Email 5: Glitch
Cast (in order of appearance): Mario, Luigi, Donkey Kong, Princess Peach, Bubs (guest appearance)
Mario's NES gets glitched and all emotion breaks loose.
Transcript:
Mario (rapping): I got the email, you got the email, I got the email, you got the email.
He types: Marioemail.exe.
The screen reads:
ert+
sgththtghslthtlhtmjysjtmhsghmshlthmrtrhmshatnhjskadghslhadtrhthakthathkshtshtrhsrthsthsdghghsfgshfgnhshsfjrsjsysjsdtyustyjydytjstrhjyjedsthyekjtyjeykeukytkydyukyukuktyythtrghtyhrtyhthryjdykjfukhgjdtkudkdukduukukluykukukkuktygdfythjgfewrtyujhgfdertyuhjgfdrtyujhgfretyujhhgfdretyujhgfrtyukjnbfdrtyujnbgftyuykjgftyujnbvvgfgtyhgjbgftyhgjft
Mario (glancing at the email): Who sent this? There's no name. It should be deleted!
He types "Deleted" but a white background with black lettering reads "Deletion Failed."
Mario: What? I said DELETED!
He types it again, but this type, in capitalized, italicized letters, and the white background with black lettering appears again saying, "Cannot Delete!"
Mario: Oh, wise guy eh! Maybe I should introduce you to Norton!
He types Norton Antivirus and the splash screen appears reading "Norton Antivirus 2006." He pressed Enter and the screen changed to read "Norton Antivirus 2006. Scanning for Viruses. Last scan was 6/7/2003 8:00 AM."
When the scan was finished the screen read,
"20,000,000 viruses found!"
Mario (alarmed): What! That's not a small number! That is a big number! What am I gonna do!
The screen changes to show the Windows 98 Blue Screen of Death! It read as follows:
Windows
A fatal exception 0E has occurred at 0157:BF7FF831. The current
application will be terminated.
Press any key to terminate the current application.
Press CTRL+ALT+DEL again to restart your computer. You will
lose any unsaved information in all applications.
Mario (alarmed): Fatal error! What am I gonna do!
(The computer shuts down.)
Mario: And the Family Basic...just shut down.
Luigi: Mario, what's going on!
(Luigi enters, but he looks like he's in eight-bit color.)
Mario: What! You're in 8-bit?
(Binary starts creeping in from the top of the screen.)
Luigi: Have you been using the Internet irresponsibly?
Mario: No, not very irresponsibly as usual.
Luigi: Did you get a virus?
Mario: No, I got multiple viruses!
Luigi: You'd better do something about it before it gets any worse!
(Luigi fizzles out.)
(The binary starts creeping back into the top of the screen.)
Mario (scared): Technicians!
(Mario runs out of the screen.)
Mario: Brrr! I'm freezing here!
(Mario tries to jump back into the room, but bounces off.)
Mario: Hey!
(Donkey Kong teleports into Mario's room. His head and body are that of his old-timey self and there's a scratch line. Also his voice sounds normal, but the film roll makes it sound grainy and scratchy.)
DK (he speaks properly, but his word bubbles are in leet): Never fear, Mario! I know how to fix the Nintendo! (What his word bubbles say: 3/3. 34./4.10! 1 / -0/ 70 1)( 7-3 173P0!)
Mario: Careful man!
DK: Your NES needs words. (05. 3$ 33P$ /0.P$.)
(His head falls off.)
DK: Like these. (He picks up Games, Bios, and Downloads from the bottom menu.) Is that enough?
Suddenly, several pop-ups appear (including a real one, unless pop-up blocking is disabled) all showing Mario saying "It's-a me, Mario!"
(cut to Peach's castle)
Princess Peach: I think it's fantastic, Toadsworth, that's the best stacked set of VHS tapes I ever---
(Suddenly, Princess Peach turns into an ASCII rendering of herself and her voice becomes deep and distorted causing her words to become unintelligible.)
Toadsworth (speaking as loudly as possible): I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU!
Princess Peach: (more unintelligible gibberish)
Toad: I was gonna take a walk.
(Suddenly, the background changes to a piece of "Mario Adventures" paper. Mario and Luigi appear with an exploding noise.)
Mario: Would you like to join us in an adventure?
Toad: Uh, not right now. I have to work at the castle so----
(cut to the Nintendo loading screen in the middle of the conversation, which suddenly changes to the message: "It's now safe to turn off your computer.")
Mario (using an old version of his voice): I fear something will happen to the Princess...
(Suddenly, a click sound is heard, Mario is back at the field.)
Mario: Hey he fixed it! Bubs is a computer genius, man! Let's do a dance for him!
(Bubs walks in from the left of the screen, holding the NES.)
Mario: Thanks, Bubs. How did you get rid of the virus? Hold on... why do you have my NES?
Bubs: I unplugged it and now it's time to bury it!
Mario: I guess this means good bye to the NES.
(cut to the cemetery. Mario says his last farewells to the NES before carving an epitaph for it's burial and digging a hole to place him in along with cords, and a basket covering the NES games that they played together to be placed on the side.)
(fade to epitaph)
Mario (reading epitaph as sad music plays): Here lies the NES, who lived until up to this e-mail. It's favorite memories were playing NES games and checking e-mails with Mario. Buried with cords and cables, its death will be remembered by all.
The End
Homestar Runner References:
Bubs was a character from Homestar Runner.
The binary creeping in from the top of the screen, the background changing into the "Mario Adventures" comic paper, the ASCII rendering of Peach, the two attempts at deleting the virus e-mail, pop-up ads, and other effects are a reference to Strong Bad Email 118: Virus.
The e-mail intro that Mario sings refers to "Virus."
Remarks:
This is the first e-mail not to feature any Easter Eggs since "Kayaking."
DVD Version:
- The central pop-up (the one that usually would appear in the original e-mail) does not appear.
- The DVD version features an Easter Egg not incorporated into the original e-mail. If you press the Angle button, the poster for "Enter the Matrix" will appear.
- The DVD version features hidden commentary by Mario. To access it, press the Audio Button on the DVD Remote.
Commentary Transcript:
Mario: It's a me, Mario! I'm going to be doing the commentary for this e-mail to give the author and reviewers a break. So as you can see, I got a virus! Not a very good day for the NES, was it? So I tried using the Deleted command like Strong Bad uses to get rid of the virus...twice, and I failed...twice! So the only option I had was to use Norton Antivirus 2006 to try to get rid of the virus. It scanned for viruses and I came up with a lot of them, but it couldn't get rid of them, hence the fatal error screen. So after that alarmed reaction, the computer shut down.
(short pause)
Mario: My younger brother turned into his 8-bit self and binary started creeping in from the top of the screen. I think that is a reference to those Matrix movies they made there. I think it was. At Peach's castle, my love turned ASCII and Toadsworth turned into a younger version of himself.
(short pause)
Mario: There's Toad taking a walk and (pause) is that Teen Girl Squad Paper or our comic? Well anyway, it must have been distorted so in the middle of the loading screen---
(Mario cuts off after the "It's now safe to turn off your computer." message. Before the last glitch scene comes, Mario resumes talking.)
Mario: In the middle of the loading screen the computer shut down. It made me feel like that your computer got the virus than my computer got the virus.
Mario: After I buried the NES, well you can imagine how that felt. It was nice talking to you and I'll hear from you later.
(The Paper comes down.)
Commentary Remarks:
The commentary was a story about the sequence of events that happened to him.
Commentary Fun Facts:
Mario and/or other characters will comment on the emails every 5 emails but it might be more often than that.