Disclaimer, Warnings and Setting: See first chapter.
A/N: This is a mockery of fanfiction in the Marauder Era. I hardly read it anymore because it's so dreadfully, dreadfully cliché. Some of them are quite good, though, so... (shrugs) Oh, yeah, and I have nothing against Evanescence. I do, however, have something against Evanescence in Marauder Era fics. Anyway, hope you enjoy! And please review!
- - -
It was Lily's seventh year at Hogwarts. Why? Because the author said so. And how can an author write the inevitable smut scenes (that are oh-so-common in these fics) about an eleven year old?
Oh. OH. So that's... yeah. Okay... You might not wanna read the stuff I do.
Not. Pretty.
So, anyway. Lily stepped onto the train, her wand in her hand. Her eyes sparkled like dewy grass on a summer's day, and they matched her tank top, which was the exact same shade. She was wearing a mini skirt, to show off her perfectly toned legs, and this would have made anyone else look like a slut. But not Lily, because she was just that good.
"Hi, Lils!"
Lily turned to see her two best friends, Aaralyn Jessika Lulubelle and Roxanne Aramantha Lucinda, standing beside her.
"Hi, Aaralyn! Hi Roxy!" she squealed, throwing her ands around them. "Ohmygosh! How were your hols?"
(Yeah. I wonder how many times the author read through her mum's Enid Blyton books to get an English phrase like 'hols'.)
"Hot," Aaralyn replied, reminding us quite sickenly of Paris Hilton. "I went to the new Evanescence concert."
"Same here," Roxanne agreed, tossing her ebony hair over her shoulder.
"Lily! I LOVE YOU!!"
Dum-dum-da.
"James Potter!" Lily yells. "Get the hell away from me! I hate you!"
So he does. He goes up to his dormitory- (Since when did we arrive at Hogwarts?) –and cries his poor little deepest-chocolate-brown eyes out.
THEY'RE HAZEL FOR GOD'S SAKE!!
Ahem. Sorry. Personal issues.
Sirius and Remus comfort him.
"There's plenty more fish in the sea, mate... That pretty blonde Ravenclaw was staring at you last week..."
Sirius leaves, only to return many hours later with his shirt on backwards.
"Now think about it logically, James... Have some chocolate... Speaking of chocolate..."
Remus leaves.
Peter is still there. Peter does not comfort James. Peter acts like a bastard.
Meanwhile...
"Ohmygosh, Lils! There's gonna be a BALL!"
"Wow! Really? That is like sooooo awesome!"
"Totally."
"So who are you going with?"
A mixture of emotions flitted across Lily's face.
"I- I don't know," she 'admits'.
(Duh. You only heard about the damn ball, what, three seconds ago.)
"Let's go shopping," Roxanne suggests. "Conveniently, we arrived at school on a Hogsmeade weekend."
Walkie-walkie-walkie-walkie-walkie-walkie-walkie-walkie..
UNTIL...
"We're here!" shouted Lily ecstatically, even though it was her seventh year at Hogwarts and she must have been to Hogsmeade dozens of times already.
-SHOPSHOPSHOPSHOPSHOPSHOPSHOPSHOPSHOP-
"How do I look?" Aaralyn asks nervously, twirling around in a circle.
Her dress was pure white, with glittery blue trim that highlighted her sapphire eyes. Her long blonde curls cascaded down her back. Roxanne was standing beside her, her pink dress going perfectly with her twilight coloured hair. (...?)
"You both look great," Lily remarked sadly.
"What's wrong then, Lils?" Roxanne asked, looking at her friend.
"I- I don't know what to wear."
"Come on, we'll find you something."
They searched through every single dress- (they wear ROBES, dammit!) -in the shop, until finally they found an emerald-green gown. It had a low neckline, thin straps, and, wow, came with matching high-heels.
Oh, and it matched Lily's eyes...
"It's PERFECT!" Aaralyn squealed. "You have to get it."
Lily nodded slowly. "I think I will, Aaralyn. I think I will."
- - -
It was the night of the ball. Everyone looked GOR-GEOUS.
But not so much as to upstage Lily...
And James, for that matter...
"Do you want to dance?" he asked her.
"Okay," Lily replied, not thinking as her mouth agreed. "Oops! I mean I hate you."
It didn't sound very convincing to either of them.
The song changed. Abruptly.
Yup, it was by guess who... Evanescence.
(Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa insert lyric about dyiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing heeeeeeeeeeeeere. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa isert lyric abouuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttt-)
"Lily?" James said softly, interrupting her train of thought. "What's wrong?"
Lily was confused, until she realised she'd been crying. 'Cause Evanescence was just that sad.
"My parents were killed by Voldemort this morning," she chokes, and we wonder why this is the first we've heard about it.
James gasps. "Mine too!"
Oh, yeah. And Lily's eyes matched her dress.
They snog. They cuddle. They snog some more. They go upstairs, remove their clothes, and...
Nine months later...
"Wow!" Lily says happily. "Isn't it amazing how our last school year only lasted a week after that ball?"
"Yeah," James agreed. Then, to baby Harry... "Open up! Here comes the aeroplane..."
"AARGH!!! JAM-JAM!! QUICK, PROECT ME!! VOLDY'S COMING!!!"
There was a flash of green light. And another. And another. And...
"Wow. This sucks real bad. I hope Petunia doesn't slap me, like last time I came to her about a baby..."