Worth More Than Before

by Maxy93

After settling into life in Alexandria Kelly and her group deals with new and even bigger threats than ever before. Internal struggles within the group that struggled out of Georgia threaten all ties that once held them together. Outsiders bombard the walls they built around themselves and as the group grows so do the gulfs between them. *Sequel to Everything Changes*

6. Chapter Five: Preparing for Fear

Chapter Five: Preparing for Fear

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Once Eugene had been cleared of any risk of kicking the bucket we had all been drug to Rick like subjects before a king to explain just what had happened out there. Then when Daryl said that Dwight guy was the same guy that had taken his bike forever ago and connecting that dot with all the other dots it was clear that the saviors weren't as dead as Rick had been hoping. We all agreed that we would meet up in the morning and talk more about what we might need to do.

With that Daryl and I had walked home. We went to the garage and basically shut the door in my face. I stood in the driveway for a few moments, arms crossed over my middle. It had been a while since we had lost someone, and even longer since someone had been murdered. Plus, Daryl was blaming himself on several levels so his guilt would be hard to work through. But I also knew that the best thing to do at the start was to give him space.

So I went inside the house, made dinner, rearranged the living room, picked up the dirty clothes that both he and I always tossed in the general direction of the hamper, just random work around the house. Then when I ran out of things to do in the house, I wrote Daryl a note and stuck it on the fridge and headed to the pantry. I hadn't found any useful plants on this outing and Merle hadn't found any game, but if we were going to consider stashing some food in various places it needed to be organized.

Alexandria didn't have the same level of evacuation plans in place as we did at the prison, but we did have two locations outside the town if the walls ever fell, so I would need to split the food between three locations, maybe four to be safe, keeping the bulk of it in town until absolutely necessary to move it. The canned goods that came from stores and come can-openers would be the best to send outside the walls, the cans were much harder to break and would last a very long time even in the elements. The glass jars of food would stay here.

"Knock knock." A voice said from behind me, I turned and saw Abraham in the doorway, a cigar between his teeth.

"Hey. How is he doing?"

"He's fine, tougher than he looks little prick. What are you doing here?"

"Daryl is brooding and we have a shit storm heading this way. Time to prepare and give him some distance."

"He doesn't blame himself for that does he?"

"The first time he takes a defenseless woman outside the walls and she gets an arrow through her face? Nah, why would be blame himself?"

"And I see you are handling it all just fine." He says leaning against the table that had all my plants on it. "Why don't you tell me what you're really pissed about?"

"I told you all that this crap with the saviors would blow up in our faces. And look where we are."

"We are sitting exactly where we always have. They're not gonna get past the walls. They show up and we'll take care of them. Hell, we were outnumbered on the tracks and who tucked tail and ran?"

"Yeah, that tiny group. Then there was the tiny group that you all ran into right before we went to the Hilltop, Daryl ran into that Dwight dude in the past, they seem to be popping up all over the place."

"How many people can they possibly have left by now? You weren't in that compound, there are more dead than alive now."

"But you don't know that. Not for sure. Tomorrow Maggie is going to want to stash some guns around the place and I'm gonna take the food out to the secondary meeting spots to be safe. Better safe than sorry in case you're all wrong again."

"Okay, truce. Okay? I didn't come in here to argue."

"Then why are you here Abraham? You just got all snuggly with Sasha, shouldn't you be there?"

"She's on watch tonight. Looks like we're stuck together while our betters are busy. So how can I help?"

"Help me get all these can goods into the trash cans and into the van muscles."

*/*/*/*/*/*

Daryl and I sat in silence at the table as we both pushed the food around on our plates. This afternoon had been a cluster fuck to say the least. "Abraham and I separated out the food supply. Tomorrow we're going to take it out to the secondary spots." I say as I lay my fork down with a sigh. Alfredo noodles were just not settling well on my already nervous stomach. "Daryl?" I say as I look at him after he gave me no reaction to my words. He glances up at me, just a short look from under his long bangs that he refused to let me cut even though I had no idea how he saw through them. "It wasn't your fault. You were trying to do the right thing, the human thing. You saw some girls who needed help."

"And look what happened because of it. I should have killed them." He says slamming his fork on the table and storming back out the door.

I sigh and stand from the table, putting both of our plates in the fridge and washing the forks we used, as well as the dishes I had used to cook. Wiped down the cabinets, the sink, swept the floor, just keeping myself as busy as I could again, it was easier to keep busy than deal with Daryl's guilt-ridden emotions.

I didn't know how to handle Daryl when he got like this. Past experience had taught me that all my well-meaning attempts usually ended up making everything worse, I thought back to our fight right after Bob had been bitten and we left him on the side of the road, out first fight of many. So, I had stopped trying.

I go upstairs and take a shower, finally washing all the filth of the day off. As the water ran down my body, I noticed my hands starting to shake and a tightening in my throat. I pressed one hand to my lips and wrapped the other around my middle as I felt a sob work its way up my throat.

I hadn't been that close to a gun fight in months. I hated it, hated everything about it. Denise was such a good friend; we ran the pantry well together. I'd have to find someone else to help now. But the thought of replacing her, never seeing her fairly sloppy handwriting on the clipboard again hurt more than it should. It had been so long since the group had lost someone, it had been so long since I had lost someone, I was so close to. I slid down the wall of the shower and wrapped my arms around my knees and cried against my wet, bruised knees.

The shower curtain pulls back and a naked Daryl slowly steps in, reaching down and pulling me back to my feet and into his arms. I wrap my arms tight around him and try to calm my tears as he rocks me under the hot steam of the shower. "I'm sorry." I say as I try to snuggle as close to him as possible.

"Me too, I shouldn't have yelled."

"I'm so scared Daryl. I can't do it again. I can't lose this."

He doesn't say anything, just presses a kiss to the top of my head and squeezes me tighter in his arms.

The fact he doesn't say anything to me, the same reassurances that Abraham had told me, or even Rick when we had all gotten back told me all I needed to know. Daryl was worried too. Worried he had condemned us all to some horrid fate because he let Dwight live.

*/*/*/*/*/*

The sun rose slowly in the sky as Daryl and I slowly separated from each other as we came down from our morning lovemaking. Daryl had been pretty handsy since we got out of the shower, almost desperate the first time, and slow relaxed as the night turned into morning. Daryl did not talk much, but his actions said so much more. He was hurting and was longing to feel something other than what was in his head. I was too, so it really was not hard to be drawn into his arms, surrender to his demanding kisses that promised an escape from all I was feeling.

Not I snuggled against his side as my breathing returned to normal and played with the hair that grew on his chest. "Feeling better?" I asked giving him a small smile that he didn't bother to return, he just continued to rub my back in small lazy circles. I could almost hear the wheels turning in his head now that we were finally still. "Daryl?" I say as I pull away and sit up to look at him, grabbing his hand in mine. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, need another shower though." He turns his head to look at the clock that sat on the table, we had no idea what time it actually was but a few months ago Eugene had managed to get all the clocks and watched in Alexandria on the same time so we were able to actually say "meeting at 10" and people actually know it was ten. "Maggie wanted everyone to talk about getting the place ready soon, we need to get going." With that he tossed the sheet that had just been around his legs off and headed off towards the bathroom, not even looking back at me. I sighed and dropped back against the mattress. It was going to be a very long day.

I stand up and strip the sheets from the bed and open a window to air out the room and when Daryl came back in the room, hair wet and a towel wrapped around his hips I was struggling with he fitted sheet, he helped me put it on then I tossed the rest of the clean bed sheets at him and went to the shower. A few minutes later I came out to find the bed made and Daryl gone. I rolled my eyes and got ready for the day, tossing my wet towel next to Daryl's next to the hamper since now the thing was overflowing again. I would need to get that all cleaned soon.

At least Alexandria had actual washing machines, even if we still had to use clothesline to dry them.

I walked out of the house and Daryl was in the garage messing with his bike again, I waved at him as I walked over to the pantry since the armory was in the same building. There was already a small group gathered there. Glenn, Maggie and Michonne were messing with the carts that held the smaller weapons, and it looked like they had already started splitting the guns up for various spots.

"Hey, sorry I'm late."

"It's okay, Oliva is inside updating the sheet." Michonne says as I look at the carts in front of the group.

"We'll have these, but we should hide a few. That way, we can find them, but strangers can't. In case anyone gets in."

"When I was rationing the food I fudged the numbers on the sheet, if they get in and they see so many items missing, they'll know."

"They won't get in." Glenn says looking at Maggie and I.

"But just in case they do, Olivia needs to fudge the numbers. They can't know what all we actually have if the worst happens." I say.

"Maybe we should stash a few with the food at the secondary locations?" Maggie suggests. Then the rest of the conversation is cut short at the sound of a loud motorcycle.

"Oh, no." Michonne says and I feel my heart freeze in my chest as Daryl speeds by, stopping at the gate and pulling it open.

"What the hell is he doing?" Glenn asks

"Something he shouldn't." I say as I put the gun down and run towards the gate. "Daryl! Don't you dare go out there like this!"

"We gotta stop him." Glenn says from behind me, by the time we get to the van that was parked at the gate Daryl was gone.

Michonne grabs my arm as I try to get in the van, "You stay here, help Olivia, I'll bring him back to you."

I step back and Maggie grabs my arm as Glenn climbs into the van, they head towards the gate when Abraham jumps in front of the van yelling "Whoa! Make room for my freckled ass!"

"No. Cover my watch." Rosita says as she walks past Abraham. "You stay."

"Hey, we should keep numbers here." Glenn says, and he does have a point, plus Daryl would feel ambushed if so many people came after him in the state he was in.

"I know where Daryl's going."

I shake my head and squeeze Maggie's arm before letting go when Abraham closes the gate behind them. We walk back to the armory and I call Oliva over the with the sheet that had the checklist of all our guns on it. I circled the ones that were going to be hidden outside the walls, underlined the ones that were going to be stashed around town, and told Oliva how to mess up the rest of the numbers for the official count of what remained onsite in the armory.

Merle showed up for his shift of the gate and I told him what Daryl had done, Merle rolled his eyes and said that his brother just needed to clear his head. I walked away from the gate and looked for Morgan, who was sitting by the pond with his stick. "Hey, are you busy?"

"No, how can I help?"

"I need someone to come with me to drop some food and guns off at the secondary spots. Maggie and I, a few of us, are worried about an attack. In case this goes bad we need a base line of supplies to start over."

"I can go with you. Give me a few moments and I'll meet you by the gate."

*/*/*/*/*/*

Morgan walks towards the tucks with a backpack on his shoulders. "What's with the bag?"

"Always better to go out prepared should something happen." He says tossing the bag in the truck and walking to the back of it where the supplies sat in various containers. Soon we had to supplies loaded in the truck and we headed out of the gate, telling Merle we would be back in an hour and that if Daryl was brought back by the time I came back to not let him leave again.

"Where did Daryl go?" Morgan asked as we drove to the first spot.

"My guess is back to the tracks to find Dwight. If anybody could follow a day-old trail it's Daryl. He's angry enough to kill anything that crosses his path right now."

"What good will that do anyone? Killing her killer?"

"Sometimes that's not why we do things. Look, Morgan, I like you a lot. But I have no idea where this whole new-aged hippie vibe you have now came from and I really wanna know how it happened in this world."

"You heard what I was like back home, right after Duane died, I lost myself. Everyone and everything needed to be destroyed. I was worse than an animal Kelly. I accidentally burned down my home and I went to the woods. Even these Saviors would tremble at what I did. Then I crossed paths with Eastman. He lived a peaceful life, just surviving day by day, but he was happy, truly happy. I saw over time that his was the better way. Life is sacred. No matter whose life it is."

"All life may be sacred, but I don't think your way of life is doable anymore."

"Why not? If anything, it should be easier to achieve now."

"Morgan come on. You've seen some of these groups. And you haven't even seen the worst ones that I've seen. All this world has done is taken our basic human drives and brought them to the front of our brains. Survival at all costs. Men will do whatever it takes to survive. I've seen Rick rip a man's throat out with his teeth. Rick never would have done that before all this."

"And how Rick has handled this latest conflict? Is this how he would have acted in the past? No. Because we are forgetting we are human. We need to run off more than just simple survival."

Morgan rolls up to an old cabin just off the main road, it had a cellar that was buried under a thick brush pile. As Morgan and I worked to clear the brush his words flittered around in my head. It wasn't the first time I had heard that side of the argument before. Lori had said something similar after the walker attack at the quarry.

We haven't had one minuet to hold on to anything of our old selves. We need time to mourn and we need time to bury our dead. It's what people do.

It felt like a lifetime ago since we were at the quarry, and in all honesty it was. So, few of us were left from the quarry group. Life there had been peaceful. Fished in the lake, kept the kids doing schoolwork, slept in tents by fires. It had been a good time, a good life.

We had left that. The quarry hadn't been taken from us. Yes, there had been a walker attack but we could have fortified the place a little better over time, and we could have stayed there. Instead, we left the life there, and ever since then it was like we had been moving from one disaster to another.

By the time we were back in the truck I couldn't help but see that maybe Morgan had a point.

We had had hard times ever since our group came together, even at the moments of so-called peace we had been on edge. The farm hadn't felt really safe until the end, with Hershel so cold and always threatening to kick us off his farm, that first winter on the road was nothing but fear, the prison was probably the closest we came to something resembling real peace.

We got to the second location as my thoughts came to rest, this was a random house on the main road, but there was another cellar in the backyard that was easy to hide in the overgrowth. We stashed all the supplies and covered it all back up before we just sat in the bed of the truck.

"Morgan, do you really think that this is going to end in peace?"

"That depends on Rick and his actions. You were right when you sought me out at the start. I've spoken to Rick a few times, showed him the house I fixed up. I have no doubt you will defeat whatever comes your way. But how much will you have to give up to achieve that victory."

"I guess with you around anything is possible right? Rick always needs a calming voice in his ear, you're a pretty good one."

"I'm not staying."

"What?"

"I'm not staying in Alexandria. After speaking to Jesus, I think that the Saviors have other communities under their heel. If Alexandria goes to war, you will need all the help you can get."

"And you think that just randomly wondering around is the best way to find them?"

"Worked for Jesus. He even has a few ideas he told me about."

"When did you even get to talk to him about all this?"

"Right after the church meeting. He is very knowledgeable about his surroundings and in some ways we seek a common goal."

"So that's why you brought the bag with you? You were never planning on sticking around, were you?"

"Yes, I don't think I'm as needed in Alexandria as you think I am. In so many ways you are Rick's calming voice. You speak out against his ideas, you talk with him."

"Not nearly as calmly as you think. I tend to snap at him more than anything. Or just avoid the issues all together."

"But on the big issues, I've seen you Kelly. Your actions are always for the good of the people around you." He hops off the tailgate and walks to the cab and pulls his pack on and grabs his stick. I hop down and close the tailgate and slowly turn to look at him.

"You'll always have a place with us. You know that right?"

"I do. I hope to see you soon." He says with a smile, holding his hand out to me. I give him a small smile and take his hand in mind. "Rick is a good man, you just have to keep him a good man."

I climbed into the truck and just watched Morgan's retreating form walk down the road, his shoulders firm under his pack. I sigh and grip the wheel tight enough to turn my knuckles white, tensing my whole body while sucking in a deep breath and then I slowly breath out, releasing tension from my body slowly. It was a trick my therapist had taught me during the early days of my recovery. She could see how tense I always was and that after years under the thumb of a man that refused to let me so much a breath loudly that I needed a quick and quiet way to get it all out of my system. Rolling my neck a few times I turn the truck on and make my way back home.

Abraham pulls the gate open and I drive through, parking in the normal spot for the vehicles that had been takes out on a run. They were always looked over for any damages before being put back into the lineup at the gate. I get out of the truck, leaving he keys in the ignition.

"Where is Morgan?" Abraham asks when I walk over to him, helping him close the gate back.

"He's staying out there, said he was going to look for more communities like the Hilltop. Possible allies. Daryl back yet?"

"He's still out there, along with everyone who went after him."

"He's always really good at not using his head when his emotions are charged."

"Were you afraid to let him in?" He asks me a little softer than he normally spoke. "Afraid to let somebody close?"

"Yeah. It was more him than me that got us to this point. But I wouldn't trade it for anything."

"Me, too. But now I think I'm that much more ready to tear the world a brand-new asshole." He says taking a long drag from his cigar. I laugh a little and shake my head, looking out of the metal bars of the gate.

"I've been gone for a few hours. Should be back by now."

"They will be. Any second now." He says with a smile, placing his hand on my shoulder and giving it a small squeeze.

"Yeah. Any second."

*/*/*/*/*/*

After looking at the gate for a few more minutes I let out a sigh and told Abraham I was heading to home for a bit, but I didn't get very far as Enid came running out of Maggie's house screaming for help. I quickly change directions and run over to her.

"What is it?"

"Maggie, the baby. She just started screaming." Enid says in a broken sentence.

"Go find Rick." I say pushing past her and running into the house. Maggie doubled over in a chair, clutching her belly and crying in harsh, broken gasps. "Maggie." I say as I quickly move over to her, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her up a little."

"My baby, something is wrong." She says, her voice full of a panic I hadn't heard from her very often.

"Okay, deep breaths, I need to get you to the couch, can you walk at all?"

"Yah, I think I can." She sniffles.

"Okay, you just move your feet, let me do everything else okay?" I stand up from my crouch and get a better grip on her shoulders and grab her hand. "On the count of three, okay? One…two…up we go."

I strain a little under her weight, and it takes a bit longer than I would like to, but together we shuffle over to the living room and to the couch, I just finished putting her feet on the couch when the front door bursts open revealing Rick, Sasha, and Eugene. Rosita had military training and some basic medical knowledge and Eugene was a walking encyclopedia. I stand back as Maggie is surrounded by the others just in time for Aaron to walk in with Enid trailing behind.

"What happened?" Aaron asks, looking towards Maggie's form on the couch.

"Something with the baby. She doesn't look good." I say crossing my arms over my middle. My second pregnancy hadn't ended well. I hadn't even known I was pregnant and my lifestyle took its toll on the baby. One day I miscarried. It had been a horribly painful experience. Flashes of myself huddled in the corner of my bathroom appeared behind my eyes and I blinked against the tears. Maggie wasn't me. Maggie was strong and she loved her baby. Maggie deserved to have this baby.

A few minutes later Rick stands up and motions all of us outside, asking Enid to stay with Maggie. We go out on the porch, closing the door. "Aaron, go get the RV, make sure it has gas, as well as a few extra gas cans. We have to get her to the hilltop."

A few minutes later the RV was outside Maggie's house and Abraham had carried her inside to the bed in the back. I was sitting back with her, holding her hand. She had calmed and she said she wasn't hurting as bad, but there was still pain. She was pale and was developing a slight fever. We needed to get her to an actual doctor. The Hilltop had a doctor and an ultrasound machine. They could tell us what was wrong with her, not just Eugene's guesses based off her symptoms.

"Maggie, I'll be right back, I'm gonna help them finish getting everything together so we can go faster, okay?"

"Okay." Maggie says shakingly, slowly letting go of my hand. I give her a small smile and head out the RV, seeing Rick loading the extra gas cans.

"Any change?" Sasha says as she, Abraham, and Eugene walk over.

"She's getting worse." I say, motioning to Rick to let me give him a hand with the supplies.

"Good call on the transport." Abraham says looking at Rick.

"Well, I figured she'd be more comfortable."

"It also means you got room for more. They're out there, so I'm gonna be there with you. We are." He says, not allowing Rick to interrupt him.

"Package deal." Sasha says with a smile before following Abraham into the RV.

"Uh, what she said." Eugene says, but Rick didn't like that idea.

"Look, it's a long trip, and you're just getting over-."

"It's a superficial graze, proteins are binding, plus we need to discuss ammunition production and manufacture, so let's roll."

At Eugene's words Rick looks at Abraham, a little exasperated look on his face. "I already tried. Give him an inch, he's taking a mile." I smile at his words; it was nice to see Eugene coming into his own a little. I had never been that impressed with him until a few months ago to be honest.

"I'm only asking for 23, give or take, depending on the route." I shake my head again at his words, he was going to be more stubborn that Carl at this rate. "I know I can be of some help. Now's the time and here's the place. Don't shine me. I'll be your anchorman. Yes, I damn will." And with that he got into the RV and sat down at the table across from Sasha.

Rick just lets out a sigh and glares off at the road. I walk over and put my hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay. He just wants to help Maggie. And he's the closest thing we have to a doctor right now. Letting him come could be a good thing. Maybe he can learn from the doctor at the Hilltop. Heavens knows we need someone around here to fill the spot. Might as well be our resident genius."

"I take it you're coming too?"

"Maggie asked me to stay with her. And I'm going to do that. She would do that same for me."

"You know they could be out there?"

"And with you and Abraham and your big guns, I'm not that worried about it."

"I'm coming with my gun too." A voice sounds from behind us, I turn and see Aaron walking down the street. "We're ready to protect this place and the Saviors know it. That's why they grabbed Eugene."

"Look, it's not up for discussion."

"Then you're just gonna have to punch me in the face and tie me up again. 'Cause that's what it's gonna take to stop me."

"Rick, looks like you're gonna have to buy a bigger RV with all these people walking into it." I say as he nods at Aaron and tells him to get on the RV, soon followed by Carl. Then Merle and Gabriel walk up to Rick.

"We have 24-hour shifts set up on each of the watchtowers, each one of them fully supplied and ready." Merle says as he walks up, throwing his arm around my shoulders.

"In the case that we're incurred upon, we have drivers assigned, evacuation and distraction, and the rendezvous we discussed." Gabriel speaks up. "In the event of any emergency, my first priority is Judith. I will not fail you."

"Are you comfortable leaving me and the murdering priest in charge of Alexandria's defense? Merle says looking at my brother in an odd way. Rick and Merle had never been on the best of terms, even years removed since the rooftop in Atlanta. But they had at least learned to respect each other.

"Yes. If anyone can handle it it's the two of you." Rick gives them a smile before walking to the RV. I give Merle a quick hug.

"You tell Daryl that he owes me a deer for not being here during all this. I'll see you soon." I say as I pull away and climb into the RV, pulling to door closed behind me.

*/*/*/*/*/*

Spencer was back by Maggie by the time I closed the RV door. I gave her a smile and sat down on the couch behind Sasha who was sitting in the passenger seat next to Abraham who was driving. Rick and Eugene were at the table looking at a map and Carl say down next to me as Abraham put the RV into gear and drove out of the gate.

The ride was mostly quiet, wanting to keep things peaceful for Maggie and also not distract Abraham. But something hung thick and heavy in the air. My knee bounced up and down a little the further we got from home, back before all of this mess 23 miles wasn't really a big deal, now it felt like going to another county.

Rick got up and went back by Maggie a few miles out, I couldn't hear their conversation but I know that Rick would give her the reassurances that she needed.

A few miles later Abraham mutters "What the bitch?"

I pear over Sasha's shoulder and see a row of cars, men with guns, and something that looked like another man just laying in the road as we got closer.

"What?" Rick says, coming to the front as the RV slowed down.

"Enemy close." Abraham says, "We doing this?"

I stand and go back where Maggie is, the RV stopping would probably worry her, and she didn't need that. "Hey." I say softly as I sit on the floor beside her, taking her hand. "Why don't you close your eyes, get some sleep on the way."

"Why we stopping?"

"Something is in the road; they'll take care of it." I say looking into the body of the RV as they all grab their guns. Rick looks at me and points to his sidearm, asking me if I was carrying. I nod and point to my side where the smallest pistol rested in the holster from home. I was a crap shot, but a gun was better than no gun if we ran into trouble. I felt my nerves get worse as everyone stepped off the RV, leaving the rear door open as they went out. I could sorta of see out the windshield of the RV this far back, but I had no idea what was being said, but soon they were all getting back on, and Abraham was slowly backing the RV up, back towards where we had come from.

Eventually Abraham was able to turn the RV around, and then we stopped a bit further down. I stood up as Aaron asked if he could sit with her again. "She's sleeping." I say as I stand up and let him take my spot. Sasha and Eugene are looking at the map at the table and Rick and Abraham are talking about something towards the front. I sit down on the couch again and listen to Eugene talk about the routes that were available to us, taking Sasha's advice when it came to safety. "You got it on Shelton. Golf course, country clubs, sloping terrain. No bum rush from the bogeyman. We'd see them from a good piece. It is a longer trip by a third, but we'd get the scenic safety of clear-cut dingles and glens."

"You got a route?" Rick asks, coming back towards the table.

"Yeah." He says, I just a little at the sound of a walker thudding and growling at the RV door.

"Let's go" Rick says and as soon an everyone is back in their seats we're back on the road.

*/*/*/*/*/*

"Think we could do it?" Abraham asks, looking over towards Sasha, his voice again sounding different than what I was used to hearing him sound like. "What they did, Glenn and Maggie? Just asking if you could do that. If you're doing something as big as that if that's living."

"Could you?" Sasha asks, sounding a little surprised, but not shooting him down.

"Yeah. I could. Now. Just so you know." I smile a little at his tone before resting my head against the wall of the RV, the sun was a little lower in the sky and I was feeling a little tired after the long night last night and the mess this morning. Spencer and Rick were hanging close to Maggie and Carl was sitting at the table, looking out the window. Maybe I should have stayed home and actually gotten some sleep.

"Bitch nuts." Abraham says, his voice firming up again, my eyes snap open and I look around Sasha again, feeling my jaw tighten a bit at the sight in front of us. The road is blocked again, but there are a few more vehicles and a lot more people. I swallow as Rick walks up to the front, dropping down between the seats to get a better look.

"We making our stand?" Sasha asks, looking at my brother.

"Yeah," Carl says sternly from where he appeared at Rick's side. "We end it."

"No, not now." Rick says after a few seconds of just looking at the group in front of us. "They've been waiting. They're ready. With one of us behind the wheel, that's five on 16. We're gonna play it our way, how we want it." Rick says, staring at the mess in front of us before he pats Abraham's shoulder. "All right, go slow."

The tension at the start of the trip was nothing compared to know. The gearshift clicks loudly in my ear as I sit back on the couch. I close my eyes and take a deep breath as one of the people outside starts firing their gun, the gunshots echoing three or four times in the air as Abraham drives us away from this path. It felt like Terminus in a way, like we were being herded somewhere but we didn't know where. All we could do was try and outsmart them.

The sun kept getting lower as we once more were forced to backtrack. I stood up and made a few laps around the RV, checking in on Maggie who was awake again, but was still looking awful and was still in a lot of pain. I helped Spencer give her some water and I held her hand and talked about all the good times we had had in the past. Trying to get her to smile and not be as scared as I was.

"Well, this is new." Abraham's voice carries to the back where I was and I decide I'm not even going to look at whatever it is. I was already trying to keep my calm; I didn't need to see anything else. The brakes squeal as the RV comes to another stop, I hear Rick sigh as Abraham turns the engine off. I also hear walkers growling outside.

"We can't go through it. Can't risk the RV." He stands up, everyone stands up and gets their guns again. Maybe this time it wasn't people and cars blocking the highway. "Abraham, you stay behind the wheel, just in case." His gun clicks in his hands. "We'll clear it."

I watch as they step out of the RV, Maggie tightens her grip on my hand and I send her a small smile and help her get another drink. I brush her hair from her face, tell her again the new cut looks nice on her, that Glenn is going to love it when he sees her. Then the sounds of automatic gunfire sounds harsh in the air. I quickly move from the ground and creep towards the door that separated the bed from the rest of the RV. Abraham looks like a caged animal before he starts the RV then grabs his gun and steps out the door, firing into the trees. Soon everyone is back on, breathing heavily and Abraham floors the RV so fast we all fall back a bit with the force of it.

Just a short while after we left that the RV starts to squeal loudly, a high-pitched, ear ringing sound. "What's that sound?" I ask I walk to where everyone is at.

"Undercarriage could've caught a bullet." Eugene says without even looking up from the map on the table. "Or could be transmission. It could be nothing."

"They were firing at our feet." Rick says, "They blocked the road, but they weren't trying to stop us. They want us in this direction." I feel a sinking feeling in my stomach again. We were going the direction they wanted us to go. I sat down on the couch, closing my eyes tight, trying to forget the gunfire I had just heard. The firing at their feet.

Terminus, we had been herded there too, and it had been devastating for all of us.

"Barton Road takes us north, but they gotta know we wanna go north." Eugene's voice cuts through my thoughts. "Meadows. Could take us east a piece, but we can get back on track on Mayhew."

"We're down to a third of a tank. We could top off at the next stop, - but no refills after that."

"Rick, Maggie is burning up. We're racing a clock here, for her and the baby."

I see Rick reach up and grab his forehead, his blue eyes shining even in the dim light of the RV. He's starting to feel backed into a corner. I reach over and grab his hand, pulling him out of his head. "One thing at a time." I say to him with a small smile, still trying to stay calm, now it was for him and Maggie.

It seemed like every route we took the saviors were waiting for us. They seemed to know every possible way to the Hilltop and they seemed to have even more numbers than we had been suspecting. I sat in the back on the floor by Maggie again, she was still on the bed, eyes closed, breathing deeply on every inhale, obviously in pain, but the good news is that there hadn't been any bleeding yet. We just needed to get her there. But as Abraham backed the RV up from a log pile that had been set on fire, I was shaking so hard I was probably moving the RV.

I had told Rick that getting messed up with the Hilltops issues was a bad idea, and here we were. Dealing with the consequences of his actions. Now wasn't the time to tell him I told him so, but when we got back home I'd be sure to rub it in his face as many times as I could. I still felt we could get out of this. The RV came to another stop but this time everyone just gathered around the table. I stand up and walk over to them.

"So, what's the play?" Abraham asks looking at Rick who was pacing as well as he could in the small space.

"She needs a doctor." He says, all of us knowing that we had to get Maggie help.

"There are two more routes north from here." Sasha suggests weakly, seeming to know that it wouldn't matter.

"They're probably waiting for us right now." Rick says on an exhale, reaching up to rub his forehead again.

"So, they're ahead of us, probably behind us." Eugene pops up, voice low and almost dark. "But they're not waiting on us, per se, they're waiting on this rust bucket. And they don't know the moment-to-moment occupancy of said rust-bucket. And the sun sets soon."

"Eugene, you can't." I say as I realize what he is saying.

"I know the map; I know the roads. They chase me it gives you a straight trip to Hilltop."

*/*/*/*/*/*

We work to get a stretcher made using the dining room table. I help get Maggie bundled in a thick blanket and the pillow under her head as Rick and Abraham fill the RV up with the little bit of gas that was left. I hear Rick and Eugene talk though the open door as Carl gathers the last few things from the RV that we need.

"I'll have them thinking we're playing their game. All phases of the turn, level after level, move after move, I'll keep them spun. I assure you, I will. I got something for you. It's a recipe, and it ain't gazpacho. How to Build Bullets 101. Abraham can show you where, just in case."

I stare out the window at the man that I had hated so much when I first met him, and while we weren't exactly close, he was still family now. We had all traveled from Georgia together. He had seen Terminus, that hospital in Atlanta, all the losses on the way to Alexandria. He was family.

I step down and give him a soft smile before pulling him into a hug, he's tense under my grip, but soon he settles and returns the embrace. "Thank you for this. For all of it. We're lucky you're here." I say as I pull back, he just nods at me.

"I won't argue with that." He says. I move away from him and stand next to Carl and wrap my arm around his shoulders. He's calmer than I am. I watch Abraham and Eugene have a moment, and a tear falls from my face when they embrace each other. "You're a survivor." Abraham gives a soft laugh. "You always were. We just didn't know it. Me and you both."

Slowly Rick, Aaron and Abraham carefully pull Maggie out of the RV. Carl takes the lead as we move away from the RV, I stay close to Maggie's side, wanting to be close if she needed anything, Sasha opposite of me.

It's dark and quiet, a few walkers pop up but one of us, typically Carl, takes them out with a swing of his machete without breaking a stride. Maggie asks a few times to let us have her walk this mess; we all politely shoot her suggestion down. The last thing Maggie needed to be doing was walking with the baby at risk.

"Relax. Just a few more miles." He says as he gives her a small smile.

Rick and Spencer are breathing heavily as we continue on, Maggie plus a table can't be light, but we can't stop. Sasha and I grab the sides and help lift some of the weight.

"I heard what you told her when we were leaving." Carl says as he drops another walker. "We can do anything, 'cause we'll do anything we need to do. We have and we will. What happened to Denise, I'm not gonna let anybody die like that again."

I see Rick look over in Carl's direction, obviously not liking everything that came out of his mouth, but just as he opens his mouth to say something a series of sharp, sing-song whistles seem to come from every direction in the trees around us. My head snaps in every direction around me, thinking I can see figures moving amongst the trees, but it was so dark I had no idea what I was actually seeing.

"Go! Go!" Rick yells as the whistling continues, seeming to get louder. I feel tears burn in my eyes as I keep a tight grip on the stretcher, wishing Maggie could run, I could run fast, I just wanted to run. Suddenly a bright light forces my eyes closed at the sudden pain, I hear one of us let out a startled cry at the light. When I slowly peel them open, I can't stop the hot tears from falling down my face as pure terror jolts through my chest at the sight around us.

Cars, trucks, men, men with guns, the all too hauntingly familiar leather vests and jackets surround us. I'm shaking so bad my grip falls from the stretcher and I wrap my arms around my middle and squeeze as tight as I can. I'm the only one frozen as Carl, Sasha and Aaron all raise their guns and spin around in frantic circles, obviously trying to come to grips with what was happening around us. Even Rick and Abraham are fidgeting where they stand. I look over and I see Eugene on his knees on the road.

It was over.

"Good. You made it." An overly cheerful voice comes from the front, towards the RV. A man that I had seen while we were in the RV at one of the roadblocks. He steps up with a huge smile on his face, his teeth oddly white and seeming to reflect off the headlights of the cars, illuminating his well-groomed mustache. "Welcome to where you're going. We'll take your weapons." He pulls a gun from his side holster. "Now."

"We can talk about—." Rick starts, his voice shaking and breathless. I look over at him and quickly look away. I can't handle seeing his fear as well as my own without completely falling apart.

"We're done talking. Time to listen." The man who stepped forward firmly interrupts Rick. Then a few of the men walk towards us. I only had a knife and my pistol on me and they were pretty easy to spot, yet a pair of hands wondered all over me as I squeezed my eyes closed as tight as I could, holding my breath until they stepped back. After a few seconds, the man was too close to Carl for my liking, he says, "Okay. Let's get her down and get you all on your knees. Lots to cover."

"Hold up." Abraham says as a few of the men step forward to take Maggie. "We got it." His voice is smooth, firm, not a tremor or a waver as he spoke. It was more than even Rick could manage.

"Sure, sure." The man says, motioning for the others to step back.

I help them lower Maggie to the ground as she tries to stand up on her own. Rick gets her on one side and Abraham gets the other. I snatch up the blanket and quickly throw it over her shoulders as Abraham lowers her to the ground. My hands shaking so much it takes me a few tries to smooth it down. I see them forcefully move Eugene from where he was to in the line we were making on our own. I go to the other side of Abraham, wanting to stay as close to Maggie as I could since Rick and the others were taking up her other side. Rick was standing, shaking, still trying to take in the scene around him I guess when he turned and came face to face with the man again.

"Gonna need you on your knees." He says with a smirk. I was already halfway down so it was easier to just let my weight drop and the gravel underneath dug into my legs through the think material of the pants I was wearing. I felt my chest getting tighter with each ragged breath I tried to pull into my lungs. Something shattered in my chest when I saw my big, larger than life, brother drop to his knees in front of this man. Sasha and Carl following slowly right after him.

"Good, not let's get the other ones." The man says as he walks away from us. "Right now. Dwight!" I snap my head up at the name. Dwight. The man Daryl had been after when he left Alexandria.

"Yeah." He says coming out from a group off to the left.

"Chop-chop." The man with the mustache says. Dwight walks over to a van and pulls the door open and I shove my hand into my mouth as I spot Daryl right as the doors open.

"Come on. You got people to meet." Dwight says as he pulls him out. He has a blanket around his shoulders and blood all down his front. He was covered in sweat and was obviously in pain as he grunted as he was shoved to his knees right beside me. I suck in a sharp breath as I look at him, he looks over at me, his eyes growing wide obviously not expecting me to be here. My hand that was wrapped around my middle to try and stop me from barfing all over the ground tightened as I tried to calm my breathing down as my vision swam in and out in front of me. My heart was pounding so loud I almost missed Glenn's pained voice as he called out to Maggie, only to be shoved to the ground hard and told to get on his knees.

"All right!" mustache says backing towards the RV once we are all still and on our knees. "We got a full boat. Let's meet the man." He knocks on the door to the RV two times before stepping a bit to the side. I pull my hand from my mouth and back around my middle as the door opens.

"Pissing our pants yet?" a voice says from the dark shadows of the RV. I can't see who the voice belongs too, but the steady, low, almost mocking tone turns my stomach to rocks. I squeeze my eyes tight shut as hard as I can until lights burst behind them. When I open them back up the man has stepped into the light of the cars. "Boy, do I have a feeling we're getting close. Yep. It's gonna be pee-pee pants city here real soon."

---

Chapter Five ya'll

It's time for Negan to cause all the mayhem we all know and love him for.

Just in case anyone needs to have them in your head, the kneeling positions of the Alexandrians is Glenn, Rosita, Michonne, Daryl, Kelly, Abraham, Maggie, Rick, Sasha, Aaron, Carl, and Eugene. I flipped Daryl and Michonne from the order they are on the TV show.

A big thank you to my new subscribers and everyone who has reached out over messenger and my commenter!

I always enjoy comments, helpful criticism, and tolerance for all the typos in this.

Thank you all for reading!

Maxy