A/N: Etto--- (Is whacked in the face by self) Me sorry I updated so late, when I said I would on August 5th.
Thanks biggiez to all readers and reviewers! The replies are at the end, below the chapter!
Also, repeat after me. THANKS KIGEN. Good. She's my beta, who writes bedtime stories for me. Isn't she awesome? X3!
Disclaimer: Characters are from Shaman King. They do not belong to me.
Warning: Yaoi (boyxboy), implied sexual content, AU, angst of some sort, dry humor
Spoilers: Not much, just the parts about Lyserg's past and Hao's personality overall.
Summary: Hao, come here, let me slap you, and then I will tell you why you made Lyserg cry, yet again. (Warning: Yaoi, HaoxLyserg)
Because I listen to music when I write: Kikyou no Kokoro, Inu Yasha 3rd OST - Sotsugyou Sayonara Ha Asita No Tame

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'The Moon, the Wolf, and a Pond'

By Crimson Nightmare

"Are you ready to cut off your head and place your foot on it? If so, come; Love awaits you! Love is not grown in a garden, nor sold in the marketplace; whether you are a king or a servant, the price is your head, and nothing less. Yes, the cost of the elixir of love is your head! Do you hesitate? 0 miser, It is cheap at that price!"
-Abu Hamid Al-Ghazzali

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Chapter 2: Hao is confused, and no one else is.

Hao POV

I find Lyserg gone from my side when I wake up.

I have had many lovers. Beautiful ones, exciting ones, charismatic ones, cute ones, female, male, enemies, and allies. I always fall in love. I fall in love with beauty, with power, and with intelligence. I love life, therefore I love enjoying the beautiful things in life.

I never stay in love, however. My love has always been a tornado. It passes as quickly as it comes. I fall in love with a scenario. A romantic scene. I fall in love with the main character in this romantic scene. And yet as soon as the romantic scene passes, I lose my purpose of staying with its main character.

I know about mankind. I have stayed in this world long enough to understand it. Beautiful women become insecure once they realize that they can age. Challenging partners are afraid to show their tender moments, for fear of being seen as how soft they truly are on the inside. Charismatic lovers become defensive once they realize too late that I have changed what they were. Loyal partners regret giving themselves to me once they find that I have no intention of staying with them.

I play with these people. I admire their beauty, abilities, power; I kiss them and whisper dark, amorous words in their ears. I touch their skin and laugh with them. I make them happy; I make them sad. Then when I feel it is time to move on, I am gone.

I'm not particularly sadistic, or heartless. I just had an agenda to follow. I thought that if I were to make the world that is perfect, I couldn't dwell on small moments of pleasure like these. I thought that I was made for a bigger plan, so I couldn't settle down. I thought, with all of my mind, my heart, my soul, that my fate was to change the world.

Yet, when I thought there was finally no one stronger than me, I was beaten.

When I thought there could be no more changes to my plans, I was mistaken.

Fate was not what I predicted it to be.

Now, I come back to look at myself as I've never had to in the past thousand years.

Who am I?

Why am I here?

When will I find my true path?

Where is my destination?

How do I get there?

What am I supposed to be doing?

All of the sudden, I am lost. I find myself in an old inn where Yoh, Anna, Ryu, Faust VIII and Lyserg live with me. I do chores. clean the bathtub, clean the backyard, stairways, and the small spot under the sakura tree.

All of the sudden, I don't know what I want. I read. I play children's games. Basketball is one of my favourites. I sing. I steal some of Yoh's CDs, then give them back when Anna slaps me and sends me flying across the whole inn. I burn some leaves in my room, and I get punished with no dinner because the fire alarm went off.

I wonder what I am here for. I wonder why I'm lucky enough to be alive.

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Last night, once again I fell in love with romance. I fell in love with the scene of Lyserg by the small pond. He looked beautiful, all lost and angry under the moonlight. His bright green eyes made me think of woods fairies and fireflies. And suddenly I wanted his eyes.

I wonder how long this romance will last.

I watched him moan beneath me. I listened to him scream under my touch. I watched his face carefully for all the emotions that I haven't seen him display for a long time now.

He made the cutest little noises when I pushed against him. In bed, his kittenish looks become more vulnerable than ever. I loved it.

The little child really didn't know what to do with himself after the Shaman fight. He became like a blind kitten; seeking warmth anywhere he could find. He does not see where he is going. Not anymore.

I can see it in his mind. All along, he has been trying to find parents. Even during the Shaman fight, he involuntarily leant towards people who seem to be safer, more comforting, less unpredictable, and more like his father.

I have seen his parents. Of course I have seen them. Killing them was merely another step toward gathering allies and destroying opposing forces. I don't really remember Lyserg's parents' faces, but I can see their faces in his mind. Their faces are constantly turning into charcoal in Lyserg's mind. Every time I manage to see into his mind, I see fire and tears. People dying of the fire; vision blurred by the tears.

It's sad, but I don't feel entirely ashamed to be responsible for such deeds. Truth can be sad. Yet truth is still truth. A dream, a path, a maker, and a destroyer. Sadness is just one of the expressions of life.

I had a reason. A sad, wrong reason. With this sad, wrong reason, I made things come true. Terrible, powerful, great, and sad things.

Emotional things.

Humane things.

In the end, we are all still just humans. Once we jump into the whirl pool that is hatred, we never know how to find our way back out.

Lyserg became like that; for the hate of me.

I became like that; for the hate of mankind.

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I wonder why I like Lyserg at all. He is beautiful, but not the most beautiful of all the lovers I have had in the past. Nor is he as powerful, as intelligent, or exciting as some whom I have had. He just...seems to be here at the right time, right place. It almost seems like I fell in love with his eyes because at that moment, I was starting to think that I would become afraid of the dark. And at that moment; his eyes, they glowed.

And now, the sun rises. I watch the sky and yawn happily. The world is beautiful when I don't look down and see humans destroying the face of the earth.

Then I hear Yoh's voice. I see Lyserg in Yoh's arms.

"What's wrong, Lyserg? Did something happen?" Yoh has a kind face. Though we look the same structurally, there's just something about my brother that makes people relax and lean on his shoulder.

"Here, Lyserg, sit here. Tell me what's wrong?" Yoh pulls Lyserg against his chest, and whispers in his ear.

For some reasons, I feel like there's something wrong with this picture. Lyserg is crying. He makes no sounds, but I can see Yoh's shirt becoming wet where Lyserg buries his face.

"Thanks...Yoh." Lyserg seems to have stopped crying. He simply gazes into a blank space in front of him, as he hides in the warmth of Yoh's embrace. "I feel better now."

Yoh smiles gently, "I'm glad. Crying is good for you sometimes. But talking about it is probably even better, Lyserg." Lyserg looks up at him. His eyes almost glowed with gratefulness.

I'm not very happy. I don't think I've ever felt this way when I see my lovers with someone else before. Lyserg looks to Yoh's comfort almost as a child would to its father. I know that. So why am I perturbed? I wonder if it's because it's my brother I'm looking at right now.

Lyserg gives my brother a weak smile, and shakes his head. "Don't worry about this, Yoh. I just wanted to let my feeling out. Now that I have cried, I'm much better." He stands up, and smiles brightly at Yoh. "Breakfast should be ready by now, ne?"

I watch them leave, and I resist the urge to read Lyserg's mind. I wonder why was he crying? I did not mistreat him. I am pleasant to all my lovers. I don't think I scared him. I was gentle, though passionate as well, last night. Knowing that emotional child, he's probably hating himself for bedding the murderer of his parents.

Hmm. How typical. I wonder if he'll ever get over that in this lifetime.

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I feed the fish in the pond, thinking that they were probably scared to death when Lyserg jumped into the pond. I chuckle at the memory. Lyserg has funny mind processes sometimes.

A koi fish floats up to me and eyes me wearily; as if I would jump into the pond like the last human who did. I gently smile at it, and put the tip of my finger on the surface of the pond. Fish are cowardly creatures. They are practically harmless. The only thing they can do is run away. Hide. A shadow, a movement, a ripple, they all hide from them.

I coax the koi fish to nibble at my finger once, before it realizes that my finger is not food. It quickly hides back deep down the pond.

"Hao."

"...Lyserg." I turn. This must be the second time this boy has startled me. I smile at him, "I think that's the first time I've heard you say my name so calmly."

His thin brows crease for a moment, but surprises me again with a brighter smile. "I think," he says, "I think, that I'm getting over it."

I was silent for a moment.

Heh. As I thought. "Hm...You're quite full of surprises aren't you, Lyserg?"

When I think that he is at his weakest moment, ready to fail, he comes back and tells me that he's over it. When he seems to be exploited by me the most in his life, he comes back smiling, choosing me to be the first person to whom he declares his decision.

What to do with you, Lyserg? I usually like pleasant surprises; but at the lowest, most lost moments of my life, for the first time, I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to take surprises.

I might actually get attached...

He chuckles softly, and sits down beside me. "...We both seem to be quite attached to this pond, huh?"

I glance at him a bit warily, "Ah. Who knew our resident cherub would take advantage of a poor drunk and play a prank on him?"

"Hehehe...Well, it was a lot of fun seeing you realise five seconds too late that you were under water. "

"Pfft... As if that alone can stop Hao-sama." I raise a seemingly stern eyebrow, but can't stop the small devious grin on my lips.

We sat for a while in, surprisingly, friendly silence. It was comfortable, I discovered, to sit in friendly silences. It feels different from the past. My shoulders feel lighter, I don't feel the growing frustration that built within me when I saw how many foolish enemies were preparing their best weapons to assasinate me. I don't think about the humans that are destroying the world with their version of intelligence. I don't think, I don't feel. I just relax in a harmless person's presence. I look up at the stars, and for the first time in a long, long while, they were not as blazingly bright as they've always been. Dim twilight seems...wonderfully gentle.

"Lyserg?" I look at his reflection. His eyes are amazing. In the dark, smooth pond, I can even see the reflection of his eyes' warm green glow.

"...what?" he whispers, or perhaps it was just a breeze.

I lost my words.

My thoughts left my lips, yet the air becomes so thick, painful, and shocking that the sounds were beaten back into the ground. I realize suddenly and perhaps all along, that I wasn't just in love with him. I realize that...

My lips connected with his soft, cool ones. He has surprisingly low body temperature compared to mine. He seems to cool me down when I am frantic. I lose myself in the moment, and reach over. I grab his frail shoulders as I kissed his mouth. His whole person is soft. His palms softly push against my chest and his breath tickles my lower lip as we part for breath.

I realize that I...

This time, I flee.

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To be continued...

End Quote: "We need others. We need others to love and we need to be loved by them. There is no doubt that without it, we too, like the infant left alone, would cease to grow, cease to develop, choose madness and even death." Leo F. Buscaglia

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A/N: This is just my own interpretation of Hao. This end quote will be reflected back to in the last chapter's quotes. Also, this fic doesn't have much of a spoiler needed, but it would be nice if you have read Mappa Douji, the tale of how Hao came to be in his very first life.)
The formatting of this site has sucked even more. Its 'insert line' feature doesn't work for some reason. Goodness, the one thing I actually wanted from the current formatting...

Because you were nice enough to review :)

SweetsorrowthroughEternity: Thank you! I'm glad someone likes my weirdo mumbly style :D Here's the update, late, but updated :P
German-Shaman-Kaint - Yay a fan! XD" I'm flattered thank you. Don't worry about English, I have difficulties with grammar loads of times :P
Leuv - I love HaoxLyserg lotz and lotz too :3 And thanks for chasing after me to make me update. I am a bad author, in the updating sense :P
Novalight - Hehe, I'm glad :D It's great know people actually see the points I'm trying to make!
Whisper Angel - Thank you! Yes! I'm glad you feel what I've tried to convey! Hope this chapter was as potent for ya :3

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