"The love that once was born can not die For it has become part of us, of our life,
Woven into the very texture of our being.
Each of us would wish to leave some part of ourselves,
So here and now we bear witness to the one we knew in life,
Who now in death bequeaths a subtle part, precious and beloved,
Which will be with us in truth and beauty,
In dignity and courage and love To the end of our days."
- Algernon Black
'...Farewell Zidane...' - that's what he said to me, right as we were leaving.
I can't help but wonder - what would have happened if I hadn't gone back for Kuja?
"Ah, dammit..."
It's hard to say... I still would have... have changed, when he died, but then I might not have known that something was different. Not for a long time, anyway.
"...Why don't you go on ahead? I'll catch up with you all later. I have to take care of something..."
But, I did decide to go back for him. I couldn't leave him there... Even if he DID try to destroy all life, he was still my brother, you know? Besides, he wasn't all bad - he proved that when he teleported us out of the zero world after we defeated Necron. Of course, that was kinda the ONLY good thing he ever did for us... Heh. I guess I just have a forgiving nature, eh?
"...He's still alive."
I knew he didn't have a lot of time left... and that he was going to die no matter what I did, and soon. But I didn't want for him to have to die alone. No one deserves that... not really.
"Steiner... take care of Dagger."
It hurt - it hurt A LOT saying goodbye to you guys. I knew there was a good chance I would never see any of you again, much less actually make it back to Kuja. God, it felt like I was being torn up inside as we spoke our final words... Steiner, Freya, Vivi, Eiko, Amarant, Quinta... and you, Dagger.
"...Kuja's still alive. I can't just leave him."
It was hard, convincing you guys that I had to go back. And go back alone. For you to leave me here. To convince you to walk away knowing that this would probably be the last time you would ever see me. It was probably one of the hardest things I had ever done. But I knew I had to.
"No, that's not the reason."
I gotta admit - you guys put up some pretty convincing arguments. Hell, it was all I could do to keep from bursting out into tears and crying hysterically... Not that I would have admitted it, or anything... I could barely believe what I was doing. And yet...
"Because... Because I might've done the same thing if I were in his shoes."
What I said about doing the same things Kuja had, in his place - I wasn't kidding. Maybe it was because he was dieing, but now... now I could feel a strange bond between us. I could feel his pain, his regret... and his loneliness. God, he was so alone.
"I probably would've fought against you guys and wreaked havoc in Gaia like he did... I know it sounds crazy... but I know, deep down inside, I have to do this."
As I spoke, I could feel him. I could feel that he thought I was insane, that I should just go... that he wasn't worth it. That he deserved to die, to fade out of existence all alone, without anyone giving a damn. I said it to him, before he died - that no one, is useless. That every life has meaning. I meant it.
"...I can't just leave him. There's no way I could live with myself. I'm going."
I couldn't - just couldn't, let him die thinking all that. Sure, I was mad about all the stuff he did... furious, really... and a big part of me hated him... but I just... I just couldn't. It was one of those defining moments in life, the ones where we either walk forward and never look back... or the ones where we break.
"Maybe... but we all have to make big decisions in life sometimes. For me, now's that time. I have to face up to it, just like Vivi did when he confronted his fears to find out about himself. That was a big decision for Vivi."
You guys didn't agree with me, obviously.
"That's what you think, but I might not being doing this if it weren't for you. You've definitely taught me to take life more seriously."
I've learned so much, since I first met you. I've changed a lot, hopefully for the better. I think we all have, really.
I... I cried when I watched you fly away on the Hilda Guard 3.
Inside, I mean.
I couldn't let you see my tears.
I was too busy saying goodbye to you all, for what I thought was the last time.
There's a reason I never actually said anything in response to what you asked me to do... "Promise me one thing... Please come back." Even if I had believed I could honestly have said, "I promise", I wouldn't have been able to. I would have lost any control I had left, and I wouldn't have been able to leave you.
And then, you were gone.
I watched you fly away, and then walked to the edge of the cliff. It was insane looking. The roots were shooting EVERYWHERE. I called out to Kuja, not really expecting an answer, but getting one anyway.
"Kuja! Can you hear me? I'm coming to get you!"
"You still have time... Forget about me and go."
"Just shut up and stay where you are!"
"...I don't understand you."
That he didn't understand... Looking back, I'd always feel a stab of pity, right in my heart, that he didn't.
"Okay, here goes nothing."
Somehow, I knew where he was - I could sense him. It must have been that strange link we developed, near the end... I barely had a chance to wonder about how the hell I was going to get through the growing insanity of the Iifa tree, when a group of huge group of roots and vines shot forward at me, forcing me to jump off the cliff and into the fray.
Into utter chaos.