Angel suddenly felt more alone than he could remember in a long while. She vanished before he could try and reason with her, beg her to stay, or go over the endless list of thoughts and possibilities he'd had floating around his head last night when he couldn't seem to fall asleep. His bed suddenly felt cold, giving up his bracing stance, he fell right down to the sheets and pillow where she had just been, closing his eyes, trying to reimagine her presence, wishing her to return to him.

There was absolutely no regret in him for what he had done, but there was worry. Worry that he had pushed too much, scared her off, gotten her in trouble somehow with her higher ups who seemed to take big issue in things like this. Worry that she would insist he was a lost cause with all his hang ups about her, and the Powers That Be up and deciding to erase her from his memory now, giving up on his wish making fate, or they'd replace her, or a million other things.

The idea of never seeing her again made his heart lurch in his chest, his stomach wanting to spill all its contents everywhere. It being in the cards for a year from now was hard enough, the idea that today might be an early exit was too damn much to deal with.

Flipping over to his back, he let one hand fall over his face, his eyes glancing over at his long forgotten clock before he groaned. If he jumped up now he figured he could make it across town to work without a hitch but he was sure absolutely nothing would get done.

Deciding he would call in, he closed his eyes trying to decide whether he should feign some sort of sickness or come up with another plan. But even that turned out to be too difficult, distracted by memories of the beautiful blonde whose scent still surrounded him, he picked up his phone and sent a quick text letting everyone who needed to know, know that he'd had an emergency come up and he wouldn't be in today, as soon as the message went through he hit the power button on his phone.

He knew someone was bound to call him, and quite honestly he didn't even know what to say at this point. He just needed a little bit of time to think, to come up with some sort of plan, to figure out a way to mentally channel her back here. That couldn't have been goodbye, he wouldn't accept it, if he had to hunt down some other worldly being himself he would find some way to get her back here.

Slamming his eyes shut, he all but screamed her name inside his head in one last desperate attempt to urge her to materialize. Peeking one eye open, he felt that final bit of hope he was holding onto slipping away…

OoOoO

Of course Doyle had his suspicions as to what had Buffy all hot and bothered, but as with most things, he was bound by rules, ones that he didn't plan on breaking. Unless she just spilled and laid it all out for him he was banned from offering any sorts of wisdom or insights, not that he was much in the way of wisdom, that bit of business was far more up Lorne's alley, but sadly he did have an idea to what she was dealing with.

Cursed with visions, he was a direct liaison to the powers, not only did he pass out the assignments to everyone in the neighborhood, he also got a glimpse, if you will, of how things would go and he knew from the start of all this that the poor girl was in for one bumpy road with this Angel fella.

He'd been trying, between his own assignments that was, to keep an eye on her, to check in on her when he could and up until today he had thought that just maybe for once in his very long life he had been wrong. But when she opened that door all disheveled and lips swollen, his heart sank. She'd barely answered the door before she was making some excuse to usher him away, claiming that she was late for an appointment with her charge, but it was a lie and he knew it.

His heart ached for the poor girl, ever since she came around he'd always had a soft spot for the small blonde. She'd been with them for a while, and unlike himself who was proudly half demon, she was one of the rare humans of the bunch, albeit with a few of her own powers. The rules that applied to him, didn't apply to her, just like the rules that applied to Lorne - a full fledged demon though far from the ones all the humans down on Earth had nightmares about, didn't apply to him.

Each of them had their own roles to play, their own rules to follow, and their own destinies to fulfill. Buffy just happened to be blessed with the choice of which path she would take, though, even, she wasn't aware of that little tidbit just yet.

He didn't agree with it, but it was just the way it was. She had to decide for herself what her future was going to look like, he could offer some advice, if she asked, but he couldn't tell her what to do or what either future may hold. There was a reason no one ever heard from or about the ones who chose not to return, just like there was a reason none of the ones who chose the mortal life remembered them or anything about their formal life.

Whatever she decided, there were going to be some hard days ahead, and not just for B either. They all loved the girl, and whichever path she chose to take there was bound to some broken hearts either way.

OoOoO

She watched yet another kleenex bounce of the waste basket across from her bed. Not even able to remember the last time she cried, she was more than a little surprised to find the box on her nightstand, but she didn't dwell on it, she only wished her biggest issue was figuring out how some box of tissue magically appeared in her home.

When Doyle knocked on the door earlier, her heart sunk, thinking for sure that he somehow must have known what had just happened. After all, she had been around long enough to know that any sort of inappropriate behavior was supposed to be reported immediately. But having been around so long, she'd seen what happened whenever one of her friends came back with some outrageous story about a client. It didn't happen often, most charges weren't too focused on who they were, and they rarely dared to do anything that may disqualify them from their wish, but like most things it did happen on occasion.

Usually if the situation reported was confirmed to be true, and against their standard code of conduct, then the human was immediately dismissed. Their memory wiped, and their wish voided.

She couldn't do that, not to Angel. Not only would it mean never seeing him again, it also meant that he would more than likely spend the rest of his life without finding his true happiness. Though after this morning that in itself posed a whole new set of obstacles. It was one thing to find him attractive, or to find out that she'd somehow mysteriously been haunting his dreams for the edge of forever, it was another thing entirely to know what he tasted like. To know how he felt so intimately against her, closing her eyes, her mind drifted back to memories of this morning, to how it felt wrapped in his arms, how it felt feeling that most private part of him brush against her.

Hearing her watch vibrate against the table, she picked up, already knowing the name she would see. Angel had been calling for nearly since the second after she left, a twinge of guilt hit her as she pressed the small button on the side to ignore it. Closing her eyes one more time, she tried her best to clear her mind so she could take a quick peek in on him.

Though as soon as she did, she almost wished she hadn't. Apparently he hadn't made it into work as he'd planned, which meant that he had missed the meeting he was supposed to attend. Not to mention he looked as bad as she expected she did, and that alone brought a fresh round of tears to her eyes. Pushing her comforter back, she stood and walked over to the small dresser, opting for comfort, she pulled out her favorite pair joggers and an old t-shirt she'd collected from some fancy destination or another.

Changing quickly, she took one more glance in the mirror, and thank the powers she did, mascara, eyeliner, and everything else smudged down her face in tear stained streaks. Grabbing a rag, she ran it over her face and went ahead and took her brush to her hair. Satisfied that she didn't look like a total homeless person, she grabbed her watch and placed it back on her wrist.

OoOoO

Angel nearly jumped out of skin when he turned around and she was there. He noted that she had changed clothes, her hair was now straightened out around her beautiful face rather than up in the ponytail that it'd been in earlier, the redness in her eyes and slightly around her nose... "A-Angel," she greeted, trying to sound professional but her tone wavering.

His mouth opened only to close again several times over, unsure of what to say to her but seemingly every choice rushing around in his brain. He was so thrilled to see her after being terrified he never would again, horrified that she had been up by something he'd done... but mostly just basked in the relief that flooded over him when he noticed her there.

Opening his mouth once more, he took a step toward her, only for her to hurry back two more away from him. Again his words died on his tongue and he just let out a long sigh, his eyes begging her not to pull away from him now.

"Angel," she tried again after clearing her throat, "I, firstly, would like to apologize for what transpired between us here earlier, my actions as your guide to true happiness were disgraceful and should not have happened-"

He blinked hard at her, holding up a hand to stop her from going on any further. "Buffy, you do realize that I was the one who kissed you right? And it's not like I wasn't fully enjoying myself as a willing participant-"

"None of that should have happened," she repeated and he sighed again.

"Why not?" he asked like before. "Why is it so wrong that I just might like you? And... and just maybe that you feel the same about me? How does that affect anyone else?"

"Because... that's not the order of things, Angel. We are quite literally from different worlds and are different beings! I am an immortal being serviced to The Powers That Be and you are a human male who wishes to fall in love with someone who can give him everything he desires in this life. And that is ever so simply not me."

"What if what I wished for and what I want now are two completely different things?"

Buffy let out a deep breath of her own before turning, walking off toward the kitchen. He stared after her, unsure if he should follow or not, but it wasn't long before she was back, lighting a candle like the one he'd made that fateful wish on. "You wished to fall in love and to be loved, Angel... something that we both know you deserve and should chase after. You wished to have someone there for all future birthdays and anniversaries and as a date to parties and all the holidays to come... someone to just be there with you. You wished to have security with someone. To have a family someday with this person. That is your hearts' wish and I promise you it doesn't just change because you have some misguided lust filled feelings directed my way and-"

"That is not what this is, Buffy," he cut her off again.

"Angel, I am your guide on this journey and nothing much more here. Maybe this being a little extra friendly, hanging out outside of the needs relating to your future is to blame for the confusion and it's probably best we keep our focus strictly on bringing your wish to life - at least for now, to get everything back to normal, back on track."

"Buffy-"

"If it were as simple as assigning you over to someone else then that is certainly what I would put in a request for, but it's not. It is usually a drawn out process with a thorough investigation and once they figured out the reason behind everything it would cancel out your wish and that isn't fair to you."

"None of this seems very fair to anyone right now."

"I'm sure it seems that way right now, Angel."

OoOoO

When Angel wound up voicing his questions about how would anyone know if they didn't follow protocol, if they just hid their relationship under the guise of her still trying to find his natural happily ever after with whoever else... Buffy took a seat and closed her eyes. "So. You think some all knowing beings who brought us together in the first place just wouldn't somehow figure it out? These wishes are part of balancing the order of the universe and don't see how a hiccup like this might create some issues? Sure, not all wishes are fulfilled as they are intended but I'm sure it would come to light sooner or later."

"So? And then what? What if these Powers people did know?"

Buffy pressed her lips together for a moment. "I don't honestly know for sure what would happen on my end. Maybe I would lose my ability to do this job, be sent elsewhere, poof from everything? Maybe I'd end up on a chopping block? I don't know. It's not exactly a situation that gets talked about often. As for you... I mean, think about it, Angel. If you decided to end your contract or if they did, all memories of me would be gone, just like that. If this idea in your head even happened.. then what? On the year anniversary of your wish the same will happen and you will be in the same position as you started out in. There's no happily ever after here. In the end, every time, it'll end like none of this even happened."

He had kept telling himself the same thing and for awhile there he was sure it helped him keep his feelings somewhat at bay but he wasn't so sure he cared as much as the future implications as she did. "We would have it for now... for however long we could keep things under wraps or whatever."

"That's not good enough, Angel," she said and started trying to tell him about how glorious it is when someone has their wish granted, the contract fulfilled, but he just couldn't let go. Something about the two of them were outside of the normal, something or somewhere or whatever the case may be had set something in motion beyond the two of them that had to account for something.

Even if she wanted to keep brushing it off and bringing her point back to the forefront of their conversation.

OoOoO

"Angel, do you wish to terminate your contract?"

Angel wanted to scream 'Yes!' at her if he had to follow through with the rules in place about who it had to be and who it apparently couldn't be tied to, but he knew what that meant so he shook his head. If nothing else, he hoped the extra time would help him convince her his feelings were as real as anything, and maybe somehow find a loophole to all this madness." Not that he had any clue as to how one would get that kind of information and he was sure she wasn't about to go around looking into it.

She started to ramble off bits about her new course of action and promises for change once they got back into the swing of things come tomorrow, and it took everything in him not to roll his eyes like he was some sixteen year old girl. It was just the more he thought about this whole dating thing, the more sick to his stomach he became.

He had never been one to fall easily, hell, he could count on less than a hand how many serious relationships he'd had, and even then, his partners had always considered things far more serious than he ever had. Sure he'd been attracted to different women before, bedded more than his fair even, but he'd never been drawn to anyone the way he was to her, and despite what she may be trying to convince herself of, he knew she'd felt something this morning too.

It was almost as if they were made for each other, like they were cut from some piece of cloth, or bone, or whatever you wanted to call it, but the way her body fit against his this morning was unlike anything he had ever experienced. Even now hours later the memory still sent a shudder through him.

"And then the aliens came and they confiscated all the twinkies." His eyes went wide as he desperately tried to figure out just what in the hell she was talking about.

She slammed her pen down, "You're not even paying attention."

Walking over to where she was perched on the couch, he tried to ignore the way her body tensed as he plopped down beside her. Gone was the warm bubbly girl he'd grown so accustomed to, and in her place was some no nonsense professional who reminded him far too much of Lindsey's long term hook up Cordelia. His head fell to the side, "I'm sorry."

She nodded, and picked up her pen to continue, but he reached out and gently took the notebook from her hands. "Angel-," she started, but he shook his head. "No, Buffy, please, just let me get this out."

She nodded though he could tell she was hesitant, "Go ahead," she urged.

"I'm sorry about this morning, not because of what happened," he clarified, "But because of how it made you feel, and because of the strain it's obviously put on things between us. I'm not going to lie, and as I'm sure you have figured out, I'm not really one to sugar coat things, I have feelings for you. Deep feelings that I'm not sure I've ever experienced before," she went to interrupt him, but he grabbed her hand, "Please, just let me finish. I would never do anything to hurt you Buffy, I would never do anything to intentionally make you uncomfortable, and if you really feel like I crossed a line this morning then I am sorry," he stressed. "But going forward you have to know that as far as all this happy ending business is concerned, well if you're not it then I just don't think it exists, because as far as I'm concerned there's not a girl out there who could even come close to comparing to you."

Despite her best efforts, she couldn't help but squeeze his hand, why did everything he say have to be so damn perfect.

"I don't want to terminate my contract because I know that means saying goodbye to you," he continued, "And that's just not something I'm ready to do. So if having you in my life means meaningless dates with every Britney, Lacey, or Barbara, then so be it. I'll go on the dates, I'll answer the questions," he shook his head, and for a split second she nearly reached out for him, "But can we please just go back to being us? This morning when you left… I've never been more terrified in my life, when you ignored me calling you my mind immediately went to the worst case scenarios. I didn't know if I would even remember who you were, much less ever see you again."

Her eyes glazed over and she fought with everything inside of her not to let the fresh tears spill. She was pretty sure she had never cried so much in all of her existence, those emotional outburst she was so used to seeing from all of her clients sure were starting to make a lot more sense. "Please don't cry," she heard him plea, and she quickly used her free hand to wipe at her eyes. "Come here," he urged, and despite everything inside her saying otherwise she let him pull her against his side.

"I'm sorry for ignoring you," she mumbled, her face practically buried in the crook of his arm. "And I'm sorry for just disappearing the way I did, it's just where I come from any kind of contact like that is strictly forbidden." Turning her head a bit she leaned more against him so her voice wasn't so muffled, "No one knows what happens to them ya know."

His eyes glanced down to meet hers, "Who?"

"The ones like me who get caught doing the type of things we did this morning."

Angel couldn't help but smirk a little at her innocence, it had been a long time since a kiss had caused so much controversy in his life, but he stayed quiet hoping she would continue, not to mention after the day's high emotions it was nice to have her so close again. "You mean it's happened before?" he pushed.

She nodded, her hand absent-mindededly coming up to toy with the buttons of his shirt, "I don't know the details, none of us do. Most of the time we're pretty much left in the dark when something like that happens, but we hear stories. Most of which are used by our higher ups to keep us all in check, to remind the newbies why the rules are so important."

From everything she had explained the powers or whoever were supposed to be the good guys, the ones who went against the forces of evil and yet he couldn't help but feel that anyone who was making people quite literally fall off the face of the Earth was playing for the wrong side.

"Yep, they get caught, there's usually a trial of sorts during which they aren't allowed contact with any of us, then a decision is made and either they are proven innocence and return to work banned from ever speaking of the process, or they just disappear, and a team comes in to clear out their belongings and get their house ready for the next recruit to move in."

Angel let out a deep breath, none of what she was saying was making sense, whoever the hell these power people were better hope he never got a hold of them. "But how did they find, the powers I mean, how did they know something inappropriate was going on? You said yourself that these people, beings," he corrected at her look, "You said they go through some sort of trial right?"

She nodded.

"So maybe the powers aren't all knowing like they want you to believe, maybe they don't know anything unless they're tipped off somehow or something, and then they go off and drag it out of the person who's like you, a guide. Maybe they really have no idea what's going on."

Catching on now to where he was going with all of this, she cleared her throat and sat back up straight, smoothing out her lap. "I don't know what they know, Angel, or when or how they get their information. Not about me or you or anyone else. I really don't. But I do know that The Powers know countless things about me, about things I have done in the past, and it wouldn't surprise me if they knew plenty about my future as well. They tend to loosen strings on those who have been around long enough, when they are out on a job... as long as there's not some major issue... And, I mean, they knew plenty about you, too. They knew you made that wish," she sighed. "But no matter the case, please accept that we both know it is against the rules that were clearly laid out and at the end of the day you and me as anything more than what we are intended is not in the cards."

OoOoO

Since he had already called himself out from work for the day and now that he was at least a little less paranoid than he started the day off as, he wasn't sure what to do with himself. Buffy absolutely refused to budge when he tried to convince her to spend the day with him, even when he offered to agree to do nothing but talk shop if it meant she would stay, or to let her go ahead assist him setting up a date, or two, or a hundred even... she still refused to give in.

Buffy just kept repeating that today had already been long and they should take some time apart to recover and "get back to their senses." Start new tomorrow she had promised. Hell, she had already told him she would meet him at their agreed upon location for tomorrow rather than wanting to do her usual swing by in the morning around the time he woke.

Getting her back to even being herself around him almost seemed impossible let alone back to the budding friendship they had gone.

And everything he knew they both desired beyond even that.

He wasn't about to give up on her though, he just needed to figure out a plan. Briefly, Angel wondered over how one such as himself might be able to obtain or research more information about these mystical Powers. His thoughts drifted to either the library or the internet but he still hadn't dove into such, tempting as it had been even before this morning with her. He doubt it was even as simple as that, searching for higher powers, wish makers and guides to true happiness, and all of that but he really felt at a loss for what else to do on that side of it all.

Even being blind to how Buffy's world, job, whatever worked... he still knew somehow he could get through to her somehow. He didn't want to get her in any sort of trouble, and he knew that all signs pointed to her winding up erased from his life and memory no matter what they did so if that was truly to be the case he didn't see why they couldn't enjoy the time they did have. Better to have loved and lost and all that jazz...

Needing to at least get out of the apartment and get some fresh air, he grabbed just his keys and wallet and headed out.

OoOoO

Returning home, Buffy found herself laid out on her bed this time, her eyes absent mindedly looking around her room. Kicking her shoes off to the floor, she secured the comforter back of her body and slumped against the headboard. She wondered if she should have just stayed, taken him up on his offer to keep focus on discussing his future properly or about the dates, but she just couldn't.

She needed to put some distance between herself and him until she could get her head back on straight. Her heart whispered, however, that she could probably spend eternity trying to rid herself of these strange feelings she had for her charge and it not even make a dent. She was totally in over her head with this assignment, with him, and had no idea what to really do about it. It didn't help that she had no one to go to for advice, too afraid to bring anyone else into this mess. Hell, Lorne hadn't even been back since he went to look into the business about the drawing and it was taking enough out of her worrying about even that.

She could only hope he had found a lead and was going to return soon with some sort of answer that would make all of this make sense.

With a sigh, she glanced over to the notebook and pen beside her on the nightstand and reached over for it but didn't find herself getting anywhere. Thinking about Angel right now was just too much. Thinking about how to get him to put all the feelings he was convinced he had for her into someone else was also just too much right now.

Buffy had never given too much thought to how her life was, it just... well, was. This is all she knew now. She was part of the grander scheme of the universe and that had always been enough for her. She hadn't enjoyed every case she had been given but she had always enjoyed her job, her purpose.

And truthfully, she had never given much thought to the what ifs. What if she was one of the rare ones who dared to do the unthinkable, to break the rules. Not since she was just starting out had she given as much thought to what exactly happened to those who had, where did they go, what happened to the other being they had been working with?

It was too unknown for her liking. It scared her to think of losing this life, of not knowing what would be the alternative, thinking she would just be some speck of dust wiped away like it was nothing. It scared her to no end to look around her place and imagine everything gone, no trace of her remaining, her friends here left in more or less the dark about what even might have happened to her...

It really didn't seem fair that the universe she spent so much time trying to help had put her in this kind of position.

ButImBroken:

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