Rose, as promised, had gone to bed immediately. Jack, however, did not feel tired at all. He considered going to bed anyway, but the thought of lying awake for hours (then finally drifting off to sleep at some ungodly hour in the morning) did not impress him. He sighed and found himself turning the coffee pot on.
Jack jumped up to sit on the countertop, right next to the percolator. Okay, he thought. Let's review. We save the world. We get drunk- well, Rose and I do, anyway, Rose probably more than me. I can hold my liquor, he thought proudly.
Anyway, I leave, they come after me. It's dark- it's got to be 1:00 by then? So the Doctor slips, rolls down the hill. Right, that all makes sense. Rose and Doctor limp to bar, find me. They wait for a while, Rose decides that she needs to have the Doctor then and there, and begins…well she probably would have danced, had she gotten the chance. But the Doctor ends up in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. So, I come out of the room, find them, help them back to the TARDIS. Right.
Next day-We don't really discuss anything that day- actually, we don't really speak to each other at all, since we're both experiencing hangovers the size of the Grand Canyon. The Doctor stays in his room, sleeping I guess, even though he never sleeps.
Day after that- Doctor is in even worse condition than day before, even though he insists he's fine. Rose is non-plussed, but honors his wishes and doesn't take him to any kind of hospital. He's probably in some pain all day, but I'm still suffering a hangover and don't really notice. Rose, however, seems fine. Hmmm…maybe she has a faster metabolism than I do? Or something?
Next, next day- Rose is upset with the fact that he's doing even worse than the previous days. She does her best to set coordinates, but the Doctor butts in and, between the two of them, we land in New Jersey, at Princeton Plainsboro. Meet the slightly-evil Dr. House, the amazingly attractive Dr. Chase, the friendly Dr. Cameron, the possibly-more-amazingly-attractive-than-Chase Dr. Wilson, the Brains of the Operation (obviously) Dr. Foreman, and…hmm. Haven't met Dr. Cuddy yet. Who is this reclusive doctor and, more importantly, is he/she attractive at all?
Jack mulled over his thoughts a little more while the coffee pot emitted a grinding noise. Suddenly, he heard a thudthudthud.
His head snapped in the direction of the sound, but he could not identify it. He heard it again not 20 seconds later, but louder- thudthudthud.
He wondered if the coffee maker was malfunctioning. He put an ear to it, but decided that wasn't the problem. Instead, he heard a muffled, but loud and familiar voice coming from the Console room.
"Rose! ROSE TYLER! I know you're in there!" Thudthudthud!
Jack left his coffee and crept, cautiously, into the room. No one had entered the TARDIS unannounced, but he could tell that the voice was coming from outside the door.
Thudthudthudthudthud! The thuds were angrier now.
"Rose Tyler, Jack Harkness! This is your two AM wake up call!" the voice bellowed in. "Come on, what could you all possibly be doing in there? It's too small to-"
But Jack had heaved open the door before House finished.
"Ah, Mr. Harkness, my good man!"
"Captain Harkness," corrected Jack.
House smiled frigidly. "Yes. Now, Captain Harkness, I need to see Rose Tyler. It's a matter of…" House trailed off, no longer looking at Jack's face, but instead at the TARDIS' glowing console.
Jack noticed House's attention had been diverted and smirked. "Welcome, Dr. House," he said, stepping back from the doorway and sweeping his arm outwards, "to the TARDIS."
"Holy shit," House said after a second. He stepped inside. "It's…"
"…bigger on the outside than it is on the inside, mmhm," Jack said, and made his way back into the kitchen. "Don't touch anything- we might end up on…I don't know…" Jack just sort of trailed off and decided not to call any planets by name, at the risk that House's head might explode while trying to take in all of this new information.
Of course, there was no way House could fly the TARDIS at all, especially not by merely touching any part of it, but as Jack watched, he saw that House that he was careful not to let his cane rest anywhere near the base of the console, or even let his coat brush the wall.
"It's…gigantic," House said. "So many lights…""It's got unlimited rooms, or so I hear."
"Really now." It was not a question.
House remained silent, still studding what Jack could only assume to be the…paneling? Jack ducked into the kitchen, confident House wouldn't mess with anything, and returned with a cup of coffee.
"I really need to see Rose," House said, his eyes fixated at the console itself. "It's important."
"I see," said Jack slowly. "Well, she's asleep- can't it wait?"
"No," House said shortly, still not looking at Jack.
Frowning, Jack left the console room, leaving House to his own devices. He returned with Rose in tow, looking sleepy and disorientated.
"Hm, what? House?"
"Rose! Yes. Alright, thank you, Captain."
Jack didn't move.
House flicked his wrist at him. "You can leave now."
Jack took a deep breath and nearly said something, but Rose put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, Jack. Thanks," she said softly. Jack turned around, still mad, and went back into the kitchen.
"House, what do you want?"
"So…alright. Now, how many people do you think you've slept with?"
Rose opened her mouth as if she had prepared to say something, but stopped short. She gaped.
"No, seriously- most of the time, when I ask that, it's cause we need it for medical reasons."
Rose continued gaping.
"No need to speak, I'll keep going," House said. "So, normally I need it to diagnose whatever ailment the patient is down with. I need to know about your sex life, not because I need to know the aliment, or even to know the treatment, but because it's interesting. And I'm all about interesting."
Rose heard some gurgling come up from her throat, but it was as if the words were trapped. She stayed silent.
"Your sex partners…how ever many of them there are…they're all still alive, right? 'Cause from what I've heard, every time you try to have sex with a guy, you almost kill him."
Rose blinked, her entire body frozen. She felt like House had punched her in the stomach.
"What?" she whispered.
"Yeah," House said, nodding, as if this information should have come as a shock. "Like the Doctor. What was that all about, eh? Pushin' him down those stairs. You'd make a incredible dominatrix, do you know that?"
"Domin…" Rose trailed off, her words barely hearable. She decided to play dumb. "What are you talking about?"
House chuckled. "I think you know."
"How did you…who told you?"
"Oh," House said, looking around. "I can be very persuasive…I've got my methods."
"Cameron," Rose said with a nod. "Cameron. Allison. She told you?"
House shrugged. "How I found out is neither here nor there- what's important is that I know, and that you were lying to me."
"I…I never lied," she stuttered, "I just-"
"What? Told an un-truth? That's the same thing, Rose, the same thing."
Like Cameron had earlier, Rose was caught off-guard when House used her first name. It hadn't bothered her before, but it did now. "It shouldn't matter!" she said, her eyes fluttering, looking anywhere but at House."It didn't matter how he got that way, it mattered…it mattered that he got better," she said, her eyes fluttering, looking anywhere but at House.
"I needed to know, and you didn't tell me."
"You…I can't believe…Cameron told you?"
House started walking over to the door. "You should know, Rose, you should know…everybody lies. You…Jack, probably, me, the Doctor. Everybody. And I always find out. Always."
With that, House nodded at her curtly. "Good night, Miss Tyler," he said, and let himself out.
Rose turned around slowly, her eyes brimming with tears, and Jack was there.
"How much of that did you see?" Rose asked, knowing her nose must be turning red with every second.
"I came in at the part about your sex partners," Jack said. He saw Rose flinch slightly and begin crying.
"Rose, come here."
"You know, Jack?" she asked. "I don't even know why I'm crying," she said, walking towards her. "But look- I am."
Jack shushed her softly and hugged her, one hand on her back and one on the back of her head, as though protecting her from House, or anything else.
"Shh, Rose, it's okay," he said, as Rose leaked tears onto his shirt. She wasn't sobbing- no where near it, in fact- but there was something about the way her shoulders sagged so unbearably that made Jack lead her back into her room and put her to bed. He was sure she wouldn't remember any of it in the morning, but that was okay, he thought. House, however, would remember the next day of his life for quite some time- Jack would be sure of that.
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"I'm not surprised that you asked Drs. Cameron, Chase and Foreman to do your hours," Cuddy began, elbows-on- desk and fingers laced, ruby-red nails gleaming. "I am, however, a little shocked you asked them to do the hours despite the fact that currently you have no case." She smiled malevolently. "Care to explain?"
House, who had been called into Cuddy's office just earlier, had not prepared a story. He didn't want the confusing and questions that went along with telling Dr. Cuddy he had been spending all of his time on the Doctor's not-so-mysterious case.
"I just," he began, "you know. Video games. I was on level 24 of Ninja Warriors and I was just getting to the part where they battle the Evil Samurais of Death and I just though, 'Greg, why stop now? You can beat these samurais!' So I did. Hope you don't mind- I sacrificed my hours to the greater good."
Cuddy looked down at her lap. "I guess I wasn't expecting a better excuse. House, you need to do your own hours! The clinic isn't really that bad, is it?"
"Yes it is!" whined House. "And besides, Cameron likes the clinic! She's a people person!"
"Foreman and Chase, however, told me they would rather be doing a differential diagnosis with you than at the clinics." Cuddy looked at him sternly. "That says a lot, doesn't it?"
"Well I'd rather be doing a differential diagnosis with them. Isn't that saying a lot? Besides, Chase sometimes annoys me. And Foreman is always right. Haven't you ever heard of too much togetherness, Dr. Cuddy?"
Cuddy was about to retort, when the doors to her office swung open and in strode a very nice-looking young man with dark hair. "I'm sorry, Dr. Cuddy?"
Cuddy nodded.
"Hello, can I borrow Dr. House for a moment?"
House looked confused. Cuddy saw this and groped for words- House was looking at her as if he were trying to tell her something- his eyes were wide as saucers.
"I'm sorry- have we met?"
"No, sorry. Not yet." He stuck out his hand. "Jack Harkness," he said hurriedly, as Cuddy shook his hand. "Now, I need a quick word with Dr. House, and then I'll be out of your hair."
Cuddy shook her head, puzzled. "Yes, fine." She suspected that Jack would have asked to see House outside, but instead he turned to face him.
"Dr. House?" he asked politely. Without warning, he raised his left fist and, in a split second, it had made contact with House's face, squarely in his jaw. House lurched to the side and staggered before loosing his balance and falling to the ground.
"That's for Rose," Jack said loudly. Cuddy shot up from her desk and started making her way around it to stop him.
He kicked House in the shin while he was down. "That's for the Doctor," he explained. Finally, he stooped down and flicked House in the top of the ear. A small gesture, he knew, but it usually caused a great deal of pain.
"And that," Jack yelled over Cuddy's screams of protest - "Was for the TARDIS!" Cuddy had both hands on his shoulders and was trying to steer Jack out the door.
"She doesn't like you much!" Jack managed to say before Cuddy, with one last shove, pushed him out the open office door.
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Rose's alarm clock went off at 9:00 AM. She groaned when she saw how late in the morning it was, and figured that Jack must have re-set it. She realised she was in her own bed, and didn't remember much about the night before…
Oh. The events of the previous night came flooding back to her.
Rose shook her head, deciding on what to do. She chose to get breakfast inside the hospital instead of making her own, but did not give much thought into getting dressed- a pair of dirty sweatpants thrown over her pyjamatrousers, a T-shirt with a hole in it thrown over her camisole. No hair brushing required.
Rose entered the cafeteria for what seemed like the millionth time during her stay. She grabbed one of the brown-grey trays off of the stack and started to walk over to where the boxes dry cereal were kept. Before she could reach the, Cameron intercepted her, looking cheery.
"Hi, Rose!" she said energetically. "Great news, it's about the Doctor-"
"I don't care."
Cameron's brow furrowed. "But it's good- the Doctor, he's being discharged today."
"Good," Rose said stiffly, not looking at Cameron. She gripped and re-gripped the sides of her tray, as her palms were getting sweaty. "Then hopefully we'll be able to get the hell away from here as fast as possible. By tonight, you think?"
Cameron blinked a few times, trying to understand Rose's bitterness. "Well, I- if you wanted to, yeah…"
"Good," she kept walking, not looking behind her. "Thank you, Dr. Cameron."
Cameron was not going to give up without a fight. "Rose!" she said, walking quickly after her. "What's the problem?"
"Nothing," Rose said.
"Please tell me," Cameron pleaded.
"Oh, I will. But you'll probably just tell everyone, won't you? Till the whole bloody hospital knows why I'm mad!" She kept her voice down, but a nurse passing buy with a plate full of pancakes gave her a sideways glance. Rose snarled back.
"What are you talking about?"
"You know already," Rose said, grumbling.
"Is it about…what you told me?"
"Yes, alright?" Rose said, setting her tray down angrily. "And about how you told House."
Cameron opened her mouth to say something, her eyes closed. "No, Rose, no. Listen."
"No, Allison! No. Please. I've had enough," Rose said, holding her hand up. "I just want to get out of here as soon as possible. Away from you, away from Dr. House…just, away." Rose had been leaning over her tray as she spoke, but she straightened up. "Good day, Dr. Cameron," she said, unsmilingly, and left the cafeteria.
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Cameron didn't take off after Rose immediately- she, instead, chose her next plan of action. She nearly sprinted back to the room where Foreman and Chase were playing cards earlier, but Foreman had left, and Chase was throwing the red tennis ball in the air.
"Chase!" she said, trying to catch her breath. She stood in the threshold. "Where is Dr. House?"
"God," Chase said, still concentrating on throwing the ball in the air, "you and Jack alike."
Cameron took a breath. "What?"
"Yeah, Jack came in here about seven minutes ago, looking for House."
"Well…? Where'd you send him?"
"Cuddy called him into her office right before Jack came around, so I sent him there."
"Is he still there?"
"Damned if I know," Chase said. "But it was strange, because yesterday House asked where the Tar…Tardis-thing was parked."
Cameron shut her eyes, trying to piece together the events. "Last night? You mean, at around…seven-ish? Possibly?"
Chase nodded. "Yeah, maybe. Why?" He turned to look at Cameron, but only saw the hem of her lab coat as she dashed back down the hallway.
"Jack," she panted, seeing him just around the corner from her destination. "Is House in Cuddy's office, or has he left?"
Jack, who was looking a bit shaken, smirked. "Oh yeah," he said, nodding his head. "I imagine he'll be in there for quite some time."
"Oh, okay. Listen, Jack," she said, making eye contact with him. "I didn't tell House. Rose is mad, and she's got good reason, but I didn't tell him. I really didn't."
Jack saw Cameron was telling the truth. "Really?" he asked. "But he…how does House know, then?"
"He eavesdropped- it's a long story, and I promise I'll tell you, but not now." She closed her eyes, trying to think of what to do next. "Jack, just please go tell Rose…tell her I didn't tell House. Tell her I kept my promise." Cameron tilted her chin down, looking at him. "Please?"
Jack gave Cameron a broad smile. "I always knew I liked you," he told her.
A very tiny smile flickered on Cameron's mouth as she watched Jack jog down the hallway, away from the office.
Cameron gasped as soon as she opened the door. Cuddy was standing over Dr. House, who was propped up against the wall, a small cut on his cheek.
"What the hell happened?" Cameron exclaimed, kneeling down next to House. "Who did this?"
"That man!" Cuddy shouted, pointing out the door. "Harkness!"
"Who, Jack?"
"Yes! He came in here and just attacked him. He's insane- call security!"
"Wait, stop, hang on," Cameron said, sitting back on her haunches. "Did he say anything?"
Cuddy seemed confused at Cameron's question. "Yes- he went on about, uh, Rose? And the Doctor, what doctor I'm not sure, and then Tardis- how Tardis doesn't like him much."
Cameron tried to figure out what had happened by the clues Cuddy had given him. She stared at the floor for a moment, biting the inside of her lip. Suddenly, she understood.
"House!" she yelled, looking right at him, no longer afraid of the icy blue eyes. House looked at her in a slightly mournful way.
"Did you go to the TARDIS yesterday?"
House groaned a bit.
Cameron looked at him sideways, getting angrier. "And did you tell Rose that you had eavesdropped?"
House shook his head.
"Oh, no, you didn't!" she cried, nodding her head, trying to get House to nod with her. "Oh, no, you told Rose that I had told you, didn't you?"
House opened his mouth to say something, but no sound came out.
"House! Answer me!"
"Cameron!" Cuddy said. "What is the problem?"
"The problem is that Dr. House is completely sadistic, and, more importantly," she looked from Cuddy to House, "sociopathic!"
Cameron stood up, both sets of eyes on her. Without a second thought, she raised her foot and stamped it, hard- not her hardest, but very hard- on House's hand.
He let out a yelp in pain, and Cuddy stood up.
"Dr. Cameron, what…?"
Cameron had already stood up and walked to the door. "I'm sorry Dr. Cuddy, I have to go now. Sorry, Dr. House." She looked sorrowful for just a second, but presently got over it and let the door slam behind her.
Cuddy looked completely bewildered. She blinked her eyes a few times and looked down at House.
"Now, who's Tardis?"
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A/N: I fear, friends, that the next chapter will be the last. I know that might upset some people, so if you'd like to, just ignore this Author's Note altogether and be surprised.
I'm not making any promises- if the chapter turns out to be a million words long, then I'll break it up into two parts…but if it's a reasonable length, then…well, you know.
Thanks!