Hello everyone!
I've published two chapters in a few days, so make sure you've read chapter 30, too.
I'm going to publish the final chapter of this fiction on Sunday, December 12th.
OOO
When she ship landed in Buthrotum, Eudorus was already waiting for him on the docks.
"Everything went fine, no troubles at all" he said before Helenus could ask anything. "What about you?".
"As you said, he didn't need much persuasion" he replied.
"Wow, you hit the target twice" commented Eudorus at the end of Helenus' tale. "If this marriage takes place, you'll have Mantes' gratitude forever. And I don't see why it shouldn't take place: his daughter is very becoming".
Back at the royal palace, he greeted Andromache, met his council and settled a few disputes, then retired to his room.
He wanted to be alone.
Yes, it had gone very well – beyond the best expectations, actually. If everything went well, he would finally have Mantes on his side, too. And he had gotten along well with Odysseus, just like Eudorus had foreseen. But he felt absolutely exhausted.
So many days in the public eye, forced to make conversation, to know what he was supposed to say. And then back in Buthrotum, informing his council, once again at the centre of attention.
Suddenly, he felt deprived of every bit of energy.
And he was supposed to keep going for years, because Molossus was still a child. He would need at least another seven, eight years before he was ready.
Helenus shivered while his heart started beating faster and faster. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply until he felt calm again.
He knew this feeling.
He was doing fine, he had completed this mission successfully, and everything had gone smoothly during his absence. He was supposed to be satisfied. But he knew himself: the most dangerous time was the one right after a challenge, when he had just given everything he had, and he had nothing left but sadness.
And now the old fight was starting again. It would be hard - again - but he could do it. He needed to believe that he could do it.
In the following days, he tried to do the things that used to help. He went swimming every day, he tended to his plants, he made the usual sleeping potion, he forced himself to follow the usual routine. And he tried to pretend that he was feeling alright.
He wished that he could open up as easily as other people did. He had been able to do it only with Aesacus, although with great effort and embarrassment. In these moments, he missed Hermes' priest more than he could express with words. Now, he had to wear a mask with everybody. To whom could he say that he was feeling sad? To Eudorus? To Mantes? The very idea was ridiculous.
One evening, after swimming, he was trying to rest when someone knocked on the door.
It was Andromache.
"You should come to greet me once in a day. At least for the appearance" she said mildly. Her tone wasn't reproachful.
She looked intently at him and he didn't want to meet her gaze. He feared that his eyes might reveal how he was feeling.
"I apologize. I was tired" he lied.
"You aren't tired. You are sad" she answered.
He grabbed his head with his hands and sighed deeply. He didn't want to talk to her, but he didn't have the strength to lie and pretend.
He never opened up to her, they spent little time together - yet she knew how he was feeling.
Maybe because it was the same for her.
Of course, he was aware that Andromache had suffered a lot and he felt sorry for her. But it had never occurred to him that she might feel like he did.
"During your absence, Molossus asked for how long you would be away and why he couldn't go with you" she said.
"He is too young to come with me on such missions" he answered faintly.
"That wasn't my point" she replied in a quiet voice.
What was that? Was she trying to make him feel loved?
"Many years ago, when I couldn't manage to have children, I... it was so hard. I felt as if I were dead" she went on after a while. "It still comes, sometimes. I open my eyes in the morning and all I want is to go back to sleep until it's gone".
He had no idea. She always looked so collected, so dignified, even at the most difficult times, like nothing could really break her. So that was a mask, just like his one... and he hadn't noticed.
"I know how it feels like" he said shakily.
They were silent for a long time, Andromache still stroking his shoulder. Then, without another word, she left.
Helenus noticed a change in their relationship after that conversation. Until then, he had seen Andromache as his sister-in-law, an unfortunate woman to whom he wanted to spare further suffering. He had never given much thought about her as a person.
But now he knew about her. And she knew about him, more than if he had opened up to her. He started noticing it when she was having a hard time. He didn't understand how he could have missed it before, he of all people.
They started spending more time together. Helenus couldn't say why, but it made him feel better.
-O-O-O-
It was a rainy afternoon at the beginning of the autumn and Helenus sat in his room with Andromache.
"I think I will bring your son with me on my next visit to Ithaca" he said.
"I agree. He's fourteen, in a few years he will be ready to take the throne. And I believe he'll be happy to be involved" she replied.
Yes, it was time to do it. And then, after the visit to Ithaca, he would introduce the prince to the council, too.
Helenus couldn't complain about Molossus' behavior. Yes, they spent little time together and rarely exchanged more than a few words - something Andromache always complained about.
But Molossus' instructors were happy with him, he didn't seem to have the bad habits that were so common at his age, he was polite and respectful. He looked mature enough.
He had a maid fetch the prince, who arrived almost immediately.
"My dear son" Andromache greeted him. "In a few days, you will leave for Ithaca with your father".
Molossus stared silently at her for a while.
"My father is dead" he said coldly at the end.
That wasn't the reaction Helenus had anticipated.
Of course, the prince wasn't a child anymore. He was becoming a man and he preferred to turn to the memory of his own father. It hurt more than Helenus would have expected - but it was understandable, after all.
"You want to choose your words more carefully!" said Andromache harshly. But before the boy could respond, Helenus cut in.
"Wait, Andromache. He's right, he shouldn't forget his own father. If you prefer, Molossus" he went on, turning to the boy "you may call me by my name from now on. It is the same".
That should solve the problem. Maybe the prince felt that he was betraying Neoptolemus' memory by calling somebody else "Father". Yes, it wasn't appropriate for his stepson to talk to him like this, he should tell him that.
But Molossus looked at him with pure hatred.
"Right" he growled, turning very red. "For you it is the same. Because you don't care in the slightest. To you, I am as important as the next villager!".
Helenus was completely taken aback and stared back at the prince, speechless.
What was this?
The boy was clearly furious, but why? What had he said? And what was he supposed to do now? He couldn't accept such a disrespectful attitude, but he still wanted to understand...
"How dare you? Apologize right now!" yelled Andromache, standing.
"I will not apologize" replied Molossus, raising his voice as well.
Helenus was reminded of that day, more than thirty years before, when he had yelled at Hector, and Deiphobus had forced him to apologize. And then of that day when he had yelled at Aesacus. And, thank the gods, Aesacus had not thrown him out of Hermes' temple...
"Are you going to say something, Helenus?" asked Andromache, turning to him.
"Leave us alone, please" he told her. For a moment, she looked like she wanted to argue, but eventually she scoffed and left.
What should he say now?
Alright, something was wrong with the prince. So he shouldn't take the bait. He should keep his countenance and try to find out what the problem was.
"Of course I care. I married your mother because I care. I am doing my best to protect the two of you because I care" he said uncertainly.
"Great!" replied the prince with a bitter laugh. "You have been a wonderful guardian, thank you very much! But I wanted a father, not a guardian! You avoid me as if I had leprosy! I must take your affection for granted, because you have never, ever showed me any! What have I done to you? Is that because my father and grandfather destroyed your city? Well, I am sorry that I descend from them!"
Helenus gaped at him, too shocked to speak. But the boy wasn't done yet.
"I've done everything I could to be worthy of your attention! I win the city games, I do my best during training, I behave... and for what? You don't even talk to me! You've been my stepfather for more than ten years and this is the first time that I get to talk to you alone - and that's just because I yelled at you!"
Molossus wanted his attention?
"I am sorry that I am so undeserving of your attention! I don't even know why I care for someone as obnoxious and arrogant as you are! But believe me, I will stop caring!".
Helenus was utterly, completely shocked. So Molossus had been building resentment for years, and he hadn't noticed.
The prince turned around and stomped to the door. Helenus jumped up: he didn't have to let him go now.
"Stop, please" he said conceitedly.
He wasn't sure whether he could grab his arm - but Molossus stopped and turned to face him.
And what was he supposed to say now?
"I wasn't aware that you... wanted more closeness. It never crossed my mind" he said earnestly.
"You weren't aware? Are you making fun of me now?" asked Molossus, shaking his head.
"I have always been a little oblivious when people are concerned" admitted Helenus.
"A little oblivious? That's a way to put it! You are downright blind!"
Helenus sighed. This really made him feel uneasy.
"I... I wasn't close to my own father, and I didn't want to be. We... uh... he rarely spoke to me, and when he did... he usually reprimanded me. I... the less I was around him, the better"
How had it happened? The boy had never rebelled, never disobeyed, Helenus had never suspected…
"Besides, I… am not used to dealing with boys. It wasn't my intention to be uncaring, I don't think that you are unworthy of my time. And it has certainly nothing to do with your father and grandfather"
"Has it ever occurred to you that people might feel overlooked if you never talk to them?" Molossus asked sarcastically.
"When I was your age, I was happy when people just let me be. I d-didn't realize… that it was important for you"
Molossus shook his head with a scoff.
Helenus wanted to run away more than anything else. He was stuttering, and he probably looked as red as a cherry. Thankfully, the room was just dimly lit.
But he couldn't run away. Molossus was supposed to join him for councils and official visits from now on… they couldn't be on such terms.
"Please sit down" he said faintly.
For a moment, he feared that the boy would refuse, but he complied, crossing his arms.
What should he do now?
Yes, Aesacus had warned him, had told him that he needed to show affection. But the boy was doing fine… it was sufficient to treat him fairly, it wasn't necessary to become more involved, right? He had risked his own life to protect him, wasn't it obvious that he cared?
Of course he cared for the prince – at a distance.
The truth was that he didn't want to become more involved.
If he allowed himself to get closer to Molossus, then he would risk being rejected. He might be respected as a king, for his knowledge – but people didn't usually like him as a person. There had been exceptions to that… but what if he grew close to Molossus and the prince ended up disliking him?
Helenus sighed deeply.
He had conquered many of his fears during his life. It was probably time to start conquering this one as well. Besides, Molossus was already furious at him – he couldn't possibly screw it up even more.
"I am sorry" he said earnestly. "I really didn't mean to neglect you. But… if you wish… I can try to fix it".
He almost expected Molossus to yell at him again, but the prince didn't.
"Don't feel compelled to do it. I'm not a child anymore…" he muttered.
"No, I mean it. We could spend more time together and talk some more, if you want" insisted Helenus.
Molossus silently stared at him for a moment.
"Alright" he said eventually.
"Good. Then you will come to Ithaca with me. We are leaving tomorrow" he concluded.
Molossus had just left when Andromache showed up again.
"You cannot let a boy who is thirty years younger than you yell at you like that!" she began.
"It won't happen anymore" Helenus replied tersely. He didn't want to repeat to her what the prince had told him.
"Why? What have you done to my son?" she asked worriedly.
"Rest assured, I have done nothing. Besides, one moment you accuse me of being lenient, the moment after you ask what I have done to your son… please decide what you want me to do" he retorted, irritated.
Andromache exhaled slowly.
"You know, Helenus? You can really annoy people when you want to!"
"I wish I could annoy people only when I wanted to" he answered with a sigh.