No I don't own these characters. Would love to take Jeffrey Dean Morgan home with me. Thank you to the kind people who took the time to review. It warms a writer's heart. Just to let you know I do have the next few chapters scribed. I will post as fast as I can. Though I must say reviews will spur me along. Cheers.
January 24, 2005280 South, CaliforniaJohn Winchesters Truck
As John's mind wandered out of his stroll down memory lane of birthdays past his phone rang. He sighed, the sigh of an old man who spent one to many years on the road to nowhere. The timorous father didn't need to look at the caller id to know who was calling. Bracing himself John flipped open his phone. He attempted to keep his voice neutral.
"Yes, Sam." He wondered when his youngest son would contact him. For Dean, John knew Sam would swallow his hard earned pride, hidden fears, and call his estranged Dad. "Hello sir." Sam's voice sounded tentative and more than a little nervous. The father knew his baby boy was scared John was too. Even with his harsh and biting parting words, John knew Sam loved his family. Not just his brother his father as well. John had no doubt in his mind Sam worried about them both constantly.
Calling their situation strained would have been nice. Things between the two were less than stellar. They hadn't spoken a word to each other since their big fight in July of 2001 and John wouldn't really call that talking. More like drawing battle lines. Both stubborn embittered men had told the other they never wanted to see or talk to each other again. John even went so far as to inform Sam he was no longer a member of the Winchester Family.
The rogue demon hunter and father wanted to keep his son safe. He couldn't do that if Sammy was out here in the big city. Well a bigger city than the Winchesters were used to. It scared John to his bones his very essence if he were the kind of man to admit his weaknesses, even to himself, which he was not. Regardless of what Sam thought it wasn't because he was a militant father and didn't love him or cared what he thought or wanted.
John just wanted to protect his boys and he didn't know any other way. It was the same psychological barrier Sam employed. If John hurt Sam than maybe his kid wouldn't miss him. If the little shit didn't miss him than there was no reason to worry. The father knew he was being a ridiculous ass.
"Where are you?" His straggly haired son questioned with an overly cautious and playing it safe voice. John's reply earned a wary chuckle from Sam. Still wary was better than no chuckle at all. "Between a red Mini, whatever the hell they are called and a Ford truck that is towering over my baby. Really who needs wheels that big? I think my girl is feeling a little boxed in." "In other words you are caught in mid morning traffic sir?" Sam asked with a bit of guarded humor in his voice.
'Hells bells,' the weary father thought a chuckle and a small bit of humor from Sam. Continuing on before the calm atmosphere between them could change. "I think we are still about 30 clicks out Sammy." The Redwood City bound man said. "Thank you sir." Sam replied all his feelings heavy in his voice.
John sighed, 'sir.' There were times when he actually loathed that phrase. Not wanting upset his twenty one year old he ignored it. Sam twenty one, where had the time gone? "You're welcome son." Unbeknownst to the other both men were smiling when they hung up their phones.
45 minutes later, one slightly beat up Chevy pickup and one sweet looking Chevy Impala pulled of the Redwood City exit. The Stanford University student lived about ten minutes from the campus in an apartment whose outside had scene better day's probably better decades.
The displaced son still had no idea that John had made regular trip's out here to Northern California to check on him. The father would watch his boy from far enough away Sam's honed senses would not detect an owl eye in the midst. Sam might not have wanted the life he was brought up in. But he was still a trained hunter and could detect when things were not as they should be.
Now Dean that was a different story he was the best family a man could ask for. Even though he hurt like the fires of hell were on his feet, he still helped his brother find this dilapidated old place and move in. Wouldn't take no for answer. Not that at that point Sam would have argued with his elder brother. Some how where John failed Dean could succeed with Sam, when his greathearted older son wanted too.
Sam ditching his family for the West Coast had grieved them both. The lacerations after the battle had been deep. When the war was over each Winchester processed the events in their own unique manner. John brooded and Dean well he brooded for a while then he wisecrackered as his mother would say.
July 11, 2001Hardesty, Oklahoma
The night of the epic fight between Sam and John, Dean didn't smart mouth he stood between Sam and John. Switzerland as John liked to call it. His old soul progeny was the Winchester family Switzerland. John had watched Dean's body language and keen eyes. 'Don't you lay a hand on him.' Oh the infuriated father in him had been tempted at that point, but refrained. Sam always knew the right buttons to push.
Not just his Dad's buttons, his brothers buttons as well. With a feral stance Sam turned on the one person who would truly do anything for him. "What the fuck Dean? I don't need you to fight my battles. I have never needed you. Who needs a brother like you?" John watched his oldest son's face contort in anguish. Sam scored a direct hit.
The disquieted father didn't know what Dean was going to do. His boys rarely argued adolescence and minor disagreements aside. Dean looked at his father, his emotions raging on his face. The broken brother grabbed his jacket off the iron coat hook and with shoulders full of tension walked out. Sam watched his tormented sibling go with a smug satisfied look.
Without another thought John smacked that look off, hard. This was the first time he hit Sam across the face. John's fist was closed and tight, the minute his knuckles connected with his sons check the skin split. Oh he had been at the point where he wanted to hit Sam, more than once. When ever that happened Dean was usually there to run interference or he walked away. This time there was no Dean and Sam had it coming. More than had it coming. "Samuel. Despite what you think I have never been disappointed in you. Until now."
The force with which John punched Sam was enough to knock him on his ass. John looked down at his six foot four son disgust evident on his face. "Get the fuck up kid." He spat. Sam looked at his father, his eyes starting to register true fear. John watched the thought cross his boy's face. Dean isn't here to stop him, Sam might have strength in him but his was no match for John. Especially not when he this enraged.
"That's right Samuel the brother you don't need isn't here to protect you." Sam was a little sluggish as he "got the fuck up." When he did John could see the blood running out of Sam's mouth. His check was already starting to swell, small amounts of red sticky fluid trickling out of the cut. "Since you are in such a hurry to leave, go pack your fucking things." His youngest continued to stare at him eyes slightly unfocused.
"You got what you wanted kid. Now go pack your shit and get the hell out." John made sure to increase the volume in his voice. He wanted to torture his son. With slightly lethargic feet Sam dragged himself into the bedroom and put his meager belongings into his backpack and satchel. The satchel had been a gift from his unneeded brother Dean on Sam's 16th birthday.
John knew he should let Dean drive it off. He just couldn't. He had to call. Parents would always worry about their children. "Yes sir." Dean had answered on the first ring his voice dead. "Son, I just…" Now that John had his oldest on the phone he didn't know what to say. Dean filled the void. "Sir, I should not have interfered. I know it was wrong. It's just…"
Oh hell Dean's voice went from dead to beyond resignation. Not that he would admit it but Dean's biggest fear, yes he did have one, was that of abandonment. His brother had just walked out of his life he was going to do what was needed to keep his father.
"You did what you thought was best at the time, I won't fault you for that." Taking a deep breath John continued. "Are you okay Dean?" His firstborn's flippant reply caused John to take another deep breath "I'm cool sir. Sammy wants to cut his losses who am I to stand in his way?" The father was wise to Dean's escape and evade ploy. Two could play at that game.
"Just don't forget we have to leave for Farmington in the morning." John reminded his twenty two year old of their imminent trip to the Four Corners Region of New Mexico. "Yes sir" with the yes drawn out a little, was Dean's somewhat caustic reply. Even though John was over the phone he could still see Dean saluting.
With the phone conversation with the road loving son complete John waited for the foul tempered one to exit the bedroom of the apartment they were currently using. His friend Caleb had a contact down here that was letting the ragtag Kansas natives use his apartment while he was out of town.
The father didn't have to wait long for his mean spirited pain in the ass to vacate the sanctuary of the dull yellow room he and his sibling had shared. When Sam walked out he had his Jansen backpack over one shoulder and his brown leather satchel over the other. The shit looked him in the eye a laughable attempt at bravado in them. John was not impressed by the kid's audacity.
John grabbed his son by his shirt, a hand me down from Dean, the brother he had told he never needed. The father made sure he and his behemoth son were nose to nose. "This is the end of the road Samuel. We are done, finished. You wanted out of this family. You got your wish. I don't ever want to see your shadow in my path again or hear your voice in my ear. Not if you are sick, injured or the reaper is knocking on your door, ever. You are no longer a welcomed part of the Winchester linage."
The former Marine watched Sam's face fall. Then he just nodded and spit out "that's fucking fine with me. I don't ever want to darken your path again or hear you voice in my ear, sir." The sir part was said with such pathetic vehemence John laughed, a mean cruel maniacal laugh. With that the worn out father turned around and faced the window. John couldn't watch his baby leave.
When he heard the door open, he gave his son one final admonishment, all without turning to face him. "Samuel. You fix things with your brother. Or you really will be alone in the world and trust me that ain't a place you want to be. Dean is the best damn kin anyone could hope to ask for, without him you would have been long dead." Then not waiting to hear the door close John walked into his bedroom and cried, sobbed actually. 'Where did it all go wrong?'
July 12, 2001Hardesty, Oklahoma
It was just before dawn when John heard the front door open and close. He could tell his usually devil mare care son was trying to be quiet just in case his father wasn't up. John listened as his son hit the can and then headed for the kitchen. Then he heard the kitchen faucet, the pipes in this place were old and rattled like death was at their junctions.
Eventually the buzz from the coffee machine sounded, Dean was drinking coffee. That could never be considered a good thing he must have driven all night. Watching the reflectors on the road from behind the wheel of his '67 Impala was one of Dean's favorite things to do. At least it calmed his raging storm the concerned father mused.
When John walked into the kitchen the sight that greeted him fractured his already fissured heart even further. Dean his even keeled rock's face was red and puffy. Kid didn't even try to hide it. They were all in pain. John would wager the miniscule amount of coin in ripped jeans pocket that Sam was somewhere close having cried his eyes out. Once the anger resides the realization of all that has occurred sets in and the tears come.
The son that stayed with his father was looking out of the window watching the sun come up. Dean's calloused hand resting on the cracked kitchen sink. When he finally turned to his father John's bravado took a hit. Normally Dean kept it in buried and tucked away. John had told the boys, if you show a weakness it can be exploited. A maneuver he had been guilty of employing. It was only to make the boys tougher and keep them alive. Guess maybe he did his job a little to good with Sam.
Dean's eyes were sad and distant. John knew how his boy felt. He watched Dean pull out a mug and pour him a cup. John took a long swig welcoming the searing sensation that followed. His observant offspring took in the matching red and puffy face his dad was wearing. "Well sir, I charted out the best way to get to Farmington." John seized the topic, a job he could talk about. The loss their family just suffered, he wasn't up to that yet.
July 13, 2001Farmington, New Mexico
The hunt in Farmington had been the hardest job John had completed since the Captain Pierce barn clearing. Dean was efficient but nothing else. What John would have given just to hear one smart aleck comment. Alas there was none to be had. Dean was just shy of robotic. He went in took care of business, almost ruthlessly.
One of John's former United States Marine Corp's recon buddies Alexander Hummingbird had called and asked for help. John had always like and respected Alex he was a competent Marine. He was also very familiar with the world John lived in, he understood there were things in this world that shouldn't be there. When the Haashch'eeh Dine'e or Holy Man, had called John and begged him for help, it was an easy yes. Since the former Gunny had last scene the retired Master Sergeant the man had studied to become a shaman, embracing his ancestry.
The Winchester hunters were tracking a chindi or malevolent spirit of the Dine Bahane or Navajo people. The enervated friend of John's had tried unsuccessfully to perform the Blessing Way so that the not so dearly but very departed member of his clan could go to ciditah, the Navajo afterworld. Mathew Runningbrook had other ideas. He had no desire to access the xajinal, the hole of emergence that lead to the ciditah. Figures John thought. Why would a ghost go easy when he could wreak havoc?
It had taken three long exhausting days, but the trio had successfully sent Mr. Runningbrook, running to the afterworld. After the task at hand was complete Alex gave John and Dean a proper tour of the reservation. Not just the power vortexes, a real tour including a detailed oral history of the Dine Bahane. When his wooer of all things female didn't even so much as flirt with the pretty girls who threw themselves at his feet John knew all was not well.
July 17, 2001Farmington, New Mexico
With the job concluded and a good nights rest under their leather belts John decided they needed to recharge their batteries. He suggested the two head to Blue Earth, Minnesota to see Pastor Jim Murphy. Maybe Jim could get through to Dean. Make his intellectual and emotion minds come to terms with Sam's leaving.
As they were packing their things Dean's phone rang. John watched as his somewhat despondent son looked at the caller id. Then sighed in silent consolation as the boy hit the ignore button. Sam it had to be. The heavyhearted father then studied his loyal warrior Dean's face it was a mask of barley contained rage. Ah, we are at the anger stage. Grief had many stages John knew them all well. The kid's phone rang every hour from 11:00pm for the next twenty four hours. His voicemail filled up a few hours into the ticking clock.
July 18, 2001Casper, Wyoming
The bone weary men drove out of New Mexico, straight through Colorado and through half of Wyoming before stopping for a real break. The road rebels had stopped in Casper, Wyoming for some diner and a few winks of shuteye.
It was over sloppy joe's John mentioned Dean might want to clear his voice mails. In the event one of their contacts was trying to reach them. He remembered watching Dean's face. His son cocked an eyebrow the first flippant Dean sign in days. Then he watched as his boy cleared all the voicemails from his brother not bothering to listen to a single one.
When Dean's phone ceased ringing every hour on the hour both John and Dean let out sighs of relief. Maybe they would be able to catch some good zzz's. One thing Sam was good at was being relentless. A dog with a bone wasn't as one tracked as the moppet haired Winchester. Sammy gave them a small reprieve, there were no attempts made between the hours of 11pm and 4 am.
July 19, 2001Casper, Wyoming
The wayward travelers were watching the sun come up, mugs in hand when John reached over and cupped the back of his son's neck. "Kid I know you are pissed and even if you won't admit it out loud, hurt. It is hard to tell which is winning at this point. But you know as well as I do son, you can't cut him out of your life. Sammy made a mistake he was desperate like a caged animal. He saw the jugular and went for it."
Without turning to face his father the detached and drained son said, "For all his rebelling against it. I guess he did pay attention to all you taught him." It was the mirthless laugh that disturbed John the most. Everyone has a turning point, when something inside your heart changes. This was Dean's.
July 20, 2001Blue Earth, Minnesota
When the Winchesters finally arrived in the North Star State, Pastor Jim had met them with open arms and a quiet understanding about the Sam situation. The good Shepard of the Lord also asked them for a favor. With the amount of times Jim had pulled their asses out of the fire, neither man could turn him down.
Dean continued to ignore his little brother's ma bell attempts at connection for another couple of days. Sammy never let up he kept calling, calling and calling. John had to admit Sam did listen to him. He was trying to fix things with his brother, trying being the operative word.
July 22, 2001Ardmore, South Dakota
The hunters had been studying a map for South Dakota, the Buffalo Gap region to be specific when Dean finally relented and answered his kid brother's umpteenth call. What transpired next actually served to scare John as he couldn't help but hear the conversation between his children, malaise evident in their voices.
"Sammy, Dad and I are a little busy at the moment. Don't really have time to chat maybe later kid." John could hear Sam's steadying breath. "Dean I need to talk to you." Neither Winchester staring at the American Automobile Association visual aide missed the emphasis on the word need. "Sammy, you need to talk to me?" Dean's emphasis on need didn't go unnoticed either. "Talk to me about what?" John could hear the tears in his youngest voice. "I am sorry about what I said."
Before Sam could continue good ole smart ass Dean did. "Dude after nineteen years together you can't expect me to remember everything you have said. Now Sammy if you are just calling to chew the grass. Dad and I are really busy. Pastor Jim has called in a favor and we don't want to keep the almighty servant of God and the angels waiting." "Good night Dean." "Later dude."
John watched as his psychologically battered son put the phone down and go back to studying the Midwest topography. It was as if nothing had happened. Guess Sammy wasn't the only son to pick up pointers on attacking the jugulars. The junior of his two Winchester boys called his big brother for another round the next night. When he did the timing couldn't have been worse.
July 23, 2001Ardmore, South Dakota
John and Dean were at the bottom of South Dakota in the Buffalo Gap National Grassland an area that bordered Nebraska. It was almost a straight shot down to Chadron, Nebraska. Like Dean needed another fucking beating. The remaining Winchester hunters had been so focused on their prey they both almost jumped out of their respective skins when the missing piece in the Winchester trifecta called.
Expelling a pent up breath Dean snapped his phone open. "Sammy is it life or death?" The nineteen year old was smart enough to hear the edge in his brothers voice and know it was from we are in the middle of a hunt. Not fuck off shit head I am not ready to talk with you yet. "Bye Dean." The still angry brother snapped his phone shut and went back to the job at hand.
July 24, 2001Ardmore, South Dakota
Dean made his dumb shit little brother wait another day for good measure then called him. Truth was even though he didn't want to he missed Sam. They had spent nearly every day of their lives together. Not all of them were good days but they were theirs nonetheless. John knew when Dean headed outside the house they were staying in after the culinary delight of beans and toast he was going to call his brother. It was odd staying in such a nice place. A real house, compliments of the friend of Pastor Jim's they had assisted.
Dean sat in the front porch swing, sighed heavily and opened his phone. "Dean?" The older brother could hear the fear in his teenage sibling's voice. Good he thought Sam could use a little fear. "It is I, the one and only Geek Boy. You called." Sam took a deep breath Dean could just imagine him tucking his forever flyaway hair behind his ears.
"Dean I know I have absolutely no right to ask. Please just let me get out what I need to say before you hang up. Please." It was the second please when his Sam's voice broke that did it. "Well since you asked so nicely dude, lay it on me."
Sam opened and closed his mouth trying to form his thoughts into words and sentences. "I am sorry for what I said. I won't lie to you Dean. I knew what I was saying and that it would hurt you. I didn't mean it though. Please you have to know that." Dean closed his eyes, rubbed his hand over the tired hazel windows to his soul a soul that was tormented and in pain.
"Dean?" His younger brothers calling his name broke through the swirling thoughts in his head. "What? Dude, you told me to keep a cork in it till you were done. I was trying to oblige your request." The exhausted Winchester currently gazing at a White Spruce tree followed up the statement with a sigh for effect. "Dean, please, I am so fucking sorry. You are my brother, my best friend. I need you to…" The older brother heard his younger one's speech catch.
Dean wasn't in the mood to give the kid another break, one per grovel infused conversation. "You need me? Thought you didn't need me, never needed me. And for that matter, thought you didn't need a brother like me. So what gives with the Dean you are my brother and best friend crap?" Dean took a deep breath and continued. Forcefully silencing whatever Sam was going to say to his brothers pelting questions.
Using Sam's phrases on purpose Dean hissed "What the fuck Sam? I am no longer needed to fight your battles. You never needed me. So tell me who needs a brother like you?" Dean knew he drew blood and in some twisted way relished it.
He could hear Sam's chocked sobs on the other end of the phone sobs that would have once made Dean concerned. That would have dropped him instantly into big brother mode. Now they just made him sick. Dean smiled with sad satisfaction as his brother hung up the phone.
Dean let it go. It was the hardest thing he had done in regards to Sam to date. A part of him wanted to call the little shit back and provide some sort of comfort. That was in the job description of being a big brother. Intellectually he knew Sam didn't mean what he said. Sam just wanted out. He couldn't stand the life they lived. If Sam only knew how Dean had argued with his father many a time on letting the kid go to college. If Dean couldn't get out, at least Sam could.
When Sam called back and Dean knew he would. Dean would provide him some of the big brother understanding he was looking for. But Sam needed to know he had hurt Dean. This wasn't one of their minor squabbles about the little things in life. Or even one their rare big arguments. This was Sam fucked up need to take responsibility for his actions. Something Dean usually let him slide on, not this time kid. Not this time.
It wasn't very long the man sitting on the rather comfy porch swing had to wait. Sam called a little before midnight. Dean was still resting his plum tuckered body outside. He thought he might even sleep out there. It was a nice cool Midwest Summer night. Dean counted three rings before he answered.
"Sam." Dean carefully kept the edge out of his voice. Sam noticed. Of course he noticed. For all Sam's faults picking up Dean's que's wasn't one of them. "Dean. I am going to hang up. Please let it go to voicemail and then listen to it, don't delete it. If you still don't want to talk to me I understand. I will wait until you do. I fucked up and fucked up big time. Good Night."
Sam clicked off. Dean stared at the phone. What the hell, he had done better than to raise a chicken. Sammy was braver than this, letting it go to voicemail? Pathetic, but Dean had skewered him pretty hard. Thinking about it, he couldn't recall a single time he had light into his brother like that. Dean waited listening to the rings. He made no move to answer. Rather impatiently he waited for his phone to beep and inform him he had voicemail. And then he waited and waited.
What the hell was his kid brother saying? When his phone finally beeped Dean was a little startled. Shaking his head he called to retrieve his message. Listening he couldn't help but smile at his brother's efforts. Waiting in the mailbox was a collection of classic rock song lyrics specifically chosen for maximum effect.
Dean had always told Sam, if you can't come up with the words dude chances are pretty good someone else has. Say it through music. Course Dean had been talking about wooing girls still had to give the shit credit. He had listened to him.
Allman Brothers Band, Brothers of the Road, We're all brothers of the road. Just like you we bear a heavy load. Been through hell and back again, if we don't lose we're bound to win. Some of us fell along the way.
Black Sabbath, Ancient Warrior, There's no end – there's no beginning – to the old man's story. Does he still remember me – From lives gone by. Oh I see his spirit rising upon the back of time, I've got nowhere to hide. Will he keep a place for me?
Doors, Riders on the Storm, Riders on the Storm, riders on the storm, Into this house we're born, into this world we're thrown…The world on you depends our life will never end….
Led Zeppelin, Nobody's Fault but Mine, Nobody's fault but mine, Nobody's fault but mine, Trying to save my soul tonight, It's nobody's fault but mine…Brother showed me the gong tonight, Brother showed me the ding, dong, ding dong….Oh, it's nobody's fault but mine.
Bob Seger, Shame on the Moon, Until you have been beside a man, you don't know what he wants, you don't know if he cries at night, you don't know if he don't. When nothing comes easy old nightmares are real until you've been beside a man you don't know how he feels.
Whitesnake, Blindman, I was dreaming about the past, why do good times never last…I was hungry feeling low, I just couldn't make out which way to go…The road is long without a friend…Be my friend, be my brother…Across the water the sun is shining, but will it ever be the same…Be my friend, be my brother, across the seven seas of wonder be the guardian of my soul…I need somebody, I need someone, I need somebody to call my own…
Dean you always told me, if you can't come up with the words dude chances are pretty good someone else has. Say it through music. I hope I have. Now that I know you are groaning at my excessive 'chick flickness' and I know this is voicemail so I can get away with it. I love you Dean, I will always need a brother like you.
After he shut his phone, Dean continued to stare at it. 'Wow, Sammy. Wow.' Dean set his phone down on the yellow and blue striped pillow he was sitting on. He ran a somewhat shaking hand through his hair. When he brought the hand down over his face he felt the wetness. Clearing his throat he picked up his phone.
"Sammy." He could actually hear how quiet his younger brother was trying to be. "Dean?" "Okay kid. You made your point. I am a good brother and you know it. You have made your apology, I have accepted. It's done, cool?" Sam's shaky voice replied, "It's done. We're cool." There was an almost audible sniffle. Dean could sense his brother's relief.
"Sam?" Now that the chick shit was out of the way, they had other important things to discuss. "Yeah Dean." "Is your cheek okay?" Dean could hear his little brother shifting. "My cheek, how did you know?" Dean moved his body so that he could lay back and kick his feet up on the flimsy stool in front of him. Fuck he was tired.
"Sammy just because you kicked the crap out of my feelings, didn't mean I had lost my head. Dad wanted to kill you. I waited outside the door just in case. A smack is one thing had he gone farther, despite your not needing me attack. I would have intervened. You are no physical match for our Dad when he is mad."
Sam knew sure as the sun would rise in the morning it was the truth. Dean would have stepped between them. He was damn lucky John let him go with a punch to the face. Sam coughed. "You are the bestest brother in the world." Both boys laughed. That statement was something Sam uttered to Dean all the time when they were little.
"That I am geek boy and don't you forget it." Dean was trying for some levity while still pulling the information he wanted to know from Sam. "Now is your baby face in one piece?" Sam didn't disappoint he chuckled at his siblings declaration then answered. "The swelling in my check and side of my baby face has gone down. Bruising is still blue and purple. It hurts to move it, other than that, I'm cool." Dean sighed, he should have toughed it out, ignored his brothers disparaging words.
John Winchester could punch like a heavy weight boxer on a good day. When he was angry well… Dean had a little experience with his Dad's anger and violence. He rubbed a hand over his neck and rested it there. Yeah he had a little experience with his Dad's anger and violence and the scars to prove it.
He slipped completely into big brother mode. "Did you ice it? Inside and out?" Dean could almost hear Sam thinking about the answer. He raised an eyebrow at the phone then, "Sam?" "No, I didn't." He didn't. "Well why the fuck not?" Then it hit Dean why. He wanted the pain he felt he deserved it. Oh Sammy. "Never mind kid, ice it now." "Yes sir." The brothers laughed at Sam's attempt to break the tension.
Dean wasn't subdued for long. "Dude, are you okay? Where are you? Do you have enough money?" Sam smiled at the phone. He could hear a little of the old Dean there maybe just maybe they would both heal. "I will okay. I will. I am still in Oklahoma. I do have enough money. It was just after what happened I didn't want to leave until…"
Dean laughed to himself, for all Sam's bluster, he would always be Sam. "Sleep dude, I need it, you need it. Especially with the relentless way you have been calling. I will see you in less than 36 hours." Dean hung up the phone. No more, he couldn't not when he need to prepare for battle with his father.
John had known what his oldest son was going to say before he said it. Dean's shoulders were square and his Winchester Chin set that particular stance was reserved for protecting his brother. He was going after Sam. John knew no matter what he said or did Dean would go. It was up to him to say the right thing to make sure Dean came back. John couldn't lose them both.
"Sir." Oh hell John thought, whenever Dean starts out with sir. Dean watched his Dad's calm façade slip a little. Good he needed him a little unsettled. "Sir, I talked with our errant geek boy and I want to go to him. I'll take him out to California; make sure he is settled and safe. The kids never been on his own and lets face it for all his brains sometimes he is a little slow. This way we will know all was done to make sure he was safe.
John sighed there was the big fear resting on their respective shoulders, Sam being unprotected. John had always taught them safety in numbers. "Okay Dean. I'm heading back to Jim in the morning." Dean rocked on his feet, opened his arms in a 'what' gesture. "Sir?" His son questioned his easy acquiesce.
John sighed and spoke with exaggerated emphasis. "I am heading to Jim in the morning." Dean dug his hands in his pockets. "You are not mad?" John cocked his head. He supposed he should be. John was just grateful the boys patched thing up and he would have some reassurance the little shit was properly protected. "Not at you Imp. Although if you keep pushing it..." Dean nodded in understanding. "Gonna hit the rack." "Night, Son." The ragged man said calmly. "Night, Dad."
July 25, 2001Ardmore, South Dakota
The next morning the remaining Winchester men set out on the respective journeys. Dean set off to Oklahoma in search of Sam at break neck speed. John pulled onto the road that would to take him to Blue Earth, Minnesota and his friend Jim at a more sedate pace. The troubled men who cared so much and couldn't always show it were seeking their own forms of absolution.
July 25, 2001Mc Cook, Nebraska
Dean peregrinated from the Buffalo Gap through Nebraska, sadistically forcing himself to go through Chadron. When he made it to Mc Cook he called Sam. "Sammy my boy, I have made it through the Cornhusker State." It never ceased to amaze Sam how much his brother loved it behind the wheel. Dean was never so at home as when he was on the road. "Dude, how fast were you going?" Dean laughed, "Why afraid I was going to hit a cow?" Sam laughed back.
"No, how long do you think it will take you to drive through Kansas?" Neither missed the drop in Sam's voice when he said Kansas. "Bout one million sunflowers, possibly two thousand cottonwoods and maybe if I am lucky and you know I will be, some of the stars they kept touting as Kansas's very own. Kid I tell you if we can make it through our difficulties than I want the stars that were the promised payoff."
Sam sighed his brothers sense of humor was an acquired taste as was his inane use of state facts. "Call me somewhere around the five hundredth thousand sunflower." Dean smiled at the request Sam wanted to know his brother was okay. "Alright geek boy will do." The Impala driver assured the nervous teenager.
July 26, 2001Hardesty, Oklahoma
Several thousand sunflowers and cottonwood tree's later Dean arrived at his intended destination of Hardesty, Oklahoma. Hardesty was a small town located at the center of Oklahoma's arm just between Kansas and Texas. Crap hole town barley earned a dark dot on the map. Sam was waiting for him at the corner in front of place they stayed just like he said he would at the end of their last conversation. Dean parked then got out and stretched. As soon as he closed the door he was engulfed by tornado Sam.
Normally Dean would have shoved him off but Sammy was crying to hard. He just couldn't. He held his little, okay younger, brother, rubbing his lower back till the hiccups came and then gently disengaged. Dean put his hand softly on Sam's chin turning his face so Dean could get a good look at the damage. Hopefully it wouldn't scar. He sighed. "Get in Sammy." The flannel clad young man watched his brother still in his hand me down shirt he had on when the big clash of the Winchesters occurred slowly walk around the front of the very dusty Impala. Dean hoped the kid had washed it.
Once inside the younger brother still a little misty eyed asked Dean, "Where are we going?" "To Cali dude, where do you think? No, first we are going to find a roach motel and sleep. Can't have me driving us into a ditch. Then off to the land of books and hopefully babes."
Sam was overwhelmed his brother was going to drive him to California. After telling him he never needed him. He was the bestest brother in the world. Not wanting to temp fate further he just said, "Thank you Dean." The older brother gave his sibling a side ways glance. Sammy not arguing he was still in shock.
Dean knew Sam loved him that his words were a defense mechanism for both of them. If Sammy hurt Dean, then Dean wouldn't miss him. If Dean didn't missed him than he had no reason to keep in contact with his family, for all the kids brains there were times when he was such a dumb ass. It would all work out in the end.
July 29, 2001Stanford, California
A few fun filled day later the Winchester Boys arrived at Stanford University home of the Cardinals. Sam checked himself in at the admissions office it was a long and arduous process. Once the forms, in triplicate were filled out the university housing representative provided a list of rental companies who rented to students. Sam and Dean checked the companies and the addresses they provided out.
They decided on the upstairs one because of the protection it afforded. You had to go through a gate and around a corner. Salt lines would also be inconspicuous, as the place wasn't really the Lawrence Courthouse kind of nice. Sam confided in Dean quietly it reminded him of the places they stayed when they were on the road. Dean sighed internally Sam might have wanted out of the life the lead. But it was the life he had grown up in and when starting out on your own it helps to have the familiar with you.
August 5, 2001Redwood City, California
Dean stayed a full week. He helped Sam furnish the place a little. The duo went to several garage sales and were able to secure a mattress and box spring. A green chair, puke green, it wasn't the most attractive of colors but comfortable as hell. Sam always read his books while sitting in a chair, legs draped over the side. They also found a small kitchen table, two matching chairs, and some lamps for mood lighting. Dean also insisted on leaving Sam with a week's worth of food. While Sam had been showering Dean used a magnet that had nicely been left by the former tenant of the fridge and tacked up a few recipes that would make the food he had last.
The night before Dean headed back to Blue Earth he went down to his beloved Impala. Which after its never end trek across Middle America and then to the west coast had been washed and waxed. Courtesy of Sam he informed his older brother it was the very least he could do after all Dean had done for him. When Dean came back up to the apartment he had a box, a big one.
"Sammy my boy promise me you will not open this till I'm gone." Sam contemplated his brother Dean was serious, seeing that Sam replied. "For what it is worth, you have my word." That night Dean did a really cool older brother thing he bought pizza and beer for dinner. Yeah Sammy was underage, but hell, this was their last night together. He had to make sure he left with his coolness in tack. Before they hit the sack at o dark hundred Dean had made sure to give Sam all the pointers he would need about how to and what to do when scoring with a girl.
August 6, 2001Redwood City, California
Sam agonizingly waited the whole next day to open the box. The more he stared at it the bigger it got. Dean wasn't one for ostentatious gift giving. If he knew Sam needed something particular and he could afford it he made sure Sam got it. Dean stopped making a big deal out of presents when Sam turned 15.
At 5:00pm the younger of the two Winchester boys figured he waited long enough. When he finally opened the box, which at this point was the size of their home state Kansas he saw an envelope with his brother's scrawl on the front. And oddly what looked to be a quilt. With now shaking hands he opened the letter.
Dear Sammy, sorry dude, you will always be Sammy to me. No matter how much you want to be Sam. Besides its an older brothers right to raze their kid brother. Do well in school. I don't want to hear about you getting low marks. You have never had anything less than a 4.0 so don't start slacking now that I am not there to bop you over the head. Cause dude you know if I need to I will drive back out to sunny California and kick you in the ass.
As much as you might fight me on this you know you will miss us. So I put a few things in a box for you, to remind you, you still have family out there. A family that would fight to the fucking death for you and don't you ever forget that. Ever.
When I was knee high to a grasshopper mom used to make quilts out of dad's old flannel shirts. She told me the shirts still had Dad's warmth in them and if you wrapped the quilt around you tight you could feel safety his arms offered. So I wouldn't feel left out, she had me help with the stitching, so here is a collection of shirts Dad and I have worn… Also just incase you forget what I look like a few pic's of me and for when your anger subsides, pictures of all of us. Part of my postcard collection, you can't runaway from the past Sammy. Only separate yourself from it. And last but not least my opener. You earned it geek boy. Make me proud. Dean
Sam folded the note and put it in his wallet. One of the few things he could ever remember his father giving him. Dean would always be the sage raven. Hurt as he still was and Sam knew it in his heart things weren't back to the way they were Dean still made sure Sam knew he was loved.