I hadn't been well enough to attend to services. Father Leon had given me use of his office to compose myself. He was disappointed that I was still lying on the couch when he returned. "Wolfe, you look like Death warmed over. Come now, will you at least tell me what the Devil has scared you so?"

"I… I wish I knew," The Father had turned on the lamp on his desk, and my hands went to my eyes to cover them. I had cried until they were completely raw. "I'm facing a crisis of faith…. but I don't know why."

"Do you know what had made you feel this way?" he had asked, as his pen scratched.

"I met someone in the park."

The pen stopped. "I see. Well, even the strongest of our flock must feel the influence of the devil, and his woeful animal natures…"

"It wasn't like that father. It wasn't even a woman, it was a man!"

"Oh…well…" Father Leon stumbled over his words, and I realized I was only making the situation worse.

"He just… he reminded me of something I did. But I can't remember what I did, or why he reminded me of it." I said, "And what's worse, he seemed to know what I didn't, but I was too afraid to ask him."

"Did this man give any indication that he knew who you were? Did he say your name before you offered it, or talked about an event that you remember?"

"Not exactly..."

"Then I'm afraid it was all in your mind. Perhaps you've been working to hard, lately."

"I don't think that's it Father." That wasn't it at all, I remembered thinking. I had just missed something important and, fuck it all, I didn't know what the hell I had just missed!

"No, perhaps not. Perhaps it is something else that your mind is trying to say, but you have hidden it so deeply that it has found other ways to make its presence known?"

"That… could be it."

"Well then. Pray for God to give you guidance to see where your true weaknesses lie, so that you may correct them." He said, as if reciting the obvious, "And try to meditate on what about the experience shocked you."

"Meditate father?"

"The soothing balm of work will help to clear your mind and ease your suffering. May I suggest cleaning the hall to make it up to the other brothers taking over your duties for this past mass?"

I knew my fellow brothers-in-training had been glad that they had gotten out of this little chore. People stuff an amazing array of trash into the hymnal shelves, since there are no nearby trashcans in the sanctuary. Can't have trashcans in the church, people might start thinking we're human. The wood cleaner for the pews always burned your skin when you worked with it for too long.

With all the cleaning and polishing, I had been looking forward to going home to the embrace my lumpy mattress.

"Brother Nick?" it was my fellow classmate, the one whose name I could never remember. He had been wearing our school uniform and had his book bag slung over one shoulder.

"Here." I had capped the bottle of the cleaner, and wiped my hands on one of the cleaner rags.

"You have a visitor."

At the time I thought it was Sandy, still trying to find a divine loophole. "OK, yeah. Send them in."

The blonde guy didn't see me at first; he was looking around the chamber, lost. As soon as he saw me, a smile that I immediately liked spread over his face. That smile reached all the way to his eyes.

As he had walked over to me I wanted to run up, hug him, and tell him I was glad he tracked me down. I wanted to punch, kick, flee, and yell for someone to help me. I settled for standing there like a statue.

"Hi there!" He smiled even as he spoke, cheerful as the suns. "Do you remember me?"

It sounded like I was supposed to on a level that was more significant than our brief meeting. "Yeah, from the park. Thanks again for the smoke."

"Yeah, that's it." He had looked a little sadder than he had a second ago and I couldn't help wondering what I had said. "Sorry I had to bug you again, but you dropped this."

He held out my lighter, pinched between two fingers. I hadn't even realized I had dropped it. In fact I could have sworn I put it back in my pocket.

"Hey, it's no problem, I enjoy visitors. Especially when they bring me gifts."

"It's not really a gift if it's yours to begin with."

"Huh… Good point." Then, in a rush, before I could stop myself, I asked, "You're new here, aren't you? I haven't seen you around."

"Yeah, just got in today."

"Here on business?" It seemed a safe question at the time. Not many people came into town for any other reason.

"No, I heard they built a new church here. I wanted to see it."

"Which branch of the church are you a member of?"

"I'm not, actually. I just like the buildings themselves. They remind me of… old friends."

He seemed sad again, which had frustrated me to no end. "Is there something bothering you? When you were in the park before, you seemed a million iles away."

"Maybe a little. Places like this bring back old memories."

"Do you want to talk about it? I know I don't look like much, but I am a priest." I grinned.

He made an effort to laugh with me. "No offense, but I've never had much luck with confession."

"Is there anything else I can do to help?"

"…well" he said, quietly, almost embarrassed, "… there is one thing…"

"Wow! These are really good! It's been a long time since I've had doughnuts that were this good! Here, you wanna try one?" the guy said, beaming like the suns.

Considering buying them had cleaned me out, I should have. "Nah, I'll pass." I lit my next cigarette with my last one and puffed like a sand steamer. The mist had burned off, and it looked like it would become a nice day before night fell in an hour or so. There were kids playing with a big red rubber ball in the town square like life would always be that simple.

It was the first time in a long time that I had felt any peace.

As I thought back about it, the last time I had felt at peace was when I woke up at the orphanage for the first time and Father Wolfe had said that the slime ball who had called himself a guardian would never bother me again. Downright pathetic to think that had been the last time I hadn't felt anxious or strained. But nice to know I could still find it again.

"Are you thinking about something?" the guy asked.

"Home," I said.

"Where's that?" he asked, shoving another doughnut into his mouth.

"Just an old orphanage a couple hundred iles away from here." I had said, then without knowing why, continued, "I left there when I was 14. Don't know why I'm missing the old place now."

The guy's mouth was full, but he had looked sympathetic.

"Well, it's not like I can go back or anything. Hell if I know why I'm feeling like this now."

"Hey, I thought preachers weren't supposed to swear!" the guy said around the last mouthful of doughnut.

"Actually preachers can, priests shouldn't. But I won't be a priest for a while yet, so there's time left to break the habit."

"You're not a priest?"

I felt a splinter of some anxious emotion work its way into my relaxation. "Well, not yet. I'm still in training." And as I had though about it, if all kept going as planned, my training would be done in a couple months. I could have been ordained by that month next year.

I wasn't sure why that had panicked me as much as it had.

I turned and saw the guy looking at me. He seemed nervous. I started feeling worse. God. Those eyes would have made Judas confess. "Hey, don't worry. I'm not any less of a man of God."

"I wasn't…" He had reached for another doughnut, but the bag was empty. "Mmph." He crumpled it up and aimed for a trashcan on the other side of the courtyard. 3 points.

"Good shot." I said.

"Why can't you go back?"

The question startled me. The fact that I answered it startled me even more. "I did some things I'm not proud of."

"Is that all? Aw, c'mon. Don't beat yourself up over it! What kind of trouble could a teenager get into anyway?" He had kept smiling, but his tone said that he knew all too well, and most likely from personal experience.

"I wasn't your average 16 year old."

"16? Didn't you say…?" We were interrupted by a red rubber ball, bright and cheerful, bumping against the toe of the guy's boot. I hadn't noticed earlier, but I realized in a rush that the guy was wearing some pretty complicated boots. They matched his gloves.

"Vash!" a little kid across the square was yelling. "Hey, Vash! Over here!"

The punt he gave to the ball was just as accurate as the trashcan shot. The kids giggled as they caught it, tripping over themselves.

"Your name's Vash?" I asked.

"Yeah." He smiled down at me. "It's unique, don't you think?"

"Must have gotten you beaten up as a kid. Your parents must have been pretty interesting if they named you after the humanoid typhoon."

He stiffened. "You know about Vash the Stampede?"

"Yeah, the Father used to tell us some of the nicer legends as bedtime stories. I always liked the one where he saved the town by taking down the Nebraska family."

"You… you still like them?"

"Mmm..." I muttered, pausing to light my next cigarette with my last one, "Not as much as I did when I was a kid. As I got older and heard some of the other ones, it started to ruin it for me."

"Oh… w-why?"

"Well, there were just as many good stories as bad ones. And some of them were contradictory. Like the destruction of July… I first heard people say he killed everyone when he destroyed the city of July. Then I heard, no, he had destroyed all the buildings, but no one got killed in the blast. But then people just stayed and stayed, fighting over what was left of their houses and lands until people started killing themselves. The more legends I heard about July, the more realistic it got, and the more I realize how horrible humanity can be on its own. Maybe Vash never existed at all. Maybe it's just a story moms tell their children to try and teach them something. When there was the possibility that it wasn't real, I stopped liking the legends." I took a long drag to stop talking. God, I had been depressed in that moment.

He had seemed uncomfortable, but when he spoke, his voice was reverent. "Did anyone ever tell you about the crater on the fifth moon?"

"That he blasted a hunk of it off? Yeah, I heard about that."

"Did you hear why he did it?"

"No, not really…"

"He did it to save the life of an assassin, a samurai sent to kill him."

"Yeah right! What kind of desperate bastard would go after Vash the Stampede?"

He didn't say. He seemed far away again. That was really starting to irritate me.

"All right, so he blasted a crater into the fifth moon. And since it's there, that proves he existed. So what? It's been over a hundred and fifty years since July was destroyed. Even a guy that powerful couldn't exist forever."

"… Yeah, guess so," he said as he sat down next to me.

I had been increasingly wondering how I was supposed to help this guy if he didn't tell me what was wrong. My hand found his shoulder again, and he had looked up at me. "You still look awful, you know." I said.

"I feel worse."

"You know, if I wasn't a broke priest, I'd offer to buy you a drink."

"You said you aren't a priest yet."

"I'm still broke." I protested.

"Well, I'm not." He was smiling again, just at the corners of his mouth. "How about, as an act of charity, you watch me get drunk? I think I need to stop thinking for a while."

"Well. Anything for charity, I always say."

"You sure he's staying here?" I felt like a complete asshole asking the grandmotherly proprietress of the hotel while having a half-witted, babbling moron leaning on my shoulder. I was still wearing the church's uniform, and the poor woman was still in her nightgown and looked like she had been pulled out of a pretty deep sleep.

"Yeah, I remember him. He didn't seem like kind to be a drunkard when he came in. Here's the key."

"Much obliged ma'am."

"Be obliged all you want, sonny, but if he messes up my carpets he's going to pay for them."

Of course he had to have a room on the third floor. By the second floor, he was starting to fall asleep, and the dead weight threatened to do things my shoulder it wasn't designed to do. I leaned him up against the wall and slapped him across the face as gently as I could.

"C'mon buddy." I had muttered, "It's only a little bit further to your room. You've got to help me out."

"But I'm nice n' comfy here."

"You can't pass out in a hallway!" I said shaking him by his shoulders, "C'mon. Just put one foot in front of the other. You can go to sleep soon."

"Comfy…" he said before he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around me.

I was surprised he had done it. I was surprised he was so strong. I was surprised how good it felt. My hands had wrapped around his back before I knew it.

What the HELL was I doing?

"If you really want to harass me, Vash, could you at least do it after we get you to your room?"

"Promise?" he asked, still holding on to me.

"Sure, whatever. Now let's just go?"

He whined, but stumbled in the direction I pointed him.

Chanting which foot he should use helped, (right, left, right, left) but it took us forever to get to his room, let alone figure out how to open the door without him collapsing into a heap on the floor. Had to watch out for the carpets, the way he had been drinking tonight he might not have much money left.

"Y'know, I would have guessed you to be a lot of things," I told him as I laid him down on the bed, and went back to shut the door. No sense waking the neighbors. "But I would have never thought you were this much of a lightweight."

"Yeah… you'd think…. I'd build up… some staminininaya… or something."

"You going to be OK?"

"Doin' what?"

"Going to sleep. You're not going to puke, or anything, are you?"

"A'ready did."

"… Oh, that's right…" I groaned, "How could I so easily forget that lovely alleyway…"

"Yeah…so… um… I think I'll be OK." He was trying to take off his coat, fumbling with the buttons.

"Oh for… C'mon. Sit up."

"Why-y-y?"

After several tries, I finally wedged myself behind him and worked his coat off. Underneath was an impossibly complicated leather jumpsuit that I wouldn't have attempted, even if we were both stone-cold sober. There was a belt with a holster too, but he carried no weapon. I started working on trying to get those damn boots off while I was in the neighborhood.

"Thanks Nick."

"Just don't throw up on me and we'll call it even." I realized something and stopped mid-task. "How did you know my name?"

"The guy back at the church told me."

Shit, that's right. "Must have forgotten that."

"What's the o'da one?" He had blinked, and then snorted at his distorted voice.

"What other one?"

"Your o'da name." More snorting and some giggling.

Sigh. "Wolfe. My last name is Wolfe. I'm Brother Nick Wolfe. Got it?" I tried my best to emphasize the Brother part.

"Should have known that…" Vash muttered, as his face buried itself against the nape of my neck.

"Well now you do." I began to notice the soft breath teasing my skin, and what it meant he must be thinking about. "I need to get going."

"Why?" he whined.

Because I was starting to loose trust in myself. "Because lock down is in 15 minutes, and I already have a lot to answer for." I told him, "Charity is one thing, but…"

"You promised me I could harass you…" he said, barely conscious and whining. His hand gently gripped my leg and I felt my entire body twitch.

"I'll have to give you a rain check on that for now." I tried to get up. He wasn't moving. "Look, I'm not gay!" I said, but it had had little effect. On either of us. My body had already decided it was going to enjoy itself with or without me.

"You always say that." He pouted. "Just stay until I pass out. I won't do anything you don't want me to."

Fuck. Fuck me. I wasn't going to leave now. I couldn't even if I had been free to make a break for the door. Why did I always do this to myself?

"God Almighty…" I growled, as I slung a friendly arm over his shoulders.

The first thing I realized, shortly thereafter, was that he wasn't as drunk as I thought he was. The second thing was that he was as good as his word, if not better. His hands were busy, but they never went where they weren't supposed to go. And he didn't kiss me, even when I knew he wanted to, and even after I had started wishing he would.

The next morning had brought the realization that I was tangled together in a complete stranger's bed, with the complete stranger and I wasn't quite sure what part of December I had landed up in. But the understanding had been innocent at first, bereft of any thought of sin. I lay there, wondering if I should really try to get the feeling back into my left leg, or stay and breathe in his curious smell. The only real annoyance that came to mind was that I was still fully dressed.

But the church bells struck ten in the distance and cold reality came rushing back.

What the hell was I thinking?

How was I going to get out of this? Was I going to be able to get out of this?

Nothing had happened.

No but something could have happened! And no one was going to believe me when I told them nothing had happened! And even if they never heard about this, there was still the fact that I hadn't been in for roll call, I smelled like the floor of a saloon, I had missed classes already… I hadn't even finished cleaning last night! Fuck fuck FUCK!

I had told myself that I had to think, couldn't panic, and what was the most plausible lie I could come up with? He was my long lost cousin? No, no one would mistake us for family. He was an old friend? Since when did I have any friends? Dammit!

"Nick?"

"Sorry. I've got to go." I hadn't been paying much attention, trying to find where my left shoe had ended up.

"Why?"

"I'm in a lot of trouble right now. I've got to get to the church as fast as I can."

"Can I help?"

The instant thought that had come had been a sarcastic, 'Oh, you've helped plenty.' "Just don't come looking for me for a few days, and things should be fine. Something tells me I'm not going to be seeing the light of day for a while."

He had watched me, quietly, before asking, "Do you want me to leave?"

I found my left shoe and had pulled it on. "Why would you leave? It's your room!"

"I meant the city."

He had said it so sadly, I wanted to go back and hold him. "No, course not. Why would I want you to leave?" The rush of needing to get out of here NOW kicked back in. Had to cut this short, had to go now, dammit. "Come see me in a few days if you'd like, just let me get out of here. My ass is already in the fire, big time."

I saw him smile as I bolted. And somehow that almost made up for it.

But, oh, I paid for that night.

I was lectured by the principal of the school and two nuns on top of Father Leon's lengthy speech about responsibility. Rulers got involved in unpleasant ways. I did Hail Mary's until my fingers blistered. I was scrubbing floors both in the school and in the church on top of my regular duties. If you've never scrubbed all the floors in a Cathedral, see that you don't make it an option in your future.

Along with the rifts in my obedience, I tried to repair the rifts in my soul. Each night I prayed that God would grant me insight as to what I was supposed to do. No divine answer came to me. But then again, I wasn't sure what trespasses I had truly committed.

What I feared more was the sins I would go on to commit if I was lax the next time I saw him again.

But after a week had passed, I started to worry more that I would never see him again. He hadn't been around anywhere and I had been seriously looking between classes. He had said that he moved frequently, maybe he had decided to leave the pervert little priest in training be and go on with his life. I started waking up in the middle of the night, wondering if I could slip past the doors and gates to go and see him. And when I knew I couldn't, I couldn't get back to sleep.

Around the time my 20th birthday had come around, I started dreaming again. But the man in the suit who looked like me wasn't in any of them. I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

Two weeks after I last saw the guy I had been leaning against a building near the center of the town around dusk, trying to think. I hadn't been thinking in my room, since the nuns had insisted that if I was going to keep up 'that filthy habit', I would do so at my own risk and off of school grounds. I figured I had another hour to think before I had to walk back.

I had been wondering what the hell was taking him so goddamn long. I had told him flat out, that he could come to see me after a few days or so. Though I had to still be on my best behavior, I was more or less out of the woods by now.

"Nice night." A voice beside me said. I had turned and saw that he was suddenly leaning against the wall next to me.

"GAH!" I jumped, "What the…. How'd you… with the…"

"I saw you standing here, so I thought I'd come over," He had said, getting all googly-eyed, and somehow very sparkly, "I didn't mean to startle you. Real sorry if I did."

"…Well you should be!" I told him, "Just where have you been hiding?"

"I saw how much trouble you got into." He said, "I didn't want to make it worse."

"Thanks for the concern, but I don't think you could have made it worse." I had paused, "I thought you had ended your business trip and were heading home."

"It's not exactly a business trip. And I don't have a home to speak of, at the moment," he said, "Guess you have to put up with me for a little while longer."

"Well… all right then."

He graced me with a smile, and I started to feel good.

"Listen, can you at least tell me where I can get a hold of you if—" The church bell rang out, cutting me off. I began to hating that thing for the first time during my stay in December. "Dammit all to hell."

"I thought you said you were trying to stop swearing." Vash had said.

"Yeah, but the longer I hang out with you, the more reasons I find to keep the habit alive." I replied, "I didn't realize how much time had flown by."

"Yeah, guess so." His smile had still been in place, but his eyes were somewhere else for a moment, "Do you need to be somewhere?"

"Back at school. They're going to start locking doors soon."

"Would you get in trouble if I walked with you?"

I'm sure I had looked startled, but the surprise was pleasant. "Not at all."

Next Monday: Running Away