Hey guys! Listen, I can't believe I've forgotten to do this, but I'd really like to thank Uh. yeah for her beta work. Without her, this fic would probably be unbelievably American. (And if I'm going to write about the Brits, I'm gonna do it right, dammit!)

So, anyway, on with the show.

Because no one in Conference Room 5 was speaking, the smallest of noises from everywhere in the hospital could be heard. From the traffic on the nearby highway, to the couple arguing on the floor below that was carried through the ventilation system, to the nurse calling the next patient in to the clinic rooms to…alas! The ring of a bell as the elevator reached its desired floor.

Because the bell did ring. And everyone knew it.

"Did you hear that?" Foreman said, looking at Chase. "Was that the…?"

"Yeah," he replied. "Sounded like the…" and with that he, Rose, Jack and Cameron took off out the door, stopping once they reached the hallway. There was another dinging noise, and, who should step out of the elevator but James Wilson, the one and only.

"Shit," mouthed Cameron. (Chase mouthed a much more profane word.) Wilson, however, was too distracted by the sight of Rose and Jack to notice.

His brow furrowed as he strolled towards them, hands in pockets. "I was told by Dr. Cuddy to come tell House the elevators are working. She also told me to tell him that if he complains about them again, he can pay for the repairs himself."

Wilson chuckled; no one else did. "Something wrong?" He asked, after he realized he was laughing alone.

"Oh, us?" Cameron asked. "Um…no, nothing's wrong," she shrugged. "Oh, wait a moment," she said, and cleared her throat. "Dr. Wilson, this is one of our…this is…a friend of Dr. House's current patient, Rose Tyler."

Wilson stuck his hand out to shake it, and Rose, whose arms were crossed, did.

"… And this is Jack Harkness."

Jack shook Wilson's hand warmly, his eyes twinkling. "Nice to meet you, James Wilson."

"So, House is with a patient?" Wilson asked, tearing his eyes away from the strange and slightly dazed look Jack was giving him.

"Yeah, but…" Chase started to say.

"Does he need a consult?"

"You know, I don't really know if he does," Cameron said, laughing nervously.

Wilson blinked at her. "Can I at least ask where the patient is?"

"Conference Room 5, but I don't know if you should go in just yet…"

"All of the clinic rooms were taken," Rose interjected. Wilson was obviously caught off-guard by her accent.

"Well, I'll go and see him myself, then," he said.

"You know, based on the patient's current condition, going in is probably not a good idea," Chase stuttered. He and Cameron had both moved towards the door, guarding it, incase Wilson decided to jump them.

Wilson didn't understand. "Why not?" He looked at Cameron. "C'mon, guys, seriously, what are you hiding?"

"Hiding?" Cameron asked, a little too loudly. "We're not hiding anything!" It was clear that she was trying to let the Doctor and House know someone unwelcome was trying to get in the conference room.

Wilson frowned and made a lunge for the door handle, but just as he did, the door opened and House emerged.

"Ah, Dr. Wilson," he said.

Wilson was not amused. "House, what in the hell is going on? What are you doing in there?"

House looked completely puzzled. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he said. Then, a look of realization dawned on his face. "Oh, unless you're referring to the alien that's lying on the table in there." He watched as Rose's eyes widen and her mouth drop open, while Jack's hand plunged into his pocket. The screwdriver pocket, that is.

"Woah, there, Sparky," House said, stopping Jack. "No need to get drastic. This is Wilson we're talking about. We can trust him."

Wilson was frowning. "Alien on the table? Let's see," he said, stroking his chin as if he had a goatee. "Last time you said something like that, you were trying to hide the fact that a colony of bees had formed a hive in the Cancer Registry room. You told me I couldn't go in because you didn't want me to disturb your marijuana plants." He looked at Cameron, hoping to get an honest response. "Is there any illegal vegetation in this room?"

"No," Cameron said. "But, still, Dr. Wilson, please, for privacy's sake, just don't…"

But it was too late; Wilson had opened the door.

Both the Doctor and Foreman's heads snapped in the direction of the door when they heard it open. Leading the pack was Wilson, whose look was completely nondescript as he saw the man lying on the table. He had seen many things that had been the product of Gregory House in his day, so a man on a table was no surprise.

"Alien?" Wilson asked House, gesturing to the Doctor. "Alien?"

"Who, me?" The Doctor said. "Well, possibly…"

"The jig is up!" House exclaimed. Foreman closed his eyes out of pure embarrassment. "Doctor, meet James Wilson. Wilson, this is the Doctor. He's an alien."

Wilson just looked at House.

House defended himself. "He told me so!"

"That's usually not the first thing I tell people!" The Doctor said. "That I'm an alien, I mean. But I don't really care, I suppose. Unless Dr. Wilson goes and tells everyone in the whole bloody hospital."

Wilson ran a hand through his hair. "Um, Dr. House? I think this man belongs with the psychologists, not the Infectious Disease…"

"No, he doesn't," Jack said. "He's telling the truth."

Wilson looked around at everyone in the room. "You're all insane!" He turned to Rose and asked, sarcastically, "And you, are you an alien, too?"

Rose lurched forward; ready to beet the pulp out of Dr. Wilson. Luckily, Jack caught her.

"Can't we all just get along?" Jack asked as he tried to suppress the struggling Rose.

"Sorry to divert the attention everything," the Doctor said, "but I'm beginning to feel like I'm going to pass out…"

"Oh, it's not always about you," House snapped. He turned so that he was facing the Doctor. "Now, about him. He's too proud for a wheelchair, I can tell you that right now."

The Doctor said nothing.

"…So, I guess that means Rose and Jack'll have to help him up and into the elevator. Foreman, Chase and Cameron, go secure an X-ray room. Wilson, you're coming with me and the Doctor."

Wilson looked at House like he had something crawling out of his nose. "You can't be serious, can you?" He asked. "This man…this Doctor…is totally out of his mind!"

House limped over to the door. "You know, Wilson, I don't know what to think. Honestly, I don't. But I do know that the Doctor-" He looked at the Doctor- "If that is your real name, has pretty serious injuries and he needs an X-ray. We can deal with the psychological aspects later." House looked around and saw that no one else was moving. "What, do I need to wave a flag? Get going!"

Rose and Jack went over to help the Doctor off the table while the Ducklings left the room. Wilson just stood there, shaking his head.

"Oh, God," House said, rolling his eyes. "Come on, Wilson, I'll explain it on the way up."

"…So, it travels through both time and space?" Wilson asked as the doors opened. He watched the Doctor carefully, genuinely interested in what he was saying.

The Doctor nodded his head liberally, and walked out of the elevator with the assistance of Jack and Rose.

"But don't all time machines do that?"

The Doctor was having an unusual amount of patience with Wilson, especially for how badly they had been getting along just minutes before. In the elevator, the Doctor had explained his situation, and Wilson told him that he was a huge Sci-Fi geek; it was kind of his 'inner passion.' The two had hit it off almost immediately after that.

"When I say 'space' I don't mean 'space'," the Doctor clarified. "I mean space. Other planets, other galaxies, other solar systems, stars, nebulas…as well as time.

Wilson was in awe. "So, you can go to any planet…Neptune, Pluto, in…say, 1900, at the drop of a hat?"

The Doctor, despite the stinging it caused, laughed. "Neptune? Pluto? Ha! I could go anywhere…don't you understand? Any. Where. I'm completely limitless. Well, virtually limitless."

Wilson shook his head in disbelief. "Wow."

House instructed Rose to turn the corner and go in the first room on the left. The door was heavy and had a huge sticker on it that said: Caution: Radiation. Jack ignored the sign and opened the door, where the Ducklings greeted him and prepped the Doctor for the X-ray. While all this was going on, Wilson and House waited outside the room.

"I don't know what to think," Wilson said, finally. He was still mulling over the information the Doctor had just given him. "I mean, on any other day of the week, I'd just go take a cold shower and a nap and forget about the whole thing."

"If they are lying, they're damn convincing," House said.

"Yeah. Moreover, they've got you convinced."

House frowned. "I told you, I don't know what I'm supposed to believe."

Wilson started laughing.

"What?" House asked.

Wilson popped his knuckles while he spoke. "I just noticed, you've been really…mellow, this whole time. Usually you're a lot more…"

"Sarcastic?"

"I was going to say something about being an asshole, but yeah, I guess you've also been less sarcastic."

"Don't get used to it," House warned him without looking at him.

"Why is that?" Wilson goaded. "Why have these 'new visitors' brought you to a new state of-"

"I just have a lot on my mind," House said quickly. "I'm still not sure about the whole 'time-traveling alien' gimmick, but I do know the Doctor is lying about his story. About how he got hurt. It doesn't make any sense."

"Really, now," Wilson said.

"Mmhm. He said he rolled down a hill, but my copious medical knowledge tells me otherwise."

"But why would he lie?"

"Ha!" House said. "You ask me that as if I know."

"You don't?"

House stuttered. "I just…um…I-"

Wilson chuckled. "You don't know, do you?"

House grunted.

"Dude, you just painted yourself into a corner."

At that moment, Cameron and Foreman emerged from the room. House's eyes got big.

"You left Chase in there…alone…to do the X-ray?"

Cameron frowned. "We were nearly done, alright? He can do it by himself."

"Someone needs to keep an eye on him," House said. "I'm not so sure about…"

Foreman nodded. "I asked Mr. Harkness to. He's capable, I'm sure. If anything gets out of hand, he'll handle it."

"Oh, by the way, Dr. House," Cameron said, shuffling through the papers on her clipboard, "I asked Miss Tyler to tell us what happened. She did, I wrote it down…"

But House had already snatched the paper away from her with a triumphant "Aha! Thank you, Cameron."

"Do you need me to get a family history?"

House didn't even want to think about trying to pry out a family history from the Doctor. "Not yet," he said, distractedly, as he read what Cameron had written down.

Wilson watched as House's eyes scanned the paper hastily, until they stopped moving. "What?" He read on. "They what?"

"I swear, that's exactly what Rose told me. Nearly verbatim!"

"I don't doubt that," House said. He shoved the clipboard in Wilson's face. "What did I tell you, what did I tell you? He's lying, just like I said."

"Who is?" Foreman asked. "The Doctor?"

House walked farther down the hallway, creating 'creativity space' between him and his colleagues. He nodded and said, "I asked him what happened as well. He told me he fell down a hill."

"No, no, it says that in here, too," Wilson pointed out. "Just because he left out the part about being drunk, that doesn't mean he's lying."

"Yes it does!" House said. "It does, it so does. He told me he had just landed the TAR…Tar…"

"TARDIS," Wilson said.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," House said. "He failed to mention they had been on the planet for hours." House thought for a moment. "Also! House said they had dropped Jack off at the capital earlier that day. According to Rose, Jack was with them until after they had started drinking."

"That's right," Wilson said. "Hmm…one of them is lying."

"I think both of them are lying," House said. "The Doctor is lying the most, certainly, but both of them are leaving something out. There's something going on there that they're not telling us, and it has to do with how the Doctor got injured. He's way too beaten up to have only rolled down a hill." He paused. "It looks more like he fell down a flight of stairs."

"What?" Foreman asked. "But why would he lie about that?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out," House snapped. At that moment, Chase, Rose, Jack and the Doctor stepped out of the room.

"All done," Chase said. "Now, more waiting."

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A/N: I tried to work on the House snark, I swear! I watched a few episodes, but I don't know how much good it did. Eventually, though, I'll get into the swing of things. Plus, House has a lot on his mind, you know? A lot to mull over. He can't be expected to be rude ALL of the time.

Well, he probably can. But never mind.

Thanks, and please review!