The ride up the elevator was getting to be something of a routine, almost a cliché by then, each time seemingly heavier than the last. She had Noah in her arms, the toddler was clinging to her, seemingly knowing that something was upsetting his mother, and refused to be put down, or taken by Barba. And Olivia was grateful for that, she needed him, she needed the comfort, the unconditional love. Her head rested on top of Noah's, her hand holding Barba's tightly, as she dazedly watched the numbers glow with each floor. Once it finally reached their floor, they all walked off the floors, and made their way down the hall.
"Did you call Eddie?" she asked, her voice hoarse, and haunted, and it broke his heart. She hardly showed vulnerability, except with him, but usually not in public.
"Yeah, he'll be here soon," he said softly, as they turned into the hallway that led to Savina's room. They found Carisi standing outside the room, with his phone pressed to his ear. He looked absolutely exhausted, probably didn't get much sleep, and Olivia felt slightly guilty for dumping this on him. She had every intention of spending the night with Savina, but then she refused to let them tell her the truth. And she was sure that Savina's night was restless, she was sure the nightmares were hard to get rid of. The images that flooded her mind, the reminders of those dreadful four days. She knew that they all came back to her during the night, and it also explained why Carisi looked quite exhausted.
Olivia's eyes darted towards the glass, she was surprised to find the blinds wide open, with a peacefully sleeping Savina inside. They had reached the room, just as Carisi ended his call.
"Hey," he greeted, as he rubbed his eyes, his voice betraying just how exhausted he was.
"Isi!" Noah exclaimed excitedly, leaving the warmth of his mother's embrace for the first time this morning, and reaching for the youngest member of SVU.
Carisi flashed him an exhausted, yet genuine smile, as he complied, and plucked him out of Olivia's arms. "Hey, sport!" he greeted.
"Rough night?" Barba asked sympathetically.
"Yeah," he replied, stepping to the side, as Olivia gently opened the door and stepped inside. The rest of his sentence fell on deaf ears, as her eyes landed on Savina's sleeping form. She surprisingly looked peaceful, her right hand rested on a pillow, no doubt to ease the pain in her ribs. She was still slightly pale, her chest rising and falling softly. She wanted to take her in her arms, take in her smell, run her fingers through her hair. She wanted her baby. She knew all too well what she was going through, the nightmares that were surely plaguing her sleep, the pain she felt, the anger…..she wanted to take it all away.
She heard the soft click of the door from behind her, and felt Barba's hand on her shoulder, squeezing it softly as he pressed a kiss to her temple. "Amanda is sending a uni to sit outside, and Carisi will keep working her case," he whispered into her ear, and she nodded.
She heard Carisi whispering to Noah, as he closed the door behind him. She heard him move, and reluctantly lifted her head to look at him when she heard him call her name. She furrowed her eyes at the way Noah was eyeing Savina, but focused on Carisi's hushed voice. "Lieutenant, you said you had the birth and death certificates," he whispered, and she nodded.
Carisi opened his mouth to fire off another question, when Noah's eyes suddenly lit up, and his delighted squeal cut him off.
"Sassy!" the joy in his voice surprised Olivia, especially when he lunged from Carisi's arms, and tried to wiggle out to get to Savina.
"Noah!" Savina's surprised voice came from behind her. She turned towards her, and saw her wincing in pain, as she tried to sit up. She immediately rushed to her aid, and helped her sit up slightly. Noah, who was now frustrated with Carisi for refusing to let him go, looked at her pleadingly. "Sassy?" he said sadly.
"It's okay," she assured Carisi, who just let him slide out of his arms and onto the bed. To all of their surprise, Noah scurried towards Savina. Knees and hands poking into her already injured body, and Olivia was impressed that she managed to keep the warm smile on her face, and the pain she was surely feeling at bay. Noah flung himself at her, grinning broadly at her as she wrapped her arms around him, maneuvering him in her lap so she was comfortable. She mirrored his grin with a genuine one of her own, as he pressed his forehead against hers, one hand on each side of her face.
"Sassy!" he squealed happily.
"You two know each other?" Barba quipped, being the first to regain the ability to talk, and the amusement in his voice took any edge out of the situation.
"Yeah, we met in the skating rink," Savina answered, momentarily stopping rubbing her nose against Noah's.
"That was you?" Olivia whispered in disbelief. She remembered the story Lucy told her when she came home that day. She told her that Noah was reluctant to get on the ice, even in her arms, but had apparently taken a liking to a teenage girl, and spent the entire day skating with her. Olivia could not believe that it was her own daughter all along. It eased her mind about how Noah was going to feel about Savina suddenly appearing in his life, and she smiled wistfully at the image of Savina playing with Noah on the floor.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Noah's squeal as Savina tickled him mercilessly, laughing softly with him. She suddenly winced in pain, when Noah accidently kneed her in the ribs as he wiggled in her arms. Noah froze, and looked apologetically at her.
"Owy?" he asked, and she smiled reassuringly at him. "Yeah, baby, kinda."
"Sassy," he mumbled apologetically, and she pulled him into her, kissing the top of his head when he snuggled into her good side. "It's okay, sweetie," she whispered reassuringly into his hair, smiling at him when he looked up at her.
"Sassy?!" Carisi finally found his voice, and out of the entire situation,in a typical Carisi way, that is what had caught his attention.
Savina chuckled, her hand moving to her side, as she explained. "He can't get the 'v' sound in my name, so he kept calling me Ina all day, but then he heard one of my friends calling me Savvy, so it became Sassy!"
"Or the kid knows what he's talking about!" Eddie quipped from behind Olivia and Barba, and they both turned at the sound of his voice.
"Who invited you into the conversation?" Savina grumbled, making him chuckle and shake his head as he closed the door. "Like I said, he knows what he's talking about," he repeated lovingly.
Olivia and Barba moved to make room for him, and he dangled a plastic bag in front of her. "Special request, prepared by Mrs. Garcia herself," he told her, but to his surprise, she scrunched her nose.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea," she said, and he looked questioningly at her. "I threw everything I ate last night right back up," she added.
"You need to eat," Eddie reminded her gently.
"What's the point of eating if I'm gonna hurl it an hour later?" she argued. "And besides, throwing up when you have broken ribs is not exactly fun," she lamented.
Carisi, noticing the rising panic on his Lieutenant's face, jumped in. "I called for a nurse once she was done, and she checked her. She didn't crack the ribs, and everything seemed to be fine."
"Yeah, thank you for that. I'm sure holding my hair back as I threw up is not part of your job description," she said sincerely.
"I have three sisters, so I'm used to this part of the fun," he joked, winking at her, and she smiled genuinely at him.
Olivia was glad that Carisi was the one to spend the night with her, he was closer to her in age, had three sisters, and out of all of them, the only one who seemed to have a normal childhood and came from a stable background. And the fact that he didn't know the details about Lewis, or this case, meant that he treated her normally. He didn't tiptoe around her, he didn't patronize her, and wasn't awkward around her. He managed to keep his spirit, and it seemed to be helping her, and for that, Olivia will be eternally grateful.
Just then, Barba's phone buzzed, and he excused himself to take the call. Carisi took the opportunity to tell Olivia something that he didn't get a chance to when she came in. "Amanda is sending a uni to stay outside for the day, he should be here within the hour."
Before Savina could object, Barba came back in. "Lucy's downstairs," he told Olivia.
"Well, I need to go run down a few leads, so how about I take this little guy and give him to Lucy?" Carisi suggested, as he now made his way to where Noah was still snuggled up against Savina. Olivia nodded thankfully at him, "thanks, Carisi."
"No problem," he said, before turning his attention once more to Noah. "Hey sport, how about you and I go see what Lucy is up to today?" he cooed, and Noah nodded. The toddler turned around, and planted a sloppy kiss on Savina's cheek, and she planted a smacking one on his, before Carisi finally plucked him out of her arms.
"Lieutenant, can I talk to you outside for a minute?" he wondered, and she wordlessly followed him outside.
"Hey, I was thinking. The nuns are probably gonna claim that they were acting based on your wishes," he started, and saw her open her mouth to object. "I'm not saying they did, I'm just saying that it's a possible defense. So I was thinking if you maybe have any old receipts, or something that proves that you bought baby stuff for her," he said, and she shook her head.
"That was seventeen years ago," she whispered dejectedly.
"Did you pay with a credit card?" he asked, and this time, she thankfully nodded. "It's the same company I use now, but I doubt they keep records that far back," she argued.
"It's worth a shot, I'm gonna go work that angle, and see what I can find. I just need the birth and death certificates," he shot back gently, his free hand squeezing her forearm reassuringly. She smiled appreciatively at him. He had only been with them for a year, and here he was putting his heart and soul in this no less than anybody else on the team. She handed him the papers he asked for, and he looked them over, before looking back at her once more.
"Good luck," he said after a moment, and she nodded, before she leaned in to kiss Noah. She watched them walk away, and when they turned the corner, she took a deep breath, and re-entered the room.
She saw Savina scrunching her nose, and placing a hand over her mouth, while Eddie pulled a container away from her. She realized that they must've tried to convince her to eat, but seeing as the mere smell made her nauseous, that idea went out the window. She saw the file that had started all of this on the small table by the bed, and realized that Eddie was about to bring up the maternity issue. She made her way towards Barba, who was standing at the foot of the bed, and stood next to him.
"Cariño, I need to talk to you," Eddie started, once he settled back in his place next to Savina on the bed.
"Sure, what's up?"
"It's about your mom," Eddie hesitated slightly, and Savina's previously cheerful demeanor vanished.
"She's dead, Eddie," she all but hissed.
"Fine, your biological mother," Eddie conceded, and she rolled her eyes.
"They told you, didn't they?" she asked, and when all he did was look at her, she continued. "I really don't wanna talk about this!" she grumbled.
"Why?" he asked. "You and I both know the story the nuns told you wasn't true," he argued, and she scoffed.
"Great! So I wasn't abandoned on the stairs, but that doesn't make me any less unwanted by her. So why bother?!" she exclaimed in frustration, and almost angrily.
"Why do you always think the sky is falling?" he shot back, and he finally saw emotions in her eyes. The pain and anger were too much to hold back, and he saw the tears prick her eyes, but she was too stubborn to let them fall.
"Because it usually is with me!" she retorted, her voice rising a bit. "I know they found a DNA match, and with my luck she's gonna be a criminal!" she added, and he sighed sadly. He knew that Savina didn't mean to be particularly cruel, that she was angry at the whole situation, but judging by how Olivia was the previous night, he was sure none of this was easy on her.
"A DNA match doesn't necessarily mean criminal, it could also be law enforcement," Eddie alluded.
She snorted. "Oh so instead of a cold hearted criminal, she was a teenager at the time, or simply didn't want the baby, and didn't want to leave a paper trail, so she dumped me at the church," she scoffed. "Although I guess I should give her credit for not throwing me into the nearest dumpster!" she seethed, her voice catching slightly at the end.
That was it, that was Olivia could take. She couldn't hold back any longer, she couldn't let her think that way. It was one thing when she thought she was a hooker or a criminal, but it was another to let her believe that she just threw her away. And before she knew it, before Barba had the presence of mind to stop her, the words escaped her mouth, and she didn't even realize it till Savina's shocked eyes cut to her broken ones.
"That's not what happened!" she whispered brokenly.
They held each other's gazes, shocked molten brown, clashing with a broken identical set. Olivia's tears were now running down her cheeks, as she finally let it all show. Savina was the first to find her voice. "What are you talking about?" she mumbled.
Olivia moved closer to the bed, sitting in the same spot she occupied the night before. For a second she looked like she was going to take her hand into her own, but the disbelief in Savina's eyes made her think better of it.
"I fainted after giving birth, and when I woke up they handed me a dead baby," she whispered tearfully, and Savina continued to look at her, her own tears now spilling out one by one.
"You're saying that I'm….." she trailed off, her voice barely audible by the last word. Her eyes left Olivia's for the first time when Eddie placed the now open file in her lap.
"You're mine," Olivia finished for her, a sudden wave of relief washing over her as the words finally left her mouth.
Savina stared at the paper for a few ridiculously long moments, before she finally looked up at Olivia once more. "You gave me up?" she accused, though her voice had lost its edge. It was no longer angry, just hurt.
Olivia adamantly shook her head, instinctively grasping her hand, pleased when she didn't yank it away. "No, I didn't. I wanted you, I never wanted to give you away. I thought you were dead."
"Then why was I born in a church, and not a hospital?" she asked.
"You were two weeks early, I was out running errands, and a storm hit. The closest building was the church, and that's where my water broke. The phone lines were down, so we couldn't call for an ambulance," she explained hastily.
"And what? You forgot to mention it to the nuns that you no longer wanted to get rid of me?" the anger was coming back.
"I never told them I wanted to get rid of you. I never even set foot in this place until that night," she pleaded with her to believe her, but Savina shook her head.
"Then how come Mom knew about me months before I was even born?" she argued angrily, and Olivia gaped at her.
"What are you talking about?" Barba now intervened.
She raised her eyes to meet his before she spoke. "My mom told me that she spent years praying for a baby, and then one day after Mass, a nun told her that she will get a little girl, but she will have to be patient for a couple more months before she arrives," she recounted, her eyes finding Olivia once more. And to Olivia's surprise, all she saw was a desperate need to understand, as she choked out the next question.
"So why on earth would they tell her that if you never set a foot there and told them to find a home for the baby?"
"The dead baby!" Eddie cut in, and she looked in confusion at him. "Excuse me?!"
"They must've meant the dead baby they gave Olivia. That was the baby your mom was waiting for; but when she was born dead, they took you instead," Eddie theorized.
"Why?" Olivia wondered, her voice betraying just how much this was hurting her, and for the first time, she finally saw sympathy in Savina's eyes, and felt her squeeze her hand gently.
"That's a question for them!" Barba nearly growled. Eddie's theory was starting to grow on him. It made sense.
Before anyone could say anything else, the door to Savina's room burst open, and a hysterical teenage girl with chestnut hair barreled through.
"Di!" Savina exclaimed in surprise.
"Oh my God!" Diana whispered in shock.
Eddie got up from his place on the bed, making room for Diana, who hesitantly stepped towards Savina.
"What the hell happened to you?" she asked in shock.
"Hell seems an appropriate word to describe it," Savina joked weakly. Diana just kept staring at her, so she gingerly lifted her hand, which Diana immediately took, as she slowly lowered herself on the bed.
"I'm fine," she lied to soothe her friend, but Diana still didn't seem convinced. "Then why the hell is the Solearno's apartment swarming with cops?" she deadpanned.
Savina took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, before she gave Diana the Cliff Note's version of the events. She skipped past the details of those four days, but could see it in Diana's eyes that she knew it was bad.
Just then, Eddie's phone rang, and a woman stood in the door that was left open by Diana.
"Savina, this is my mother, Lucia," Barba introduced, as the older woman made her way into the room.
"Hi," Savina greeted softly, the tear tracks still very much evident, as she once again raised her hand to shake Lucia's, wincing in pain as she did so.
"You broke your ribs again?" Diana asked, and she nodded. "And they found the ones that you made," she teased, hoping to lighten the mood, and Diana gave her half a smile.
"Savina, I have to go home for a little while, but I promise I'll be back soon," he almost ranted urgently, and she narrowed her eyes at him.
"What's wrong Eddie?" she demanded, and he shook his head dismissively, as he bent down to kiss her forehead once more.
"Danny might be coming down with something, so I'll just go check on him, then I'll come back," he promised her.
Diana interjected. "Eddie, you don't have to come back, I got her. Stay with Danny."
Eddie looked like he was about to object, when Savina cut him off. "Eddie, she's right. He needs you more than I do, and I think in light of the new situation, you don't have to worry about me as much anymore," she coyly alluded, and he smiled at her. Maybe this meant she was finally believing what Olivia told her.
Diana, who was very confused by the statement, looked incredulously at her. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't the new situation make us all worry about you even more?" she inquired bluntly, and Savina chuckled.
"Di, this is Lieutenant Olivia Benson, head of Manhattan's SVU," she introduced, her eyes now finding Olivia's once more, and to Olivia's pleasant surprise, they were no longer angry.
Diana looked over at Olivia, her eyebrows furrowing at the clear resemblance between Savina and Olivia, just as Savina's voice came. "She also happens to be my mother!"
Diana's head snapped towards her, and she gaped at her. "She's your what now?"
"Mother!"
"I…..I'm….." she stuttered, her eyes moving between Olivia and Savina, not entirely sure how to finish her sentence.
"Confused!" Savina offered, and Diana robotically nodded.
Savina chuckled. "That makes two of us!"
Just then, the door opened once more, and Dr. Thompson stepped inside. His eyes took in the people standing in the room, before they finally found Savina.
"Full house!" he commented, as he stepped closer to the bed, smiling appreciatively at Diana as she got up to make room for him.
"How are you this morning?" he asked, and she shrugged. "The nurse told me you threw up last night, and apparently still haven't eaten anything else since," he told her, and she nodded.
"Yeah, I tried about half an hour ago to eat, but the mere smell made me nauseous," she informed him, and he nodded at her, his eyes cutting to the monitor when he heard it beep. He frowned at it, and then looked back at Savina. "Are you feeling alright? Your blood pressure is a bit high," he asked.
"The headache is a bit worse, that's all," she replied.
"Well, between the concussion and the hang over, it's only normal," he stated, as he flashed the light once more in her eyes.
"Then why are you using that thing again?" she grumbled.
"Because I don't want you going into a coma!" he deadpanned.
"That sounds wonderful right about now!" she joked, though her voice seemed weaker than it had been mere seconds ago.
"Ignore her!" Diana hissed from behind him, but he was frowning at Savina, whose eyes suddenly seemed out of focus.
"Savina," he called gently, but the only response he got was the uninterrupted sound coming from the monitor. That God awful sound it made when there was no heartbeat.
An evil cliffy! The first of what I'm sure will many to come ;) *Evil Grin*
Anyways, I can't wait to see what you guys think of this.