Sora lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. He was on the couch.
His room had been converted into a study a long time ago. The walls had been re painted from his baby blue to a blinding white, just like a hospital; it was like the entire house had been sanitized of him. None of his clothes remained; they'd been discarded into the ocean a long time ago. None of his possessions remained, the paopu fruit that Riku had teased him with which he'd secretly kept, wondering if he would ever have the guts to share it with anybody one day, his favorite pair of mismatched socks, his scarf which he never used because it didn't get cold on Destiny Islands, the chalk that he had drawn Kairi's picture with, even his old books had been gotten rid of somewhere. Probably with his clothes, floating idly along with the swirling tide.
Sora sighed and rolled over onto his side. He was wearing his older brother Makae's old shorts, which were make shift pyjamas. Surprisingly, they actually fit. Just another testament to the amount of time that Sora had been absent for. He pulled the blanket just a little tighter around his frame, his knuckles digging harshly into the rough fabric.
The place was completely alien to him. So different. And yet, it was still the same.
Sora strained his head to get a good look at the clock which was glued onto the wall opposite him above the cracked radio. It read 3:57 AM. Sora sighed. Well, at least he wasn't going to have to pretend to be asleep for very much longer. At the first feasible opportunity, he just wanted to get out.
With that thought firmly in mind, he closed his eyes and drifted into a light, dreary sleep, that did nothing for his muscles. He hadn't truly let his guard down yet.
And he was… just waiting… for a heartless to come in through the window…
Couldn't give… up…
- - - - - - - - - Sora POV - - - - - - - - - -
"Sora, Sora honey, it's time to wake up."
I jumped up, alarmed. The first thought that rushed through my head left me practically cowering. How did the heartless know my name?
Reactions deeply entrained into my body reacted first. I leapt up, tumbled back and crouched, low to the ground, so that less of me would be able to be attacked. My eyes keenly trained on what appeared to be…
My mum?!
Oh…
Shit.
That probably wouldn't have a nice effect. Yeah, it really wouldn't. I mean, what would you say if your son appeared out of no where after a very long time, you just woke him up and he jumped up and looked at you as if he was going to stab you repeatedly with a weapon that looked like a ridiculously over sized key? Yeah, I was willing to bet that wasn't going to go down all that well.
She looked up at me with fearful eyes, I could hear her heart pounding deep within the cavity of her chest.
Just like Riku could smell things scarily well, I could hear them. Does that make much sense? No? Well not much does these days. What sense do a talking duck and dog make, anyway?
"Sora? Are… are you okay?" Maria asked fearfully, biting her lip.
I wanted so badly to say no. to scream, to cry, to hit something, break something into pieces and throw them out the second story window. Heck, I was tempted to throw an Axel, to burn everything until I felt, just that little bit better.
But I did none of these things. And that act of deception, made me start to hate myself.
"I'm fine. You just startled me, is all."
Maria didn't look like she believed me, so I smiled. Easy going, reliable smile that was always there. The smile that was slowly carving itself into my face.
"Well, I just wanted you to know that breakfast was ready, and, um, that you can come any time you want."
I hung my head. "Thanks mum."
I stood up and unwrapped myself from the old blanket. She stood there with this ridiculously hopeful expression on her face, her arms held slightly out, waiting for a hug. But, I couldn't do it.
I sucked in my breath and walked right past her, and into the kitchen. And my god, did it hurt.
Hurt her and hurt me. But in a lot of ways, it was better this way.
I walked down the short corridor and into the kitchen. Michael and Makae were already there, sitting around the table with grim expressions on their faces, sharing the daily newspaper.
I would have liked to say that it felt good, that everything had gone back to normal, but it hadn't. no matter how much I may have wished to be able to sit next to my father and my older brother, and read the paper, just like we had when I was younger, I couldn't. And I realized, that it was because I didn't want too. I didn't want to join them, I didn't want to become a part of a family again. I had lasted so long without one, that it just didn't feel necessary anymore.
I took the furthest seat away from Michael and Makae, and sat staring vacantly at the table.
The two of them shifted suspiciously, as if I shouldn't be at the table with them. But I didn't move. Screw them.
And then mum came through the doorway, full of smiles and incessant chatter.
"So, how did everyone sleep last night?" she asked pleasantly.
"Fine," Makae replied.
Michael shrugged.
I didn't say anything.
Maria looked at me with concern in her eyes.
"Sora, how did you sleep?"
I grunted noncommittally.
She walked up to me and placed one hand on my forehead. "You okay honey?"
"I'm fine, mum," I said while gently pushing her hand away.
She drew back, her features draw in that solemn, disappointed look again. And I let her pull away, my face impervious.
She started to prepare some eggs for us.
"So, Makae, school starts up next week, doesn't it?"
"Sure does mum," he said, turning a page of the newspaper.
"Mmmm." She hummed. "So, has anyone done anything interesting happened this week?"
"Not really," my dad said.
"I finally asked Rinoa out," Makae said smugly.
Maria's face lit up. "Oh, that's great news! So when do we get to meet the young woman we've been hearing so much about?" she asked in a sing song voice.
Makae shrugged. "When things get a bit more serious I'll invite her over for dinner sometime, would that be okay mum?"
"Of course it would darling!"
Silence fell again while Maria served eggs and toast onto their plates and set them down in front of everyone. She then sat down next to me and looked at me expectantly.
"So what did you do while you were away Sora?" she asked.
It was like the bombshell had hit. Silence fell, and suddenly everyone's attention was focused solely on me. Eyes fixed, as if I were some new and interesting toy that would dance for them. Keep them occupied for just a little longer.
"Nothing much," I replied nonchalantly.
"Yeah Sora, what could possibly take a year?" Michael inquired sharply, his eyes narrowed.
I shrugged, and tried to divert my attention to the eggs in front of me. Ugh, they were cooked for to long and the yoke wasn't runny, gross, I hated it when Maria made the yolk hard.
"Sora, we've been wondering all fucking night, what the fuck happened?" Makae hissed.
I still didn't answer as Maria told Makae off for swearing.
Really, what could I say? I'd just disappeared for a year, fought heartless, found out I had a nobody, merged with said nobody, lost friends, found friends, lost my virginity, saved the world, actually, many worlds and found my way home.
Now, would they really believe that? For some reason, my inner logic was saying no while my heart was saying yes. I was going to go with my logic.
"What happened?" someone asked, but I wasn't paying attention to who.
"What happened?"
"Where were you?"
Red hair caught on the dark, sultry wind. Green eyes piercing into mine, tears rimming the carefully outlined edges, blurring his delicate features.
"What happened, Sora?"
"Sora, where did you go?"
"Where did you disappear to, Sora?"
Long brown hair covering a thick, ugly red scar. Grey eyes flashed out from under the curtain of his bangs.
"I… I missed you…"
"What happened?"
"SHUT UP!" I screamed.
And I didn't know if I was screaming at the memories, or the people, or just at everything. At the broken keyblade, the screaming hearts and breathless crying of the lucid nobodies. Maybe I was screaming at the whole universe, wanting everything to stop.
I threw my plate to the floor, and I heard it shatter, but I didn't really care.
And then I left, ran straight out of the room.
I didn't even bother to change, just ran out of the house with my too big shorts flapping around the curve of my hips. Out into the harsh sunlight that was much less welcoming than the darkness.
And there was only one place that my mind registered.
And only one place I could force my body to go.
Riku's house.
- - - - - - - - -
I arrived shortly. Riku had never lived to far away, just a few blocks, which were easy to transverse at a leisurely jog. I wasn't even panting as I arrived on his front door step. When I had been younger, before the adventure, I could never make it to Riku's at a run, I just wasn't fit enough. But over a year of fighting, running and hiding had a strange way making someone stronger and weaker at the same time.
I knocked on the door and no one answered.
So I tried again, rasping my knuckles against the heavy wood.
Still no answer.
I cracked open the door, surprised that it had been left unlocked.
And suddenly, everything felt wrong again. As wrong as it had felt in my own house, but on a different level, on a more fundamental level than that.
Everything was empty. The house was hollow. No furniture. Nothing. Just long expanses of walls and creaking floor boards. I nearly expected there to be spiders happily spinning their webs in the dusty corners, but there weren't any. And somehow that made the house feel even more lonely.
I made my way up the massive winged staircase to where I remembered Riku's room was.
It was at the end of the second floor corridor. I approached it cautiously. Almost, afraid? But that couldn't be…
I hesitantly pushed the door open.
And couldn't believe what I saw.
This room was empty too, but the window was flung open, almost desperately, spilling light into the room in huge beams, illuminating the moss and dust that had settled into every inch of the room. A single curtain fluttered gently in the island breeze, the dirty, off white color of it seeming to match the run down abode.
And there was Riku, propped up against the wall, his legs lying in front of him haphazardly on the floor.
Riku, with crusted tears slashed underneath his piercing eyes. He raised his head slowly to meet my gaze, his hair falling over his face in greasy curtains, it was evident that he hadn't been able to have a shower last night. His clothes were covered in layers of dust that must have come from the abandoned house.\
And he just looked so… indescribably desolate.
The only thing that was different were his shoes, which he had apparently removed. Instead he was wearing a manky old pair of baby blue slippers.
On one of them the base was nearly completely peeled off, and was holding on by a few errant strands of white thread.
"These were… the only thing that they left," Riku said.
I didn't have to ask to know that he was talking about. I knew he was talking about the fraying slippers. The only things that his family had thought to leave behind.
Just as I knew that Riku wasn't going to take them off for a long, long time.
"I just can't… believe that they're gone."
I nodded. I nearly couldn't believe it either.
Riku had always been closer to his family than I had.
He opened his mouth to say something again, but closed it, unable to choke the words out. Unable to express the way he felt. Kinda like me, actually.
It was nearly heartbreaking to see him that way, with everything falling apart around him.
He held out his hand, as if he were worried about me.
And only then did I notice the traces of water dripping slowly down my cheeks. I lifted my fingers to my face in astonishment. I was… crying? I hadn't cried since Twilight Town. And even then, it had been Roxas, and not me.
Without thinking I stepped towards Riku and took his hand, letting myself be pulled down onto the hard floor, next to where Riku had fallen. Just lying there with silent tears painting my features for him to see. And then he started crying again. And we both sat there, side by side, crying, until finally, we hugged.
It just sort of happened, side by side, and then in a tangle of warm limbs, weeping together. It was so much easier to do it with someone else. And right then, I didn't care who else, as long as they understood what was going on.
And Riku just happened to be that person.
Without knowing it, I gave him something that day. Gave him something that I should never have been able to give away, not after everything that happened. And especially not to him.
He buried his face in my spiky hair while my own found the expanse of his shoulder. I rested my head on it while I wrapped my arms securely around his back, drawing us closer.
We formed a living, human tent. A tent for our tears, our stories, the darkness and the incredible yearning inside us both. The yearning to be on the move, constantly, meeting new people, seeing new things. The overwhelming urge to be on an adventure. The adventure that had already ended and spit us up back at home. Back at a home that was no longer a home.
"I'm sorry, Sora…" Riku mumbled into the top of my head.
And I didn't have to ask about what.
I knew.
He knew.
He knew that I knew.
And that was enough.
"Me too," I said back.
Riku let out a pathetic sniff as his arms tightened around my back, his hands drawing circles over the tense muscles. I shuddered in the container of our limbs.
"Are you going to be okay?" I asked him.
He chuckled. We both knew that it was a silly question. After all, what did okay even constitute anymore? Was okay in the body… or in the mind?
"Yeah Sora, I'll be okay," he replied dryly, his voice slightly hoarse from all the crying.
"Good," I replied in something that could have resembled sarcasm if I wasn't being so serious.
Because, truly, deep down inside myself, I wanted him to be fine. Wanted him to be the rebellious, jealous teen that he had been before everything happened. And more than anything else, I wanted him to be happy. So happy that it was painful, so happy, that he could forget completely about me. Even though I knew that that could never happen. How I knew, I wasn't sure, but I knew that there was something important that he was hiding from me. Something that had to do with our breakdown and tangle of limbs.
Riku sniffed his nose again, and rubbed it on the back of his forearm.
"Thanks Sora."
I rubbed my nose against his shoulder in response. "No problem."
He drew back from me just far enough so that I could see his face. He looked down at me through his burning eyes, pinned e to my spot, and then he smiled. A slow, gradual smile, that took a while to bloom, but that made it all the more beautiful.
He smiled.
I smiled.
And we burst out laughing, our bodies shaking against each other's in mirth.
"It's so sad that it's funny," Riku managed to say between insane bouts of giggles.
I was laughing to hard to even answer him.
We fell to the floor together, still laughing. Deep laughter, fun laughter, real laughter. We were really enjoying ourselves. And it felt great. Amazing, fantastic. Almost like a high, something that you could get addicted to, because you could feel it, taste it, touch it.
And yet, it felt like something that I could only share with Riku. Only ever Riku.
Eventually our laughter subsided, and we lay together, on our sides, with our arms draped around each other.
Best friends.
And yet, it felt heavier than that… more secret.
As if…
Nevermind.
Riku reached up a hand and pushed some of my bangs behind one of my ears, and let his touch linger over my face before he withdrew it.
"That was fun, wasn't it?" Riku enquired.
"Of course it was," I said.
Riku was silent for a few moments, trying to formulate words. I let him take his time. "It wasn't like it was with Kairi, was it?" he asked hesitantly, afraid.
I looked him in the eye. "No, it wasn't," I said, feeling like I was missing something.
Riku smiled his blinding smile again. He propped his head up on one arm that he took away from my sides. "Good."
I blinked. "Anyway, what are you going to do now?" I asked him.
He shrugged. "It's not that much of a problem. How did you look after yourself when you were fighting the heartless?"
"Well, I either stayed with Leon and the gang in Traverse Town or Hollow Bastion, and sometimes I would camp out at the Coliseum when Cloud and Sephiroth were there," I said nonchalantly.
"Oh," Riku breathed, as if he were a little taken aback. "I took care of myself the entire time, so I doubt that I'll have any problems doing it again," he said sheepishly.
I smiled at him. It seemed that that small action made him light up like a Firaga spell.
"Well, you might be able to stay with us," I offered.
Riku nodded a no. "No, it's okay, I can deal, besides, I'm 16 now, right? I'm getting on in the years," he joked.
"But seriously, Riku. I could ask for you."
He nodded no again. "It's okay Sora. But, just so you know, you're more than welcome to stay with me anytime."
I was a little shocked. I could… live with Riku? Surely it had to be better than returning to my perfect little family.
I closed my eyes and I sighed, long and deep. And yet, no matter how smothered I might have felt in their home, I could not leave them. Not again. Not yet.
I met his eyes again.
"Not now, but if I ever need a place to stay, can I crash with you?"
It was a big favour that I was asking for him.
"Of course you can!" he said, joy barely concealed in his voice.
Well, at least someone cared.
Seconds ticked by, and rolled into minutes, minutes into hours.
And before I knew it, I was curled up Riku's chest, and drifting off to sleep.
A proper sleep. Not a half hearted sleep. One where I could really, rest. Be content, not wake up screaming with nightmares.
I breathed in Riku's scent, he smelt of hardly concealed BO, mould, sweat and dust. But I didn't mind. The scent made everything feel more… real, more down to earth. And that was just what I needed right now.
The same scent, from such a long time ago. In a room that was so white that it was blinding. Not enough shadows, never enough.
Shocking red hair spilled across the equally blank pillow, green eyes… so alien from this place. So raw, so real.
Axel.
Axel? Where did that come from?
Roxas?
But more importantly.
Why did having Riku so close, wrapped around me, feel so blatantly familiar?
Riku…
Riku…
Riku…
- - - -- - - - -
Kairi hummed happily as she skipped down the cobblestone road. Her hair was done up in a high ponytail and swished with each of her movements, bouncing along behind her as if it had a mind of its own.
She let out a big grin as she saw what she was looking for, the Old Fish Shope. The best, and only place to get coffee on the islands. It was run by Zell, who had taken over after his father died.
She let herself in, the door tinkling.
"Hey Zell!" she greeted the young man.
The handsome, spiky blonde turned around and flashed her a cheery smile.
"Hey Kairi, how's it hanging?" he asked.
"It's hanging good," she laughed.
"Great to hear, Tidus and stuff are waiting for you at the usual table."
"Thanks."
Kairi skipped over to a booth near the largest of the shop windows. Tidus, Wakka, Selphie and Rinoa already sat there, chatting amicably about school.
"Hey guys," Kairi greeted as she slid into the vacant seat next to Rinoa. She placed her shoulder bag on his lap, so that her skirt wouldn't ride up when she shifted her legs. Tidus was, after all, notorious for being a complete pervert.
"Hey Kairi," Selphie replied cheerfully.
Everyone else greeted her good morning before returning to their coffee.
"So, everyone excited about school starting next week?" Kairi enquired.
Wakka groaned while Tidus banged his head against the table.
"Not even," Wakka said.
Selphie chuckled from her perch next to him and rubbed his back.
"I definitely am, can't wait to see Makae!" Rinoa claimed dreamily.
"Can't you see him anytime?" Kairi asked humorlessly.
"Of course, but now we get to eat lunch together, study together in the library in free periods and buy over priced coffee!" she squealed as if it were the most romantic thing in the world.
Selphie laughed while Kairi shook her head in amazement. Rinoa sure was weird.
"Anyway," Tidus interrupted. "Is it true…? Are Sora and Riku really back?" he asked hesitantly, as if he were wading in forbidden waters.
Kairi nodded, a smile splitting open her face again. "Yes it is! Great, isn't it?! Now everything will be just like old times!" she crowed.
Selphie giggled. "Oh, I can't wait to see them again!"
"I'm sure they can't wait to see you again too," Kairi chuckled.
"So Kairi… give me the goss… are they hot now?" Selphie said deviously.
"Selphie!" Kairi screeched in mock horror. "How could you ask such a thing?"
"Well, can't blame a chic for trying, can ya?"
Kairi shot Selphie a fake glare which had them laughing in no time.
"Umm, have I met Sora and Riku?" Rinoa said.
Tidus nodded a no towards her.
"Nah, man, ya haven't. Sora's Makae's little brudda, though. So ya would have heard of him. But ya probably haven't met both of 'em yet," Wakka explained in his thick drawl.
"Oh, are they nice?"
Kairi fixed her attention on Rinoa. "Oh yeah! Sora's a real sweetheart! Riku's pretty cool, too, but he can act a bit bitchy sometimes,"
"Riku's like, permanently PMSing or something."
"Selphie!" Kairi cried.
"What? It's true! But anyway, Kairi's REAL excited that Sora's back, because he's liked her for ages," Selphie winked suggestively.
"He does not," Kairi said, smiling.
"He totally does," Tidus argued.
The smile grew wider and became dreamy. "He does, doesn't he?"
Wakka and Tidus shrugged while Rinoa and Selphie sighed like love struck fools.
Tangled deep within the embrace, Sora couldn't tell where Axel ended and Riku began.
But it didn't matter. Roxas and Sora both felt safe, felt sheltered from the world that was collapsing around them. The last embrace of a couple before the world swallowed them whole.
Heart breaking.
Beautiful.
Imperfect.
Sora slept, oblivious to the internal debate being waged within Riku, within Roxas, Axel, and himself.
After all…
There wasn't enough…
Time.
- - - - - - - - -
Sorry this one took so long guys, I've been really busy at the moment.
I was pre occupied finishing off my Riku cosplay for Animania and getting our skit down pat, so there was a lot of work to do there. I'm planning to go next year as Roxas and Yazoo. Yay for the pleathery goodness.
I love all of your lovely reviews. I truly do, you guys make me feel special. Candy for the next bunch of reviewers!
And by the way, if you want to see the skit, it's here! Some lovely soul put it on youtube for us.
And duh, I'm Riku, the one of the right.