Tomoe restleslly paced and stared around at her tiny, isolated room like a caged animal. Prayer beads and scriptures were strewn about chaotically, making her feel trapped.
On the day that she had first entered the convent, she had been so eager and full of hope, but over the years, her burning curiosity to discover who she really was had begun to spoil any possible goals of reaching Nirvana.
The thing that disturbed her the most of all were her dreams. She shivered to think of them. In them, a dark eyed stranger with hair like pale fire reached out to her, but she didn't know whether it was safe to go with him or not.
Each time she stepped towards him, she would wake up.
She told the abbess about her dreams one day, but the woman just shook her head and said that it was probably a fire demon that had clung to her during that strange time when she was discovered and promised to find someone to exorcise it from her, but Tomoe felt from somewhere deep inside of herself that it was no demon. In fact, she was beginning to think that she had known this person before. Though it seemed like the wishful thinking of a lonely woman, she was sure that he was out there somewhere. Perhaps he could tell her who she really was and how she had ended up with such terrible scars.
She was terribly ashamed to look at them. Her burns had healed slightly over the years, but the horrible slashing from her shoulder down had stayed much the same. Had she been so hated that someone had attempted to murder her and burn all evidence? Had others died that day? It was questions like that which kept her from reaching the higher spiritual state that she had so passionately desired.
After all, everyone told her that her miraculous survival was probably a divinely granted second chance for a calm and normal life rather than the chaotic one that she had most likely known before. It was almost sinful for her to dwell on what once was or what might have been. Despite all that, she guiltily thought that she'd face many more scars to find out what her dreams meant.
That's all for now. I was struggling with whether I should refer to her as Tomoe or Ayame(Iris), like I had said was her new name in the last chapter but i just kept it Tomoe so as not to confuse new readers.