Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, because I'min it. I'm totally kickass and pwn even Itachi, and of course I happen to be a reaaally pretty villain who just happens to be Itachi's fiancée and Deidara's best friend. AND Sakura's sister AND Sasuke-kun's childhood crush.

Inner Tsukiko: Dream on.
Tsukiko: -sigh- A girl can't dream, can't she?

Chapter 4: The Date I: Emergency! Jiraiya's pleading

Tsunade looked herself in the mirror for what seemed like the zillionth time the same morning.Pink, green or blue? Or turquoise? Purple? Black? White? Grey?

"Tsunade, you'll be late for your date!" she heard her mom shout from the kitchen. Damn that woman anyway. How does she know everything without me telling her? "You wrote in your diary that it's supposed to be at 11 a.m. and it's almost 11 a.m. already!" Crap, so now I know. Note to self: do not write anymore in diary. At least not about personal things.

"Yeah, I knoooow! Just leave me be for a second! I'm coming downstairs soon!" Tsunade called back as she unhappily looked at her reflection. Truth to be told, she didn't look bad; pastel pink turtleneck t-shirt, a black skirt and blue sandals. But it looked so casual. But then again, she couldn't imagine herself going beside Orochimaru on the streets in one of her fancy dresses she always wore during dates. Orochimaru would so not dress formally, so why did she need to do it too?

Sighing, Tsunade put the little bag of weapons in her pocket just in case Jiraiya decided to attack them, and left her room, trotting cheerfully towards the kitchen.

"Orochimaru!"

Orochimaru, who stood with his eyes closed, leaning towards one of the chairs in the ramen store in the shadows, his arms crossed (A/N: Typical Sasuke-kun pose... suits Orochi too, ne? x3) and looked up when Tsunade arrived. She was dressed casually, but still, her outfit seemed strange in Orochimaru's eyes; he was used seeing her dressed in that turquoise outfit of hers. He himself was dressed in one of those white yukatas he always wore.

"Ohayou!" she greeted him cheerfully.

"Ah. Ohayou," he responded.

"So," she beamed, "Where do you want to go?"

Orochimaru shrugged. "I don't know."

"Hmm... hey, what about having some ramen?"

Orochimaru raised an eyebrow. "Haven't you eaten breakfast?"

Tsunade smiled embarrassedly. "Actually... no. Have you?"

He shook his head, and the beam appeared again on her face as she said: "Well, let's have some ramen then! Oji-san!"

A boy appeared behind the counter, with beige-brown hair and suntanned skin. His eyes could hardly be seen, but they seemed to be black, and he was wearing a white uniform. "Ohayou," he said with a grin.

"Ohayou. Where's your father?" Tsunade asked patiently.

"I don't know." The boy looked at her happily. "But I'm going to work here when I get older! And I'll have an assistant..." He looked dreamfully at the horizon. "... and that's going to be my future daughter, Ayame! Don't you think it's time for me to train now?"

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "If you wouldn't mind, I'd prefer speaking with your father."

"Nobody ever listens to me." The boy sighed, and then turned around and shouted: "Tou-san! Customers!"

"Aa! I'm coming!" a voice almost identical to the boy's said, and a man appeared behind the counter. Both Tsunade and Orochimaru sweatdropped as they realized the man looked like an identical, older clone of the boy; the same beige-brown hair, and the same suntanned skin, even the same white uniform. Just that there were more wrinkles in the man's face. "Ohayou! What'd you like?"

"A miso ramen, and a..." Tsunade looked at Orochimaru questioningly. "What'd you like?"

Orochimaru shrugged. "Whatever."

"Okay. Two bowls of miso ramen," Tsunade smiled at the man.

"Two bowls of miso ramen are coming," he assured, and then called to the kitchen: "Two bowls of miso ramen!"

"Done in a minute!" a woman's voice responded.

"So, Orochimaru..." Tsunade grinned at him. "What do you want to do today?"

He shrugged again. "Whatever. You can decide."

"Really?" Tsunade's eyes lit up. "You... you won't mind?"

Orochimaru thought for a while. Then his yellow eyes looked into her brown ones, and suddenly Tsunade felt nervous. It felt as though this couple of eyes were piercing through her soul. "No."

"Okay!" Tsunade beamed. Then she told him what she wanted to do. And then...

Orochimaru's eyes widened in horror. Well, even Orochimaru who was NEVER frightened, NEVER with capitals, I repeat N-E-V-E-R, as in never ever, felt fear awake inside him. But then again, who wouldn't?

Any guy who was forced to such a terrible thing would die out of fear. Even the Hokage would rather fight with a bunch of skilled super-assasins or even one of the Jinchuuriki than dealing with every man's deepest fear...

The thing that all men despise and all women love...

... the thing Orochimaru wouldn't do if he so had to choose between 9999999 D-rank missions and THAT...

... the horrible or loveable thing that we all know...

Shopping.

"Sensei! Sarutobi-sensei!" Jiraiya was shouting as he ran towards his teacher in the training grounds. Sarutobi looked up from a book whose rating was 'M' according to the front page, and quickly hid it behind his back.

"Ah... Jiraiya? What're you doing here, looking so... stressed?" he asked as calmly as he could manage.

Jiraiya stared at him, and then at his hands behind his back. "Sensei, you're hiding a M book, aren't you?"

"No, no, of course not! Of course... of course not...," Sarutobi muttered. Jiraiya raised an eyebrow, and then shook his head.

"But that doesn't matter now! Sensei, can you help me with something? Please! It's very, very important..."

"If it's training, maybe I can." Sarutobi stuffed the book into his pocket. "What is it?"

"Well..." Jiraiya sighed. "It's like this..."

"Orochimaru, let's go to this shop!" Tsunade chirped as she walked into the umpteenth clothes boutique the same day, and after just a couple of seconds picked out at least a dozen outfits. Orochimaru glanced at the clock on the wall. Only 2 p.m.? He suppressed a groan. It felt as though they had been shopping for decades. Somehow, he felt exhausted, even though he almost never did.

"What do you think about this? And this? And this?" Tsunade walked to and fro from the changing room to right outside the changing room. Orochimaru looked uninterestedly at the clothes she was wearing. All of them looked similar to each other.

"... They look good," he said at last, and Tsunade sighed.

"Orochimaru, if you don't like shopping, we can do something else. Like... like... we can go training."

Training? Orochimaru's eyes lit up. It didn't sound like such a bad idea, after all this horrible shopping. Then he saw the look in Tsunade's eyes, hidden behind that "I-don't-care-let's-do-what-you-like" surface. Well, maybe training wasn't the thing you did on dates, after all.

Be a man, Orochimaru. Be a man and try to stand this horrible, awful torture.

"Whatever," he shrugged.

"Okay!" Tsunade's beaming smile appeared again. "So what do you think about this?... And this? And... oh my god, this is awful! How about this, then? And this?"

Orochimaru felt as though he had just gone to the very depths of hell and was put under endless torture. For a moment, he wondered if that's what the torture was in hell; maybe your punishment was shopping, every single day, twenty-four hours.

Just the thought made him wish he was a woman instead.

"So... you want help with...," Sarutobi said slowly.

"... with ruining Tsunade's and Orochimaru's date! It's important, Sarutobi-sensei! Please!" Jiraiya pleaded.

"And why," Sarutobi wondered, "Would I do that?"

Jiraiya's lips cracked into an evil grin. "Do you want the entire village to know of your collection of Playboy magazines?"

"Fine," Sarutobi muttered. "I'll help you."

"Orochimaru?" Tsunade looked at the half-dying snake boy, who was leaning against a fence, his arm on the fence and his face buried in his elbow. "Are you tired?"

"No," Orochimaru muttered with a muffled voice. "I'm just..."

I'm just hating your goddamned, awful, idiotic shopping, he wanted to say, but he couldn't say that.

"... just resting for a while."

"Are you tired?" she repeated the question, and as he heard her walking towards him, he raised his face a little to show he wasn't tired. What he didn't know was that his face was giving him away; he looked as though he had just run all the way around the world in a couple of minutes.

"Hn," he replied, not bothering to answer the question. Suddenly, she put a hand on his forehead. At first, Orochimaru's first impulse was to pull away, but then he decided to let it stay. Somehow, he felt his cheeks burning. Why? Oh, I bet I've been doing too much shopping. Too much shopping makes you feel so exhausted it feels like you're on fire. Yes, that must be right.

But that didn't explain why he wanted her to have her hand stay on his forehead for a longer time when she finally pulled away. "You've a bit of a fever," she remarked with a frown. "Are you ill?"

"No," he said. "Can we just..." NOT GO SHOPPING? he groaned in his thoughts. "... take a break, or something? I... uh..."

"You don't do shopping a lot, do you?" she smiled. He blinked in astonishment. "It's okay, I could see that. You look really tired, and besides..." She laughed a little. "I should've guessed shopping wasn't your kind of thing. We can go training, if that's what you like."

"No... it's okay. We can go shopping." He paused. "... It's just that..."

"Yeah, we can take a pause if you want." Tsunade grinned. "Besides... I think you're catching a cold. You should be more careful with the training."

"Thanks, and... sorry?" Orochimaru answered. Tsunade only smiled back.

Honestly, Orochimaru thought, maybe shopping DOES make you feel like you're on fire...

But that has nothing to do with exhaustion. He glanced at the now happily babbling Tsunade. Nothing at all.

"Just you wait, Tsunade," Jiraiya sneered. "You think you've won, but you've not. No, the bet's far from over..."

Sneak Preview of Next Chapter: The Date II: Changing, Replacing and... Strike!

"I'm in love with Jiraiya! I think he's the moooost handsome guy in the woooorld," Jiraiya sang, pleased with his Tsunade-voice.

"Tsunade, are you drunk?" Orochimaru asked calmly. But his eyebrow was twitching somewhat, to Jiraiya's surprise.

"No! No, I'm not!" Jiraiya burst out shrilly. "I am fully capable of... of conquering the world! Mwahahahahahah!" He then gave Orochimaru a grin. "Now try your evil laughter."

Tsukiko: Yes, I know that this chapter wasn't the best -.-; Next chapter will hopefully be better, though (scheduled to come later in October). Sorry for the late update, guys! T.T Next time I'll write faster. I've just been so busy in real life and with my other fanfics, as well... but stay tuned, 'cause next chapter is coming pretty soon! (And please leave a review :D)

Reviews Corner

Ryushi-the-DutchEroSennin: MIND-READER! XD Just kidding, but insane ebil laughter coming your way next chapter xDD And thanks for the review:3

Shikabane-Mai: Thank you! And yeah, I know... fear the power of shopping! XD

NanoMecka: Thanks :)

SoundCloud: Arigatou x3

whatthehellwasithinkin: Yeah, Orochimaru sure hide a lot of surprises ;D Thanks for the review!

Corzova: Thanks:)

Sodeno Shiroyuki: Arigatou gozaimasu :D

Kikyo Sabishii: Tsunade and Sasuke? -puke gag gag puke- And thanks for correcting me! But I wrote Chapter 3 because the first chapter that was published wasn't an actual chapter, it was a prologue xD; And no, it's not supposed to be capital letter because the sentence hadn't come to an end. :) Thanks for correcting me anyway, I'll try to fix the other errors soon. ;)

koppoi: Thanks, I will :D

Kyo-kun AND Hatsuharu are hot: Thanks, I hope so :)

Wednesday's Dawn: Thanks, I will try :D

Night Tiger Goddess: Thanks :)

Dog of the Dead: Sorry for the late update xD And I'm glad that you like my fic :)

chibi-kaiyaska: Lmao xD Thanks for the review anyway :)

lallyzippo: Yeah, the Goddess of Shopping (a.k.a. moi) shalt conquer the world (and Chibi Orochimaru x3)! Mwahahahahah - (Inner Tsukiko: -whacks- -.-) OW! Gomen... and thanks for the review :D

14-SaKuRa UcHiHa-14: Thanks :D And same here! We must believe in SasuSaku, or else the world will die xD -is whacked again by Inner Tsukiko- OW!

Glimia: Thanks, I'll try :D

RuKiA RoJaS: Thanks:D