a/n: The ending sequence might be a little confusing at first. It is a lot of going back and forth between settings. The you see is the divider for the settings, but it is all part of the same section. I identified when that section starts. Anyway, this is very dramatic. Enjoy!
Why am I so distraught about this? Why is this waiting killing me inside? Cameron had been in the OR viewing room off and on for the last 16 hours. She was getting rather tired of it, but still couldn't find it in herself to leave. She had seen patients linger before. Would she be this upset if it were a patient shot in front of her and not Chase? She had no answers.
She was startled from her pondering to see the entire team of surgeons entering the OR ready to resume. House and Foreman were dressed in surgical gear and ready to assist.
Cuddy entered to deliver Cameron the update. "They have found their solution. They are going to graft thigh muscle into the ventricle. They are rather optimistic that is could work, that is if the heart isn't too badly atrophied by now."
"I assume that there wasn't an available heart to transplant."
Cuddy reluctantly offered the following information, knowing Cameron was going to give her grief for it. "He wasn't a candidate. It isn't just his heart. We don't know what else has been damaged from him being down and on bypass for so long."
As expected this news didn't settle well. "He's 28 years old. The committee was willing to give him a death sentence over a petty excuse like that? He was in excellent health before all this happened."
"There are guidelines. The risk was too great. Anyway, House thought the graft option was better, as did the specialist. Give them a chance. They know what they are doing."
For once, Cameron was going to trust that statement. She had to this time.
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Chase tried hard to figure out why House was sitting next to him. He wasn't in the mindset to figure out puzzles right now. He had to admit though this was a pretty weird situation.
"Robert, God has no form. When I talk to souls, I tend to take form of someone they can relate to. Don't you like my sense of irony? I never understood those that thought God didn't have a sense of humor."
Chase smiled. "It is pretty funny. How can House be both God and The Devil?"
"What, you haven't figured out that question by now? You know exactly why. The faces of spirits are often from your own state of mind."
"My state of mind has been pretty screwed up lately."
God smiled at Chase's ability to maintain a sense of humor after being through such a rough situation. "What questions do you have for me Robert?"
"Where do I begin? Why did you take me so young? Why now?"
"I always have a rough time explaining that one, because it really takes people by surprise. I think you are pragmatic enough though to take it. Earth is where I created free will of man. I chose not to take control but to only create possibilities. I didn't create the gun that took your life. Man did. I also didn't create the medical technology that your friends are using to try and save your life. Man did. I turn my head, things happen."
"Things happen? That seems like a strange comment to hear from an omnipotent being."
"That's all from the marketing brochure. On earth, I'm your average holier than thou ghost." He noticed Chase's distress from that last offhand comment. The sense of humor was gone. "It's not all bad Robert. Man has done some incredible things. I love checking in and seeing all the possibilities created. Sure, there is much bad as good, but that part wasn't a happy accident."
"What about my miserable existence with my parents for most of my life? How did man do that?"
"No one gets to choose their upbringing Robert. Your childhood is a common example of a squandered opportunity and easily the downside of free will. Your parents were given the best gift anyone could ask for, nurturing a young one through life. Sadly, they failed their challenge. That was their choice. Just like it is your choice to go through life cutting off others and your faith rather than dealing with your rejection. Your judgments are based on your reactions, not whatever good or bad circumstance that man created for you."
Chase grabbed his head and took a moment to process what he was being told. "What about all the emptiness and sorrow I feel? How is that my choice?"
"Now you are asking questions that you already know the answer to. You don't need me for this. How about asking me stuff like what was it like to create the universe in six days or why the Cubs haven't won the series in 100 years?"
"Or why the sky is blue?" Chase added.
"There is a perfectly scientific explanation for that. Google it."
Chase silently acknowledged that maybe this was a waste of time. As good as an opportunity as this was, he wasn't going to get what he needed to hear.
"Robert, I know how you wanted to hear me say that you have done your best, but that cannot be the case as long as you continue to let your emptiness consume you. You were once a man of Christ. You accepted my son as your savior. Once he is in your heart, you can't go back. Any attempts to pull away or deny him or me become overwhelming feelings of guilt. That is because you are accountable for your sin. That is true no matter what faith you choose, but you chose Christ and that is now your path. I may have chosen to not control man's actions on earth, but men will be held accountable one way or another when they leave earth."
Chase was speechless. What did he expect though? He can't fool God.
"The free will of man. You can resist all you want. In the end, it will cause nothing but hurt and pain. If you want to live the way your parents did, you are free to do so. Your actions though isolate yourself from accepting help from others. That is not the intention of life on earth. The intention is that people help one another in all ways, not just the physical healing that you have been gifted with. Those are the wonderful possibilities of glory that have been given to man."
Chase cracked a tiny smile. The words reminded him of the simple phrase that for all those years brought him great comfort. "Glory be to God."
"Glory be to me."
Chase laughed. "That sounds so appropriate coming from House." He stood up and looked away. "God has a sense of humor. I love it."
"You are blessed Robert. Always remember that."
Chase turned around to find God was gone.
The entire conversation swarmed through his head. He could have done better. He knew better. He was just too afraid.
All of a sudden he was overcome by excruciating pain in his heart. It was so intense he didn't have much time to feel it. He instantly fell to the ground and was out.
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(Back and forth scenes start here)
Hours later an exhausted House and Foreman entered the observation area. House chose to deliver the update. "Everything looks good from a structural standpoint. Now its time to see if the ticker actually works."
"How optimistic are they?" Wilson asked.
"Strap in tightly. It will be a bumpy ride.
oooooooooooooooo
They could see Clyde moving quickly from the long distance. As quickly as he could anyway given the fact he was carrying someone.
"Help me here!" He commanded to Chase's parents. "He's out and almost gone."
They placed Chase on the chair fully reclined and made him as comfortable as possible.
"Robbie, don't go yet," his mother tearfully pleaded. "I have so much I want to say. Please wake up."
ooooooooooooooooo
The observation room was now crowded as a few more people joined House, Foreman, Cameron, Wilson and Cuddy. The room was loaded was intense anxiety as they waited for this long ordeal to finally be decided.
In the room below a technician held the metal electrodes near the exposed heart ready to send the impulses. The specialist would send instructions when it was time to shock.
Charge…Now!
ooooooooooooooooooo
Chase awoke to the intense stab of his heart. This was worse than usual. It was like someone stuck a knife directly through it. He looked and noticed the stain on his chest was bigger.
"Robbie, you're awake!"
"My time is here mum."
oooooooooooooooooooo
No response.
House started pacing frantically. Everyone was on wits end, but he was finding this especially hard to watch. "Do all these people have to be here?" House shouted in a frustrated tone. "Chase never liked being the center of attention."
"House, they want to be here. They are worried." Cuddy said in a respectful manner.
House wanted to go off on one of his trademark rants, but Foreman stopped him. "It isn't worth it. Not now. Nobody expected him to come around on the first try."
House nodded and went back to watching.
Charge… Now!
ooooooooooooooooooo
Another huge stab affected Chase. This one was worse than the last one. He let out a distressing cry of pain.
Rowan knelt down and lovingly gazed at his struggling son. "Robert, I can't watch you die. No one should ever have to watch their loved ones die, that's why I didn't want you to know about me. I'm leaving now, but remember, I'll always love you."
"I love you Dad." Chase watched the tears fall from his father's eyes as he slowly got up and walked away.
ooooooooooooooooooooooo
Wilson tried to comfort a now overwrought Cameron, who was having a hard time controlling her grief.
"House was right. I can't watch him die again," she told Wilson tearfully as she planted her face into his arm.
Charge… Now!
oooooooooooooooooooooo
The intense ache was becoming more frequent and more damaging. Chase was starting to struggle now with his breath. He could feel all the blood draining from him.
"I'm sorry Robbie, for everything. I really did do my best." His mother was holding his hand, comforting him through the excruciating pain.
"I know mum. I'm sorry for letting you down."
"You never once let me down. You were never responsible for saving me." She looked at the larger pool of blood now collecting on his chest. It was so much easier when she was the one that was dying.
ooooooooooooooooooooooo
Everyone at this point had really hoped that Chase would have come around by now. Any hopes of best case scenario were now gone.
"How long?" Foreman quietly asked House, whose stood as a statue against the glass. He couldn't move and his eyes stayed fixed on the scene below.
"Ten minutes."
"What was the planned time?"
"Twelve."
Charge…Now!
oooooooooooooooooooooo
Chase was completely flat on his back, clutching his mother's hand with his right and his shirt with his left, which was now completely covered in blood. He gasped urgently for every breath, each attempt resulting in a deep wheeze as his airways started to close. His blue-green eyes stared forward as dark spots began to appear.
"Go on Robbie. Your suffering is done. I love you."
"I love you mum," he said with very weak and soft breath, struggling desperately to get out any word now.
ooooooooooooooooooooo
Charge…Now!
"House, you need to get down there." Foreman told him somberly.
House didn't say a word, but just looked at him with total apprehension and heartache.
"You're the one that's supposed to call it. It's time now."
House sadly nodded and headed toward the operating room. Everyone froze in their tracks as they watched House leave. Their hearts were broken, knowing exactly what was about to be done.
He slowly worked his way down the stairs. His delay should be enough give them one more chance.
oooooooooooooooooooo
Everything was black. The heavy breathing had now subsided, since drawing breath any longer was futile. May the Lord in his love and mercy help me with the grace of the Holy Spirit. May the Lord who frees me from sin save me and raise me up.
Chase felt himself go into a violent freefall backward into endless darkness.
ooooooooooooooooooo
Charge…Now!
House stood at the entrance of the room getting ready to perform his task. The rest of the surgical team noticed his presence and knew it was time to stop.
They were all quickly distracted though. After a brief pause of a second or two, the exposed and tattered heart started beating.
The entire room was stunned, completely startled by the movement that they had just given up hope on. They stood in their tracks, holding their breath, hoping that the weak and inconsistent beats would get stronger and more frequent.
Cameron intently watched with her jaw hanging open and tears of hopefulness rolling down her cheeks.
Foreman tried to show complete calm, but each erratic beat of the heart hit his gut harder and harder with wrought emotion. Come on Chase, he said to himself encouraging his colleague to keep fighting.
Wilson gazed with apprehensive eyes. He had deep hope, but he had seen these glimmers of hope often fail.
Cuddy had a hard time watching and turned away. She fought back tears. She needed to be brave for everyone involved.
House towered over the body, with his tired blue eyes fixed on the throbbing heart. He watched for several minutes as each beat slowly started to flowing life back into Chase.
After five breathless and silent minutes in which it seemed time actually stood still, the surgeon broke the stalemate. "Close him up."
He turned to House and they both shared a tired and worn out smile. "Good job." House told the other doctor. He then left without saying a word.
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Cameron found House later, sitting in his dark office, staring forward into the night. She wanted to thank him for his part in saving Chase's life, but she knew that he never wanted thanks. A living patient was his reward, especially when it involved one of his own.
She wandered into the ICU where Chase was still critical but holding his own. He was heavily sedated and would be out for several days. She sat down next to him and prepared to settle in for the night. "I wouldn't have been like this for just any patient. You do matter to all of us."