Disclaimer: How do I NOT own thee? Let me count the ways……

Chapter three: That which is lost.

Ruling Card: Silent

I noticed over the weeks that Yukito seemed to sense Sakura just as easily as I could. It was odd, the way he seemed instinctively to where she was. He could do the same with Touya, but it didn't have the same reliability. If he was just walking without purpose, his steps would stray and he would turn corners and cross streets almost blindly until he came to where she was.

At the moment, he was drawing close to her in Penguin Park. I wasn't really paying attention to what was happening until I felt a flare-up of magical power. One of the Cards, one of mine. And then Yukito looked up. There was a scream, and then he saw Sakura falling. In true hero fashion he caught her.

Later, Touya came to take her home.

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'Yuki.'

'Hmm?' my false form said, looking up into Touya's dark eyes.

'I saw my mother again.' His eyes were fixed firmly on the football field, empty now that everyone else had left.

'But just yesterday, you said……'

'I know. I saw her this morning. She said she was worried about Sakura.'

'Yeah. Falling over a cliff is rather worrying.'

Touya frowned. 'You know, I'm not entirely sure that's what she was talking about.'

I tensed. He had turned to face Yukito, and he had the Look again.

'What do you think she was talking about then?' Yukito sounded slightly uncomfortable. It was good to know I wasn't the only one.

Touya peered into Yukito's eyes for another second, seeking me out. Then, 'Forget it. I'll tell you…when I'm sure.'

A companionable silence fell for a while. It was one of the few days when Touya didn't have any part-time jobs, and he was in the mood to relax.

'So,' Yukito said lightly in a tone that I had come to realise was Trouble. Capitalised T. 'Does Sakura know what you're going to be doing in the school festival?'

Touya let his head fall into his hands. 'I can't believe I'm doing this,' he mumbled. He looked up and fixed Yukito with the kind of glare that was capable of sending the rest of the football team into hysterical obedience. My false form was as unaffected by it as a battleship by a buoy. 'You did it somehow; manipulated me into being Cinderella. I'm sure of it.'

'Now, now, you were right there when it happened. All I did was hold the box. The teacher picked your name out.'

'I saw you shaking it, Yuki. You did something.'

'That's just your paranoia at work. Besides, playing a girl can't be all that bad.'

'You're one to talk, O Magic Can of Mackerel.' Touya shook his head. 'How you conned the teacher into putting that in I'll never know. You're quite the evil genius.'

He certainly was. Touya was right; My false form had, by some sleight of hand I was unsure even I could duplicate, engineered things so that the name their teacher picked out was Touya's. He had relaxed slightly after that, to his downfall, as his name had been picked for the fairy godmother's; still, some skilful maneuvering had turned a girly middle-aged woman into (of all things) a can of mackerel that had gained magic over the years. I speculated briefly if there was some sort of moral in that, maybe about not wasting things that might be useful, but thinking about it too much hurt even my vast intelligence.

Honestly, where did he get these ideas?

'To-ya, I'm afraid I'm not half as all-powerful as you seem to think I am.' I couldn't see, but I could imagine the cherubic innocence with which he must have spoken it – and the contradictorily evil glint in the eyes that I could catch if I looked just so in his glasses.

'Are you quite sure of that, Yuki?' he asked in a peculiar tone, and I wondered.

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'Hey! What the hell are you doing to my little sister!'

There goes the elder brother, I thought.

A boy was fighting with Sakura in the schoolyard, on the other side of the fence that separated the two sections. The fence that Touya had just vaulted, in fierce defense of Sakura. My false form was right. He really did have a sister complex.

It looked like a fairly normal push-and-pull affair, though Sakura was being typically spineless. Then I noticed that the boy looked terribly like some of Clow's Chinese relations, he had a strong magical aura, he was carrying the compass designed to locate Clow Cards, and what he was hunting in her skirt pocket was definitely not her lunch money.

It looked like a fight was about to begin. The boy had taken a martial arts stance and was obviously prepared to take on Touya, who was about twice his height and weight. I was impressed. He was either a fool or very, very confident.

Just then, Yukito arrived, using his peacekeeping skills (the skills Keroberos insisted had gone to him. How he could be delusional enough to think that was beyond me.) to diffuse the situation. Some aimless chatter about nikuman and curry bread was enough to throw the boy completely off-balance. Then the moon attraction kicked in. I could see it clearly – the first extension of the magical aura, and then the horrendously noticeable blush that spread across his face before he ran away, in such a tearing hurry to leave that he tripped and fell a few times.

That moon attraction. It was the bane of my life. It was slightly embarrassing, like having everyone drool over an arm while ignoring the rest of the body. Sakura and now this boy, not to mention all the people I had met while Cl……in my previous life. It seemed Touya was the only magical person I had ever met who was exempt from it. Perversely, this irritated me, and I wondered how he was able to keep his composure considering the intense attraction most people had towards my power.

I am a moon creature. I have every right to be crabby, moody and illogical. Ask any mage you know.

Later, when Windy came to report that Thunder had been captured by the boy I had met that day, I discovered that the boy was in fact a Li, a distant descendant of Clow's.

I really didn't like the Lis. They were uncivilised, ignorant, hide-bound, traditionalist, elitist idiots. Then again, they were slightly better than Clow's English relatives, who thought that Clow's magical research was some sort of historical cataloguing. Clow's obvious relish of their misconception didn't really raise my opinion of them much. I much preferred Clow's colleagues (and his few friends) to his relations. It was one of the few things Keroberos and I agreed on.

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Night, as usual. Mirror was curled up in my bed in her child form, fast asleep as usual, her hands wrapped tightly around my hair. It hurt a lot more in my false form than it had in my true form. There was very little hair now, after all.

'Missing your hair, are you, Yue?' Windy said knowingly as I winced when Mirror pulled. I disentangled myself from her and sat up.

'Why I allow her to do that I'll never know.'

'You're a big softie, is why,' Watery supplied from the other side of the bed. 'She's got you wrapped around her little finger and she knows it, too.'

Windy giggled. Mirror snuffled. I groaned. 'You girls push me around too much.'

'The angel's Angels,' Watery grinned as if she'd just said something hilarious.

'Eh?' Windy and I said simultaneously, puzzled.

'No exposure to pop culture at all. You're such old-fashioned boring middle-aged people, honestly, it's a wonder why I hang out with you.'

Windy rolled her eyes, used to Watery's antics. 'So what are you going to do about this Li?' she said.

'There doesn't seem much to do,' I said, frowning slightly. 'They're competing for the Clow Cards; it looks a fairly even match, so what it boils down to is which of them has more power – and which knows to use it better.'

'But Clow didn't account for two Cardcaptors, did he?'

'No. At least, he didn't mention it to me.'

'Soooo?' Watery said. Mirror made a complaining sound, and Watery flicked a finger at her, sprinkling water on her face.

'Waaateryyyy!'

'Let them compete,' I said. 'The one who is stronger will triumph. That is natural law, after all.'

'It was definitely a mistake to let you read Darwin.'

'I don't recall asking you permission, Windy. Besides, there's not much else to do except read,' I said coolly.

'That's……a terrible pun, Yue,' Watery said, giggling madly. 'And it's way too much information, if you ask me.'

I flushed as the other meaning dawned on me. 'I meant in the book.'

'I suppose we should be glad that Clow left us a way to understand the world around us,' Windy noted. 'Those of us who actually bother to read literature, that is,' she added pointedly.

'Superficial and proud, sister mine,' Watery said and winked.

Windy huffed. 'Well, while Watery indulges in perverted thought……what about the Final Judgment? Will you test them together, or separately?'

'Separately, I would imagine. The Li first, and then Sakura.'

'What if they both win?'

'You should be more worried about both of them losing.'

'But if one loses, you'd regain their Cards and be even more powerful.'

'That's Sakura's problem. I know I can finish the Li.'

'There's some powerful emotion there,' Watery said. 'Why do you hate the Lis so much?'

'None of your business,' I said. The memory of a few choice remarks made by one of them regarding my humanity, intelligence and position in Clow's household still lingered.

'Hm,' Windy said thoughtfully. She'd had to restrain me forcibly that evening until that unfortunate guest left (with some not-so-delicate persuasion from Fight and Watery, under Clow's command). Clearly, she remembered as well.

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Sword, Flower and Shield were captured without much intervention from the Li. He was bitten by that idiot Keroberos during the Sword capture – Yukito turned up soon after. I was somewhat amused by that. Keroberos' opinion hadn't changed either, I could see. His rivalry with Touya was continuing merrily; he'd even tried to set him on fire once. I could see he had inherited the Li sweetness of disposition and courtesy to all.

When Time went to the Li boy, I was rather surprised. Time was difficult to capture, and this boy, who had barely enough power to do the job, had taken the Card without any real resistance. In fact, now that I thought about it, all the Cards were falling too easily to the Cardcaptors. I mentioned this to Windy, and she hmmed and said she'd look into it; maybe some of the sun-ruled Cards knew something she didn't.

'You said that the sun-ruled were angry with Keroberos. What's happening there?'

'Full-fledged rebellion,' Windy said dryly. 'Most of them want to tie Keroberos to a tree and leave him sweetless for a month.'

Only someone who knew the Sun Guardian would truly understand the severity of that punishment. 'And the others?'

'Want to slow-roast him over a bed of coals.'

'I see. He's still going against Clow's orders then?'

'As far as I can see, yes. Although the Li boy still seems to remember more than he does.'

'Only to be expected,' I sniffed. 'Keroberos has a memory that's only slightly worse than a goldfish.'

'I think there's more to it than most of us are seeing,' Windy said softly. 'Keroberos asked me to tell you to meet him in the dream plane if you could.'

'Keroberos told you?' I said too loudly. 'Wait. He knows you come to see me?'

'He's not that stupid either, Yue. He's known from the beginning. Keeping you up to date is part of my job, you know. He's the Guardian of the book; I can't exactly leave without his noticing.'

'Oh,' I said, slightly deflated. 'I'll meet him there. Eventually. When I can.'

Power was captured the day after that conversation, but I wasn't really bothered. The sun-ruled were Keroberos' business.

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The day of the school festival dawned. Yukito was manning a booth that sold drinks (I was not surprised). The Li boy turned up early and devoured a sizable quantity of drinks while feasting his eyes. He was going to get indigestion later.

Well, that attraction was working in my favour for once.

Sakura and Tomoyo, that camera girl, arrived, and Yukito took them around the festival. He came to a game where they were giving stuffed toys away as prizes to anyone who could beat five members of the basketball team to score. The captain didn't look terribly happy when Yukito stepped up and paid the hundred yen. I wondered idly if he really was good enough to make five players who were taller than he was this nervous.

He was. He was faster and had better reflexes than the others. Nonhuman reflexes, obviously. Clow hadn't said Dash was moon-ruled for nothing, and while Yukito didn't have the power I had, he still inhabited something that was partially my body.

He picked up his prize, a pink stuffed rabbit (he had this unwholesome fascination for his namesakes, I had noticed quickly) and gave it to Sakura. Then he turned and offered another two coins to the captain – for the camera girl and the Li, I presumed.

The second time, it happened.

The connection between my mind, my body and Yukito's mind and his body was always closed unless I wanted to take over, and I didn't have nearly enough power to do that yet. But suddenly, I could feel the connection open and an alien presence – Yukito? – pry into my life-force. I retreated quickly, repelling the presence. Yukito played the game out, but he was feeling a little disturbed by that.

Wait. How did I know what he was feeling?

Then I realised. Somehow, my false form's mind had decided it needed more power and drawn it from the nearest available source – me. It was exactly what I did with the moon – and the power difference between me and Yukito was about the same. He was trying subconsciously to gain some strength, some focus. That was how I could sense what he was feeling.

The third time, it happened again. This time, I was ready, and instead of retreating, I fed him a fraction of my energy. The presence subsided, satisfied, and the momentary, weak connection faded. I couldn't feel my false form anymore.

I was deeply disturbed by this. A normal false form was used for two purposes: to provide a human-looking body for a nonhuman creature, or to create a 'cover' for periods of dormancy like the one I had been brought out of. They had no real independent personality and unless the true form was in full control of the body, they couldn't use magic either.

Yukito had just done both.

Procedure was clear on this matter. A false form that was behaving abnormally for any reason could be reabsorbed by the true form. It wasn't too difficult. I would have to recreate the physical body from scratch, of course; still the only differences between me and Yukito were eye colour, hair colour and the wings, which I could make disappear if I wanted anyway. It would leave me very drained, but there was more than enough power in me to accomplish the task. A full moon and certain rites and I would be quite safe.

It wasn't the science of the matter that troubled me. It was the ethics.

Was Yukito really just a false form? I hadn't used my false form for too long periods of time before; short journeys with Clow or the occasional visit from his family or friends. But Yukito had been – alive – for two years now. He had memories of his own, that I had not touched; friends; school; in short, a life.

At what point did it stop being reabsorbing of a malfunctioning part and become………

Murder?

The differences were easy to spot. Yue and Yukito. The Moon Guardian and the high-school boy; the magical creation and the (in most ways) normal human. I was reclusive, passive, secretive; he was open and friendly and cheerful; not to mention his atrocious taste in clothing, which was as unlike mine as it was possible to get. There were similarities, too. A love of manipulation, a quick wit; fierce loyalty; a passion for knowledge; archery; we were both moon-ruled as well. I spent the rest of the day and most of the night attacking the matter from various angles, and was no closer to any kind of resolution to the problem. I barely even noticed Mist being captured, or Yukito's dance with Sakura – I registered those events a while after they occurred. There were too many points of view to decide whether he was like me (and therefore a properly functioning false form) or not. It was too difficult to tell.

……as difficult as it would be, I realised slowly, to prove that any two people were the same person or not.

There was the answer.

I couldn't hurt Yukito. Not anymore. All I could do was watch – which was all I seemed to be doing at the time – and wait to see what he would do next.

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The next few weeks were rather quiet. Float was captured and Sakura's class went on a school trip and found Erase. I relished the lack of news, taking the time to observe Yukito's actions more closely than I had before. The more I saw, the more I was convinced that what I had decided the night after the school festival was correct.

Windy kept pushing me to talk to Keroberos, and I agreed after some hesitation. I was reluctant to meet him, for reasons I couldn't clearly state. The fact that he got on my nerves was only part of it. I wasn't worried about giving away my identity – he tended to categorise people within three seconds and close his eyes to new evidence, and he had summed Yukito up as Touya'sfriendcluelessnotaproblem and paid little attention to him since.

It was simply that, in many ways, meeting Keroberos would simply drive home the fact that Clow really was d-gone.

The last two centuries I had spent alone, in a void so deep and black that I couldn't even see myself, hear my own voice. The only thing that had kept me from thinking I was dead was the occasional psychic touch from my Cards as they confirmed their presence to me and to each other. Being sealed had felt like dying. I had asked Watery about that once, and she had given me a blank stare and said it hadn't been painful at all.

I'd had two centuries to heal, true. Being unsealed had brought some of the pain back, rather like a scab falling off. I would just have to give it time. So much feeling took time to subside into memory. But I had time.

Time was about the only thing I could depend upon.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who waited for the next update, and to the three reviewers I have had so far. Review, please; I really want to know what you think. Feel free to criticise as well – but have legitimate points to make if you do. The next update will be quite soon, and I have managed to retrieve most of the later chapters.

Niru