CHAPTER 28

Within a few days, Miguel had managed to get himself a job. It was a waitering gig at a grubby diner in Reseda. The pay was shitty and the manager was an absolute dick, but it was still money all the same, and that was good enough for now. So Miguel now lived a simple summer life. He wasn't meeting up with his old friends. He wasn't training or doing any karate. He would just wake up, go for a run, and then go to work all day, before coming home for the evening with his family.

This life, although simple, raised a lot of alarm bells with his family members. Carmen and Johnny regarded him extremely worriedly. This Miguel wasn't the same Miguel as the one who had left for Juarez a month ago. There was no doubting that. The bruises all over Miguel's body told them that much. But the fact that he found a way to avoid answering any questions they had about what occurred down there and he refused to talk about it caused their worry to increase a hundredfold. There was definitely a lot going on in Miguel's mind that he wasn't letting them in on, and was clearly taking its toll on him. The sparkle that used to glimmer in Miguel's eyes whenever he spoke about the things or people he loved was now dead. His eyes shrouded them in a veil of exhaustion, stress and worry that despite all their trying, Carmen and Johnny couldn't break through.

And they really did try. They did. The amount of times they tried to converse with Miguel about what happened in Mexico, or what had caused his decision to quit Karate, or why he had decided to get a full-time job all of a sudden, or why he seemed so unhappy. Johnny took him on countless burgers and beers out. His mom and him spent many nights in the living room, Carmen practically begging him to let her in, but Miguel's shell remaining a very hard one to crack.

It was around a week and a half after Miguel had been back in the All-Valley when Carmen had realised… her son was well and truly depressed. He hid it well, tucked deep behind fake smiles, short conversations before he would suddenly have to go somewhere. He even tried to hide it from himself for a while as he had just thrown himself into a hectic daily routine, keeping himself extremely busy at work. But every night, as his head hit the pillow, there was no lying to himself. He wasn't happy. Not at all. He was lonely. He was miserable. He had lost the person he cared about most in the world and despite loving her almost more than he could bear, he knew that he owed it to her to keep his distance. She had broken up with him and wanted distance from him. He owed it to her to respect that. Not only Sam though, Miguel had been actively avoiding every single one of his karate friends. He wanted his own distance from the whole karate rivalry, and didn't want to be thrown right back into the centre of it, so instead he pushed himself far away from it all. Other than Hawk that first day, he hadn't even seen anyone since getting back! It was just wake up, exercise, work, sleep. And repeat every single day. Miguel had always found the topic of religion fascinating. The lack of hard factual knowledge and the number of different perspectives out there had always appealed to him. And upon doing countless hours of research about the horrors that lay within Hell, he eventually found one possibility of Hell that he found particularly interesting and relatable. Hell, at least in this scholar's opinion, wasn't a place where every sinner suffered the same generic, painful torture. No, this Hell was different. Because every single person was unique. They had their own stresses, their own fears, their own triggers. So what lay within Hell was a unique chamber for every person, and the chamber would include the sinner's very worst nightmare/fear, amplify it, and play it on repeat over and over again for the rest of eternity. A "Hell loop", they called it. And in a way, Miguel felt that right now, he was in his very own Hell Loop. All of his fears about the lack of opportunities for his future had never been louder in his head than they were now. He was in the same city as all of his old friends and yet he didn't want to, he couldn't, see them. Not to mention the horrors and the lingering trauma about what happened between him and his dad. Miguel was putting himself through all of this in hopes that there was a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, a miniscule college opportunity for him to lunge at, but for all he knew, he could not even get one.

That morning, as Miguel walked out of the shower after he had come back from his run, preparing to go to work, he noticed Johnny and Carmen sitting at the table, eating breakfast and both looking at him nervously. This was once again the same expression they had on their faces when they told Miguel they were pregnant, so Miguel's mind immediately went there.

"Oh, God, what is it? You guys aren't having twins, are you?"

"What? No!" Carmen exclaimed. Miguel let out a huge relief and nodded.

"Good. Good. That's good. So what can I do for you guys then?" Miguel asked. Carmen and Johnny looked at Miguel and took a deep breath.

"Miggy, can you sit down for a second? We need to talk to you about something." Carmen said. Miguel, looking at them nervously as he already had an idea about what they wanted to talk about, sat down opposite them.

"Yeah, so what's going on?" Miguel asked.

"Um… I want to start by saying that we love you and we will support you no matter what." Carmen said. Miguel nodded.

"Okay, and I want to start by saying that I have work now so if you could just cut to the chase, that would be great." He responded. Carmen and Johnny nodded.

"Yeah, so this is what we wanted to talk to you about." Johnny began, gulping anxiously as he stared at Miguel. "Your mom and I… we've been noticing some things about you since you've been home."

"Right. What things?" Miguel asked, in a short, clipped yet still polite tone, trying to hurry this conversion along so he could go to work, and he could minimise the amount of time he had to be in this awkward situation.

"Well, um… you haven't really seen your friends since you've been back. You quit karate, and now you seem a lot less… passionate about life. We just want to make sure that you're okay."

Miguel nodded at them.

"Guys, I appreciate the concern but I'm fine." Miguel murmured.

"Are you?" Carmen asked gently. "Because Miguel, this is the 10th day you've been home and I don't think I've seen you smile once. You don't seem happy."

A long awkward silence overtook them as Miguel stared at them for a while, wisely choosing his next words carefully. He knew that both Johnny and his mom were just looking out for him, but that didn't take away from the annoyance and insensitivity he felt they showed by asking him that question. He didn't tell them what had happened in Mexico - quite frankly he wanted to keep it private - but they both knew that him and his father had a rocky end. Of course he wasn't going to be the same happy-go-lucky kid he was before this year began! A small part of him had died in Juarez when his father had been choking him out, and Miguel was slightly frustrated that Carmen and Johnny couldn't realise that, let alone everything else that was going on with him.

"Look, I need to leave for work so I'm going to keep this short and sweet." Miguel murmured, staring both of them dead in the eye as he responded. "Think about my life right now."

"Miguel…" Carmen started, but Miguel cut her off.

"No, no. REALLY think about it. Think about the things that have happened to me in the past year and a half. Think about the number of opportunities I have to have a half-decent future, especially with this new baby on the way. Think about where I am in my life right now. With my friends, with my romantic partners, with my enemies. What do I have to be happy about?"

With that, Miguel slowly got to his feet, grabbed his bag and walked out of the house, leaving behind an even more concerned Johnny and Carmen. The two of them were both stewing on the words Miguel had just stated, realising how deep this hole Miguel was in really was.

"He's not right, Carmen. In his head. His mind's off." Johnny commented, to which Carmen agreed. Something was seriously off with her son and she needed to find out what it was so she could help him. "Do you think it could be about him quitting karate? You know, losing a part of his identity must be pretty tough."

Carmen shook her head.

"No. I mean partly maybe. There's just… there's more. I don't think it's just one thing. It's a collection of everything." She murmured. "Think about what Miguel said. He said to think about the things that have happened to him in the past year. Well he had his injury, relearned how to walk, had all the training for the tournament only to pull a muscle in the semi finals. Then he went to Mexico and found out what an asshole his dad is. I think that's enough to drive any teenager crazy already."

Johnny nodded.

"There was more though, right? He said think about opportunities for the future. Well he's saving up for college with this whole job thing. Do you think he realises how impossible it's going to be for him to save up for Stanford on a diner salary?"

"Yeah, that too. And then he talked about his relationship between him and his friends, partners and enemies." Carmen recalled as her and Johnny continued to try and decode her son's message.

"Well the friends part is easy enough. Miguel is keeping clear of all of his karate friends for the next little while. He told me as much yesterday." Johnny remarked. "And the partners part… didn't he and the Larusso chick break up? That's got to be it."

Carmen looked at Johnny, shocked.

"They did?"

Johnny nodded.

"According to Larusso, his daughter went all the way down to Juarez to try and get Miguel to come home. Miguel didn't and so the two broke up apparently." Johnny said. Carmen looked down, in utter shock. She had no idea about that. Last time Miguel and Sam had broken up, it had been the biggest thing in his entire life so of course Carmen knew about it. But now, with all the other craziness going on in his life, it wasn't even something he mentioned.

"And then he talked about enemies. No guesses as to who he's talking about there." Carmen remarked.

"Huh?" Johnny grunted, confused. Carmen sighed.

"Your son, Johnny. I'm sure that you getting closer with Robby, amazing as it is for you guys, is taking its toll on Miguel. I mean, Miguel used to look at you as the man who always had his back no matter what. And now, too see you siding with his worst enemy…"

"I mean he is my son, Carmen." Johnny argued. Carmen nodded.

"I know. I know. It's not your fault at all. I'm just trying to translate what Miguel might have said." Carmen replied, before looking down and shaking her head. "Jesus. All of this happening to my baby boy… what are we going to do? What do we say to him?"

Johnny took a deep breath as he looked at her.

"Look, Carmen, I can't believe I'm saying this as this goes against everything I believe in. I personally think therapists are nothing but money-stealing filth who feed on the weakness of this snowflake, pussy generation. But I think that…"

"Miguel needs to speak to a professional." Carmen finished his sentence, and Johnny nodded.

"Yes. I think he does…"