Disclaimer: I own nothing, it all belongs to ASP, and the appropriate licensing folks for Gilmore Girls.

So much time has passed. I still can't get him out of my mind. No, that's not right either. My heart…that's where he's always been. If I had admitted it to myself before...before all this happened, maybe none of this would be happening. Maybe our lives would be different. Maybe it would be me this time. Me and him. The way it should have been all along.

I won't pretend that the news didn't shock me. Hell, it shook me to the very core. I couldn't hide it either, though for a split second I tried. But who knows me better than mom and Luke? Well, apart from him, that is.

I came home to visit mom and Luke, who had just gotten back from their honeymoon, and I so innocently picked up the mail on my way in. I walked in the door calling their names as I sorted through the huge bulk of mail that had piled up in the days they had been gone.

I should have put the envelope down as soon as I saw it. Maybe then I wouldn't have been tempted to know what was in it…but I couldn't. It had his return address on it and it was addressed so formally to Mr. & Mrs. Luke Danes. It couldn't be anything but an invitation. My first thoughts were that it was to another poetry reading or an event put on by his publishing house and I felt myself smile. I was proud of who he had become.

Then mom came bounding down the stairs with Luke right behind her and enveloped me in a hug as if they'd been gone for years instead of just a week. I was happy to see them, too, but for some reason even though I hugged them back and had set the rest of the mail down, I couldn't let go of the envelope.

Mom was talking a mile a minute trying to describe every detail of their trip to Jamaica in under five minutes, but it was Luke who saw me clutching the invitation.

"Hey Rory, what's that?" Luke asked. "Something going on at Yale you're inviting us to?"

Mom stopped her chatter and threw her arms around me again. "Oooh, honey, are you getting some big fancy journalism award that they're having a big shindig for? I need a new dress so I can look fabulous and lord it over everyone that my daughter, yes ladies and gentlemen, the little girl that shot out of my body so painfully after oh-so-many-hours of back-breaking labor, is the next Christiane Amanpour!"

I laughed and handed the envelope to Luke. "No, it's not an invitation from me, but it looks like it's one from Jess."

"And here I thought my brilliant child had given me another reason to brag." Mom pouted.

Luke opened the envelope and began to read the enclosed invitation. He visibly paled and glanced at me quickly before shoving the invitation back in the envelope and stuffing it in his back pocket.

I could sense something was off. "What is it, Luke?"

Luke began to stammer. "Oh, nothing, Rory. He's having another one of those poetry things and he invited us…and you know, it's just more of that flowery crap that I never understand so it's no big deal…we probably won't even go…and…"

I cut him off, "Uh-uh. Luke, there's something else. Mom is the one that babbles incoherently, not you. What is it?"

Mom pretended to look offended. "Hey now, be nice to mommy. I just reminded you of my many hours of labor I went through."

Luke tried to turn around and go to the kitchen again saying it was nothing, but I stopped him and demanded to know what was in the invitation. I could just feel something wasn't right.

Luke looked at me and sighed. "Fine. It's just that I never know where you stand with the whole Jess thing. You two have been dancing circles around each other for so many years, and I know you just saw him this year in Philadelphia at that poetry thing and I never know…"

"Luke, just tell me and stop babbling."

He released a deep breath that I didn't know he'd been holding. "It's an invitation to Jess' wedding. Rory, Jess is getting married."

I stood there for a second trying to understand the words that had come out of Luke's mouth. Jess was getting married? But…he just kissed me and berated me for still being with Logan, what was it…six months ago? It seemed like a dream. A really warped sick dre…no, nightmare. I just stared at Luke who was trying to gauge my reaction, and then over at my mom whose face had taken on a look of worry. She came towards me again and tried to put her arm around me.

"Rory, honey? Are you ok?" she asked.

Her words brought me out of my daze and I shook her off me. "What? Of course I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be? Jess and I have been over for a long time…years now. I 'm with Logan…even though he's in London…I'm still with Logan…why should I care about Jess?"

I could feel the ache in my chest and the lump forming in my throat and I started backing towards the door. "I'm fine. Really. I'm happy for him…really happy." I could hear my voice start breaking and I turned and ran out of the house leaving mom and Luke standing there staring after me.

Mom started to come after me, but I heard Luke say, "No, Lorelei. She needs to be alone for a while." as the door slammed shut behind me.

I ran. Just ran. I didn't know where I was going, but I couldn't be in there, not with them giving me those pitying looks, or with that, that piece of paper proclaiming Jess' future with another woman. Tears were starting to blur my vision, but I wouldn't let them fall. I kept running and finally found myself in the last place I wanted to be. The bridge. Our bridge.

I stopped and sat down with my legs dangling over the edge and wrapped my jacket closer around me. It wasn't cool for an October evening, but I felt like I was freezing. The lump in my throat made it difficult for me to catch my breath and I couldn't stop the burning and aching in my chest. I finally felt the pent up tears raging behind my closed eyelids start to run down my cheeks in rivers and I couldn't stop them.

I opened my eyes and stared at the water as pictures of him kept flashing in my mind. Him sitting on this very bridge right next to me the day he outbid Dean for my picnic basket. The same bridge where we finally admitted how we felt about each other. The same bridge where we would come and spend hours talking. I could see him sitting there arguing why Hemingway was better than Plath, with that lock of hair falling over his eye. It seemed so real I reached out as if to brush the hair from his forehead, but all I felt was the gentle breeze through my fingers.

I let out a strangled cry and felt my heart break all over again knowing that I would never be able to do that loving gesture again. He belonged to someone else now. And so did I. Logan had been in London for months now, but we were still together. I loved Logan. I didn't love Jess anymore. I sobbed harder remembering the look on his face when I had told him just that the last time I had seen him in Philadelphia. He looked like I had ripped his heart out. Now I knew how he felt. I couldn't pretend anymore.

I did love Logan, but not in the way that I loved Jess, had always loved Jess. It was like he was the other half of my soul. Jess always knew me better than anyone and we could always sense what the other was feeling or thinking. The day I said goodbye to him on that bus when he went to California, I knew it was goodbye and that he wasn't coming back. I pretended I didn't know, but I saw it in his eyes. I couldn't face it then, just like I couldn't face it now. I tried to pretend that everything was fine with Logan and that all the partying and crazy stunts were alright with me. Deep down they weren't. I longed to just sit at home and cuddle under a soft blanket and just talk. Whenever I fantasized about that it wasn't Logan's face that I pictured. It was Jess. Always Jess.

I hugged my knees to my chest as the tears continued to fall and blamed myself for how things had turned out. When he begged me to run away with him that night at Yale. When he tried one last time that night in his bookstore. That kiss had awoken me again and made me feel more alive than I had in years…since the last time that he had kissed me. Why had I denied what I felt? Was my life with Logan worth it?

I started laughing at that thought. A man that cheated on me with an entire bridal party and jumped off cliffs in South America for kicks. Why had I held onto Logan when I knew deep down he wasn't right for me?

Everything suddenly became clear in my mind and I stood up, wiping my tears. I drew my cell phone out of my jacket pocket and dialed.

"Hey Ace! How's my favorite girl?" he greeted when he answered.

I took a deep breath and started what I knew was only one of several hard conversations in my near future. "Hey, Logan. We need to talk."

I calmly told him that the relationship wasn't working, that the distance was too much, and that I finally realized how different we actually were. All I heard was silence on his end.

"Logan?"

I heard him sigh. "I'm here, Ace, I'm here. I just don't know what to say."

"The truth for once. Please."

"I love you, Rory, I really do. But, I know you're right. Love just isn't enough sometimes, no matter how much we want it to be."

"I want you to be happy, Logan, but I can't be the one to make you happy. I tried, but we both know it's not enough. "I said.

"I know and it's not all your fault. It's not like we've had a perfect relationship. I know these last few months with me all the way in London have been hard."

"They have been. I want us to be friends, though. Do you think we can be friends?" I asked.

"I need some time, but yeah…I think I'd like that. I just…I don't know when. This isn't exactly easy for me. I don't lose easily, you know?"

I smiled through my tears. "I know, Logan."

"Take care of yourself. And Ace? I'm always here if you need me." He said softly. "Bye."

I hung up the phone and felt a huge weight lift off of my shoulders. I stared at the bridge one more time before I headed back to mom's house and prepared for the next confession I was going to have to make.

As soon as I walked in the door she accosted me, immediately noticing my tear-streaked face. I just smiled at her and reassured her that I was fine. We sat down on the couch to talk and I tried to explain to her what I had realized out on the bridge. She just smiled softly at me and said that she had known my heart had belonged to Jess all along, no matter how much it pained her and her own feelings of ill will towards him. How had she known that when I hadn't been able to admit it to myself?

I lay in my old room that night just staring at the ceiling while sleep evaded me. I knew what I was going to do, whether it helped or not. I had to give it one last attempt. I was going back to Philadelphia…back to Jess.