Rating: G
Standard disclaimer I own nothing, just borrowing characters and having fun.
Spoilers: none really, but was written after Twelve Sharp.

Title: Remove the Beak
October 2006
Author: TammyC

"Remove the beak," I read.

"What?" Joe asked.

"That's what the recipe says. Remove the beak. Right after it says to remove the head."

"Are you sure you have the right recipe?" Joe asked.

I double checked the recipe title to see if we were both talking about cooking baby octupus. "Yep, this is the right recipe."

"I didn't know an octapus had a beak," Joe said.

"I didn't either. If it did, wouldn't removing the head also remove the beak?"

"You'd think so."

"You gonna help me find the beak?" I asked.

"No," Joe said. "I called tails, so I'm in charge of the rice. You're in charge of cooking the batch of baby octapus."

"No way, you cheated," I said. "You picked up an order of steamed rice from a Chinese restaurant. Get over here and help me find the beak."

I studied the little octapus in my hand and reread the recipe. I handed an octapus to Joe so he could help me search the danged things.

"I think the heads were already removed before I bought them at the deli counter," I said.

"Wait, look," Joe said, pointing to something at the underside of the octapus. "It looks like a tiny bird claw. I'll bet it's the beak."

He yanked the little claw out and held it up. We both studied it. "I think you're right. I think that's probably the beak," I said.

We inspected the others and yanked out their claws, beaks, whatever those things were. Soon we had a pile of cleaned baby octapus ready to cook.

I heated a pan and plopped a glob of butter into it. Then I dumped the pile of baby octapus into it.

"I wonder how long they will take to cook," I said.

As it cooked, the normally slimy-looking legs started curling. Then they became a bit stiff. "I think they might be done," I said.

Joe grimaced. "Remember when you fogged your apartment for spiders? When you came home there were several huge dead spiders on the floor with their legs curled under. That's kind of what our dinner is looking like."

"EEEW!"

We dumped the rice into a big bowl, and mixed in the baby octapus thingies.

"Oh, my gosh," I said. "Now that those things look like dead spiders, the rice looks kind of like maggots."

I spooned a bite and offered it to Joe.

He looked at the spoon for a few seconds, then said, "Ladies first."

I closed my eyes and took a very tentative taste. "MMM! It's delicious."

Joe closed his eyes and tried a bite. "Surprising, but it is. I guess we just have to eat dinner with our eyes closed."

A/N based on a true story.