Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, do not own Naruto.
Tsukiko: Aaaand... the first chapter is published! Yay!
Inner Tsukiko: ... Am I supposed to dance out of glee or something?
Tsukiko: No, let's save that for the first request we receive. Or my birthday. Or both:D
Inner Tsukiko: ...
Chapter 1: Attempts
Tsunade was not happy when she came home.
And when I say not happy, I really mean it. She almost crushed the floor as she stomped up the stairs.
"Tsunade-chan!" she heard her mother shout. "Don't destroy the house, please! We've already paid enough since last time when you destroyed our neighbor's garden, and Jiraiya's room, and-"
"Yeah, yeah, I get the point!" Tsunade snapped and slammed her door shut, throwing herself onto the bed with a frustrated snort. What was she going to do now? She had been stupid to accept the bet. But if she didn't, Jiraiya would tease her forever.
Oh, the torture.
Sure, Orochimaru would probably go on a date with a girl, sooner or later. He was abnormal, but still... he was human, wasn't he? All humans go on dates, at least once in their lifetime...
... right?
But in three days?
"I need expert help", she muttered, and her eyes traveled to the open window with a sudden smirk. "Now I know."
"Tsunade, you must be the dumbest girl in all universe", Rina sighed as she eyed her friend. Tsunade scowled. "But honestly, you are", Rina added protectively. "I mean, Orochimaru-san, go out with a girl? Never."
"He must", Tsunade answered stubbornly. "He's a guy."
"Not all guys go out with girls, Tsunade. Some are hermits and others are... well..." Rina looked at Tsunade with a nervous grin. "... gay."
"Orochimaru is not gay!" Tsunade exclaimed.
"We've got to prove that, right?"
"Are you siding with Jiraiya? Eh? Eh?" Tsunade sent her a murderous glare.
"No, what I mean is that you shouldn't throw yourself into arguments before you're sure that you're right. Especially arguments with dangerous consequences", Rina sighed.
"But hey, you're Orochimaru's fangirl, aren't you? You should try to prove that he's not gay. I mean, every guy is fighting about going out with you. I can't count the times Jiraiya has asked you out and gotten a no", Tsunade remarked. It was true. Rina was more beautiful than all the girls in Konoha; light-brown, soft hair as chocolate and eyes like glimmering sapphires.
"Well... um... I guess it's true", said Rina, flushing. She was Orochimaru's secret admirer, though she hadn't admitted it to anyone except Tsunade andall the girls in Konoha. It was amazing how long it had remained a secret.
"So tomorrow", Tsunade continued to press her, "You just go and ask Orochimaru out."
"But Tsunade!" Rina burst out, looking startled. "I can't ask him out! He's supposed to ask me!"
"Well, you know him. He'll never ask anyone out. Instead, girls have to ask him out. C'mon, Rina, you aren'ta chicken, are you?"
Tsunade smiled sweetly at Rina's face expression. Her cheeks turned red and her eyes flashed dangerously.
"Don't you dare call me a chicken again, Tsunade", Rina hissed, "Or else -"
"Or else what?" Tsunade interrupted her with an excessively sweet voice. "You'll hit me?"
Rina gulped down her pride. Tsunade was way stronger than herself, and she was aware of it.
"Okay then", Rina sighed at last. "But do you really think it's a good idea?"
"Yeah, 'course", Tsunade lied with an innocent face. That awakened Rina's suspicion.
"You're lying", Rina commented determinedly.
"No, I'm not", Tsunade denied.
"Yes, you are. I can see it on your face", Rina said matter-of-factly.
"I'm not. Do you want me to punch you?" Tsunade threatened.
"I was just kidding", Rina swiftly protected herself. "But hey, if it doesn't work, I'll blame you and tell the entire Konoha that you're dating Jiraiya. Get it?"
Ah, yes, one must admit Rina and Tsunade hada most adorable and touching friendship.
"Tsunade-chan, you must be the stupidest girl in universe", Tsunade's mother sighed as she looked at her daughter. "And I thought you'd have some of your grandfather's or grand-uncle's intelligence. Honestly, Tsunade-chan, you know Orochimaru-kun won't go out with anyone."
Tsunade pouted. "Kaa-san, he's a guy. He must, sooner or later."
"Tsunade-chan", Tsunade said with a soft voice that made Tsunade scowl the more, because she was speaking as though Tsunade had been a little disobedient three-year-old, "You must understand that some boys do simply not go out with girls. They're just hermits, or... gay."
"Orochimaru is not gay!" Tsunade yelled for the third time the same day.
"Tsunade-chan, don't shout", her mother told her in the same soft voice, but with a hint of firmness.
"Yes, kaa-san", Tsunade muttered through gritted teeth as she gulped down some rice. She didn't feel hungry anymore; why was everyone calling her stupid?
"Tsunade-chan...", her mother began in a smooth, gentle voice again, but Tsunade cut across her:
"I'm not hungry", and walked out of the house.
"Tsunade, you must be the dumbest girl in universe", said Sarutobi, and then watched Tsunade glower out of rage. "No offense, Tsunade, but normally you're the smartest one except Orochimaru, but this was just downright... stupid."
"Sensei!" Tsunade exclaimed angrily. "Not you too!"
And she had thought she'd escape those people when she walked out of the house and attempted to take a moonlight walk... then she had met her sensei, who had wondered why she was so angry, and now...
"But Tsunade, you know Orochimaru wouldn't go out with girls. He'd find it a waste of time", Sarutobi sighed. "He's like one of those boys who -"
"- are like hermits or gay?" Tsunade finished through clenched teeth. Sarutobi looked at her in surprise.
"How did you know I'd say that?"
"OROCHIMARU IS NOT GAY!" Tsunade roared at the top of her voice.
Silence.
Not gay - not gay - not gay, it echoed.
The silence was unexpectedly loud.
Not gay - not gay - not gay -
Oh, deafening silence.
Not gay - not gay - not gay -
"Excuse me?" Sarutobi repeated weakly.
"Didn't you hear me? I said OROCHIMARU IS NOT -"
"Thank you, we've heard that already", a voice said behind her, and she blushed when she saw when it was. "And by the way, who said I was?"
"Uh... hi, Orochimaru", she greeted, and forced herself to smile.
"Hi", he responded unemotionally, and eyed first Sarutobi, and then his teammate.
"Eh... nice weather it is today, ne?" she said with a shrill voice and laughed nervously. "Eh he he..."
"You haven't responded my question. Who said I was gay?" asked Orochimaru bluntly.
"Uh... nobody...", she smiled anxiously.
"It must've been someone, since you apparently said I weren't", Orochimaru interrupted her.
"Eh... uh... well, we were just talking about... about... eh... how you... ehm..."
If she started to talk about how he never went out with girls, that'd totally make her plan fail! And Jiraiya would probably say she lost the bet...
"How I what?" Orochimaru now showed slight impatience in his voice.
Or wait, had Jiraiya said anything about telling the bet to the one who the bet was about? And maybe he'd get panic-struck and go out with the first girl who asked him out... who'd happen to be Rina...
"... how you never go out with girls", she finished, and Sarutobi gaped at her in disbelief. She told him!
Orochimaru frowned. "And simply of that cause, I'm accused ofbeing gay?"
YOU HAVE THE WRONG REACTION! Inner Tsunade screamed. You're supposed to say, "WHAT THE HELL! I MUST FIND A GIRL TO GO OUT WITH NOW SO I CAN GET RID OF THIS RUMOR!"
"Eh... yeah?" Tsunade plastered a fake grin onto her face.
"How stupid", Orochimaru commented and walked away.
You're supposed to be nervous and panicked, baka! SHANNARO! Inner Tsunade growled as she cracked her knuckles.
And to top it all off, that'd mean Rina would get rejected tomorrow. And Tsunade's reputation would be in danger.
It just wasn't her day, was it?
When the sunshine warmed Tsunade's face as her mother shouted, "Wake up, Tsunade-chan!", Tsunade just felt for turning away and continue to sleep the rest of the day. Normally she'd get out of bed fast so she could go training, but today she just wanted to stay in bed, because of what she knew was going to happen after the training.
"Tsunade! Wake up!" her mother called again, this time louder.
"No", Tsunade groaned and rolled to another side in the bed.
"TSUNADE! WAKE UP NOW!" her mother yelled.
"Okay, okay. FINE THEN!" Tsunade snapped to nobody in particular and stomped to her bathroom, destroying some of the floor on the way. Yeah, Tsunade was grumpy in the morning. It was just to accept it - once you got used to it, you wouldn't become surprised and gape at the remarkably large holes she made in the morning.
After brushing her teeth and eating breakfast, Tsunade decided to change outfit. Her outfit had gotten horribly sweaty the day before and felt uncomfortably sweaty still. So she decided to wear agrey-purplish outfit instead, which looked exactly like the one she usually wore, but in another color.
Tsunade felt a bit delightful as she spun around in front of the mirror. It didn't look so bad; a bittoodarkfor her taste, but otherwise pretty fine. But when she thought of what was going to happen in the afternoon, she felt all her happiness blow away again.
"I knew I shouldn't have accepted the bet", she mumbled for herself as she walked out from the house and towards the training grounds.
DAMN JIRAIYA! Inner Tsunade yelled. SHANNARO!
"Tsunade, concentrate! Concentrate!" Sarutobi shouted as Tsunade threw a couple of shuriken at the target on the tree. All of them missed. Sarutobi heaved a sigh.
"What's with you, Tsunade?" he complained. "You've been totally distracted all noon."
"Sorry", Tsunade muttered. "Lack of sleep."
"Heh, so flat-chested Tsunade lacks sleep, ne? No wonder... the punishment of -"
Jiraiya was roughly cut off when he received another well-aimed punch in the face.
"Shut up, Jiraiya, if you don't want to die a painful death!" she growled menacingly.
"Okay, I get the message", Jiraiya muttered as he stood up, brushing off some dust.
"Well, I guess training is over for today. Good job as always, Orochimaru. Tsunade, you must concentrate, and Jiraiya, train more."
Orochimaru started to walk off again, Jiraiya began to sulk and protest as always, and Tsunade felt a pang of panic when she saw Rina arrive.
"Orochimaru-san!" she heard her shout with a bright smile on her face.
Oh no, she comes! Inner Tsunade exclaimed out of horror. She's going to kill me... I've got to do something! Argh... got to think quick... shannaro!
Orochimaru looked up, emotionless as always, when Rina, still beaming, came up to him, wearinga pink outfit similar to Tsunade's.
"Hi", she greeted him cheerfully.
"Hi", Orochimaru replied without the slighest trace of joy.
"So... Orochimaru-san..."
She paused, probably hoping he'd say something, and stifled a giggle.
"I..."
"Hello, Rina!" Tsunade burst out, trying not to sound nervous, and grasped Rina's arm. "I was just looking for you!"
"Tsunade? But...", Rina started confusedly, but Tsunade had already began pulling her away.
"Let's talk somewhere else! Eh he he he! Ja ne, everyone!"
Sarutobi and Jiraiya sweatdropped as they watched Tsunade drag away her friend, and if Orochimaru hadn't been able to hide his emotions or if he hadn't been so uninterested, he'd probably have sweatdropped too.
"Tsunade!" Rina hissed. "What're you doing?"
"Look, Rina, I just realized it wasn't the right moment", Tsunade said. "So just listen to me -"
"I choose when or where I'm going to ask, Tsunade! I just thought that it was a good idea when you said that I'd ask after the training! Now you spoiled my chance!"
"Rina, look - hey, Rina!"
But Rina had already disappeared in a cloud of pink smoke with a 'poof'. Tsunade swore, cursing her friend's stubbornness...
It was incredible how easy it was to become a stalker. Now Tsunade didn't regret at all that she had chosen a dark outfit, as she hid in the shadows and watched where Orochimaru went and what he did.
Maybe I can get some clues about how I can trick- no, I mean persuade - him to go out on a date, Tsunade thought and dived into a couple of bushes fast as he stopped, apparently because someone had run towards him, calling his name.
That was when Tsunade recognized the voice.
SHIT! she thought in panic as she saw Rina began to babble on about how she had just walked past when she caught sight of him. If I jump out from the bushes now, Orochimaru will realize I've been following him, and if I don't, my reputation will be threatened!
"Can you get to the point?" Orochimaru cut Rina off in the middle of her long speech about her new dress and how she was going to the hairsalon. "I'm in a hurry."
"Oh... right", Rina blushed.
Damn! Now she's going to say it. Oh no, oh no, oh no..., Tsunade groaned inwardly and felt for shutting her eyes tight and pretending that she was dreaming. Unluckily, her eyes were wide open in horror.
"Orochimaru-san... uh... do you want to go on a date... with... me?"
Orochimaru stared blankly at her for a couple of minutes, making her feeling uncomfortable. Then he said, in an emotionless and almost bored voice: "No."
Tsunade, hiding behind the bushes, cursed Orochimaru's damned pride and disinterest in girls... what was she going to do now? Then she got the perfect idea...
"I see", Rina replied after some silence, and smiled bravely. "I... am sorry for bothering you. Uh... see you later!"
And she ran off, but before she did, Tsunade could've sworn she was sobbing.
But that didn't matter now. What mattered was her perfect,new, wicked plan -
That was when she noticed Orochimaru was staring at the bushes she was hiding in. Had he noticed her? Impossible. She hadn't moved, hadn't made a sound at all...
"Tsunade", he said, and she was almost sure there was some amusement in his voice, "What're you doing in the bushes?"
Oops.
Tsukiko: Mwahahah! -laughs evilly- I wonder what excuse Tsunade has...
Inner Tsukiko: Something good, hopefully. But seeing how you're the author, it must be something lame.
Tsukiko: HEY!
Inner Tsukiko: ...
Tsukiko: Heheheh... next chapter released tomorrow or the day after tomorrow! I hope you enjoy the fic... ja ne:D
Reviews Corner
Sodeno Shirayuki: Thanks a lot :D I'm glad you like the way I write.
Ryushi-the-DutchEroSennin: Oops, I must'veforgotten to change that XD I'm used to writing "sorry yaoi/yuri fans", so it just "came" automatically when I wrote that Author's Note... I noticed it yesterday, but I must've forgotten to change it XD And Orochi isn't OOC yet, but he might be a little soon.. -laughs in an ebil way XD- And thanks :D
Thanks for the reviews:D I'm glad you like it!
Sneak Preview of Next Chapter: Ganbatte! The Fight for Orochimaru's Attention
"Don't listen to her, Orochimaru! All she wants to is to use you for a bet!" Jiraiya blurted out in his panic.
"No, no, noooo, of course not...", Tsunade protested in a singsong voice, trying to look as convincing as possible, but she could see Orochimaru raise an eyebrow... what the hell was she going to do now?