Natalia had two weeks before she was sent to Cuba. She had tried to learn Spanish as fluently as possible. To her surprise, languages seemed to come naturally. Of course, the training in the Red Room had included learning foreign languages such as English, but she felt like her Spanish wasn't good enough for the job. She was supposed to be a Russian businesswoman: her father had left their shipping company to her. Her company still traded with Cuba and she did small favors by exchanging illegal trades with the local people.
Her target was a small family of three: A husband and a wife with their boy. According to some witnesses, the man had stolen information on Castro, which might be compromising for the politician. Her job was to retrieve the data in exchange for a safe haven in Russia. Her sister, Marina, had lived in Cuba for a few months now and befriended the family on her behalf. She was the one supposed to introduce her to the family.
Skipping forward two weeks, she had caught up with her best friend and to her surprise, she saw Marina acting utterly different to when they had been friends.
"Don't confuse the cover with your real life, Marina. We both know the Red Room doesn't take these things lightly," Natalia warned during one of their breakfast on the balcony. The breathtaking view of the sea and the warm weather added to the feeling of cold Russia being far, far away.
"I know he's simply part of the cover," the other woman replied regarding her Cuban boyfriend who had been introduced to Natalia the day before. "But he's so good looking and I'm allowed to have some fun, too. They're so far away. I managed to become friends with the family, haven't I? I introduced you to them. You always worry so much, Nat! That idiotic Winter Soldier definitely rubbed off on you. Always seeing dangerous things everywhere."
The redhead stayed quiet over the jab and frowned at the comment about James as she took a sip from the coffee. She hadn't told her about what had happened during their mission or what she knew about the Winter Soldier. Perhaps she was right. Surely the Red Room wouldn't go that far...
It usually had been Natalia messing around with the rules and even breaking out. But now it seemed to be the other way round. The young girl loved watching the ballerinas dance - especially one in particular. The young woman had been so good and Natalia had admired her. She had looked up to the ballerina as she always wanted to dance like that and work for the Bolshoi ballet one day. Unfortunately, things had gone the wrong way and the girls had been caught after Natalia had shot the girl's bodyguard because of one of her stupid tantrums. The woman's patron, her wealthy husband, had broken the girl's legs, so she hadn't been able to dance anymore. The young girl had repeatedly stomped onto the car's roof, resulting in the two girls running away. She sent Marina away to hide from the security guard. Natalia saved her life by killing her first person at 7. They had put Natalia in solitary confinement for what she had done, but no further actions had been taken against her.
The next time Natalia met with the family, she noted that the family didn't seem to want help to get out of the country even though of Raùl Castro's violent doings against the citizens of Cuba. Correctly Natalia assumed that they had talked with the Americans for help to get out of the country. So she started terrorizing the small family to make them desperate for her own help in exchange for inside information. It slowly showed that Marina wasn't efficient but allowed her boyfriend to take the attention off the family. But Natalia stayed quiet, knowing her friend deserved the happiness in her life.
Natalia met with a Red Room agent to discuss further instructions. The man asked her about Marina's efficiency and loyalty. Obviously, they were slowly frowning upon the young woman's capability. After all, it was her friend's first mission outside the Red Room, and she didn't seem to cope very well. "She's a killer. She will not disappoint.", Natalia reassured the man and continued, "I will push the family in the right direction. Just a little push."
On her first attempt, she had broken into the family's home and wreaked havoc on their living room and office. Before slipping out, Natalia planted a small American flag visibly on the destroyed furniture. It was supposed to show them that Castro's regime knew about their link to the Americans.
A few days later, the family seemed nervous, but her small trick didn't work. To make matters worse, she had found out that the targets had sent for the Americans to finally get them out of the country. So Natalia had placed a bomb in their escape car. Then, just as they opened the door of their house to get inside, she ignited it. The car exploded in front of their shocked faces. A smirk formed on her lips, knowing the family was finally desperate enough.
The following day, she met the family again, who seemed desperate for her help. "I can only offer to get you out of Cuba if you have something for me," Natalia spoke casually, sipping on the tea she had ordered.
"We don't have money..." the man spoke quietly and looked paranoid around the small café.
She smiled gently and answered, "I don't want money. Just something of value for the Russians. So I can give them something in exchange for your visa. I really want to help you. But you have to give me something in exchange!"
The wife and the husband exchanged scared gazes and Natalia knew she had them. The woman slipped a file out of her bag and slid it to Natalia. She opened it and scanned through it. Natalia nodded "It should be enough. Be ready! I will send Marina the information when I go out to sea. But it should be within this week." The couple seemed relieved and bid their farewell.
Natalia met with the agent again to discuss the further instruction. "Well done, Black Widow.", the man praised her as she handed over the file and continued, "Russia has changed her plans. We work with Castro. The information is of huge value to him. The targets are supposed to die. Make it look like it's linked to the Americans."
Natalia nodded and asked, "The boy as well?"
He shook his head, horrified over her coldness and said "No! Castro doesn't want to look heartless!" Natalia nodded, giving her okay, seeming indifferent about it as she rose to her feet.
"One more task, Romanova. Marina has become too fond of her civilian life. She is no longer used for the Red Room and is a security risk. Finish her," the man said and Natalia nodded quietly, not showing how hurt or shocked she was by the task. She found breathing hard but managed to seem normal as she walked away. Natalia had to kill her only family because of her wish to get away from the Red Room.
She asked Marina to tell the targets they were supposed to meet her at a public place for better security coverage the following morning; Natalia hugged her friend tight and whispered, "This means goodbye. It was really nice to see you again. I wish you all the best and love."
She seemed unusually sentimental, but her friend seemed to dismiss it as a goodbye because both women knew they might not see each other again after this.
The rest of the mission was a complete success. The family arrived at the place and Natalia was stationed on one of the roofs with a sniper rifle. She shot twice - each shot hitting the two adults between their eyes. She threw an American flag from the roof and continued her way to her next target. Natalia quickly broke into Marina's home and heard the shower. She grabbed her silent gun and walked there. "I'm so sorry, Marina... I love you," she whispered as she aimed her gun at the naked young woman and pulled the trigger.
Not even four hours later, she was back on her way to the Red Room. She sat quietly in an airplane and thought about her previous mission. The bad conscience of killing her sister lay heavy on her shoulders and she wondered if she ever would end up the same way. Before she took the car to the Red Room, Natalia stood in the airport restroom and chopped her long red hair off. Her hair curled more than usual as they now framed her head in a bob cut.
The Winter Soldier was pulled from the Red Room to do a high-profile mission in Tibet and then a smaller one in France. He wasn't sure what happened between that, only that his hair had grown longer. Another mission in Chengdu and Kyiv. Then one day, he was lent back to the Red Room after he'd been debriefed from both.
It took a week for him to regain, or lose in some sense, the clarity his missions and the debriefings gave him (or took). After a lengthy training session with a few of the girls (not very good ones), he realized then that Natalia was nowhere to be seen.
It struck him suddenly one day and when he went to his room to rest, he started to recall the time she'd come and woken him. Literally woken him... but the more his thoughts jumped to her, the more he decided she had awoken him too.
James... he looked at the ceiling, remembering his name. There were no more debriefings when he was lent to the Red Room, so that knowledge was not shoved away again.
Instead, he started to think more and more of himself as James and wondered more and more what had happened to his partner. Sometimes people disappeared quietly, but he felt that was not the case. It was possible... but he knew Natalia had grown too capable of letting anything of the sort happen to her. Perhaps once they graduated, people simply did not come back to the Red Room. He decided not to think about that possibility. Or why it bothered him.
When he was finally pulled to do a mission again, he heard Pchelintsov himself telling one of the Soldier's handlers.
"There is none better." He scoffed.
"This is of the utmost importance to the state, Grigor."
"Which is why I chose her for this."
"She has a record."
"Of excellence, and this," Pchelintsov handed something to the handler that James could not see. "All but proves her extreme loyalty to the state and deadly precision. I dare to say it, but Romanova has become my very best Black Widow. I would lend no other to the state's excellent purpose."
Whatever the handler had seen apparently turned his opinion around. He nodded, glancing at Pchelintsov, who was very proud indeed. James was proud himself, not in the self-proclaimed way the geneticist was, but he was proud of her... she had their complete trust and they were finally seeing what he had seen, too. That Natalia was worth any amount of effort.
Well, James doubted they saw her quite as he did; she was too good for that. They would never suspect the streak of self-interest that could never seem to be crushed from Natalia.
He was given mission details, and a high-ranking state official was to be taken down. This one night was their only opportunity, the man too well guarded. He dressed in what they gave him, a suit and tie. He was glad to see the white gloves slid easily over his hand as part of the ensemble. He wouldn't need to make an excuse like a skin condition like his last mission.
James realized suddenly, too, with a start of something akin to the excitement, that Natalia would be a part of this mission. Good, she had been absent for a long time in the Red Room and he wasn't accustomed to it.
She was given a few days to arrive fully at the Red Room. Of course, the people knew the two women had been friends. So they were even more satisfied with her success while Natalia grieved silently. She was unusually silent as they briefed her on her next mission. She dressed accordingly, wearing a black evening gown which sparkled a little as the light fell on the fabric. Her short hair framed her face elegantly as her skin still had a healthy tan glow from the Cuban sun.
Her heels clicked on the floor as she approached the Winter Soldier from the back. "Long time no see, Winter," she spoke, trying her best to sound unconcerned and even giving him a genuine smile. It was weird to see him again after all this time. But also strangely comforting. She walked over to him quietly and gave him a tight hug silently. Natalia didn't want to admit it, but she needed one desperately.
He was taken elsewhere after being prepped and told his orders. Now he was awaiting the team to take them, tickets and necessities tucked away in his suit jacket. They chose Natalia for her skill as a spy, and they chose him because they could count on him killing the target without weapons necessarily on hand. Although he had seen in the file, the limited security allowed small handguns. But a gun was too loud unless he acquired a silencer.
It would be a quiet affair, so they could kill him and leave without being noticed. As just another pair there to see the opera. He glanced in the mirror and pushed his hair back again. It was longer than when Natalia had cut it. It had grown considerably and needed to be slicked back to be out of his eyes, so he looked presentable at such a high-class theater. He tucked in the white shirt and had just done up one of the buttons when he heard the door open, close, and click shoes and a powerful stride.
He turned and upon seeing her, his blue eyes grew more lively. James was distracted by her short hair. It changed how she looked pretty drastically, but her curled, short look suited her. His mouth tugged into a crooked smile as she spoke to him and James was extremely joyed to see her. It had been a long time now that he thought about it. Even her skin seemed to match her fire now. Always warm.
"We have been busy," He finally replied and used the English she liked. She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him again. His eyes scanned critically around the room before he deemed it safe. James slid his arms over her waist, wrapped his flesh and metal arm around her, and pulled her up close to his body. Natalia was always so warm, but he noted how hard she seemed to hold him and he returned the strength and leaned his mouth closer to her ear. "It is good to see you again, Natalia," James said, his voice warm too. He had missed her more than he had thought.
Natalia didn't seem to care if anyone saw them together. He was the only family left. She had pulled the trigger on someone she had sworn to protect ever since their childhood. Was she becoming so cold that she was able to kill people she loved? Natalia definitely had become a killer and just hoped that Marina would be able to forgive her for what she had done. She closed her eyes and rested her head against his shoulder, soaking in his embrace. He was dismissing this as a gesture that she had missed him. That was good, then everyone else would do the same, or perhaps they dismissed it as grief. Natalia couldn't bring herself to care. But it felt good to be in his arms.
Eventually, though, she broke away, clearing her voice. She felt tears threatening to run down her cheeks, but she kept her smile. "Look at you. Looking really sharp tonight, James. What's the occasion?" she asked and smiled at him and joked "You really didn't need to dress up for me."
Natalia hoped changing the topic in the direction that might suit him was better than going down the road on what they had done since they last met. She watched him and did note that he actually looked outstanding. Somehow the slicked-back hair, as well as the half-worn suit, suited him.
She wasn't concerned about their mission. In fact, compared to what she had recently done, it seemed like a walk in the park. It would require them to watch a bit of an opera and then go and look for their target. One person to distract the security and the other sneaking in for the kill. The best weapon of choice is snapping the man's neck or using a knife. They could decide on the go as long as nothing went wrong. Of course, it wouldn't, though.
He felt the warmth within him like she spread it and passed it on. More likely, she just woke it out of him, as she had done many things so far. Awareness mostly followed his time with Natalia, but this foreign but comfortable warmth came now.
She cleared her throat and he lowered his arms and looked her over. Natalia smiled, but her eyes didn't seem to. They were wider than they should be and lacked the fire they usually flickered with. He was going to question it, but she spoke first.
The use of his name made a smile pull on his face and replace the frown that had grown from his concern. That was good to hear too, and he decided to play along. "I'm taking you to the opera, didn't I mention?" James said good-naturedly and held out his arm for her to take in jest. "After you came looking so beautiful?" Though she really had come dressed for the part. Or perhaps it was simply her natural beauty.
She noticed his frown but was glad to see it replaced by a smile. Perhaps it was working. There was no way she was willing to share what had happened. She needed to sort these out on her own; in a way, it would make things too real if she shared the story. It wasn't that she didn't trust him, but in a way, it wasn't his business. Not tonight. Perhaps she'd be able to enjoy his company for a couple of hours until they had to kill.
"You must've forgotten. But you're lucky - I didn't have any other plans, but to accompany you," she spoke and a genuine smile replaced her other one for a moment. Natalia looked at his arm for a moment before slipping her hand underneath his and placing her hand lightly on his upper arm. Typically she would've dismissed his compliment and rolled her eyes but not tonight. Her gaze lowered to the floor and she blushed just lightly.
"Why, thank you," she told him and returned her gaze to his with a smile. "You should button up your shirt properly before we leave, though," she reminded him and removed her arm from his once again. Then, Natalia started to button up the remaining buttons and she grabbed the bow tie and attached it to his collar.
Now, we can leave, handsome.", she mentioned quietly and placed her hand on his chest. The pet name left her lips without her even realizing it.
He grinned as she played along and of course, she didn't have any other plans, but it was almost... he couldn't find the word, but it was exciting. She slipped her arm in his and he tilted his head down to observe her as she thanked him. James didn't fully see the need to be thanked, but he'd learned to grow accustomed to it from Natalia.
James didn't know why she reacted the way she did, but he found some small part of him rather proud of it. He shared the smile with her and then glanced down at his attire. "Not close enough?" He chuckled slightly. He wouldn't mention the embarrassing fact that he didn't... know how to tie it. It was like the many things he'd run into on their last mission. He knew some things implicitly, and he wondered how he was so unable for others. But Natalia did it swiftly for him; he would have watched to learn but couldn't see it from under his chin.
James looked down as she spoke to him again and teased him. But the way she placed her hand on his chest did not feel teasing and he couldn't make his thoughts clear unexplainably. Instead, they became muddy as his eyes swept over her, and he wondered what that meant. His hands had twitched to reach up and set over her own.
Instead, James reached out to take her hand in his, a soft unaware smile on his lips as he wrapped her hand in his and lowered it.
"Thank you," He said gently before he pulled himself together and nodded that they should leave.
He stayed strangely warm as they were taken from the red room. He noticed that the previous look had returned to Natalia's face when they'd started the mission and were in a civilian taxi towards the opera. He glanced at the divider between the driver and them in the back before he turned his head to Natalia. It was hard to see, but he noticed the difference in her. Then, with one last glance and the safety their cover provided them for these things, he reached out to place a finger on the side of her jaw and prompted her to fully turn her face towards him.
"Are things well, Natalia?" He asked quietly, unable to hide the concern in his voice. Had something happened with the Red Room that gave her this troubled look? It had sounded from the others that they were pleased with her and trust. But perhaps Natalia was worried over it for some reason.
Natalia looked at his chest and nodded. She didn't look at his face feeling that it wasn't necessary. she was about to pat his chest and drop her hand again as he reached up and took it into his. She felt the heat of his hand through the glove. She smiled at him, a little surprised to hear him thank her. It was unusual knowing how much he had hated her thanking people for things when they were younger. "You're welcome," she spoke quietly and removed her hand to walk through the halls of the Red Room on her own. Everything else would raise unwanted suspicion.
She lifted the skirt of her long dress and attached a thigh holster to her thigh. Then, instead of using a gun, she placed some knives in it. Then, finally, she was ready to go as the skirt dropped back to the ground. Soon they were seated in a taxi and Natalia avoided talking or even looking at the Winter Soldier. Instead, she busied herself with watching the passing landscape outside the car window. But she could feel his gaze on her and saw his hand reaching out in the window's reflection before he moved her head to look at him.
His question took her off guard and she frowned and cleared her throat again. Why was he asking? Had he heard something in the Red Room? She had done everything they wanted. Surely they were pleased with what she was doing. But it took her a moment that his concern was rooted somewhere else. Perhaps because he cared for her? She couldn't tell, but her eyes flicked to the driver. Natalia leaned over.
"Don't worry about me, James. I really just want to enjoy the opera for an hour or two before having to leave again. Just to forget some things..." she whispered into his ear and placed a kiss on his cheek to secure their cover. The kiss left a red imprint of her lipstick on his skin. She reached up and cupped his cheek as she smiled, thankful at him. Gently Natalia removed the lipstick with her thumb and was glad she hadn't lost everyone. There was still one left who cared for her.
He'd likely worry anyways, he suddenly realized. She sounded like him, echoing his words long past. Didn't it seem they'd passed that? Partners should be concerned for one another, of course... for the well-being of their abilities to do a mission. At least that's what he'd tell anyone asking. So he came up with these things. They kept such frowned-upon thoughts safe from debriefings.
But she told him she wanted to forget and while he didn't know he understood why... why something would bother her so much, he decided he wouldn't hinder it. So he nodded to her, a silent acknowledgement.
She kissed his cheek and he snorted, amused at the lipstick. Her smile killed him, and that warmth spread again.
"Your lipstick is luckily not ruined," He said teasingly, to lift her mood perhaps. Unlikely, but it was worth the effort. "This says," He held up a pamphlet which he'd read front to back for information. "That this is a reunion performance twenty years in the making. One of a kind." Which was why the target was coming to it.
She laughed softly as he commented on her lipstick. It was unusual to hear from him and she didn't know why but somehow, that managed to make her feel better. She grinned at him and spoke, "Lucky me. Or else I would've needed to walk around like a clown." It wouldn't bother her a lot, but having smudged red lipstick around her lips didn't look pretty at all.
Natalia was glad that he didn't continue to ask about the topic. He seemed to understand or at least tried to. It was strangely comforting and perhaps at the right moment, she would tell him. But for now, it wasn't his baggage to carry around. She didn't want him to worry or think wrong about her. Natalia didn't even know if the man remembered a girl named Marina from his training. It shouldn't be so easy to kill one's family. But it had been really easy for her. Spilt blood but she had at least tried to warn Marina to not get too uncomfortable. Yet it didn't have a use. It just showed Natalia that she should never get too comfortable around one person. Did that include James? She didn't know and couldn't bring herself to care at the moment. It seemed like he was the only one who could make her feel better and take away some grief.
"That long? The tickets must've cost a fortune. The singer and the show should be good if they practiced for 20 years!" she announced with a nod. Of course, Natalia would've preferred to see a ballet performance. That's what would've distracted her completely and probably even excited her. But she hadn't seen an opera before. So that was good as well.
Soon the taxi arrived at the opera house and Natalia stepped out, looking around at all the fancy cars and clothes around her. It was obvious that only the upper class was invited to this show. Natalia had learned the seat number of their target by heart. But first, they were to go to their own seats. The target had booked a complete box for himself. So there would be no bystanders.
He liked hearing her laugh; it warmed him again and he relaxed into the car's seat.
"I doubt that," He offered. It would take more than lipstick to transform Natalia into a clown. Not that he doubted her ability to mimic whatever she needed, but that one might be a true challenge for her.
He chuckled naturally as she huffed over their lack of practice. He found it interesting that the glamor didn't distract Natalia from the cogs working behind it.
"You are hard to impress," He said fondly. Natalia was simply too smart to be easily impressed or fooled. He didn't know where all these thoughts came from. Perhaps it was their lengthy absence or his mission to train those who paled in comparison to Natalia.
When they stopped, James made his way quickly out to grab her door for her to let her out. It seemed proper... he wasn't sure why, but he felt very stubborn about doing it. He offered her a hand once she was out, knowing she wouldn't need a hand out of the car. High shoes didn't stop Natalia's ability to maneuver. How he wasn't sure, he wouldn't be able to do anything efficiently in such ridiculous things.
He scoped the area out and his eyes lingered on the private box to the side of the stage where the politician would be. James' eyes swept over their seats. They'd been bought not for the vantage of the stage but ease to dark exits. It would not be challenging, but they must wait until at least after the intermission to get to their mission.
James wasn't apprehensive about how long it would take this time. Instead, he was easily distracted by taking Natalia's hand and wrapping it around his arm again.
"What do operas consist of?" He asked curiously, turning his head to look down at the redhead. He had absolutely no idea; the pamphlet had assumed one would know.
She chuckled and smiled at him as soon as he continued with his compliment. He was nicer than she was used to, but she liked it. In a way, she felt connected with him and wasn't really able to say why. Somehow she had a feeling that this was precisely what she needed. Just a night pretending to be normal. That was what she might need. Besides, the company was great. James had a way of making her feel better without even noticing.
"Well, they have to earn that one. But I say it should take more than practicing 20 years to impress me. No one needs that long to become good in one play," she stated, sure of herself. Natalia had become one of the best ballet dancers in less time. So they needed to step up their game if they wanted her to be impressed. But she guessed most of the guests were already impressed by the time frame. If they trained that long, they needed to be excellent. But to Natalia, they simply haven't been efficient enough. The thought brought a smile to her face. It was the same word James always threw her way regarding missions.
"Thank you..." Natalia spoke and was surprised by him acting all gentlemen-like. It was something she definitely wasn't used to. The men at the Red Room used to either ignore her presence or think they were better than any Black Widow. Little did they know that eventually, all of those girls would be able to kill them in a blink of an eye.
She took his offered hand and smiled gently at him. He definitely looked handsome tonight. Where that thought came from, Natalia didn't know. Perhaps it was that she saw him dressed in a fancy suit for the first time. But it suited him. Natalia leaned closer to his ear as she watched their surroundings. "It's really good to see you again, James," she told him in a way that expressed that Natalia had missed him without saying those three words.
Natalia stood close to him as she placed her hand casually on his arm. She enjoyed the closeness a lot without even realizing that she was searching for that as well. His question took her off guard. "Oh, I don't know..?" she began. It wasn't really something they taught the girls at the Red Room.
"But most likely actors, singers and everyone who's needed backstage. Just like a theater play or ballet theater - just that people sing very high?" she guessed and looked at him, "Do you know?" They were probably the only people here who hadn't seen an opera before.
She thanked him, as Natalia often did, but he felt good about it this time as she continued and called him James. His own evasive smile slid onto his face. "I like having you back here too," He told her. For the mission... but mostly for whatever this was. To hear his name from her, to see the fire that everyone else around the Red Room was so lacking.
James leaned down now, so he could whisper into her ear. He knew no one could overhear him, but it wasn't something he should even risk saying aloud. But to Natalia, he wanted to. "I like that you call me James, too," He muttered in a conspiratory hush. It was very unlike the winter soldier, and yet James felt a rush from it. A rush of something personal, his name, him, and Natalia alone held the secret that there was something else behind the Soldier.
He glanced down as she stood as they waited for people to filter to their seats and provide room to get to theirs. Her hand was on his arm, and he took in her answer with a short nod. A quick grin popped on his face at that.
"No idea," He chuckled softly. "I only just learned that they are performances telling a false story," He said and indicated the pamphlet in his other hand. He liked that she'd been confused too because he felt less inadequate with his lack of... everyday knowledge.
"I suppose this will be both of our firsts." There was something very soothing in that. A shared experience.
It was weird having him around again. She hadn't noticed how much she missed his presence in Havana until she saw him again. Perhaps she would've felt different about what had happened there if he had been there. Natalia couldn't tell, but having him around made her feel better. She smirked at him and sighed a little.
Perhaps helping him and being near this man could be her new personal mission. She had spent the last few days at the Red Room pitying herself and grieving. Natalia realized the moment that the agent told her to kill Marina that there wouldn't be a way out of her destiny. But perhaps instead of escaping the Red Room, she could embrace it and help James. He seemed different now since the last time she saw him. Maybe she could help him remember. That was worth it, she was sure. So she smiled fondly at him and replied, "I like calling you James as well," she whispered back and grinned at him.
To her, it wasn't everyday knowledge but simply a waste of her time to learn something about such mundane things. It wouldn't save her life one day, so it could be easily dismissed. "I'm pretty sure none of them knows how an opera actually works," she told him and nodded towards the other visitors and continued in disgust, "They only act like they know because they might've seen one before. It's all so pretentious."
The redhead shook her head, but a smile appeared on her lips as he mentioned it was a first for both of them. It was strangely soothing and made her heart flutter in excitement. "It will be. And I intend to enjoy every minute of this.", she announced and her smile grew.
He grinned and glanced around at the people surrounding them, still shuffling to their seats in extravagant dresses and suits. James noticed it once she pointed it out to him but once again realized how good she was at connecting these things; she picked up these personal connections. Or perhaps he lacked it so severely.
Enjoying something... should seem very foreign, yet it did not. It seemed very easy to understand standing next to Natalia. Perhaps it was simply her smile. "I am certainly beginning to favor our missions together," James said and decided it was cleared out enough to begin towards their seats. He hovered his hand directly behind her and continued to look around at the exits as he walked.
Natalia looked around, trying to spot who belonged to their target and simply wanted to enjoy the evening. Surely their target wouldn't attend alone. If they were lucky, no woman was involved in all of this. Perhaps just his security. They would need a good moment and could quickly get into the private box. Maybe she could sneak into it pretending to be interested in the man, or they could go into it together. They didn't need information, just a clean cut for the man.
"Just yet? I'm wounded," she told him with mocked hurt as she placed her hand over her heart. "I thought you liked being around me," she told him, acting like she was about to cry before starting to chuckle lightly. Natalia smiled at him and lifted her skirt as they walked towards their seats.
"Have I mentioned that I hate wearing dresses?" she mumbled, hating that they made moving quickly really difficult. Especially dresses in long skirts. Natalia didn't mind wearing heels. In fact, she had learned to use them in her favor, but those pompous dresses were a pain in the arse. The first thing she would do was cut the skirt off if something went wrong.
"We can see the box from here..." she whispered to James once she was seated and nodded towards the upper level. She noticed that the man was already seated and seemed alone and started to smirk. Perhaps things could turn out to be easy.
"I do," He insisted quickly with a frown. It wasn't sudden... he just didn't quite know how to say that he didn't exactly understand it before. The idea of wants or likes had seemed so irrelevant... that he couldn't think of something he liked doing in a clear way. His eyes grew slightly as she looked significantly over emotional, shocked... and then slowly, she started to crack.
A wry smirk pulled up on his face and he sent her a mocking sour look. He shook his head. She really was very good at this. Making her facial features and even her eyes do what she pleased. He envied that, unless it was his natural state... he was very poor at mocking any such thing. His face gave his thoughts away very quickly
"Not yet," He said and gave her a look. He wondered why until she was tugging on the skirt and shook his head. Perhaps it was constraining as the shoes seemed to him. He couldn't quite imagine how he hadn't been paying the dress itself too much attention.
"As planned," He hummed in agreement. He unbuttoned his coat and took his seat as well. James watched her smirk with a smile. "Ironic that I say this, but we must wait for now," He said in response to the focused look she sent towards the box.
Natalia couldn't help but chuckle over the way he reacted to her teasing him. It was pretty funny, actually. He actually knew her better than that. Usually, she wouldn't become emotional over such a thing, so this was even more amusing that he had fallen for it quite easily. Perhaps she was better at her job than she had actually thought. She seemed satisfied with herself as James sent her a sour look. Once seated, Natalia leaned over to him and purred, "Oh, come on, we both know you still like me." It was the same sensual voice she had used on him while waking him up months ago. It seemed like an eternity. Natalia was enjoying mocking him way too much.
She crossed her legs underneath the fabric so there would be no outline of her knives on the fabric. Natalia looked around and tried to become comfortable. "As long as we are efficient enough," she sighed and sent him a gaze. Waiting was fine with her, though. It meant that she could enjoy the opera a little and, most notably, have James around. He seemed to brighten her mood naturally.
A strange shiver passed from his neck and seemed to go through his shoulders and down his spine. It felt hotter and his blue eyes slid over intensely to look over the side of Natalia's face; she was still close to him. Yes... he did. She had many things he was sure he wasn't supposed to have either. Enjoying her company would be frowned upon, and James cared enough to have it that he had hidden those facts during debriefings.
She leaned back from him and he was almost glad to have her turn around and mock him over his perpetual need to finish his missions.
That gaze spoke volumes. He laughed silently. "Very funny, Natalia," He sent her a sideways look. Yes, he knew he had been very impatient on the last mission, and he couldn't say he might not be in the same position. Maybe not... it was impossible to know. James had an idea he wouldn't be living it down.
She watched him react to her whispering sensually into his ear. Natalia wasn't sure to be proud or disappointed that it was so easy to make him flustered. But, of course, James would need to be careful not to cross a way with someone like her. Perhaps it was only her presence, though? But he definitely was way too easy to read if he met someone who might want to get in his way with flirting. Still, a smirk appeared on her lips and she gently stroked a loose strand of his long hair back in place.
She laughed as he sent her a sideways look. Oh yes, he wouldn't hear the last of it if they got teamed up again. He had gone on her nerves and she would give him the very same favor. A man from the front way turned to Natalia due to her laughter. She seemed unaffected by it and just smiled at the man in a disarming and charming way. The man seemed surprised and flustered as he hurried to turn around to look at the front.
Slowly the lights were dimmed and a bell was heard indicating that the opera had started. The lead actress appeared on stage and started singing. Perhaps it was only Natalia, but she crinkled her mouth over the high voice of the actress. She sighed and turned to look around at the audience as everyone seemed to only focus on the singer and not their surroundings. It was like everyone was enamored by the woman. After ten minutes, Natalia shifted in her chair and leaned over James. But instead of teasing him, she rested her head on his shoulder. It came naturally and she wasn't even thinking about it. But she guessed that he wouldn't mind.
"Do you think she will keep on being this annoying?" she asked quietly.
He couldn't help but smile at her smirk. One would think a smirk wouldn't go with a gesture like fixing his hair... but somehow, Natalia's did. It was soft, and it seemed to him like it was the perfect descriptor for her. It summed up many things about her and yet was coy enough that no one could ever guess. She was too complex to ever guess and be correct. The Red Room had raised her for many years, but they could not. He only believed he knew what he did because she had let him.
Sitting in the hushed mutter and relative quiet before the performance started, James decided he liked how Natalia laughed. Laughter was new to him, and like many things, it was something Natalia brought to him. Who would dare laugh with him? He inspired opposite reactions. Except for her, even before they started missions and became more comfortable. She was fearless, he decided, in her laughter.
His eyes lost warmth as someone turned around to give her a disgruntled look. Natalia, of course, handled it gracefully and the man turned back, ashamed and would no longer bother them. Which was good; their mission required they be inconspicuous. He glared at the back of the fool's head. But he would not endanger the mission, and Natalia had sufficiently taken care of it.
As it started, he grew bored and found it hard to follow the words when she was singing. It was more body movement, perhaps, as a ballet or dance, but this woman mainly stood still at first. His eyes swept the exits, focusing on his mission rather than the performance. There wasn't much to focus on, the target's box had its lights dimmed, but he must still be there. The door into it might provide light; he'd have to think of how to avoid that when they went in. Exits were unguarded, a few staff stood at the main exit and one near the emergency one outside, but it was not heavy. But there wasn't much else to ascertain.
He looked to the side as Natalia shifted this way and that. Was she restless already? She set her head on his shoulder and James made sure not to move it so she could be comfortable. He leaned his head down a fraction to whisper to her softly. "Bored already, Natalia?"
Natalia looked around, thinking of different scenarios requiring them to search for the quickest exit. Usually, she wasn't thinking about an exit plan so much time ahead. Instead, she preferred taking things as they occurred and being spontaneous. Most likely one of the most significant differences she had compared to the man she was sitting next to. She was more spontaneous about things than he was. But this performance had her grow bored rather quickly. The only thing that kept her sitting was James. Under other circumstances, she would've most likely exited the room and searched her way to the private box.
Her gaze shifted from the room to James as he whispered to her. She could feel his warm breath on her skin and somehow, it managed to ease some of her movements. It was actually pretty funny. Natalia could sit still for hours if needed, but this was annoying.
"Kind of, aren't you..? I just don't understand how people can spend a fortune on something like this," she whispered and moved a little again so her head rested comfortably on his shoulder. His shoulder was surprisingly comfortable and the current situation threatened to lull her asleep despite the annoying singing voice. In truth, she thought she might be able to sleep better than she had since Cuba, thanks to James.
"Very," He admitted and smirked down at her. It didn't make much sense, but he tilted his head to point it out. "I'd imagine if it were a ballet your opinion would be different," When he was training her; and that seemed like it was so far away from now, she'd desperately wanted to return to her ballet classes with Kudrin. That, and survival, had been her prime motivation.
Natalia smiled at him from his shoulder and met his gaze for a moment. Then, her green eyes darted away at the mention of ballet, avoiding his gaze as she suddenly seemed guilty. She had never made a secret that she loved ballet and still couldn't meet his eye. "Most likely..." she replied and tried not to sigh.
Her guilt wasn't linked to the dance but the part she had kept secret from him. Natalia had wanted to see Marina during those dances, which she had managed. But it didn't matter anymore. Her childhood dream of rising to fame with Marina by dancing would never be true.
"Do you ever regret something you did for them? A minor detail in a mission that shouldn't matter?" Natalia suddenly asked and glanced up at the side of his face from his shoulder.
Her gaze went to the private box and then the stage. "Do you prefer waiting till after the break?" she asked him just above a whisper and continued, "Or else I would say we can operate now."
"No..." He said honestly and wondered if he should have just lied to her. "I know that's probably not the answer you wanted," He admitted, his voice rougher, and he looked up straight to the stage away from her suddenly. He didn't know why he felt like he needed to. James didn't regret anything he needed for a mission. It was what the state wanted from him; it was his mission, and anything he did to comply was not only necessary but also for the state's better good.
He tried to think of anything he regretted... all he had were memories of missions, though. He didn't regret anything he'd done. Regret was a strange idea to him anyways... it took too much thought to regret. The only mission that had lasted long enough to not have to do with a mission strictly was the Red Room and that one with Natalia.
He shifted his arm over the armrest, picked up Natalia's arm into his metal one, and slowly rubbed the gloved thumb over the top of her wrist. "I did regret when I hurt you." He turned his chin to the side to see Natalia's face still resting on his shoulder. He was far enough from it to make out the emotion that had been produced. "But you were no longer a mission for me," He continued in a hushed voice.
His eyes returned to the stage as he struggled to put words to his thoughts... or to even think them. He couldn't form them properly. They weren't coherent... when they were, they seemed to slip away very quickly from him. His mouth twisted with the effort, but eventually, he was ready and looked back at her. He was thinking so hard to capture the thoughts he didn't quite hear Natalia ask about the mission.
"I don't... think you should judge yourself against me, Natalia" He started and glanced at her to see if that made sense. It was hard, almost painful, to grasp ahold of these thoughts for James. "I'm... I'm not whole," He explained; James wasn't quite... broken. He was effective in his missions and fully capable. But he wasn't whole, either... not in the way Natalia was.
He couldn't follow the thought more than that. But the more he held his name, the more time he spent in the Red Room with much time to think. Finally, it became clearer to him. He was proper, he was what he should be... was what they wanted him to be... but he wasn't like Natalia, the girls he trained, or even the staff like Kudrin or Pchelintsov. Even the guards had more. There was something different about him, and he could recognize that without really understanding it. Something in him told him that perhaps Natalia should not judge her own self against his because he was not... not something comparable, maybe?
"But it's the truth and that matters, not the lie," she simply whispered and still looked straight forward. It was the first time she wasn't on edge to see what kind of emotions ignited something like this in him. She was dealing with her thoughts as her gaze clouded dark with all sorts of emotions, mostly grief. Perhaps she wasn't as good as she and everyone else thought. She should be able to keep things together instead of doing this. Natalia would've killed that child without a second thought, so why was this so troubling? She had no answer. A small part of her told her that she should keep it close to her heart, but that was nonsense and she knew it.
Her attention was caught as soon as he took her arm. She allowed him to move it and looked down at her wrist as he moved his thumb over it. A slight frown appeared on her forehead and she looked up at him. It was the first time she shifted in her chair since settling down and refrained from resting her head on his shoulder.
"Oh James..." she spoke quietly and moved her hand to take his hand into hers. She didn't know why but needed to reassure him that it was okay. That she understood. "It's okay... It wasn't the first or the last time someone hurt me, James..." she whispered and squeezed his hand reassuringly "I was...just taken aback at that moment." Natalia looked reassuringly at him.
She watched him think for a moment as he looked straight. She didn't know why but she found herself admiring his profile. Perhaps it was the dim light but something about him this night made her heart beat a little quicker than necessary. Eventually, she rested her head on his shoulder again but refused to let go of his hand. "You're the only one I have left to compare myself with. And I don't think you're a bad comparison. There's a really good man inside there," she said quietly and held his hand tighter.
Once he mentioned that he wasn't whole, a small frown appeared on her forehead. She looked up at him from his shoulder and looked at him in wonder. Perhaps he had started to question things as advice from her. It even brought a smile to her lips and she whispered "Neither am I... You simply don't remember anything. Sometimes that's a blessing. Believe me."
Perhaps but the truth produced that look on her. Likely that didn't matter, but it still bothered him on some level. He wanted to ask her what she regretted, but she'd asked quietly earlier that he not.
His blue eyes were dulled as she called his name softly and he was forced to look at her. James was happy to have her take his hand, but he didn't like her words. His gaze narrowed and he decided if he were there to see that, he would end whoever did so. James wished he could make it, so it was the last, but that was not the nature of their lives. The look he gave her declared what he thought about choosing the words 'okay' on it.
He knew she must often fight on missions, but they hadn't been on a mission. He hadn't been coming to her for that, and besides... he didn't hurt her. He could control that. He hadn't, and that he did regret. It hadn't been okay that she had trusted he wouldn't, and he hadn't been settled until her disposition with him returned to normal. He'd learned that night that Natalia was important to him. She squeezed his hand, though and he decided this must prove that she wasn't lying, that she didn't hold it against him now.
Clearly, or tonight wouldn't be so... whatever it was.
"There are others around you," He told her because, of course, there were many people around Natalia should instead compare herself against him. James gripped her smaller hand tighter upon his declaration, though. A sour smile pulled on his lips. Was there? Was there much of a man at all? The fact that he'd never worried about being a good man or not must mean that he was not one. Natalia saw too much sometimes. There was hardly a man in him, much less a good one. James wasn't sure she understood that. Even as she declared she wasn't either. He... just didn't know how he could argue something when he had no facts to argue with.
She smiled at him and James sent her a questioning look instead. What warranted a smile from that? He didn't know, but the dazzling look in her eyes had him losing his thoughts again, as it had earlier when she whispered in his ear.
"Why?" He simply asked if she wanted to talk about these regrets; she could now or avoid them. It left her with a choice. But he didn't believe the empty doubts were much of a blessing. Whatever was before, it couldn't be so bad. Natalia believed the same of her.
Natalia smiled gently at him as he glanced at her. She somehow knew he wasn't really okay with her statement about him hurting her. It probably wouldn't even be the last time he hurt her. If they spared, he was going to hurt her after all. But his hits would be controlled, unlike when he had grabbed her wrist.
She still trusted him and Natalia knew that. Especially after what had happened in Cuba. It wouldn't make a difference if he chose to hurt her. He was the only one she seemed to trust no matter what happened. Natalia looked down at her wrist thoughtfully and glanced up at him. She sighed a little and leaned against his side over the armrest.
"And who? ...I don't trust anyone besides you," she spoke quietly and looked forward at the stage instead of the man next to him. Natalia felt uncomfortable admitting that, even though it was the truth. She placed her free hand on his cheek and caressed his cheek as soon as he pulled a sour smile. "I know there's one, James. You have to trust me on that one," she whispered and dropped her hand again.
"Because forgetting means you don't know what happened. Sometimes it's better not to know what you've done. No bad consciousness to keep you awake or things to dwell about," she told him in a general manner and looked over to the stage instead of him. Natalia thought about the fact she had just said and wondered if that really was the truth. The memories had kept her alive so far, but he seemed to be able to stay alive as well. Even if he was broken, wasn't she the same?
He stole a glance at her, but thankfully she wasn't looking. He knew the right thing to do would be to tell her how that was a bad plan. That she shouldn't trust him, that he wasn't always so in control of himself. But he couldn't bring himself to. He wanted to have that if that was why Natalia acted how she did with him. James didn't want to tell her something that would change her mind.
Her hand on his face distracted him from the twisted mood he was falling into. He nodded as she spoke, but he wasn't sure he did believe her. He wanted to trust her, but Natalia might simply be seeing what she wanted to. Then again, she'd been right about his name, hadn't she and she'd read him easily just there?
He missed the warmth when she moved her hand away. James thought about that seriously, weighing the options. Perhaps.
"You would lose more than you think you would," He said quietly, his voice steely. He did not know if he'd lost anything, but James could see things he didn't have, and he knew the frustration of seeing nothing when gazing in a mirror.
She would lose more than her bad night's sleep. Maybe that fire of hers. That would be gone if she were like him. Wasn't that why he was as he was? If it all led back to that. He didn't seek to change it in himself, but the idea of Natalia losing hers made him cringe.
"Never forget, Natalia," He muttered quietly all of a sudden, but his voice was pleading and he turned his head completely to look at her resting against him. Was she asking because this was what she wished for? She must never be like him. He wasn't sure he could watch that flame fade into the cold. Personally, he didn't believe it could, but he also didn't want her to try. "Please," He added the word unfamiliar on his tongue for good measure.
"Just trust me..." she whispered before dropping her hand and continued, "I will show you. I promise. Don't judge a book by its cover." Natalia gazed gently at him, hoping he would understand that there was more and she knew it. But at the same time, it felt like he didn't. Something told her that he didn't trust her on that one. Perhaps it was getting time to wait for the perfect moment to show him that file and the proof she had found within those Captain America books. It might shock him, but didn't he have a right to know? It was his life, after all.
Natalia looked down at the ground as he mentioned that she would miss things. He probably was right but sometimes knowing wasn't the right thing either. It wasn't efficient, as James always said. It brought nightmares and a bad consciousness. Both led to mistakes and those were deadly.
She still refused to look at him but could feel his gaze shifting to look at him as he muttered to her. Natalia was about to nod to simply ease his worry. But something made her falter and him saying please caught her off guard. Natalia shifted and looked at him as she removed her head from his shoulder to look at him. Her gaze was clouded with guilt and pain. Perhaps forgetting would be easier and she simply wanted to choose the easy part for once. But hearing the unfamiliar please made her falter.
"Okay. ...I'll try," she eventually gave in and looked at him with a frown.
James' gaze softened on her as she spoke, and he wondered how she could believe she was broken in any capacity as she was. Natalia was so filled with life. He'd be a very dull book. Or perhaps not with his missions as they were.
He nodded for her, although he did not honestly believe it. But she wanted him to so badly that he agreed silently. Perhaps.
She seemed to take the plea seriously and his blue eyes watched her features intently for any answers.
There was pain, and as much as he might not want to see that, it was still something full of life.
She frowned, and the way she said she'd try made him believe her.
"Good," He said gently and reached up to lift her chin with one of his fingers. "You have so much in you to lose," He muttered, his eyebrows creasing as he looked over her face. James had wanted nothing more than a name and nothing before that, but now like before, she had made him wish for more. For Natalia to keep that spark that made her so special. For her not to ever be empty as he was.
James didn't know what happened and Natalia knew she had changed since the day he had started to train her. She wasn't even sure if she was still the same since looking for those files. It wasn't like she regretted taking them. More like the opposite, she was still pleased about it. But Natalia wouldn't go looking for unusual things anymore. The Red Room had ways of shutting down nosey behavior sooner or later. Perhaps them making her kill Marina didn't have anything to do with a security breach. But to show Natalia what they were capable of if she kept acting like she did. She might be efficient but not disposable. She wasn't the Winter Soldier after all.
She was about to snatch her chin out of his gentle grip. Natalia didn't want him to look at her in this state. Something made her look at him, though. It was guilt for mentioning something like this in front of him. She should know that voicing this hadn't been smart. He knew how it was and Natalia had seen that it hadn't always been a blessing but a course. It was a course she had sworn herself to break. So he could have the liberty of choosing for himself. To give him something.
"And so much to get used to and wrap my head around..." she mumbled and sighed a little. Perhaps she should tell him what happened in Cuba. Not about her original target but her last one. He would understand, but this wasn't time to talk about it. This was too fresh and too public. One day if guilt was getting the better of her when they were alone. That's when she would tell but not right here and right now. Perhaps she didn't want to forget everything but simply the ache in her heart that the memory had brought up. The silent grief for a friend who had trusted her, but she failed miserably.
Her green eyes met his gaze for a moment and it was like she was able to forget about things. But not in a wrong way but in a good one. She was going to tell him eventually - she knew that. Perhaps tomorrow but not today.
"I think you're seeing more in me than what's in me, James..." she told him quietly and continued "Thank you for that. Sometimes you need someone to see such things."
Perhaps it was ironic that she was the one saying that. But still, it made her feel better about herself. She had done bad things while in Cuba, but at least he seemed to still like her. It was comforting in a bizarre way. In a way, she hadn't experienced it before.
"I'm not," He assured her. These were things that were most certainly in her. He had no question in his mind on the subject. But he wondered if she could not read his mind. It was interesting.
"In that case, it ought to be me thanking you," He said quietly because that was not something anyone but Natalia should ever hear out of him. But... James felt a happy smile pull up on his face as he tried to push it away. He couldn't help it. Somehow that made him happy... if it were true, it meant he had given her something back. It felt like she'd given him a lot already, and he appreciated being able to return even a smidge of it.
"Now," He said, and although his voice gained more authority, it was no less pleased. "I believe it's ten to intermission. We should make our move now."
Natalia looked at him, occupied with her own thoughts. Perhaps if she tried to read his body language, she would get to know other things. Instead, she was busy with her own image and thinking about what had happened rather than trying to analyze him.
"I feel like it should be the other way round. It should be me thanking you for lending me an ear... it really helped. Thanks..." she told him with a gentle smile. Natalia squeezed his hand and afterwards withdrew her own. It had helped in another way than what she had hoped for. It was great knowing she had someone left to care about her. Perhaps this was even better. Marina and she had gone through a lot together, but James understood her. In some ways, they had grown closer than she and her sister had always been.
Natalia nodded and mumbled loud enough for her others to hear. So none of them would wonder why they were moving. "I don't feel well. I think I need some fresh air, darling," she said and rose to her feet, moving out of the row to the exit.
"In that case, I'll accept the thanks," He chuckled, a wry grin on his face. If he had helped her, he would be happy to take that. It was a small niche towards what she had done for him so far, dragging a name and sense of identity from nowhere.
Natalia went in first. She played the part excellently, fumbling over an apology of how this wasn't her box and she must have gotten lost. She disarmed the guard that was in with him's suspicion. They'd already taken care of the two out here. This didn't need to look like an accident. It was meant to be a loud warning to the politicians. Whatever that warning was, the only parameters were that he died and that the two of them were not recognized, so no one in the government could dig up anything to link Natalia to the Red Room. Or him perhaps, but his handler hadn't seemed worried if he'd be seen or not.
He stepped through the door when he heard a large thump of a body. Guards were left unharmed, so Natalia hadn't killed him.
"What is this?" The man stammered at Natalia.
His eyes landed on James' cold ones and his eyes bulged. He stepped forward without a moment to let anything go wrong and reached out to wrap a metal hand around the politician's neck and snap it simply.
The man's limbs fell loose, and the Soldier properly set him back in his seat. He moved then and dragged the two guards outside into the box and set them up in the seats too. He nodded to Natalia, stepped out of the room, and glanced in either direction. It was quiet, though, as the play had just begun and the last two guards were off securing the perimeter after intermission. So they had time to get out without being seen.
Natalia stumbled into the private box. Her face showed confusion as she slurred an apology. Everything looked like she was drunk, except that she wasn't. A quick but hard elbow to the man's balls and a well-placed punch in the face had the last guard slumping down on the ground. Their target asked her what this was about and had her simply shrug. She didn't answer, but she wondered why everyone kept asking her about these things. Did she look like the friggin' inquiry office?
She stood quietly and straightened her dress as the Winter Soldier moved to place the unconscious and dead bodies properly on the seats. Normally, she would've helped, but James was way quicker and stronger with her. So why should she ruin her outfit or bother with it? They worked quietly, knowing how the other person worked and operated, so no need for talking.
They were halfway down the hallway when he heard the sound of steady footsteps. He glanced at Natalia and made a signal that there was no way out the other end of the hall and that he'd have to kill these two as well. Of course, they'd wanted two alive to recount it not being an external threat, but their anonymity was foremost. There were no exits that would get them out in time and he realized he didn't have a better option. There had to be one... they needed a way out.
.
Author's Note: This is the first story of a full series around Bucky and Natasha's unseen past in the MCU. Stay tuned!
Leave a kudos or put it in the comments what you think will happen next or what you loved! It'll be great to hear from you! If you enjoyed the story, feel free to treat me to a coffee on KoFi! ko slash fi dot com slash fatedmuses