Chapter Two

I woke up at seven, as usual. Somehow, I felt rather weird, as if today was different from other days, for some reason. A few minutes to clear my sleep-ridden mind told me the answer.

My holiday is today. Well, our holiday.

All the more reason to get out of bed. Hisoka doesn't like people who are unpunctual. I find that rather unfair. He was late for our meeting last time. But then again, being late for the sole purpose of getting revenge isn't worth risking Hisoka's wrath. He can make a person's life miserable if he puts his mind to it.

So, at eight, I found myself walking to Hisoka's house. It took me a few knocks to get him to open the door, and he still looked rather groggy, albeit already prepared to leave. Hisoka has never been a morning person.

"Good morning!" I greeted him cheerfully. He didn't answer, although he did nod his head in some obscure response. His blonde bangs were even more tousled than usual, and they kept falling over his eyes the way they always did. A few specks of blurry green peeked out from under the wheat-coloured strands, and his eyelids threatened to fall shut any minute. My hands itched to brush away those stubborn bangs for him. Don't ask me why I want to; I don't know either.

I waited outside while he grabbed his coat. I couldn't help being curious. I've never been into Hisoka's apartment before. What do teenage boys keep in their homes? I doubt that Hisoka would appreciate it if I went in without permission, though. Especially now. Did I mention that a sleep-deprived Hisoka is extremely dangerous to be close to?

I need to get him to wake up, or I might end up in serious danger. He flares at the slightest provocation, and only Enmadaioh himself knows how often I manage to get on his nerves without even meaning to.

We walked along in silence, he because he was still half-asleep, I because I didn't dare trouble him at that particular moment.

I rather like this, though. There is simply the peace, quiet…

…and us. Just the two of us and no one else.

I regret not walking him to work before. It just didn't seem practical, as we didn't live in close quarters. I only just now realize what I've missed.

I think I'm going to start walking Hisoka to work from now on, and while I'm at it, back from work as well.

"Don't even think about it, baka," Hisoka muttered crossly. I snapped out from my reveries in an instant. A cautious glance told me that Hisoka was still only half-conscious. It must mean that he's snapping at me on autopilot as well.

"Think about what?" I asked innocently. I couldn't help feeling a strange stab of disappointment, though. I rather wanted to tell him that I would walk him to and fro from work, it would be nice if he…I was hoping he would say it would be all right, that he wouldn't mind spending those extra minutes in my presence.

Again, don't ask me the reason, because it's another of those questions that I don't have the answer for.

I don't mind being with Hisoka, although I'm sure that most people would disagree. Being with someone who can read your mind like an open book tends to make people more than a little uncomfortable. I just wish that sometimes I'd get the chance to say what I think out loud.

"Then just shut up," Hisoka said irritably.

"But I can't help what I think!" I protested indignantly.

"Then don't think so loudly."

That got me rather confused. How can a person control the volume of their thoughts? Can you actually whisper or scream with your thoughts? I suppose you can, or else there would be no place for overwhelming emotions like panic and dread, nor would feelings such as overjoyed or ecstatic exist.

Hisoka sighed in resignation beside me. I supposed that my thoughts would always be as audible to him.

"On the surface, yes. Your deeper feelings, no," he suddenly said. My surprise must have been evident, for he continued, "I just thought that you might like to know that."

I…it shames me to admit it, but I supposed that I was relieved to hear it, in a way. There are things that I don't want people to know about, the darkness that I don't want others to experience…and I …

I don't want to drag Hisoka down with me.

I suddenly realize that Hisoka had said what he just had to put me at ease, to take away my fears of someone knowing about me, about the real me…

And I thank him for it.

"Thank you." I probably didn't need to say it, but I did anyway.

"Aa," he answered awkwardly, clearly unsure of what to say or do. Mildly curious green eyes looked up at me, and I can find him wondering about me, about the unseen and unspoken facets of my life.

He didn't ask me anything. For now, he let it lie. I'm grateful, and yet I feel lost. I wanted him to ask, to do something, anything that would stop me from feeling so alone…so lost…but I also didn't want him to, for I knew I would only ruin him with the condemnation that formed my soul.

It was only when I once again looked into his eyes, now completely awake and alert, sharp and thoughtful, that I realize that he had already done one thing.

I am no longer alone.

"Hungry, Hisoka?" I asked. He looked startled, probably because of my sudden change of moods.

He shrugged. "I suppose you are, since you're asking me."

I smiled at that. "Let's have breakfast, shall we?"

"Huh."

"Hisoka, what about my question just now?" I still don't know if he would mind me walking with him on the way to work and back home. I know, he told me to not even think about it, but as long as he didn't really say no…

"What question?" He's sounding a little annoyed now.

"About walking together…" Maybe this wasn't the right time for this after all.

"Whatever," he said uninterestedly.

"Come, let's go eat!" I exclaimed cheerfully, taking hold of his arm and pulling him along. He glared at me, naturally.

As always, I didn't mind. With Hisoka, you must always look beyond the surface. Besides, I suppose I have the questionable honour of being the person who's being yelled at the most by him.

And he just said yes.

Just one, careless word—'whatever', but when it comes to Hisoka, it's an undeniable, definite yes.

Did I say I was lonely? Perhaps I was, and maybe I am, even now.

But with Hisoka, I'm never as lonely.

Because Hisoka takes some of the emptiness away.

I ran over to where Hisoka sat waiting on a bench in a park. At eight-thirty, it was already filled with parents and their children, and even the first few couples on a leisurely stroll.

"Ouch!" Bumping into something soft and small, I looked down to see a girl of about six, with two dark braids that went with matching pink ribbons and big, dark brown eyes.

Looking into those eyes, I found myself aching at the reminder of Kazusa.

She merely gazed at me with wide-eyed innocence while hugging a fluffy teddy bear in her arms tightly, perhaps almost protectively.

I remember the first time we met, when Kazusa looked up with similar naiveté, smiling and asking, "Who are you?"

I couldn't save her.

And now, when I see the girl that now stood before me…

"Sorry," she said timidly.

I shook my head, trying to free myself from the reminders of the child who had so valiantly given her life for another's.

But everytime I meet the girl's eyes, I see Kazusa within them.

"Are you all right?" she asked cautiously.

"Yes…yes, I'm fine." Again, I found myself looking into her eyes, now filled with concern.

If only I couldn't see the non-existent accusation in them as well…

"I'm glad," she said, smiling brightly at me. I managed to return that smile.

"I have to go, nice to meet you!" Waving a hand at me, she turned and ran down the path, her braids flying out behind her.

I watched her leave, taking the last of Kazusa with her, taking away the traces of the girl I failed to protect.

I continued walking, but this time I could only see the silent accusation, the voices that screamed, "Murderer!"

I'm walking on a path that is drenched with blood…the blood of the people I've killed, the souls I've taken…

Somehow, I found myself standing before Hisoka without even knowing it. Emerald eyes looked into mine and narrowed slightly when I silently took the seat next to him.

I forced a smile and handed him the vanilla ice cream I've bought him. Don't think of Kazusa in front of him. Don't think of anything…

He stared at me for a while before accepting it. "Your idea of breakfast…" he muttered.

I laughed and said, "It's nice! That's all there is to it!" Did he hear my thoughts just now? I don't want him to…I don't him to leave me, leave me for being the person that I am.

"Idiot," he said grumpily.

I was about to answer when a soft voice nervously asked for our attention.

"I…I think I'm lost. I can't find Daddy or Mummy." My breath caught in my throat when I looked down to once again see the young girl I've met minutes ago.

She looked so lost. Gently, I took her hand in mine. "We'll help you find them." I let Kazusa die…I am not helping this child to relieve my guilt; I don't deserve that. I'm helping her for herself.

"We will, won't we, Hisoka?" I asked cheerfully. Hisoka merely shrugged in response.

The little girl smiled in relief. I like it. It's always nice to know that even I can make people smile occasionally. "Thank you, uncle."

Now that was insulting. "Uncle?" I asked incredulously.

I don't know why, but I stole a glance in Hisoka's direction. His face was perfectly smooth, betraying nothing of what he felt after hearing me being labeled 'uncle'.

He noticed me looking at him, and he blinked in mock confusion. "Is there anything wrong? It is somewhatfitting, after all."

I gave him a wounded look before getting up. I hardly look that old. The little girl who grasped my hand leapt up with me happily. I smiled at her and was about to offer her my ice cream when Hisoka gave her his.

I think he felt uncomfortable in displaying any kind of compassion publicly, for his eyes hardened suddenly.

"I didn't really want it anyway," he said, but he failed in hiding the truth.

"You didn't have to explain yourself to me," I told him, grinning mischievously.

He stiffened visibly. I wonder why he must choose to hide himself under all those layers of coldness and detachment; didn't he know that the real Hisoka was what everybody wanted to see?

"Who said I was doing that?" he snapped.

"I did." At the look in his eyes, I drew myself up defensively. "Well, you were."

"Shut up, uncle."

"Hisoka…you're so mean."

This time, his eyes held the slight gleam of victory. "Like you, I'm only speaking the truth." Barely were the words out of his mouth when he realized his slip. A faint blush began to creep up his cheeks.

I smiled, but I didn't say anything.

We were walking for some time when the peace was suddenly broken by the little girl beside me jumping up and down in delight.

"Mummy!" she squealed, breaking free from my grasp and rushing towards a woman in the distance.

We stood there, watching the little girl fly into her mother's embrace, no doubt being showered with anxious questions of concern and reprimands for getting herself lost. The child seemed oblivious to her mother's obvious worry, laughing happily and from the looks of it, enthusiastically relating the small episode of her adventure.

It wasn't long before they started making their way towards us. Up close, I could see the girl's mother's features clearly. The little girl had certainly inherited her mother's warm eyes. Those were the kind of eyes that weren't particularly beautiful, but always managed to make an impression on first sight, the kind of eyes that displayed all the emotions their owners were experiencing, the kind of eyes that were alive.

Somehow, they reminded me of Hisoka. I wonder why, his eyes were always cool, sometimes even cold, and Hisoka never displayed his feelings if he could help it.

But sometimes…when he did, his eyes were alive as well. I turned to look at him, and I saw that his eyes weren't cold or impassive as he watched the little and her mother. In fact, they were almost…

I was distracted from my thoughts by the girl's mother. "Thank you for helping Ameko," she said gratefully, "I can't tell you how worried we were when we turned around to find her gone."

I smiled. "You're welcome." Ameko laughed and ran over to give me a hug before running back to her mother.

Her mother looked vaguely embarrassed. "You see, her father and I hardly have the time to take her out, what with our working schedules and all…" Clutching Ameko's hand, she continued, "It's just that today's Valentine's Day, and we decided that we should show her this place, since it's so special…"

She coughed awkwardly. "I suppose I must be boring you with all this talk."

I shook my head in denial. "Of course not. Is this the place where you first met?"

She looked surprised at that question. Shaking her head slightly, she looked down at her daughter, and in her eyes, I can see the glow of care and love that only a family can ever have.

Ameko's mother's voice was almost wistful. "No, this wasn't where we first met…" Suddenly, she waved at somebody, and soon a man came into view.

"This is my husband," she said, and from her voice, I could hear a quiet, yet strong pride for the man that now held her hand.

Smiling at him, she laughed in fond reminiscence. "This isn't the place where we first met. It's much more important than that."

I think I will always remember her words after that.

"This is the place where we first knew each other."

Almost softly, she said, "The importance does not lie in meeting a person, but in knowing him or her…"

"…after all, I would never have fallen in love with him by just meeting him, but when I knew him…"

Her husband laughed in amusement. "I think you're boring them with your fond memories."

She gave him an irritated look, but even then, she still could not conceal the affection in her eyes. "I think they should know this."

Turning back to me, she suddenly asked, "Where was the place where you first knew each other?" I blinked in confusion, wondering why she would ask me such a question. And suddenly, by the look in her eyes, I knew that she thought that we were…

"No…no, we aren't like that!" I don't know if I'm blushing; I certainly hope not. Hisoka's cheeks were tinged with a bright pink, and he looked as if he wanted to be anywhere but there at the moment.

Ameko's mother actually looked surprised. "You aren't? I thought…" She was interrupted by a firm tug from her husband.

"We really should be going now." Giving us an apologetic look, he said, "Thank you for helping our daughter." Ameko gave me another one of her hugs; she really was an affectionate girl.

Hisoka's eyes widened in shock when she suddenly flung her arms around him, even going so far as to burying her face in his chest. "Thank you!" She looked up at him thoughtfully, then surprised us all by pushing her teddy bear into his arms.

"For you," she said simply.

Hisoka stared at her for a long moment before gathering himself and quickly returning the teddy bear to her. "Um…thank you, but…"

She shook her head vehemently. "For you," she repeated firmly. Without even waiting for him to reply, she darted off towards her mother, waving her hands at us as the small family disappeared around the corner.

I turned towards Hisoka, who was still staring at the worn teddy bear in his hands.

"Where was the place where you first knew each other?"

I don't know. Maybe it was at Nagasaki, where I learned the reason behind his uncaring exterior; or it might be on the Queen Camellia, where I first knew of his vulnerability. It might be at Hokkaido, where I found out about his uncertainty of himself, or it might be…

I realized that I could never finish listing the places.

Because I was forever learning more about him.

The place where we first knew each other…

It is everywhere and nowhere.

I don't know if I could say that I knew him, and I do not know if I could ever let him know about myself; there is just so much that we don't know about each other. If somebody were to ask if we knew each other, I would say we didn't.

Because there are just so many questions of him that I know I wouldn't be able to answer.

Just like now…while looking into his eyes, I already see something that I've never before seen in Hisoka.

He was curiously running his fingers over Ameko's teddy bear, touching the soft fur in the way a child would do when given something new. It was only after a while that I understood the meaning behind his gestures, and with that understanding came a faint wave of anger.

Hisoka had probably never ever received a soft toy from his parents before.

Maybe he had been given presents before his empathic powers were revealed, but it was probably so long ago, and after the years of abuse and isolation, those memories were probably lost, only to be replace by what made him the bitter person that he was today.

Now, in his eyes, I can see wonder, curiosity, and with it…

Acceptance.

The importance does not lie in meeting a person, but in knowing him or her.

What was the purpose of Valentine's Day? Was it for lovers to realize their feelings for each other? For couples to sustain the feelings that made a relationship last?

Perhaps that was the original intent.

But for me, Valentine's Day, at least for today, for this year…it was a day to understand, to learn about the person that was with me.

The one person who stayed with me when all others left. I wonder…why hadn't he left me?

Do we understand each other?

We don't.

He lifted his head, and for a moment, our eyes met.

Valentine's Day was supposedly meant for lovers only, and yet we are celebrating it together.

Lovers?

Hardly.

But we are companions, friends, family…

Partners.

Valentine's Day…for lovers?

I doubt lovers have as long a time ahead of them as Hisoka and I do.

But a day for people to realize their feelings for each other…maybe.

I've already realized long ago that I cared for him, perhaps more than I do for others.

But today…I've realized how much I feel for him.

Looking at the boy beside me, I feel…

…I feel that for him, and only for him, my life might not be a curse after all.