"Hey!"
Wha... what?
"Wake up!"
Who...?
"Dammit Zidane!"
You... know me?
"Please! Please wake up!"
Who are you...?
"Zidane, please! Don't leave me alone again!"
Huh...? Alone again?
"Wake up! Please, please wake up...!"
You...
"God, don't die Zidane!"
Are...
"Not like this!"
Alex!
My eyes snapped open as I gasped loudly, consciousness hitting me like a brick in the head. I heard someone jerk away from me with a startled sound, then a muffled cry of pain. I tilted my head to the side where the noise had come from, my vision blurry.
"A...Alex?"
"Zidane!"
I winced at the loud sound of his voice, feeling like I had the worst hangover of my life. I ignored the rest of what he said, mentally trying to figure out what the heck was going on - like why I was lying down on a pile of something soft and cold, and hurt all over like I had had the living crap beaten out of me.
"...and when I woke up, you were just lying there! I thought you were dead...! Anyway, I--"
I blinked blearily at his words, vaguely remembering something about Alex getting hurt... But I couldn't quite remember...
"--I was pretty banged up - I think I had a major concussion, my arm was all clawed up, and I was freezing - so I was barely able to think straight. But I was able to take an Elixer, and that fixed almost everything up - man, I love Elixers - Hey! Don't go back asleep!"
I wished he would shut up... His inane chattering was keeping me awake, and I was so tired... Though, in retrospect, that's probably part of why he was talking like that. To keep me from falling asleep, I mean.
I felt a hand grab my chin and open my mouth, then a cold sweet liquid pour down my throat. I swallowed instinctively, my headache suddenly disappearing with a strange tingling feeling left behind. The same feeling spread all throughout my body, pain leaving in its wake. My thought processes were still fuzzy, but a little better now too.
"Wait... wait. Back up. What happened?"
I blinked at him blearily, not trying to sit up as he leaned over me, eyes wide and raven-black hair completely disheveled.
"We got attacked, remember? You got hit from behind and went down, so I fought... but I got hurt pretty bad, and I saw you get up... and then... that's it, I guess. I got knocked out by it, and when I woke up, it uh... it wasn't a problem anymore really."
He seemed nervous somehow - definitely uncomfortable. He wasn't biting his lip or anything like that, but... something about his demeanor... He sounded really shook up. Somewhat glassy-eyed I stared up at him, sort of following what he was saying, but still confused.
"What do you mean by... not a problem anymore?"
His eyes flickered away from me for a moment, then back at me.
"I was... kinda hoping you could tell me that..."
At my apparent confusion, he looked away again, nervously rubbing the arm that had been injured earlier without thinking about it. He seemed... afraid.
"Wha... what are you talking about?"
He took a deep breath, before looking straight into my eyes, his own deadly serious, with a sharp cold fear behind them.
"...What did you do? You're completely covered in blood - fresh, wet blood... It's all over your cloths, your hands, your face... It looked like you were mauled, but... Zidane, it's jammed under your nails..."
My eyes widened at Alex's shaky words, as the Summoner seemed to be holding back panic.
"And when I saw the monster - or what was left of it - gods, what the hell did you DO to it? I've never seen anything like..."
He shuddered violently, looking sick at the thought of it.
"Alex, Alex, I don't remember what you're talking ab--"
And then it finally hit me. All of it. I made a gagging noise as I flipped over onto my side and threw up, violent heaves, as if trying to vomit out my memories. I felt a very hesitant hand on my back, trying to sooth me as my body wracked with shudders, a silent voice of comfort.
Gods, I wanted it off of me.
The minute I could move again, I flung Alex's hand off me, backing up a few feet.
"D-don't touch me!"
"Zidane...!"
His eyes, those expressive amber orbs were filled with emotion. Fear, naturally... but also with pain. I coughed as the taste of my own bile assaulted my tongue, holding back the gag reflex as I covered my mouth, my eyes clenched shut so I wouldn't have to see him.
"Just... just leave me alone, dammit!"
I climbed unsteadily to my feet, feeling like I was going to pass out, staggering back a few steps. He stepped forward, following me almost fearfully, as if I might drop dead at any second...
...Or go insane and kill him.
"Zidane, please... let me help you, I--"
"NO! Get AWAY from me!"
I turned and tried to run, but my legs gave out underneath me, and I fell to my knees, a wave of pain running through me. It was weird. It wasn't like I had any actual physical wounds anymore... And somehow, the idea that I was being hurt so badly by emotional, mental, and just overall exhaustion-induced pain... it just struck me as really funny. I didn't laugh though, which was probably a good thing considering Alex's doubtless lack of confidence in my sanity at this point.
"Go-goddamit..."
And then again with the hand, laying on my left shoulder. I spun around, hands still in the snow, my eyes furious.
"I told you to get the fuck away from me, dammit Alex!"
I didn't see the harsh slap coming, one that left a red imprint on my face with a resounding noise. Nor did I expect the person who hit me to also have tears streaming down his face, his right hand raised to his mouth with his left outstretched in front of him, the palm and angry red. And for a moment, just a moment... I saw an image of Dagger overlapping his, eyes angry and sad all at once, back when I had almost been broken by Garland...
...When I had wanted to die, and failing in that ran away.
So I wouldn't hurt anybody... So I wouldn't betray my friends.
And they convinced me, somehow, that I wouldn't do anything like that, that I was Zidane, and not some creation only meant to destroy...
...And yet here I was now, with blood and flesh not of my own all over me, covered in it, stained... And deep down, or worse, maybe not so deep, I knew a part of me enjoyed it.
The image of Dagger shattered as he pulled me into a tight hug, making me gasp sharply in shock. His arms were tight around my chest, his head buried in my shoulder. Slowly, instinctively, I closed my arms around him as well, completely caught off guard. I felt him shaking, out of fear or hurt I couldn't tell - but gods, I felt horrible suddenly that he was in pain... that I had caused it.
"You stupid moron..."
My eyes widened as he spoke, his voice muffled.
"If you left, where would that leave me? You promised, remember? You promised to help me find my friends and get out of this mountain, so don't you dare go back on your word!"
I stared straight forward in a mix of shock and confusion as the realization of what he really meant sunk in.
He didn't care - he knew what I had done and he wanted me around anyway... That he didn't want to lose me as a friend, or at all. That he was willing to deal with it - whatever it was - so long as I was by his side.
I couldn't help but feel a little surprised when I felt a tear run down my cheek, warm against my skin.
"...Alright, Alex - you win. I promised, didn't I...? I won't... go anywhere, okay?"
The only response I got was his arms tightening around me, and a quiet muffled cry.
...But somehow, I knew it was going to turn out okay.
"It's dark... too dark. I can't see where I'm going anymore, Zidane..."
Startled from my thoughts, I looked up at Alex, who was trudging through the snow a few feet a head of me. I blinked a few times, realizing that it was dark out - there wasn't even a moon, and the stars were overcast with clouds. I hadn't noticed... I could see fine. His pace slowed until he came to a stop, and I moved next to him, stopping as well. He glanced over at me, amber eyes meeting my blue ones through the cold night. He had a worried look on his face, but he seemed calm. Almost resigned, though it didn't look like he was planning on giving up.
"Do you have anything with you that we could burn? Like a torch, or something?"
I shook my head no after thinking about it for a bit, then, realizing he couldn't see that, spoke.
"No... I don't. But how would we...?"
I blinked as I remembered how Alex had thrown the fire spell at the monster, when I got up from being attacked. I hadn't thought about it at the time, really, but now I felt pretty surprised. As a Summoner, I had assumed that he would know White Magic - like Eiko and Dagger. But apparently I was wrong.
"Oh right... you're a Black Mage, aren't you? I always thought that all Summoners were White Mages, though..."
I tilted my head to the side slightly, thinking about it. It would explain why he was carrying around so many restorative items; he couldn't heal himself, like the other two Summoners I knew could.
He nodded as he spoke, making my ears prick slightly as I listened.
"Well... kind of. About the Black Mage thing. I'm not really that strong, or anything though - I can only do a few spells..."
He looked slightly sheepish as he admitted that he wasn't that good, making me smile slightly. Then he looked slightly confused, albeit amused.
"As for the White Mage thing, what ever gave you that idea?"
I shrugged, letting out a slight embarrassed laugh.
"I know two Summoners. They both use White Magic, so I sort of assumed that all of them did. I guess it was kinda stupid of me. Hehe..."
He shook his head no, a faint smile on his face.
"Nope; some Summoners don't even use magic at all. What the Summoner can do magic-wise really doesn't have to do with the fact that they're a Summoner. It's an understandable mistake though - most Summoners do learn White Magic, since they're Eidalons are usually a strong enough offensive force."
I nodded, folding my arms in thought. The only Black Mage I had ever known was Vivi - and magic seemed to come naturally to him, which made sense considering he was designed that way. Alex, on the other hand, seemed to struggle with it, just from that little bit I had seen...
"Hey Alex, why don't you carry a staff or anything? Not even a knife, or... well, anything? Most mages usually have a focuser for their spells... why don't you?"
He shrugged slightly, wrapping his arms tighter around himself.
"The way I was raised... I was raised by three others; my parent's died when I was pretty young. My mother, Shira, was a Black Mage - she taught me what I know about that... but because she died when I was about seven, I didn't get too far. She was the only Black Mage in the village who really knew what they were doing... But then Veira helped me."
He smiled softly, making me wonder who this 'Veira' was. Actually, what I really wondered was why the hell we were still standing out in the middle of the snow chatting, but... whatever.
"She's one of the three that raised me after both my parents died. Actually, the one's I was traveling with, too. She's my cousin... and a Blue Mage. She couldn't teach me any new magic, but she could teach me better control of what I did know... She helped me learn from my mom's books, and taught me how to focus my energy... But the way a Blue Mage's magic works is too different from that of a Black Mage - even a White Mage would have been better... But there aren't that many mages in Eien. It wasn't like I had a whole lot of options."
I nodded, but I couldn't help that Alex hadn't answered my question, still. Also, I was really starting to wonder why we weren't going anywhere... just standing here. It didn't really make any sense...
"Yeah, okay... But why don't you use any kind of focuser?"
"I'm getting to that... I lived with two other people, along with Veira. The three of them had been living together for a long time, and they took me in. The other two were named Even and Tanya. Even is why I don't use a weapon. He's a martial artist; he started teaching me almost immediately after I moved in. That was before I was willing to learn magic again... when I was still... very depressed."
"I know what it's like... a friend went through a lot of pain once. She didn't speak at all for ages... and it completely messed up her magic."
He nodded as I mentioned Dagger, remembering how she had fallen into that deep depression after everything that had happened to Alexandria and her mother...
"Exactly. It wouldn't have worked if Veira had tried to teach me then... I barely spoke at all... I couldn't focus, I barely did anything... And Even had the idea that teaching me how to fight would somehow get me to talk. Anyways, I--"
That was it. It was obvious now that he was stalling. And I didn't like it.
"Alex... look, I know I was just asking you questions, but... why the hell are we just standing out here, talking?"
There was silence for a few moments, as he looked away from me and bit his lip slightly; he had no idea that I could see that, otherwise he probably wouldn't have...
"I don't know what to do, Zidane... I can't see where we're going at all, and I can't read the map in this light... or lack there of... And we can't stay here either."
I was quiet for a few moments, considering what to do. I could admit that I could see, and lead us. But then, that would mean that he would know... But what choice did I have? I sighed, holding a hand out.
"Give me the map, Alex."
He stared at me, confusion evident in his eyes. He held the map out, and I took it, causing him make a small surprised noise. With a slight shuffling noise I looked down at it, able to read it without any real trouble. Then I looked up at our surroundings, then back at him.
"I can see... I can lead us there."
He stared through the darkness, shocked.
"You can... see? In this light?"
"Yup. And if you hold onto my hand, or walk next to me, I can lead us. We're almost there, anyway."
He just gaped at me, but didn't say anything. He let out a quiet shriek though, as I grabbed his hand.
"Relax! It's just me. C'mon - I'll lead you. Don't worry."
"O...okay..."
He sounded unsure, but tightened his grip a little around my hand all the same as we started to move forward again, now led by me. The snow crunched under our feet, making a pleasant sound that I would have thought I'd have been sick of by this point, the wind nearly non-existent. Above us, some stars shined faintly through the clouds, just barely, like hidden hope.