I know I said in the previous chapter that I wouldn't write anymore Fred and George stories but I couldn't resist! The talking in the third person thingy is for my mate emma. There are many references to the emo song in here too. No offence to the Emos! Review if you feel like it and you know you do.

Once upon a time two boys who were identical twins e.g. Fred and George Weasley were walking home through a dark alleyway one night. Don't ask me why, but they were this is certain.

"Gosh Fred, I was just thinking that nothing exciting has happened in ages!" George said to his twin.

"No, not since Dumbledore kicked the bucket"

"May the Pagan gods rest his soul"

"Yes, well I think that the world is trying to lull us into a false sense of security and any moment something awesomely exciting and unexpected will happen"

"I suppose it's possible…" said George mildly as they walked

A few seconds later Draco Malfoy stepped out from behind a dustbin, followed closely by Kreacher.

"That was quick!" said George

"Shut it Weasley! Either come with me right now or I'll blow up these buildings" he gestured to a few muggle apartments surrounding them.

"Geez Draco, last time we talked I was Freddie and George was Georgie-boy. There's no need to start with formalities again Draco."

"Do not insult the Master of the most Ancient House of Black! Through his veins flows 172 centuries worth of cousin marriage! Some would call it incest, but I worship him, even his dandruff." Said Kreacher and began to lick the dandruff off Draco's shoulders. Draco seemed to be enjoying it but then remembered himself and shoved Kreacher away.

"I thought you needed permission from Harry before you could do anything" Fred said to Kreacher

"And so I do! The Potter brat sent me to take secret pictures of Master Malfoy, but Master Malfoy realised and foiled the plan. Oh clever Master!" Krecher began to lick Draco's shoes.

"Secret pictures? That's a bit kinky, I thought Harry wasn't into you" George said scathingly. Draco paused dramatically

"So did I" he spoke with an American accent for some reason. "But now…" he trailed off then came back to his senses. "Anyhow, I've got to take you chaps back with me to He-Who-Must-Never-Ever-Be-Named-Or-Else-His-Name-Wouldn't-Take-So-Long-To-Write's hide out. So if you'd be kind enough to take a hold of this portkey. He pulled a pair of handcuffs from his robes.

"Draco, you're really getting quite a reputation for yourself aren't you?"

"Just grab the bloody handcuffs" Draco said angrily although he did not look displeased.

WIZZ BANG POP They landed in the middle of Voldemorts underground subterranean hideout lair. It was all grey and stones, very drab.

"Good job Draco" came a hissing evil voice from the shadows "I shall raise your allowance" It wasn't Voldemort it was just Lucius Malfoy doing his Dark Lord impression. "Bind them" he said. A few Death Eaters came out from the shadows to tie up Fred and George. Instead of tying them the 'normal' way e.g. with their hands behind their backs and their feet together, the Death Eaters tied them standing up to the wall, with each arm and leg pointing in a different direction like a star or that Leonardo DaVinci painting of that man. It wasn't so much uncomfortable as odd. George shot Fred a look that said quite clearly his fears.

"Now how many left?" Lucius asked his son

"Well, there's the other 2 Weasleys, the Mudblood, Neville 'Loser'bottom, Dobby and I think that's about it…oh and himself of course"

"What are you talking about?" Fred asked

"Do you really expect us, the servants of the Dark Lord to confine our plans to you who are both blood-traitors and our prisoners?" Lucius spat

"We're counting all the people left we have to capture if our planny plan plan is going to work!" Draco said completely killing the point of his fathers little rant.

"But why do you need people?"

"After Voldemort realised Harry knew about his Horcruxes he made a whole lot more and put them into people who Potter liked. I mean he couldn't do me obviously, even if Harry does like me, not saying he does, but it wouldn't have been practical. And if Harry wants to defeat the Dark Lord he must kill all those containing a Horcrux, including himself as there is a Horcrux implanted in Harry too!" Fred and George were both slightly surprised by this but it seemed the obvious thing to do if you were in Voldemorts shoes.

"And I suppose you're then going to lure him here tonight to finish us off!" George said in triumph.

"Very good Weasley" said a deeper voice from another patch of shadows. George barely had time to wonder how such a well lit room could contain so many patches of mysterious shadow before ex-Prof. Snape walked out.

"Snape!" Fred sounded horrified and angry

"Yes it is I" said Snape, black robes bellowing out from behind him, oblivious to the fact that there was no wind and he wasn't moving. I really must ask him how he does that thought Fred making a mental note.

"So Snape, you're in on all this too?" George asked trying to keep his cool. He was remembering their last encounter with Snape which had ended with them knocking him out with a caldron.

"Yes, or am I actually a good guy having killed Dumbledore on his orders, now trying to bring down the Dark side from with in? Or am I actually a bad guy having double-double crossed the Order of the Phoenix? Or am I actually a good guy double-double-double crossing to the power of 3 the Darks side?"

"Well which is it then?"

Snape looked confused for a moment and chose not to answer.

They had all been so busy chatting they didn't noticed Draco had gone again. Here's where he went:

Hermione Grangers house in a swanky London suburb. Hermione was out in her garden watering the poppies (at night too, wtf?) when Draco accosted her. Surprisingly over the past 8 days since Draco had last seen her Hermione had gotten a cool hair cut, a whole new Gothic wardrobe, several piercing, a 'hot' body and a liking for punk music. That's right, it's Goth!Hermione.

"Malfoy" she sounded pissed. Her make up shimmered prettily but gothicly in the moonlight.

"Granger…what's up with the new style?" Draco asked.

"I'm expressing myself. I don't always have to be a fugly book worm you know"

"Fugly? I wouldn't say fugly…you're not as bad as Pansy"

"Really? Thanks Draco" there was an uncomfortable pause and Draco was sure Hermione was checking him out.

"Anyhow you have to come back to my house- I mean lair- please take hold of the hand cuff, 1, 2, 3 BLAST OFF" and Hermione and Draco landed in a heap on the floor of the hideout. Fred, George and Draco had all managed to stay standing but not Draco and Hermione. On the way they had picked up Dobby and Neville who landed a few metres to their left.

"Oh Dobby isn't thinking he is very safe oh Dobby is scared ahhhh" Dobby proceeded to dash about in circles until he fell over and knocked himself unconscious.

"Well well well, 'Loser'bottom, long time no see." Said Draco menacingly to Neville.

"Schools not been out two weeks Draco, I saw you a few days before the end of term" Neville pointed out

"Maybe you did, maybe you didn't" said Draco desperate not to be paid out by Neville Longbottom

"No, I'm sure I did" Neville confirmed.

"Longbottm, what an unpleasant surprise" Snape said. Neville squealed and ran away to hide behind a large gold chair (probably Voldemorts when he was home). Snape sneered.

"Granger" he nodded to Hermione

"Professor" she nodded back. There was another one of those ghastly pauses and it was hard to tell who was checking out who the most.

It was broken by Fred whispering to his twin "Doesn't it seem a bit weird to you that we're the only ones tied up?"

"Yes it does slightly" George agreed. This was not strictly true however. Kreacher had tied a bit of rope to each of Dobby's ears and was sitting on his back directing him to go this way or that by tugging on the rope. If he refused he got a bash on the head with a cucumber Keacher had picked up somewhere. As he was still unconscious he was getting bashed quite a lot.

"It's quite a little party we've got going on here isn't it?" Lucius said when he re-entered the dungeon type lair. "I found this one hiding in the broom cupboard" He then threw Luna Loovegood down on the floor.

"I was researching a story for Father you see, about the Dark Lords unplanned pregnancy, and I wanted a bit of first hand evidence. Gosh Hermione you look different!" Luna's eyes strayed to Hermione's skanky black mini and heavy eye make up. Fred and George both silently prayed there wouldn't be another one of those pauses but, alas, there was. GRIMACE

"So that leaves Ginny and Ron to capture!" said Lucius with a cackle.

"Not so fast Malfoy!" said Ron emerging from behind a conveniently placed pillar with Ginny behind him.

"You are really stupid Ron" it was in fact George who said this not Lucius "I mean they want to KILL YOU. Do you think you can take on all the Death Eaters single handedly?"

"Err um" said Ron as though he hadn't considered his before. He stopped Hermione and looked shocked "Hermione! What have you done to yourself?" he said. Hermione looked embarrassed and suddenly her hair changed back to normal, her make up wore off, her piercings all popped out and she was wearing robes again. Hurrah, she was back to canon.

"What, I can't experiment without your permission Ronald?"

"Is that was what I said?" he asked angrily

"Well I don't know is it? We've got communication problems Ron, incase you haven't realised yet!"

"I want a divorce" said Ron

"We're not married" shouted Hermione. With this they stormed off to opposite ends of the hide out and Hermione began bitching to Bellatrix Lestrange about men. At this point it occurred to Draco that he had never bothered to try it on with either Hermione or Bellatrix and went off to be a man-skank, either forgetting or not caring that Bellatrix was his Aunty.

"I hope Harry turns up soon" said Fred "He'll be able to sort this lot out."

"Do you really? I don't he's such a wet blanket!" George complained. They both looked around as if they were expecting Harry to pop up through the drain pipes or something; these things tended to happen. The door to the chamber did swing open but it was only Narcissa Malfoy carrying at plate of fresh baked scones.

"Who's that?" Ron asked distractedly.

"That's my mum" Draco replied, turning away from Hermione and Bellatrix.

"Wow Draco, you're mums hot!" said Neville

"She's taken" Lucius spat "By me" he added, because everyone had looked between him, Narcissa and Severus.

"But I'm her geisha" said Snape proudly, producing a Japanese style fan from somewhere "It's a highly complex relationship"

Half and hour later and the only mildly entertaining thing to happen was Snape performing a short Japanese dance in a kimono. Fred turned to his brother, a familiar look on his face.

"George, I'm bored"

"As am I dear brother, as am I"

"We can't exactly have a party; we'd get killed for suggesting it"

"Yeah, I don't think You-Know-Who would be down with us trashing his crib. We could play truth-dare-promise"

"That's so childish and immature! It's utterly prefect! And if the bottle lands on you, you also have to take a shot of Fire whiskey before you answer"

A few minutes later everyone was assembled in a half circle around Fred and George. Draco drained a bottle of Butterbeer and they used that to spin. It landed on Luna.

"Dare" she said boldly

"I dare you to kiss Neville" said Prof. Snape which was kinda weird really. Luna refused on the grounds that Snape himself wouldn't do it, therefore she didn't have to. It is a commonly known by-law of T.D.P that if the darer won't do his own dare, he is out or killed or has to take an extra big gulp of Fire whiskey or something of that sort. To the amazement of many and the disgust of many more, Snape followed through, embracing Neville and kissing him. They eventually came apart, Neville looking like he wanted to die.

It was Luna's turn to spin and it landed on Ginny.

"Are you a natural red head?" Luna asked. Ginny rolled her eyes and looked bored.

"Yes, surprisingly considering how all the rest of my family are!"

"But maybe you're blonde and dyed yourself ginga to fit it with you family"

"Yup, that's the one" Ginny said humoring Luna. Ginny rolled the bottle and it landed on Snape.

"Are you good or evil?" Ginny asked. Snape looked confused and burst into tears. "You know, I just don't know any more!" he proceeded to sob himself to sleep in a corner. Ginny span again, this time it landed on the twins. Fred had been whispering to George for a few minutes now and it seemed they had a plan of escape cooked up.

"Err I dare you to…umm" Ginny pondered what to ask for sometime.

"Sorry Gin, if you take more then 30 seconds to come up with a question you automatically pass" George said. There were several cries of outrage.

"I don't remember that rule when I was a girl- I mean boy, when I was a boy!" Lucius said annoyed

"Well it's a well known rule, so get over it! Our spin" Fred said. It landed on Ron. George lent over and whispered something into his twin's ear.

"Hey no whispering" Lucius shouted

"But-"

"This is my lair and while you are staying here you'll obey my rules!"

"Ok, ok…well let's get this over with, who do you truthfully want to go out with most in this room" he sounded bored, like everyone else obviously expected it to be Hermione. Ron however took a shot of whiskey and blurted out:

"Draco's mum" After these two simple words a ruckus erupted. Draco jumped on top of Ron, Lucius and Snape following suit. Hermione attacked Narcissa with a mackerel. While they fought George grabbed the handcuff portkey and tossed it to Neville and Luna who caught hold and immediately disappeared to where ever it was they'd come from.

"Quick Dobby, go back to Hogwarts!" Fred told the house elf who had only just woken up. There was a snap and he too was gone.

"Now, you take Ron and I'll take Hermione and Ginny, side-along apparition you know? Let's go to Harry's – we'd better warn him about all this."

"Right" said George, leaping on his youngest brother who was slapping Draco rather effeminately with what looked like a rolled up pink magazine. CRACK! They were gone too. Lucius now stopped to look around and seeing that his hostages were gone, he was understandably worried.

"They've gone! Ahh, I have betrayed my Master and now I am as good as a worthless, worthless peanut shell, useful to no body!"

"Oh pull yourself together Lucius" said Bellatrix "No questions where they'll have gone to; where ever the Potter-brat is hiding. All you have to do is track them down to there and you've got them back, as well as Potter! Killing two owls with one curse really isn't it?"

Lucius thought about this for a few seconds and finally agreed.

"To the Bat- Mobile! I mean Number Four Privet Drive, Surrey!"

And with several snap crackle pops the Death Eaters and Narcissa all dissaperated.

Mean while Harry had spent the summer tanning on the Dursley's back porch and writing a screen play. His legs were now a crispy golden skin cancer brown but the screen play had been rejected by every company he sent it too. He was most surprised when Ginny, Hermione, Ron, Fred and George all landed on his doorstep (literally).

"Harry! Thank god you're here! Voldemort kidnapped us, well it was Draco really but-" Hermione launched into an explanation

"And Hermione had turned all Emo" Ron added bitterly

"I did not!" Hermione spat back. But her not quite grown out emo fringe, artistically scarred wrists and Hawthorne Heights C.D (which chose that moment to fall out of her handbag) said a whole other story.

"Children children, calm down. But as they were saying Harry, the Dark Lord knows you know about the Horcruxes and was planning to make a whole lot more. Out of us." George explained the situation to Harry. Harry groaned and said:

"Harry wishes you could just sort out your problems yourselves!"

Harry had also taken to speaking in third person over the holidays.

"What Harry?"

"Did you nor hear Harry?" Harry asked "He thought he spoke very clearly. He is sick of being the go-to guy for Voldemort related problems. There must be someone else. He suggests you go look up the yellow pages." Harry finished and lay back on the porch, sunglasses on.

"Oh Jesus Christ! I didn't think he could go anymore nuts but you just keep proving me wrong eh Harry?" said a rather frazzled Hermione

"Got that right" Ron agreed fervently "He's a complete crack pot"

"He's on crack is more like" Hermione said. She and Ron both snorted in disgust then they caught each others eye and after realising that this was the first time they'd agreed on anything pretty much all fic, they suddenly jumped into each others arms and began to make out, with almost indecent enthusiasm.

"Bloody hell!" exclaimed Fred clearly repulsed "Quick shield Ginny's eyes before they're burnt out" George quickly put his hand over his sisters eyes.

"Imagine the children; bushy haired gingas with freckles and braces! It's all so very wrong."

"Harry's glad they've finally stopped denying destiny" Harry said

"Yeah Ginny's glad too – I mean I'm glad too" Ginny added

"Look this still doesn't really solve our problem though Harry. The Death Eaters are probably out their making more Horcruxes as we speak."

"Look, I'm from the iGeneration and I'm just too apathetic to care. Can't we all just get blazed and forget about it?"" Harry said, back to first person.

"Well ok" George relented "We'll need some paper though, this ought to do" he said picking up the pink magazine Ron and been belting Malfoy with. He opened it up and gave a gasp.

"Omg, it's Lucius Malfoy's diary! From when he was 14! Oh wow scandalous!"

"Let me see!" Ginny said and she, Fred, George and Harry all scrambled to read the diary.

Wednesday 14th July, 1973

Dearest Diary

So today, me and Bellatrix were all like gonna go to Diagon Alley and look at the new summer collections, but mum made us take Severus, gowww he's such a drag absolutely no fashion sense. I wish Aunt Black had made us take Sirius, at least it'd be something super hot to look at for a few hours. But he's going out with like, half the girls at our school, I bet he doesn't even know my name . Anyway I hope that Narcissa likes the super cool poncho I got her, maybe it's a little too much? It's like camel hair or something… anyway go to go to Salsa Class, XoX -LuLu

Friday 2nd August, 1973

Dearest Diary

Well predictably Father threw a complete fit when I told him of my plans to drop out of school next year and design robes. I totally knew he would. And he's banned me from Salsa classes! He's just so… oh diary, sometimes it seems you're the only one who really gets me you know? You're my super best friend. XoX – LuLu

They all looked at one another shocked and speechless. After a few seconds, interrupted only by the sounds coming from the direction of Ron and Hermione, Harry said:

"Well that's a relief in a way. At least I know where Draco gets it form now"

"He calls himself Lulu. That's just…creepy. Even for that lot you know?" Fred said

"Do you guys realise what this means?" Ginny asked the other three.

"Um Draco's dad's a closet fairy?"

"No! Well yes, but more importantly we can black mail him with this!" Ginny said eyes wide

"Yeah! We can threaten to post it on Hermione's live-journal" George said

"How'd you know I have a live-journal?" Hermione asked, finally turning away from Ron.

"You bloody Emos are all the same"

14.3 minutes later:

"I'm sure he's turned 17 by now" Snape was saying as he and half a dozen other Death Eaters strolled up the gravel drive of Number Four "Which means that the magic protecting this place has completely worn off and we're free to attack Potter!" Snape clapped his hands together excitedly.

"Not so fast Severus" Fred said appearing from behind a magnolia tree "I don't think you really want to let him do that Lucius"

"And why" said Lucius stepping forward "is that?"

"Well you see, we managed to pick up this-" George appeared from behind the Dursleys expensive car holding a journal with pink velvet and stickers of Queen and Abba all over the cover. "Belonged to you at one stage I think?"

"Might I inquire as to how you came into possession of that?" Lucius asked, voice cold, face almost seething in rage.

"You left it in Voldie's hideout. Or maybe he nicked it for a bit of bedtime reading. But the point is, if you make anymore Horcruxes out of Harry's friends we're gonna publish this on live-journal!"

"What on earth is that?" Lucius asked

"You know, blogging?" Fred asked. Lucius looked blank. "Come on, internet?" Still blank. "Fucking computers? You know what they are?"

"I have no time for these games. No wizard I know reads blogs, so this concerns me little"

"Um actually dad, I have a myspace" Draco admitted sheepishly

"Me too" said Bellatrix

"I'm a bebo man myself" Snape said "93 friends so far!"

"Nah you guys suck, live-journal forever!" Narcissa said, joining the argument.

"Yeah!!" shouted Hermione from inside a bush.

"So as you can see, not all wizards are as technology impaired as yourself" Fred pointed out to Lucius "And some of the stuff in here is super embarrassing." Fred said cringing. "And don't try to fight us for this, we already scanned a copy onto the blog and all Harry (who is currently waiting inside) has to do is hit 'Update' and you're secrets are all over the internet!"

"Ok Weasleys, you win this time, but it's not over yet."

Lucius and the other Death Eaters turned round and in a swish of cloaks dissaparated.

"Hurrah we won!" Ginny shouted doing a weird 'We won' dance. Hermione and Ron went back to snogging. Harry went back to sunbathing, casually reading through the pages of Lucius's diary.

"Oh god I can sooooo relate to some of this" Harry said sounding o.t.t metro.

"George, I think it's time we leave this happy scene. Let's go back to Diagon Alley."

"Can you drop me home on your way?" Ginny asked, clearly not fussed on hanging round.

"No. Hahaha just kidding, sure, grab an arm." George said.

"Let's make like a tree and leaf" Ginny said

"Hahaha nah let's make like a banana and split" Fred joined in

"Why don't you just make like a…car and go" Harry suggested from the porch. They all laughed at that one. He clearly sucks.

And so they made like a car, and went.

ThE EnD

'Make like a car and go' curtasey of Nikki haha that was lame dude.