"You have a new mission, Soldier; report to be debriefed." His handler told him and he nodded. He turned and changed into his gear and readied his equipment. He would have it for whatever he may need, and he'd get the rest of it later after being briefed on the mission's parameters. Then he could fine-tune his weapon selection.
He marched through the doorway, past the door and checked around the room. No one to brief him yet, but... Natalia was here. He glanced her way a second time and found her dressed for a mission. Perhaps they were being put to another one together after the success of the other. Still, he was slightly surprised. He assumed he'd never see her again. But perhaps they were simply moving to something new. She was immensely talented... but the Soldier didn't usually work with anyone.
It was strange. Strange, but welcomed.
There was a folder on a table. It seemed like no one was going to come to debrief them. Natalia read through the file and it sounded like the usual spying business. A target to follow and information they needed to receive. Natalia was already thinking about how to actually collect that kind of information when she heard steps.
Natalia stood with her back to the door as someone entered. It was the unique pace she had grown used to as a teen. A smile formed on her lips as she knew who was entering the room.
"You won't need any of this. We are doing it my way," she told him and turned around to look at the familiar man.
The young woman glanced at him standing just as still as he did. The smile on her lips revealed how happy she was to see him again. It felt like ages since she had seen him the last time. So many things had happened since their rather one-sided interaction.
She looked at him and fought the urge to hurry over to him and hug him tightly again. But it was inappropriate. It had been the same when she had gone for it. But it had been different. She had thought of never seeing him again.
"It's good to see you again, Winter," she eventually said and extended her arm to offer him the file.
He never seemed to know how she knew he was there and not someone else. He'd heard many things from her, but who knew which was her way? It could have been anyone through that door, but the comment was obviously geared towards him.
"Your way is slow," He responded casually. "Less control and more time for things to go different than the plan."
He finished and there was almost a complaint in his voice. After not being around Natalia, he could pinpoint the unnecessary action and attribute it to being around her. She brought these things out of him with the familiarity between them. This almost felt like old times, like they were simply training and they would argue a point of effectiveness.
She turned around and smiled at him, and the Soldier couldn't help but share a smile with her. She said exactly what he was thinking, in English as she usually did, expecting that was a safer way to express things they both knew they shouldn't.
They stood there, and he realized he had expected more as she handed him the folder and he took it with the quietest spin of motors moving in response.
"It is," He agreed, his voice almost warm. He'd missed training her, found things were missing out of his daily routine he hadn't consciously known even happened. Like the way she'd hugged him before she left to graduate. It was... odd (wasn't it always strange with her?), but he knew of that warmth now and found he wanted it.
The Soldier quickly dismissed such a silly thought and flipped the folder open with his thumb. His eyes took in the information coldly and... she was right; this was not a job for his weapons. It begged the question of why he was going at all.
When he got to the last page, he saw why their target was heavily surrounded, even in his own home. They'd infiltrate as friends to him and his wife, but even once infiltrated, it would take manpower to take his guards out. He flicked through the information on them and decided he'd be able to.
But it would be a long way to that point. Thus, Natalia. It was sound. But he knew he'd grow weary of it. But it did not matter. All that did was his mission's success.
"So what is our angle in, Black Widow?"
He asked, another smile touching his face. He was proud of her. This mission, and the more to come her way, her clearly successful graduation... he knew she'd find the freedom over herself she'd so desired as a younger girl.
"The target is a military man... you know I'll need another haircut to pass for military," He nodded up to indicate the hair that had already grown down to just past his ears. But, honestly, he would, for them to not stick out on a military base.
"My way might be slow, but it's effective. You cannot argue that," she told him and continued "Sometimes chaos is way more entertaining and not all of us like to have control over every little detail in their lives."
She chuckled and still suppressed the urge to hug him. It was so good to see him and even hear his voice. Natalia had missed him just like she had predicted. It wasn't even the training that she had missed but his presence and the usual stoic ways. Even though they irritated her mostly.
Her smile grew as soon as he agreed that it was nice to see her as well. It was a happy one and she almost hugged him. Yet she stood before him and watched as he went through the folder. It was clear that he didn't like acting along with her. It almost made her eyes sparkle in amusement. It would become dreadful for both of them. But still, it was better with him there.
"Told you so," she said with amusement as he reviewed the information.
"Well, I say meeting them and becoming friends. People tend to trust their friends. So being nice and friendly will open the gates to their home. But first, observe them and get to know their daily routine. Then, we can introduce each other after some time while accidentally bumping into them," she explained her plan. It would take time and a bit of pursuing, but she was sure they would manage.
"Having a husband would be nice, though," she told him and that would be his part. To get to know and become friends with the man while she went to become friendly with the wife.
Once he mentioned his hair, she looked at his haircut. He looked more like the man she had grown close to than the man in the picture. She liked his long hair better, but she knew he was right.
"You're right... I guess the first thing is finding scissors," she explained, brought her hand up to his hair, and ran a hand through it to see how long they had grown.
"I see no one has cut them for you since the last time?" she asked him with a smirk and spoke "I like this haircut better, but you're right. Everything else would attract unwanted attention."
Every detail of the mission, not his life, he thought. But yes, of course, he wanted to control the mission. It was the only sure way to ensure success. But, of course, he knew he could trust Natalia with parts of it. Her skills were designed for this sort of situation.
He sent her a wry look as she said, 'told you so', yes, well, she wasn't wrong in this case. But there wasn't much he could do about it, it was his mission and he'd do as he was ordered.
There was information about how they could be set up on the base, in the housing and not in the barracks. He listened to Natalia's plan and nodded a few times. It would be tedious, but as long as it was effective for the mission, he would do whatever need be done. He glanced at his arm, hoping it would not be a problem in a longer-term environment. But it was fortunately cold this time of year, and the military base was farther north and may even have snow.
"I agree, a couple has more range of motion. We would be in the housing, like the target, instead of the barracks," They'd have more room to move around freely this way. Less people looking over their shoulders and fewer inspections.
"You're the only hairdresser I know, Natalia," He joked, a slight smirk forming on his face. She liked it currently? She'd been the one to suggest he cut it in the first place. Of course, he didn't have a real preference... But he enjoyed having his hair cut. Her running her hands through it too, he supposed she was checking its length, produced the same effect.
"It grows quickly," He noted and wasn't sure why he assured her of that. But it did grow rather quickly, and the mission was the top priority. But he hadn't ever noticed how his hair grew before she mentioned it. Like so many things, it seemed...
"And it gives me a reason to be there. There aren't many female soldiers after all," she told him, happy that he had agreed to the plan. Perhaps things wouldn't become so irritating after all. As long as she argued for the mission's success, he wouldn't say no. It was calming in a way that he hadn't changed much.
"Well, it seems like we're married in that case,"she said with a nod and chuckled. That was something she would've never thought of saying.
"Am I?" she asked surprised and continued joking, "-I am sure you would be able to ask one of those girls of the Red Room to help you with your hair. They'd be happy to oblige and braid your hair. I used to do the same with the other girls before they secluded me. It was nice." She smiled over the memory for a moment, but the nostalgia was gone as quickly as it came.
"It sure does," she laughed over the thought. It was a strange comment from him, but somehow it made her happy. Natalia didn't know why, though.
"Come on.", she spoke and opened the door. "Let's go to my room. I will cut your hair there and make you look like a soldier, Soldier."
He nodded, "Clearly a mistake," He nodded towards her. Of course, the army would be fortunate to have someone of Natalia's caliber or even any of the Red Room's trainees in their fold. But then, the state had them in other, less observable places such as this. "Are we changing our names again?" He chuckled, and he supposed they were skipping the honeymoon. Although he kept the joke to himself.
He snorted at that, oh yes, because he'd let someone braid his hair. He tried to imagine their reaction to their cold teacher, who nearly broke them each day, asking them for a haircut. Natalia didn't seem to understand just how different she really was.
He nodded and took the folder with him to go over the details one more time. After the haircut, of course.
Natalia shrugged as he mentioned that it was a mistake. She was no soldier but an assassin. They hadn't trained her to become a soldier. She wasn't even sure if she would make a good one. But in truth the State would've been able to train her into anything.
"Oh yes, I think so. As charming as it is, but people will look strangely at me if I introduce myself as Mrs Soldier" she told him with a smile and chuckled.
"What's a name you'd like? James perhaps?" she suggested and smiled at him. The thought of calling him James was strange. She had read so much about that man. It still seemed like the described man was the complete opposite of her Winter. Yet she had never been able to fulfill her personal mission and this was the time to keep digging.
Once inside her room, she made him sit on her bed. She retrieved her scissors and ran her hand through his hair. She noticed again how he relaxed under her touch. A smile appeared on her lips and she touched his hair more often than it would've been necessary. But it was soft to her touch and secretly, she enjoyed this as much as he did. Again she took the picture from the file as a template. After all, James Buchanan Barnes had been an American soldier.
It took them - mostly her - three weeks to observe every little detail about the target's private life. They had a routine and it would be more or less simple to bump into them during grocery shopping. Yet she slowly grew impatient with her former teacher. He was too impatient about this, especially with their lack of progress. Natalia had tried to explain that it was necessary. After all, two weeks might've been too little. What if some things were happening unplanned? Natalia nearly hadn't told the Winter Soldier about her plan to finally introduce them. He had commented one too many times about how slow her way was.
She dropped to the couch and placed her feet on the couch table. "Ready to go grocery shopping?" she asked him and drew her gaze to the Soldier. "Again, remember to be nice and polite! You know nothing about them. Anything else draws unnecessary attention," she explained to him like she would go on a mission with someone who hadn't done this before. She spoke to him like he was the student and she was his teacher.
"We're going to invite them for dinner... Just mention something like I always cook too much for the both of us anyways..." she told him and sighed. In truth, Natalia never cooked. She had tried it on one of their first days at the base and heavily burnt and over-salted their dinner.
He wasn't doing too badly with the waiting patiently while they took in details. Natalia took in specific details of the targets' lives and how to integrate them... The Soldier rooted out the base's details, the houses' layouts (thankfully, they were all mass produced practically the same design) and how best to make their quick exit once they killed the couple. Unfortunately, the target and the wife could not stay alive as witnesses. There were not the guards they had expected after all.
He had done alright with his cover, as well. He responded to James almost instantly when called. He fit in as a private, too; it was likely easier because it was an army base. But he felt familiar, even around the strict orders and routines of the men here. It was normal. For the Soldier, it was easy. Yet... some part of him felt annoyed by it, angered; it was so small and irrelevant that he paid no attention... but it was there. He simply assumed it was Natalia's doing and the waiting and extreme lack of progression. Was it so necessary to wait so long?
Still, it was oddly relaxing to sit here after the whole day of training (which he found laughable at the best of times and hard to cover up his arms strength and his enhanced reflexes others). The first two weeks, it was not. He was constantly rigid, awaiting any kink in the mission, always looking for such a problem to arise.
The last few days, he had settled in somehow. This couch was so much more preferable to his bunk back at the Red Room or in Siberia.
"Hm?" He asked eyebrows raised as she sat next to him. Groceries? These sorts of things always caught his interest, so mundane... and yet they must do them to keep their mission quiet. He nodded at her reminders. The Soldier understood how he just found it burdensome.
As she specified, it was to do with the targets. He straightened and sat up on the couch.
"Excellent, it has been time enough," He said with a shake of his head. Although he knew this was the start of growing closer to them and not necessarily any closer to the mission's ultimate goal. As she threw out a line he could say, a crooked grin appeared and his eyes focused on her. "Shouldn't I say something more along the lines of Natalie really can't cook, but we've bought too much boxed food for us?"
"Well, I'm pretty sure which one is their interest and the activities they do regularly. So we can also fake interest in them," she explained and blew a red strand of hair out of her face. Natalia enjoyed this sort of interrogation. It gave her a sense of everyday life without people questioning every move. She had even started to openly work on her own private mission. But she was pleased to see how easily the Winter Soldier responded to James. Her instincts told her more and more that the file was valid.
Natalia raised her eyebrow, skeptical, and spoke calmly, almost threateningly, "One comment about my cooking skills and I chop your good arm off," she said casually leaving him hanging if she was joking or not.
"Besides, could you try cooking today? Let's see if you're better than me in that," she laughed, trying to imagine him in a kitchen with an apron on. It was oddly disturbing to picture.
He got distracted, his eyes picking up her tossing her hair back instead of the words. It was likely from boredom, of course. Everything was slow here and he eagerly awaited some new approach.
The crooked grin grew as he threatened him. "That's quite vicious. I need this one to feel," He chuckled and raised his hands, both covered, to flex in front of her. Not that he couldn't feel, in a sense, in his other arm. It has some sort of sensors that he felt, pressure, damage, a touch, impulses that went to his brain like any other part of him and made him aware. But he didn't really feel it and couldn't sense heat or warmth with it, pain or more minor sensations. Having one hand that didn't truly feel only made him more aware of how much he did with his other hand, though.
"I would have two arms, then, and you'd never beat me again," He countered because Natalia just might.
He laughed. "My cover would be blown for sure," He whispered, it was not something to be overheard, but he'd already started to say it. In truth, he didn't think he had any talents outside his field. Why would he?
"In that case, you better behave, Winter," she told him matter of factly, but a smile spread over her lips and she started laughing.
"If I ever attempted to chop that arm off, you'd wake up before I got to finish and tossed me away," she pointed out and continued "Nah, I like my spine how it is. In place and healthy."
Natalia smiled at him and rose to her feet again, taking his hands into hers. She looked at both hands and noted how they didn't look different from one another - even to the touch. But one was way more deadly than the other. It must feel weird to him, but he didn't know it differently.
"Do you still remember the times when you had a normal arm?" she asked even though she knew the answer to that question. But, of course, he didn't. He had no idea that the man she was trying to uncover was actually part of the enemy. The ones he tries to kill and sabotage.
"Okay, fine, no chopping off arm.", she agreed with an exaggerated sigh and glanced at him. "Gotta have to win against you just for once!" Natalia said, chuckling and letting go of his hands.
"Not if I cannot prevent that, darling. Perhaps they'll put you in the kitchen to peel potatoes instead of the training, James.", she told him with a shit-eating grin, which basically already said that he would get to cook sooner or later.
"Yup, you're going to cook! Wearing an apron and everything," she nodded to herself and started laughing "You don't even need to argue."
He leaned his head back on his outstretched arm across the back of the couch and smirked sharply as she went on. Probably, he slept lightly when he did sleep. It wasn't often, especially on a mission like this. But he had been teasing and she was too, and it made his eyes follow her movements, flashing with amusement.
She took his hands and he raised an eyebrow and made extra sure that he didn't move the metal fingers in such a way that might hurt her own. Her eyes traced back and forth and he wondered what she found so fascinating. They were simply hands.
The grin on his face faltered as she asked him that. His own gaze dropped from her face he'd been studying to his hands. He... the Soldier... didn't know... his eyebrows knit... and he really tried. He tried to remember it to some event that must have taken his other arm. But, of course, no one was born this way logically. He kept trying. He never did, he realized, he felt the emptiness, sure, but he pushed past it. Without thinking about doing it, he went past the blank spaces. This was perhaps the first time he'd ever sat long enough to recognize that nothing was there.
He couldn't remember anything. Not how he got the arm, but he did not have two normal arms. Who did it... he couldn't reach back to anything, it was just silent emptiness.
"No," he admitted in a soft but bitter sigh and turned his head downward. He couldn't look at Natalia as he said it. Something made him want not to, something like a failure. But, no, no failure angered him, pushed him to victory. This... was similar to nothing. He didn't recognize the sensation, but it made him squirm without physically doing so.
The feeling grasped around his chest like a vice, and he promptly pulled his hands back from Natalia. He held it above his lap, turned his palm over, curled in each finger, and back out. His eyes dulled, growing distant as he analyzed his arm. Finally, he grabbed the cuff of the shirt sleeve and roughly shoved it up the arm to inspect it more. He'd never paused long enough, even training in the Red Room, to look past the arms' usefulness.
He didn't like this, this feeling that he was nothing. It angered him. Even the simplest of questions, he couldn't answer. Unlike the other trainees, they were encouraged to not use names or call each other... But like Natalia, they did have them. The young children had stories, ones they were made to throw away... but in the night, were they not there to reach if they pleased? That's what made them such good spies, right?
Speaking of, she tried to pull him out of it. He tried... blinking slowly and letting his arm rest on his knee. Finally, he turned his face back to face her, but the hard line that tugged his lips down didn't really leave. He tried for a smile and nodded as she said she must win once, but he struggled and ended up primarily a faint scowl.
"An apron might not fit," He attempted faintly to tease her back.
His cover, yes, his mission... he managed a tight smile this time. The name made his head ache, and he was sure it was because he simply didn't know his own. If he ever had one. The Soldier didn't think he did. The lack of memories... must be from the lack of having them. There was nothing to him... and for the first time... his chest was labored with... an ache for it. Like a headache or pain... but it was just phantom pain. He ached to have a name himself. Not the Winter Soldier, not a title... but just something for someone like Natalia to call him.
"Natalia. Do you remember your time before the room? Before you were orphaned?" He asked abruptly. His eyes darkened and were troubled as he peered up to her for an answer.
Natalia watched the man next to her search for answers. It made her heart ache to see him look for them so desperately. She wanted to help but knew he had to find these answers for himself. She could not give him the file and tell him to read this. She knew his loyalty to the country would likely make him turn her in. This was a secret that she had weighed upon herself.
This moment made her question if she was doing the right thing by making him realize who he was. Obviously, he had been happy with his life the way it was. Years of training by his side had shown her that. But still, she knew she needed to do this. To show him that he was more than their weapon. Perhaps it was even more than just selflessness. She needed to do this for herself as well. To remind herself that she was human and not a simple tool in someone else's secret plans.
As he muttered his no, Natalia looked at him for a moment. Then, she outstretched her hand and ran it gently through his hair after he had pulled his hands back from hers. Of course, she had recognized how he reacted to her touch while cutting his hair. She hoped to give him at least some comfort and didn't even mind getting hurt in the process. Just a little comfort for her friend...to ease her own bad consciousness in this.
She noticed that he was trying to tease her back, but it seemed to only bring more trouble. Eventually, she dropped her hand again and scooped closer to him, resting her head on his metal shoulder. Natalia hadn't done this before and didn't know why she was acting like this and she told herself it was just her way of telling him that she was there to help if he needed her.
His question made her squirm uncomfortable. She had been too young to remember anything outside the Red Room. But the other girls had told her stories about their parents, especially during the days that she had had nightmares and had been really afraid. So she had made up her own stories about her parents, like fairytales. But nowadays, she couldn't tell the difference between a story and real memory anymore.
"I was four when I was orphaned. Kudrin told me that one night I was standing on the doorstep of the Red Room and she took me in. Apparently, I had a few possessions but never saw them again. Yet I do remember some things but cannot tell them apart from a lie anymore. You have to know these girls - they help you. They aren't supposed to, but in a way, you're sisters. You face the same fate as all of them. So they understand you...and your fears. They tell each other stories about their childhood outside the Red Room. But I was too young to remember anything outside of it," she spoke and didn't meet his eye.
Natalia closed her eyes, then opened them again and looked troubled. She had never told this to anyone. It was an unwritten law to never tell the trainers these things.
"Well, those stories made me make up some of my own. Just so I could fit in. Little four-year-old me just wanted a friend. I would've done anything for them to accept me. I had lost my parents and the images of them slowly faded. But those stories made it harder for me to distinguish the truth from fantasy."
Natalia looked up at him. She seemed troubled and she debated whether or not she should tell him.
"I have a memory of my parents...How I ended up in the Red Room. It doesn't fit Kudrin's story, but I think it's the real one. My parents' home was under attack by soldiers. They shot at our house over and over again. My mother hid in the cellar with me and...and another boy. I think he is my older brother. I don't know his name anymore. She gave us to one of the soldiers and begged for our lives. I think he was the one to bring me to the Red Room... So yes, I think I do remember things outside of there... They might tell us to forget that it doesn't matter. But no one forgets."
Suddenly she looked even more uncomfortable and turned to him fully. "Winter, you have to promise me to never tell this to anyone. It's one of the little things they cannot take from them. It keeps them going. It's so little. Please don't tell Kudrin!"
He did not know why he needed to know her answer. Why did he placed it as helpful? Perhaps it was because he saw a similarity in them now. Maybe he needed some sort of information to latch onto or some way out of this place he'd suddenly found himself in. The unknown territory he had no preparation for. He kept his shoulder still as Natalia rested her head there and tucked his head down to see her face.
He listened seriously as she unraveled her story, and when she paused, her darkening eyes slipping closed... he found his hand moved without him thinking of resting on her knee. Instead, he squeezed it gently, as she had earlier, running her hand through his hair as some gesture of comfort. He didn't stop once he realized he had but watched with a frown as she struggled to continue with it.
Ten minutes ago, he would not have understood why these little girls would want that, why it was necessary. But with this fresh ache to remember something, he found it suddenly easy to comprehend. If he had something like that, wouldn't he want to keep it? He gave her a half smile as she stared at him, and he found it so... odd to see this lost look reflected in Natalia's green eyes. She never seemed lost to him, consistently fiery and determined. Yet she was now; he could see that clearly. Perhaps they were more alike than he knew.
He smiled sadly as she said this, and he was... relieved for her. That she had this memory, if she thought it was true, perhaps she just felt it was.
"Hold that single truth close to you, Natalia," He said, a surge of strength returned to his voice at the declaration. "Perhaps it is what makes you so special," He muttered but was entirely distracted by her tragic story and the questions she must hold from it and from his own statement by her last sentence.
No one forgets... she'd only just said them and he already felt haunted by her words. If he did not forget and could not remember any glimpse, there was little hope he'd ever been such… been like Natalia had been as a child... he was simply Russia's soldier... and he supposed there weren't truly questions to even be answered for him as there were for Natalia, as he'd tried to find and failed. He would have to learn to live with this sudden new burden and only realized he'd looked away from her when he felt the muscle above her knee stiffen
He glanced at her and found her eyes were fearful... He was rather unhappy to have the gaze directed towards him. But, on the other hand, it was one he was very familiar with and one he never took note of. He didn't seem to like it on her, though.
"I will never take this from you, Natalia," He promised in a low voice and withdrew his hand. Especially as he realized how he... felt lacking such a thing. A past story to tell... there was nothing like that for him. He couldn't imagine a situation where he would try and take it from her or do something to lead to it. To make her feel as he did, now.
As for the others... "It is not Kudrin I report to," He said dismissively but his voice turned serious again. "My mission is to train them to fight efficiently, that is all, " He told her, his eyes catching hers in a silent warning. Not to speak of his charges in the Red Room again, at least in the capacity of his mission. It didn't matter now... having nothing to do with his area of training the girls, but he didn't need to know their small secrets if they had to do with his training. "Besides, these moments clearly lead to success, isn't that right?" He said, insinuatingly, because if ever asked... it simply led to success. So why would he take the second note of it?
It... was a dangerous thought. It was very unlike him. But the Soldier wasn't sure what was like him at the moment.
Natalia looked at him as he spoke about holding it close. She had never intended to do something else, but it was oddly comforting that he finally understood. Perhaps he would question things now. He would look at these girls differently from now on. It might benefit all of them. Maybe she was sentimental, but she thought it would be good for them to have a slightly different path from what she had gone through.
"It's the reason why I question. You say it's treason, but in truth, it's just a way to stay sane. To fill the emptiness they put on every person. They have secrets from us, so why shouldn't I keep things from them? It's how this thing rolls for me. As long as I fulfil the requirements, no one will question how I do it," she stated and continued "That's why it is so important for you to question, Winter."
"They do lead to success... Or to a redheaded girl running away from some monsters inside of a facility," she replied and hugged him suddenly tight. This time it was different. Natalia was thankful that he understood why it was vital for them to have it. Somehow it felt good to share this with him. Natalia let him in and she knew it was dangerous. This kind of relationship was different from the one they had weeks ago. As much as she had trusted him, she would've never told him her own story or talked about one of the secrets these girls kept and she still kept it for them. Eventually, she released her tight embrace on him again. She looked at him thoughtfully.
"What if... what if there was a way to uncover some of your past? Would you want to know it? Be aware that not all of it would make sense. Most likely, it would be painful," she said and looked at him.
This was a turning point for her. Whether he wanted to know the truth or not. She wouldn't continue to force it onto him to see what kind of reaction he might have. It didn't really work, to begin with. He either closed up, pained or dismissed it. This was a new reaction and the closest she would ever get to asking him this critical question.
It was treasonous. It made him slightly uncomfortable with all this, the colder focus of his mission almost returning to him. She should know that loyalty to the state was absolute; you could not waver from that. But she continued and what she said was different, just thoughts, not actions. So the coldness fled again and he was left with the state he'd been in. It just felt worse after it.
The emptiness... his eyes lowered and he inspected the floor. Yes... he felt that suddenly, but unlike Natalia, it wasn't their doing that put it there. It was his own. They weren't secrets from them; it was simple things they were not required to know. Neither of them headed departments such as this or ran the country. It was not for them to know. But he was glad she finally understood that; when she was young, he'd tried to tell her this. If she complied and succeeded for the state, she'd have freedom over herself. Natalia had gone farther than anyone suspected he could, but somehow he had known she would.
He sighed as she tried to turn it around on him and shook his head slowly a few times. No... there were no questions for him. He did not even have a name. There was nothing to question for him. Perhaps that was why he was the Winter Soldier. He could never regress because there wasn't anything else.
He looked on at her sadly as she mentioned her escape attempt, and it made him gain the smallest of smiles. Her hug caught him by surprise and he stiffened at the sudden contact. Slowly, his shoulders loosened, and again without thinking of his actions first, his metal arm slid down and wrapped it around her shoulders, squeezing her against him. It was warm... like before, except this time he found he didn't just want it, he really needed it right now. It was as if it could push away this sudden burst of knowledge and feeling he'd rather not have.
He could smell the soap she had used this close to her hair. He leaned his head against her side, closing his eyes for a moment. It was the same reaction to his haircuts, which washed away some of his realizations' emptiness.
She released her grip and he lowered his arm, the servos whining faintly in the suddenly loud silence.
She watched him, and the Soldier stayed silent, unsure of what she was thinking. Finally, a sad smile pulled up half his mouth and he let out a slow and tired sigh.
So determined, so full of that ever-burning fire as always. He didn't want to admit this, the feeling that had him dropped his head earlier returning slowly as he looked over her face steadily. But he also did not want her wasting that fire for something as fruitless as this. Something that was not there.
"There are no questions to be answered for me, Natalia," He sighed and his right arm rose up quickly, his flesh hand coming up so the back of his fingers could brush a path across her cheek once as he spoke. "It does not matter if I want to know or not. There is nothing to find, дорогой," He sighed, his eyes falling sadly as his hand lowered away from her. He was the Winter Soldier and there was nothing behind him, nothing forward. That ache was back, and his face tightened against it.
Natalia didn't expect him to hug her back. At first, her muscles tensed up. She wasn't used to this gesture by anyone except for one girl, Marina. She had trained in the Red Room with her and had become her sister rather quickly. She was the only person she considered family except for the Winter Soldier. He was family and perhaps even more. Natalia didn't want to label the relationship she had with him. It was not only dangerous but could cause some real problems in the Red Room.
Yet she relaxed into the hug and even pulled him a little closer. She smiled, relieved he didn't tense up entirely like the last time. Indeed this must've taken him by surprise just as much. It was nice feeling his body close to hers; in a way, it was just as comforting to her as it was to him.
She raised her hand to his cheek and gently caressed it with her thumb as his lips pulled up to a sad smile. Natalia looked at him with a gentle smile.
"I'm still happy I tried to escape. It wasn't my first try, though. But that time, I almost succeeded and it earned me a lot of distrust and hat. But also one of the best mentors I actually could've dreamed of. You're not that scary, Winter. I mean, once someone really makes an effort to get to know you," she spoke just above a whisper like she would be afraid of some bystanders.
The redhead closed her eyes, annoyed as he didn't seem to understand. What else would she need to do? She opened her eyes though as she felt his hand on her cheek. Her glance was a mixture of pity and annoyance.
"There ARE questions! There are always questions, James," she tried to keep her cool but stepped away. She shook her head, annoyed and went to grab her jacket. It was the first time she actually called him by his code name. It might be strange and it did feel odd to call him James instead of Winter.
"What if I told you I have reliable intel that your name is James?" she deadpanned, sounding annoyed and continued, "There's much more where that name comes from! Just for one's question, idiot! How many times do I have to spell it out for you?"
This time she looked at him for some sort of reaction and smacked the back of his head as punishment for asking the wrong questions. She stood there frozen for a couple of minutes to gauge his reaction. Finally, Natalia took her jacket on and walked out of the door. She was fuming and her gaze burnt as much as it always did when people threatened her. But she was angry this time because this man was so freaking stupid. The redhead slammed the entry door close behind her. It fell into the lock with a loud noise. Natalia desperately needed time away from him to cool off and let out some steam. Under different circumstances, she would go sparing with the guards. But here, she wasn't able to do so. So a walk had to do.
Not scary? Not intimidating, maybe. He wasn't sure there was anything to get to know. But he was still pleased by her words. His mission had never been to be a good mentor, but training them to readiness meant he must be good at it. It was somehow important that Natalia felt this way. It was good.
He smiled tightly. Clearly, his wish for Natalia would stop before she wasted her time or got into trouble was useless. She was so wrapped up in that idea, but sometimes it wasn't the case.
He looked at her questioningly as she stood. What did his cover have to do with this? Was she trying to make him focus on the mission now?
His gaze shot up to her, his eyes fighting someplace between anger and pleading. Did she know? Was that possible? How would it be? But he didn't think she was cruel enough to lie about this sort of thing. Not after being the reason he had even thought of it.
His gaze shot up to her, his eyes fighting someplace between anger and pleading. Did she know? Was that possible, how would it be? But he didn't think she was cruel enough to lie about this sort of thing. Not after being the reason he had even thought of it.
He didn't know what to believe, but the anger within him won out, feeding on her own. He rose swiftly as she went for the door and he seriously considered reaching the door as she slammed it and dragged her back in here forcibly for answers.
He was halfway to the door until his mission stopped him. The average army couple does not draw attention... as much as he wanted to run after her and demand an answer; instead of letting her run off with what might mean he could be wrong, the Soldier couldn't jeopardize his mission. Even for this, he could not do that. It was his mission.
He clenched his fist, the metal one grinding loudly before turning back into the house, anger rolling off of him.
Author's Note: This is the first story of a full series around Bucky and Natasha's unseen past in the MCU. Stay tuned!
Leave a kudos or put it in the comments what you think will happen next or what you loved! It'll be great to hear from you! If you enjoyed the story, feel free to treat me to a coffee on KoFi! ko slash fi dot com slash fatedmuses