien lord aside and watched Doom's Eye's vision. He gasped when he saw Shadow killing soldiers with a robot he was saw before by his side.
"SHADOW?" the blue hedgehog shouted. "You mean… Shadow DID die after when me and him fought the Biolizard? Man, I can't believe the ol' faker is now a real faker."
"It appears there's more" Black Doom continued "this imposter also has deep affections for it's robotic partner."
"And he likes ROBOTS?" Sonic shouted louder. He was just as shocked as Black Doom. "Man, I can't believe Shadow is actually dead, and now a clone took his place also has a thing for metal. That is so not cool!"
"What's not cool?" asked a voice that was familiar to the hedgehog. He looked to see a bruised two-tailed fox wobbling a bit.
Sonic yelled "TAILS!!!" and ran up to his fox friend and gave him a big hug. "I thought I lost you forever, little buddy, I'm sorry I didn't-"
"It's okay, Sonic" Tails whispered with tears rolling down his eyes "I'm alright."
Black Doom was unusually pleased by the two animals hugging. "Such hypocrisy" Black Doom telepathically spoke "you can't accept one's tastes in relationships, yet here you are fondling your own sick desire."
It didn't take long for Sonic to understand Black Doom. "YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!" the blue hedgehog screamed as he stopped hugging Tails. "I'LL KILL YOU FOR SAYING THAT!!"
And thus the battle continued…
-
Meanwhile, Shadow and Omega were busying playing around with all the dead bodies of G.U.N. soldiers and Black Arms they killed. Shadow Android was kicking a human head like a soccer ball, he looked at his accomplice and noticed the bulky red robot was walking by holding something behind it.
"Hey Omega, what do you got there?" Shadow asked.
E-123 answered by revealing the object to be a small robe made of Black Arm skin. The android was surprised by it's fine craftsmanship and decided to put it on.
As Shadow was putting his new gift on, Omega stated "as leader of the New Eggman Empire, a new attire would be useful in appearance."
"Thanks" Shadow smiled at E-123 "I think I look pretty good in this."
A female voice said "hope you won't mind taking it off soon" .
In flew Rouge the Bat, a treasure hunter, government spy, and friend of Shadow and Omega.
"Hi, Rouge" greeted Shadow "what brings you here?"
The bat said seductively "nothing much. This war turns me on a little and I thought you could, you know, use some loving."
Shadow's eyes widen. He had forgotten Rouge had a thing for him, and now he'll need to tell her the truth. "Well, th-that won't be necessary" he stuttered a bit "you see, Omega and I are now… together… relationship-wise"
The treasure hunter gagged a little. She guessed the two were friends, but LOVERS? She kept herself calm and tried not to go crazy.
"I can tolerate that" she said half-truthfully. "But if you want, we could have a threesome."
"Threesome pointless" Omega butted in monotony "we have no sexual desires."
Rouge pointed behind the two and asked "then why do you have a giant dildo made of a thousand penises sewn together?"
Shadow looked at the object made of chopped-off human and Black Arm genitals and replied "we plan to sell it on the internet and use the money we gain to purchase weaponry."
Raising an eyebrow, Rouge said "umm… okaaaaaaaay. Well, I guess I'll go see Knuckles or something. Bye!"
The bat flapped her wings and flew off. Shadow felt a bit guilty and wanted to get his female friend to come back, but the E-100 robot stopped him with information to give.
E-123 reported "sensors indicate G.U.N. and Black Arms retreating city. Objective of operation: date is gone, operation: date has been forced to end. Suggesting to return to base and begin plans for New Eggman Empire!"
Shadow heaved a sigh and muttered "Alright, it's late anyway." Omega was about to leave, but Shadow suddenly cried "wait!"
Omega paused to see what was wrong, and noticed the black hedgehog wrapping his hands around Omega's.
"I had a great time" Shadow said with a grin on his face. He then kissed his robot friend below its red eyes.
If Omega could smile it probably would have done so by now. Either way, Shadow Android and E-123 sped down an abandoned highway, ready to prepare for conquest of Earth.
But it wouldn't matter if they ruled the world or not. They had each other, and that was enough for them.
-
The end.