AN: I should probably say this fic will probably be more around novella length than novel, so no more than some fifteen chapters. Also there's a singer called Tamino Amir who is like the perfect face claim for James and you guys should definitely look him up !

Thank you so much for the reviews, I can't wait for u to read what i have in store !

savior complex — phoebe bridgers

"all the bad dreams that you hide
show me yours, i'll show you mine."

Saturday
11:46 AM

They were definitely in the water too long.

Lily knew that they should get out. But now that she'd gotten a glimpse of her and James's old friendship... it was infatuating. She didn't want it to stop. She just wanted to feel close to him again. She wanted her friend back.

She kept coming up with new things she could teach him. Now it was simple floating, which she had also thought people just knew how to do. But James had had a hard time relaxing enough to let the water hold him.

He was doing it perfectly now though. He floated opposite Lily, his head just beside hers. Lily hadn't felt this peaceful in... some time. She resolved right then and there that it didn't matter if any... hope for a potential romantic relationship between them had crashed and burned, she still wanted to be his friend. She really really did.

"Sing me something else," James said softly.

Lily's breath stopped. She hadn't expected him to say... that. She took a long pause, thinking of what she could sing. She opened her mouth.

Rows and flows of angel hair
and ice cream castles in the air

James was quiet beside her, and Lily could only hope her voice came out decent enough, and she didn't fuck up any notes too much.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds... at all

Silence settled over them as Lily finished. James was still perfectly still and quiet. It made Lily nervous.

"I've never heard something so beautiful," he said suddenly. Lily almost sank from the lurch she felt in her stomach.

There was hesitation in Lily's voice when she answered. "Well, Joni Mitchell is the greatest songwriter of her generation, in my opinion."

"Lily," he said firmly. "You know I mean your voice."

Lily pulled slightly away from him. The urge to get away from him returned. Did he have any idea the effect his words had on her? "It's not that special or anything, I just know how to use it."

James chuckled low in his chest. "Right. Don't know why I thought you might finally just take the compliment."

There it was again! The reference to their previous friendship.

Not a lot of people knew Lily was a... musical person. She mostly played and sang when she went home. But because of the large amount of time she spent at Hogwarts, the need to do it while there overcame her sometimes. She could sing and play some of her instruments pretty much anywhere, but she didn't really like to do it where other people could hear her. And there was a music room at Hogwarts, which she was allowed to use pretty much any time she wanted. It was soundproof and had good acoustics, and not a lot of people other than the frog choir frequented it, so Lily took advantage of it.

Still, sometimes she did sing outside of there. When she couldn't help herself. She'd taken to doing it sometimes during her Prefect night patrols. When the castle was good and quiet. And scary. It helped her ward off the fear. Her patrolling partner used to be Severus, whom she didn't mind singing around. The only bad thing was that the quietness meant more chance of being overheard, despite the emptiness. A lot of the time there were more than two Prefects patrolling at night. So Severus had made up a spell so she could avoid being overheard. It was perfect. And even though their friendship had ended, Lily kept using the spell.

Her night patrol singing had been how James had first heard her sing. He'd taken to visiting her while she patrolled during the night. She had forgotten to use the spell once, so he'd overheard her. After that, he kept insisting he wanted to hear her voice again, and then Lily had gotten used to singing around him. She hadn't done it again until today.

"You know, I didn't ask you yesterday what you'd do if Voldy and his cronies were just gone tomorrow."

"Well, if you're expecting me to say I'd become a musician, that's not going to happen."

"Really? You've never wanted to be a career musician? You're certainly talented enough for it. You can't argue about that."

Lily rose from her position, James did the same when he noticed her upright. "Maybe I am. But I saw how much my dad struggled... for over twenty years trying to break into the music industry. It consumed his life for... so long. It almost ruined his marriage. He only stopped after I was born because he knew he had to provide for two kids. And I just... wouldn't be able to deal with that kind instability. I can't imagine going through what he went through. Driving around the country in his beat up van, playing in pubs for scraps, not knowing how he was going to pay for his next meal. He didn't mind because music was his life. But I could never do that."

"Well, who knows? Maybe you'd find success in less time. Make it big. I can see it."

Lily shrugged. "Yeah. Maybe. That's the issue. I can't deal with maybes. I need something I can rely on... Something solid."

"Like healing potions research."

Lily smiled, happy he'd remembered the name. "Yeah. I mean, it's not like I'll stop playing... I just won't do it for a living. I think it's probably less stressful that way. Not having to be good in order to get paid. Just doing it because I like it."

James nodded in understanding. "You're probably right about that." He leaned back. "I met your dad once, you know."

Lily's head snapped up. She hadn't expected him to say that. Her whole body felt like it was on high alert. "What?"

"Yeah... it was at King's Cross. Beginning of Third Year. I was extremely late for the train. I ran ahead of my parents, went through the wall not even stopping, bumped into some snotty Pureblood parent. My stuff went all over the place, I fell down hard, got the wind knocked out of me. I could hear the train whistle and I was sure I wasn't going to make it. And I just sort of... laid there in shock. Until this tall Muggle man came over and asked me if I was okay. He helped me pick my shit up. Gave me a hand up. Helped me get my trunk on the train and just before it pulled away, he said 'I have a daughter about your age, Lily Evans. Tell her I said hi.'

"Right then I realised his hair was the exact same colour as yours. I was in shock. I barely had time to react. In all seriousness I said, 'Sir, I am going to marry your daughter one day.' I think he found it amusing. I didn't actually pass on his message, because I thought then I'd have to admit what happened, and why I'd talked to your dad. And I really didn't want to do that. But it was stupid. I thought for sure he'd tell you about what I said in a letter or something at some point, and you'd yell at me for it, but you never did."

Lily felt like she'd just been shot in the heart. Tears welled up in her eyes. James was right, her dad had never told her. Lily held her breath for the entire story. It sounded so like her dad. Always kind, always helping. Telling James to say hi to her when he'd just seen her not five minutes before. Of course he did.

The tears fell and Lily wasn't sure if they were for sadness over her her dad being gone or some sort of bittersweet happiness at hearing a story about him she hadn't heard before. It was like she'd gotten him back for a few precious moments. She could picture him in her mind so clearly.

"Shit. Lily, are you okay? I—"

Lily sniffled. "I'm okay. I'm sorry." She wiped her face. "Thank you for telling me that." She took a deep breath. "Oh god, I'm sorry, you probably think I'm..."

He'd gotten closer to her. It almost seemed like he was going to reach out and touch her. But his hands stayed firmly at his sides.

The tears stopped after a couple of deep breaths. Lily knew she should probably explain. But just thinking of saying the words my dad is dead made the tears crawl back up. She just couldn't get the words out. She hadn't gotten the words out to anyone since it had happened. That was part of the reason only two of her friends knew about it.

She really should tell James though. But the moment had passed. He was already looking away from her, giving her some space to pull herself back together. God, Evans just man up and say it, she thought to herself.

"Lily."

Something in James's tone made her freeze. She stared at his back.

"Stay where you are. Do not move, do you hear me?"

Lily frowned. "What? Why?"

"Please just listen to me." He still had his back to her. He was backing up towards her slowly.

He was scaring her. She looked over his shoulder and then noticed a strange dark shape in the water. Her eyes widened. "Is that a—is that a shrake?"

"Sure is."

Now that Lily had spotted it, she could see the shape of its pointy spikes poking out from under the water. It looked kind of like a crocodile, only a little larger and scarier, with knife-sharp spikes sprouting from its back. And if Lily's eyes weren't deceiving her, it seemed like it was slowly moving. Towards them.

She kept still. Even tried to breathe quieter. She wanted James to hurry up but she also knew it was probably best for him to back away slowly like he was doing.

Well, they had come because of all the magical creatures in this forest. And in a different situation, Lily would've been pretty excited to see the shrake. Any situation that didn't involve her being unprotected, wandless in the water with it.

James had almost reached Lily when several things happened at once. She wasn't sure which came first; James's decision to forgo stillness and quickly turn towards Lily, taking her in his arms and leaping towards the shore, or the shrake swimming towards them like a fucking bullet.

Lily's heart was beating so fast she couldn't even process the fact that James Potter was currently on top of her, pinning her to the ground with his very shirtless body. Their feet were barely out of the water, but the shrake didn't seem too keen on leaving the lake. "Will it come out of the lake?"

"I don't think so," James said. "We should probably still... get away from here. Just in case."

It took him a few more seconds to get off of Lily. He helped her up and they gathered their stuff as quickly as possible.

Once they walked a distance they deemed far enough away from the lake, they changed into dry clothes. They sat on some clean-ish rocks, resting for a bit, drinking as little water as they could.

"I think..." Lily said. "It's about time we face that for some reason... they're not coming for us. And to be honest, I know we're supposed to stay put but I'll actually go insane if we stay put longer."

James thought for a moment. "Don't you think we might get more lost if we move?"

Lily gave him a look. "I'm not kidding about going insane, James."

"Okay, um... how about we leave some sort of breadcrumb trail, a la Hansel and Gretel?"

Lily frowned. "You know about Hansel and Gretel?"

James shrugged, nonchalant. "I thought it was obvious by now I'm into Muggle things."

Oh no. Oh fuck no. Lily felt a blush creep up her neck and she wanted to die. He obviously doesn't mean it like that, you idiot.

Lily let out a little huff not sure if she was mad at herself or at James. "Right. Breadcrumbs. That's a good idea actually." She stood up, brushed the dirt off her jeans. "You ready to go?"

He smiled at her. It made Lily angrier. "Let's go, Evans."