Note: I have published two chapters in a few days, make sure you've read Chapter 13 too!

Warning: there is evidence that exercise improves sleep quality and reduces sleep complaints.

-O-O-O-

"Son,

What have you done?

You're caught by the river,

you're coming undone.

Life,

You know it can't be so easy

but you can't just leave it

'cause you're not in control no more.

And you give it all away,

Would you give it all away now?"

(Doves - Caught by the river)

-O-O-O-

"It reminds me of that huge fight we had some years ago" said Molossus in a quiet voice.

"Which huge fight? It was not a fight, you yelled at me" replied Helenus pointedly.

"That's exactly what I mean. I yelled at you and you reacted sort of like Aesacus did" clarified the younger prince. "Was it... intentional?"

Helenus hesitated for a moment, then he answered.

"Yes. I was reminded of that conversation while you yelled at me. I thought about myself at your age and... I decided not to yell back"

The two men were silent and Helenus took another sip of his wine.

"So... you talked, eventually?" Molossus asked, almost shyly.

"We talked for hours. I told him more or less the things I have told you tonight, although in a much more confused way. I was... a mess"

"And... did you feel better?" the younger prince asked again, after a while.

His stepfather stayed silent and Molossus almost regretted asking such a personal question.

But then Helenus spoke again.

"Difficult question, but well... yes. At first, I felt exposed, and you might have guessed that I don't like it. I told him things that did me no credit, but Aesacus didn't judge me, he didn't kick me out. Eventually, I felt relieved. And... I made a discovery"

"Which discovery?"

-O-O-O-

It was already dark outside and the only light came from the fireplace.

Helenus could not say when they had started talking. Somehow, he had told Aesacus everything he had intended to keep to himself. His conversation with Eudorus, his self-harm, the recurring thoughts about taking his life... the crater had broken, and there was no way to keep it from pouring. He had broken down several times.

Aesacus had been patient and understanding and had insisted that Helenus could get through it.

Probably he should have come here before.

"Hector told me what happened yesterday at Demeter's feast. You said some unpleasant things to each other" observed Hermes' priest.

Helenus blushed. He had made such a scene... the whole city was probably talking about it right now.

"Things have always been tense with your siblings. But I was under the impression that you got along with Hector, at least as a child" Aesacus went on.

"I did"

"Did you snap at him like you snapped at me or were you really angry at him?" asked the older priest.

"I am not angry at him. I am... I... he did nothing about the whipping" Helenus' sentence ended in a whisper.

"...the whipping?" asked Aesacus, taken aback.

"My last day of military practice... when Zeritos whipped me" the prince clarified in a flat voice, not meeting Aesacus' eyes.

Hermes' priest was silent for a long moment.

"I didn't know, Helenus. I really didn't know" he said eventually, sounding distressed. "Are you telling me that he whipped you in front of other people?"

Helenus laughed bitterly.

"Other people? Yes, in front of the boys who were practicing with me! Including my older brothers Polydorus and Polites, who just stared at us and didn't open their mouth to help me! Who didn't bother to ask me whether I was hurting although I could barely walk! I... I was not angry, I just felt so broken!"

Trying very hard not to break down again, Helenus told the older priest about that day. In his mind, he could still hear what Zeritos had told him, he could still remember the feeling of that whip on his back...

"I am very sorry, Helenus" Aesacus said eventually, stroking his back again. "I understand why you were upset with your brothers. But are you certain that Hector was informed?"

I... presume that Polydorus and Polites told him"

"I highly doubt that Hector knows it - or your father, for that matter. Otherwise, they would have done something" said Aesacus confidently.

Helenus snorted. "Like I was anybody's favorite sibling"

"Look, Helenus. Rumors always find their way to this temple, in addition I am close to your family. Still, I had no idea about this. Hector and I have talked about you a number of times. He complains that he doesn't understand how to approach you, that you have turned resentful and he doesn't know why. And he never, ever mentioned this episode. I think he just doesn't know"

Could it be? If Aesacus had been unaware of the whipping, so might be Hector.

"Maybe the two of you should just sit calmly and have a talk. Maybe you should discuss this episode as well as what happened yesterday" suggested Aesacus.

Helenus shook his head. The very idea made him feel anxious.

"Listen to me, Helenus. It doesn't have to be tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. You are exhausted, and I know that opening up like this is very hard for you. But please think about it. You and Hector might get along well, it would be a pity to waste this opportunity just because of a misunderstanding"

-O-O-O-

Helenus rolled over in his bed with a deep sigh.

Almost a month had passed since that first talk with Aesacus. No matter what Hermes' priest kept telling him, he wasn't sure that he could do this.

It was so hard...

Yes, he had to admit that he was making some progress. Aesacus had taught him some exercises to promote sleep, as well as how to make a lighter sleeping concoction. Now he could sleep a little more, although never for the whole night. He was also eating a little more. Well, he still ate very little but at least he didn't skip meals anymore. His tremors and dizziness were slightly improving.

But he had to fight hard to make the smallest improvement. It would take very little to go back from where he had started.

Sometimes he thought he wouldn't find the energy to eat or the consistency to exercise every evening. He needed all of his willpower.

What if his willpower wasn't enough?

And he was going to meet Hector on the following day.

He had met Hector on his way back from Hermes' temple and had just asked if he could visit him at the palace, out of the blue. Stupid impatience. He wasn't ready for this. He had never had a real conversation with Hector in his whole life.

On the following day, he headed to the palace as soon as Artemis' temple closed. He had to do it now, before he changed his mind.

Hector was already waiting for him in Helenus' old room.

"Ah, Helenus, come in. Nobody is going to disturb us here. What can I do for you?" Hector sounded kind, although their last meeting had not ended well.

"I have a question" began Helenus, trying very hard not to stutter.

"Go ahead"

"Are you aware... were you informed that Zeritos whipped me during practice?"

"He what?!" hissed Hector, jumping to his feet.

"On my last day of practice, ten years ago, he whipped me in front of everybody" Helenus said as flatly as possile.

And that was it. Telling that story to Aesacus had been painful, he was not going to tell it again now.

But Hector was beyond himself.

"In front of... why do I hear this now, after ten years?!" he demanded. He was red with anger.

"Polydorus and Polites were there. I thought they had told you" Helenus explained apologetically. He didn't know what else to say.

Hector hadn't known... he really hadn't known...

Hector took a deep breath and his color went slowly back to normal. He sat back again.

"Why didn't they tell me? What's in their head?"

Helenus stayed silent and waited for his older brother to calm down. He had never seen him like this.

"I have no idea why Polydorus and Polites kept it to themselves, Helenus, but I can assure you that neither I nor our father knew. Do you really think that we would have let this go?"

The younger prince bowed his head.

"Do you think someone can whip my brother like a common thief and get away with it? Do you think we have no shame at all? Too bad Zeritos has already died, or I would teach him a lesson or two"

"I... apologize. Since two of our brothers were there, I thought... It didn't occur to me that they might keep it to themselves"

Hector shook his head in disbelief.

"I have been quite... rude to you on our last meetings. It is mostly because I thought you knew... I apologize" Helenus said again.

"It is what it is" Hector replied tersely "I am glad that you asked, now it's cleared"

Helenus didn't know what to say.

"Are you ill?" his older brother asked suddenly.

"No. I am just...going through a rough time. But it is... getting better" said Helenus, clearing his throat.

It was getting very embarrassing and he felt the need to leave.

He stood up and started wearing his cloak.

"Wait. Come and greet my wife, you haven't seen each other since the wedding"

Helenus briefly wondered whether he should accept or find an excuse and leave.

Come on, be nice just for once!

"Very well" he said.